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Do nannies dislike jobs where mum works from home? Or does it just depend...?

(62 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 05:23:17

I work from home and am starting to look into finding a part time nanny fr baby DD.

But can any nannies/parents tell me if there are reasons why good nannies prefer jobs where mum is not working at home?

I am new to all this but am getting a slight impression that nannies prefer to work without parents in the home?

Is it (if it is actually the case) because they are worried the parent will hover and interfere?

I have no option but to work from home and ideally would like to be able to leave a nanny totally in charge for eg a three hour block in the morning, then I join them for lunch, then a block again in the pm with nanny in charge. I would be in home office but would aim (unless extraordinary event) to stay 'locked' away for the three hour blocks ie I wouldn't intend to pop out every ten minutes to see what was going on etc.

I couldn't promise to be that disciplined at the start!!!! Would be hard not to pop out if DD was crying for me sad But intention would be to wean us all off that over time.

I do worry however that working from home night be more disruptive for baby than me going out!! Had always thought working from home ideal as you could be with child when they needed you but in reality am beginning to recognise that actually this might disrupt a baby more??

And hadnt even thought about whether nannies might not like this kind of arrangement...

Any advice or experience gratefully received! I have just been let down by MIL who had promised childcare so am floundering a bit. sad

nannynick Sat 03-Aug-13 08:36:52

Yes the interference, constant checking, plus having to keep noise level down are all potential issues.

Can you lock yourself away in part of the house?

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 08:41:43

I have tried to recruit a pt nanny while working from home and it definitely is harder!! I had two false starts and in the end opted for an ap.

Would you consider a nanny with own child?

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 08:42:23

How old is she?

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:15:01

Nanny nick, yep I would plan to shut myself away in top floor office... As I say I would aim to leave nanny completely to it apart from a break at lunch. I couldn't promise it wouldn't take a few weeks for me to not leap up at every cry but my intention would be to get the nanny in sole charge ASAP.

Sunnyintervals, DD will be 7 mo when I start.

I guess I could consider a nanny with own child... Do you think that would help?

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:16:08

Sunnyintervals, can I ask why an au pair was easier for you?

valiumredhead Sat 03-Aug-13 09:21:11

You need to do sole charge right from the start ime, unless the nanny comes to you and asks for help. Kids aren't daft they know their mum is upstairs.

It's only worked ime where the house is massive and mum or dad really can be out of ear shot so aren't coming down every 5 mins and the nanny isn't worried about noise levels etc.

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 09:34:17

I work two pt jobs. One were mum is regularly at home nipping in and out. Its so disruptive. LO is on edge and anxious for her mum and I can see she doesn't understand the situation.. mums here..but then shes not....

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 09:38:03

Basically, I was very ill when DS was 8 months and had to have surgery. I wasn't allowed to pick him up at all. So I had to have an ap at that stage even though I was still on mat leave. I hadn't intended to go back to work and thought aps weren't suitable for babies.

I got a trained teacher aged 25 who was amazing with DS. When I unexpectedly went back to work pt at home 4 months later it worked like a dream - ds thought he was with someone in his family as he'd become so close to ap who lived with us.

I then hired nannies when the ap left as I felt she'd been a one off and nannies were much better for young children. Found it impossible to recruit and (sorry to the excellent nannies on MN) both nannies I got were awful sad I then went back to aps - all have been mid 20s and trainee primary school teachers from eu countries. DS has been amazingly well looked after.

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 09:40:27

Aps are also much more flexible than many nannies - ours didn't mind me popping in and out and DS was so happy with that arrangement - no different from his point of view than when DH and I look after him together at the weekend and pop in and out with first one then the other doing stuff with him.

