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Dealing with tantrums at pick up time

(12 Posts)
twosmallbuttons Fri 28-Jun-13 09:44:29

My DC go to a CM a couple of mornings a week. DD (nearly 3) loves it there to the extent she refuses to leave when I pick them up shock.
I tell her she'll be back again soon, or that the CM has to go out now too, etc, but it doesn't help much.

What are the best ways of preparing for pick-up time please?

HSMMaCM Fri 28-Jun-13 12:30:46

Make it as quick as possible. Once you're there, you are in charge of your child's behaviour. Can your CM bring your DC to the door, rather than you coming into the house and you can grab their stuff and leave as quickly as possible? Do you always pick up at the same time, so the CM can have them mentally and physically prepared to leave?

Tantrums at drop off and pick up are common. Children react differently to these changes (called transitions).

moogy1a Fri 28-Jun-13 13:06:43

I always have mindees with coats and boots on and they go straight out. i hand them over at the front door. Had far too many evenings chasing small children round the house who didn't want to leave!
Same with arrivals. Very quick taking them from parent at the front door with a cheery bye bye Mummy.

ReetPetit Fri 28-Jun-13 13:26:50

I do the same as moogy - sorry to say your cm won't appreciate a long, drawn out begging the child to get in the buggy type scenario at pick up - we have worked a long, tiring day and will want to get on with our own families and evenings.

I have my mindees ready at the door with coats and shoes on. I don't invite parents in. some of my mindees do have tantrums and pick up. If mum/dad is generally faffing about I tend to put child in buggy for them and then say goodbye. otherwise I leave them to it and let them deal with tantruming child themselves.

if your child is majorly kicking off - just put her in the buggy/pick her up (whatever is easiest) and then deal with the tantrum elsewhere!!

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 28-Jun-13 13:30:47

DS does this too and I think a big part of it is the fact he's switching from CM-rules to home-rules and doesn't really know where the boundaries are so they play up. CM found that talking to him beforehand and setting out expectation works well. We walk home and I can't physically drag him out of the house without a coat or shoes because it's often cold and rainy when I pick him up, and also CM's driveway is cramped and I don't want him to damage her car. Plus it seems an unnecessarily negative way to deal with things. If needs must in the past I have stepped out of the room and let CM deal with it (at her suggestion) because it just draws that boundary and reminds him we're not at home yet.

ReetPetit Fri 28-Jun-13 14:05:30

even better would be for her to have him with shoes and coat on at the door Yoni! I would hate to have parents coming into my home at pick up but maybe she doesn't mind. I have always made it clear with parents from the beginning that I do swift drop off/pick up at door.

wonderingagain Fri 28-Jun-13 14:13:46

That's interesting. I used to pick up a boy from nursery and he always had mega tantrums. I would have to go in and get the coat and bag and as a child he would have seen it as 'she's taking me away from here where I am cosy and comfortable and just got used to all the rules'. He was always on a sugar low too which didn't help. Having coat and bag on, means they are prepared for the transition physically and psychologically.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 28-Jun-13 14:25:49

Oh, I don't know, always followed CM's lead so I expect she must be happy with it. He's often watching TV or playing in the garden or inside with the other DC when I turn up, sometimes they're still finishing their tea or he's colouring while the older ones do homework.

Plus I don't always arrive at the same time due to buses (when I was at uni) or depending what time we get closed up (I work in retail now) so he could be sat there sweltering for 20 minutes if I got there late.

minderjinx Fri 28-Jun-13 14:33:59

It's hard on everyone when you don't know when parents will pick up. I have the same problem: it would seem mean to have children coated and booted up for twenty minutes, but it is also hard to have them running off and playing their parents up for ages when they come, often meaning I finish late, not to mention on a low point. Perhaps you could text your CM from the car outside so she knows you are there, so she can get them ready for a very quick handover at the door?

twosmallbuttons Fri 28-Jun-13 14:44:03

Thanks for the advice. I like minder's suggestion of texting from the car - that way they're not hanging around by the door for me.
I generally get there at the same time so the CM could possibly anticipate my arrival too. Hmmm I'll see what she prefers smile

WetGrass Mon 01-Jul-13 12:54:26

Rituals are the key. They give the DC warning and some control.

For me what worked:
1) texting from the car (so CM could give a 5 minute warning 'mummy is on her way' )
2) a pick from the CM 'treats bucket' on exit (mini mars bar type thing). I'm ot normally big on food bribes - but it worked much like a party bag in getting them out of the door efficiently and happily.
3) The CM kept most of their stuff by the door - and if e.g. Socks weren't there, I'd abandon them for the sake of an efficient and unequivocal exit.

WetGrass Mon 01-Jul-13 12:55:49

Oh - and I had a little daily pantomime of getting them to say 'thank you CM' nicely at the end of the day - which was also part of the routine.

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