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am i being unreasonable re nanny?(21 Posts)
We have hired a nanny to start in September. She lives elsewhere but is moving to our city as she wanted to be near family. I have been corresponding with her alot via text and email to organise pay roll / tax / hours etc. I am first to admit that I do like quick responses to emails / texts. Our last nanny was so responsive - within 10mins always. This nanny however, leaves me 2-3 days without a response sometimes and always has an excuse when she eventually replies. Is this reasonable given that we don't technically employ her as yet? I will be asking for quick responses once she starts but I am already feeling a little irritated by her lack of professionalism for when she doesn't reply for a while - when I am trying to organise things that will benefit her. She has already asked for holiday and I have quickly responded to say yes. It doesn't seem to be the other way round. Unreasonable or do I need to chill out?
you need to chill out.
Some people are not welded to their smartphone/laptop/PC. And, tbh, surely you would not want a nanny to be permanently with phone in hand, responding to emails?
Unless the nanny has said to you that eg she will respond by Friday, and then doesn't reply until the following Tuesday, without lettign you know, then you are being very impatient.
Well, I would be worried that she would be as unresponsive when looking after your DC.
Go with your instinct. Look further afield.
Chill out! Not everybody is glued to their phones! And she doesn't even work for you yet.
When she starts maybe say can you have your phone on you in case of emergency with children/ you needing to stay late etc.
I think yab a little u! If she doesn't work fir you yet she may be busy,working etc. She has no obligation to reply within 10 mins to anything you ask her,she doesn't start until September.
I think yanbu to ask her for quicker replies when she does start with you,but as you will be seeing her everyday I guess it won't be an issue.
Maybe if it's something important you need answers to then give her a time to reply,'hi x I need your bank details,NI number etc to set up your payroll by end of day Friday.thanks'
Then there is a clear understanding of what you expect and when.
I think you are being unreasonable.
If you are emailing her in her own time then you can't dictate that she answers immediately. Outside of the hours she will be working for you I don't think you can dictate that she answers quickly/has her home on etc. And during her working hours do you want her to be looking after your dc or constantly checking her emails.....
Most people are closer to their phones than two to three days response to questions about tax etc. Our nanny was great and also replied promptly to emails/texted. But it's impossible to say for sure at this point whether she's responding to stuff generally, just not your emails, or not. All of our au apairs in contrast to the nanny we have needed to ask to be more responsive, but they had their phones on tap (and also failed to do stuff that our nanny did whilst also responding to messages, etc.)
I generally reply to text messages straight away
Emails to my personal email I rarely check even though I have it on my phone as I get so much spam
Don't be so hard on her
If you need a quick response about tax or something you could always call? Some people are rubbish at replying to texts.
I would probably chill out here, as she is not in her working hours. But, I would be a little cautious about the possibility that this might be an an early warning sign. So I would put something in the contract / house rules stating expectations on communication / response.
If she were in her working hours and you provide the phone (or there is an agreement whereby she uses her own phone for work), then I think it is fair to expect a quick response.
You say she "always has an excuse when she eventually replies". I think this is actually a good sign, ie she recognises that she's being slow to respond and feels the need to explain why. That suggests she isn't usually this slow and doesn't see it as normal. Unless you think the excuses don't hold water...
ok, looks like it's an overwhelming 'yes i am being unreasonable'! Much appreciated, thanks for your responses. I am generally quite impatient with responses but i think when she starts i'll say that if i'm at work and text to see how things are going, i'll hope to get a response within the hour. I think that's reasonable - or i'll worry something is up!
Reminds me that my boss sent me an email 4 days ago to which I have not replied. However it isn't clear in the email if a reply is wanted.
When I get email or text where it is clear that a reply is wanted, then I do so as quickly as is reasonably practical.
So yes you are being unreasonable but if you sent an email which specifically said that you needed a reply quickly, then it's not so unreasonable to expect a reply within say 24 hours. However if you don't get a reply, then chase it up as email can drift into various folders (especially on the new gmail).
Do you really want to be texting during the day to find out how things are going? You do not want to be micro managing things and you do not want to be distracted from your job.
If you have an important message, such as you are going to be late home then sure do text as soon as you know and reasonable to expect a reply to confirm text receipt. As for 'how things are going' texts, do try to come up with other ways... so you can avoid worrying too much whilst at work. Example: Nanny could email/text you a photo of what they have been doing that morning. Nanny could keep a daily diary so you can see some basic info about what has happened during the day, such as amount of milk/solids a baby has had.
After the first few weeks, or months you will trust the nanny more and you will then not need the daily diary or reassurance that things are going fine. Nanny will then only contact you if there is something wrong, or to let you know about something that needs your actioning.
Couple of things.
Corresponding with her a lot? Are you being quite organised and working through all that you need before you send her a query; or are you drip feeding queries and random requests as you think of them? Assuming you are used to working in an office environment then possibly the latter. It's very easy to miss an email if under siege.
Many nannies are on a PAYG contract and may not have a smart phone. With no credit, she may not be in a position to respond. It's worth thinking about the cost of communication when you set out your expectations.
Finally, you come across as though this is your first nanny so apologies if this is not the case. I would second Nick's comments about trust, it's difficult at first but you will get there. You have to trust the nanny to respond to you when it is appropriate. Otherwise your child will fall flat on it's face while she texts you back...
She may not have this kind of info to hand, and if she's working or busy organising her own move expecting a response in 10minutes is completely unreasonable. It might take me 2-3 days to give someone bank details if I'm out a lot and I'm practically glued to my phone!
if you want an immediate response then better to call her and have a list if things you want to ask then keep texting/emailing and say if you leave a message please call me back tonight
as others have said do you want your nanny to always be on her phone , though i do think she could reply in the evening, esp as it is stuff that benefits her ie jobwise
tho a text takes 5 sec to type, even if says im at work/busy/dont have that info at moment but will text/call you tonight etc - will give you peace of mind
also she is in the middle of moving and prob has 100's of things to cancel
'but i think when she starts i'll say that if i'm at work and text to see how things are going, i'll hope to get a response within the hour'
If someone said this to me before starting a job I'd seriously reconsider whether it was the job for me. You sound like very hard work OP.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
During work hours with a work phone I think you can expect a response within an hour.
Outside work hours, especially as she's not even working for you yet and is busy with her own life, 2-3 days seems fine to me.
I'd aim to reply asap obviously, I wouldn't deliberately not reply, but I could easily go an hour without looking at my phone or without having a free moment to text.
A job where I was regularly being texted to 'see how things are going' wouldn't be for me though.
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