Raggerbums Sat 03-Aug-13 09:42:56

I personally would never take a job where a parent works from home. Some nannies don't mind but I think the majority find it disruptive with a parent home. Coming to "help" when they here the child crying just makes it harder for the nanny. I also personally think at the age of your child (depending on the individual child) may find it hard that your their for lunch then of again. Also another thing I would add is the first few weeks of a nanny starting a job is such an important bonding time where they do need that one on one. You would have to try your up most hardest like you said not to pop Down every time your child crys will just make it harder for everyone to settle.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 09:47:21

Generally nannies prefer to work with parents out of the home. Not that it's impossible to find someone, but it will be at the bottom of the pile for many nannies.

Main reasons are;

1. It's so much harder to settle the children. The early days are the most important in terms of settling/bonding so saying it will just be at first isn't really helpful. When she's older she'll know you're upstairs and spend the whole time wanting to come up/wondering why you're ignoring her.

2. At least at first she'll be upset when you leave. Why put her through that twice each day by coming down for lunch?

3. Could you work knowing your boss was listening to everything you were doing?

4. Many nannies (me included) find it hard to relax and sing/mess about/pull funny faces with another adult around.

5. No-one will ever look after your DD exactly the same as you do. The nanny will do things differently (not better or worse, just different). Some parents find this impossible to deal with and are better not knowing exactly what goes on all day i.e. working out of the home or using out of the home childcare.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:49:10

Thanks everyone!
Still not sure what to do...

Sunny, I am very envious of your experience, it sounds amazing. Insinctively I feel I would like to be able to pop in and out (my work would allow this) BUT I also fear it disrupting DD... I don't think I'd know if it would work until I tried...

Do nannies who have answered (petunia?) feel that even me popping in for half an hour for lunch would be disruptive for a 7mo? The way I see it I woudl ideally like a nanny to take her out (a class or activity) in the morning, come back for lunch and then do 3 ish hours with her after that. I wouldn't intend to interrupt at any point except lunch.

Bad idea...?

Also we would only want the arrangement 2 or maybe 3 days a week (a nanny share I assume) - again, I had thought that just a couple of days would be better for DD (and I can get away with that amount for work) but can any nannies tell me if babies settle better with more days? Perhaps 4 mornings is better than 2 days?

Sorry for such basic questions but I am really in a pickle as had not planned to need to hire someone...

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:52:22

Thanks so much ragger and outraged!! That is seriously good advice.

It wasn't until I began to realise I needed a nanny that I actually began to think about how to avoid disruption to DD... obv it's nicer for me to be able to pop down to say hi but I totally understand that it wouldn't be nicer for her.

Oh, dear, i feel like I'm at square one!!!

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 10:01:06

A nanny share is where a nanny looks after the children from two families at the same time, so this isn't a nanny share. A nanny share could work for you though as you could have a nanny, but at somebody else's house!

Have you looked into childminders?

If it's only a few hours a day even a nursery could be ok?

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 10:10:14

Its hard to say..Some children are incredibly placid and wouldn't be phased but I do think this is rare. My other pt job mum is out of the house, but in the beginning (and even now a year on struggles) was so distressed when mum left..She would be near inconsolable for a good thirty minutes or so, it broke my heart! We have a wonderful relationship now but every Wednesday (I do wed-fri with them) She struggles to say bye to mum and dad. Rarely mum works from home and its a mission to stay out of the house all day. She will literally go mad of she knows mum is in the house somewhere and is difficult for everyone. . Normal days where we are together all day nipping in and out to groups etc She is a little gem..laughing and so easy. Its a stark contrast. When my contract ends with other PT job with mum at home I will chalk it up to experience and probably actively avoid jobs where parents are at home.

Originally I was sceptical of nannies who didn't like the parents being at home..in fact when ptjob#2 asked howI felt aabout her being at home during my interview my response was very much. . 'I know im a good nanny and ive nothing to hide, its not a problem for me! ' - now I realise why its a problem! lol

JellyTopicecreamisthebest Sat 03-Aug-13 10:11:26

I have worked in a few jobs where a parent has been working from home. It has worked best where there has been clear rules. One of the advantages of working from home is you are there a child can bring you a cake they have just made show you a drawing ect. The one it worked the best was when the parent said goodbye, went upstairs and left me to it. If the children wanted to show something if the door was shut they could knock and go in. If I put the kettle on if the door was open I would pop up and offer them one. If she came down to put the kettle on he always offered me one. I went out with the children. The parent only worked from home one day out of the two I worked.. I am sure if one of the children had really hurt themselves or where clearly really upset I think she would of come down and popped her head round the door.

One advantage of a parent working from home is they are never late and if you see them at lunch/ coffee time only a quick handover is needed at the end of the day.

nbee84 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:59:42

"One advantage of a parent working from home is they are never late and if you see them at lunch/ coffee time only a quick handover is needed at the end of the day."

Not in my experience grin The amount of times mb is caught up in a phone call at my finish time! You can't really interrupt a call to say "excuse me, do you realise what the time is?"

Another disadvantage I find to having Mum or Dad at home is that we often get caught up chatting. I've often over-cooked the pasta or lost track of scoops of formula when we are having a gossip. And the children aren't getting my full attention - a little one hanging on my leg saying "nbee, I'm waiting for you to read my book" Or putting the baby down for a nap, getting my little jobs done and then wanting 10 mins peace with my feet up and boss will choose that time to come and natter.

nannynick Sat 03-Aug-13 11:05:33

You need to find the right nanny. It won't suit all but some of us work with an employer at home some of the time, mum on maternity leave.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 11:09:16

Maternity leave is different to a parent working from home and in most cases happens after the nanny has already been there for a while. Very few people take on a nanny the day they start maternity leave!

GuffSmuggler Sat 03-Aug-13 11:10:06

I'm a SAHM and DH works from home one day a week and it can be a bit of a nightmare.

The older DS has got the more aware he is that DH is in the study and goes to the door and tries to get in and has a tantrum when he can't. Then he sees DH when he pops out for a coffee or lunch and is confused why he won't play with him etc. and tries to follow him back into the study and the tantrums start again.

It's also very stressful trying to keep noise levels down if DH is on an important call or something. So I basically make sure we're out most the day when he's working from home!

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 11:18:54

What I did emerald was blocks of time alone with ap, building up v gradually.

If I was where you are I would start looking at ap world and call childcare international and find a nice eu teacher or trainer teacher (lots of germans, Spaniards and Italians looking). My latest recruit has near-native English, is an amazing cook and a trainee primary school teacher doing the final year of her degree in her home country - in sole charge of a class of 7 year olds one day every week as part of her course. She has babysat 1-3 year old's once a week or more for two years.

You can get them over for a trial weekend, check you are happy and get them started a month before you go back. That way dd will be very used to her. Aps do small amounts of ironing, babysitting, cleaning too if you need.

Mine do 30 hours a week for £90 plus free petrol for car and gym sub. All have become family friends and are coming to stay this summer /get invited to birthday parties etc.

If you are working from home I honestly think aps provide better quality Childcare unless you are very lucky in your nanny as most good nannies do not want this kind of job.

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 11:19:55

So by a few months in I was out for 2 hour blocks at a time - DS just thought I was shopping or cleaning and never even noticed my absence!!!

GuffSmuggler Sat 03-Aug-13 11:20:57

I thought au pairs couldn't look after babies?

I'm going to try avoid it this time I think, it's been a nightmare for me, child and Mum.

My charge won't let me settle her because when I first started with her MBoss bfed when she was overly tired or overly upset and would come out to do so when this happened in my care. I was perfectly happy to support breastfeeding (and still do support the extended bfing) but it has made things a hell of a lot harder and I'd have to seriously consider working for another parent working from home. It sounds like you would have a good set up with the home office though.

Parents popping in is a nightmare, because when you do, the child wants a cuddle, then time with you and then they don't want you to leave so it's a cycle of that all morning which is frustrating for the nanny and emotionally draining for Mum and child.

"Another disadvantage I find to having Mum or Dad at home is that we often get caught up chatting."

I find that too. The chats last a lot longer and happen more frequently when the parent isn't rushing out of the door!

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