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would you let your nanny/au pair ask a friend over, when babysitting?

(44 Posts)
mrsshackleton Tue 11-Jun-13 14:25:41

Our live-out nanny is living in with us over the summer while she waits for accommodation to become free. She was babysitting on Friday and asked if she could have a friend (male but not boyfriend) over to sit and watch TV with her. After deliberating, dh and I said no - to male or female friends with the proviso we might (but might not) be OK if it was someone we'd met. WIBU?

Runoutofideas Tue 11-Jun-13 14:36:59

I wouldn't have a problem with it - presumably you trust her to make sensible decisions and behave appropriately if you leave your children with her?

Seb101 Tue 11-Jun-13 14:53:32

I'd say its fine, why not. It can be boring babysitting, so why not let her have some company? If you trust her, then it would be a nice gesture to allow it. You'll probably find she'll be keener to babysit and more likely to day yes, if she knows she can ask a friend over. Having said that, your paying her, so perfectly within your rights to say no.

mrsshackleton Tue 11-Jun-13 14:53:48

I trust her and I'm sure she'd behave appropriately, but don't know her friends, so couldn't be sure of them.

dinkystinky Tue 11-Jun-13 14:55:43

I dont have an issue with it at all - I know and trust my nanny (after all I trust her with the two most precious people in my life) and know she'd be respectful of my space and ensure her friends are too.

alarkaspree Tue 11-Jun-13 15:05:52

I would be fine with a babysitter having a friend over after the kids were in bed, but until then I would prefer that she just focussed on playing with them. Unless it was a friend that they knew and liked.

It might also depend on how old the nanny is.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Tue 11-Jun-13 15:07:48

Of course I would. Especially as she is living in (at the moment). If you don't trust her judgement of her friends how on earth do you trust her to lool after your children?

thistlelicker Tue 11-Jun-13 15:09:53

If she babysits for u regularly how is she ment to have friends? Ta selfish to say no, what is she to do, spend evening on her own?

mrsshackleton Tue 11-Jun-13 15:10:55

To give context nanny is 21, a student (only works pt around college) and dc stay up quite late until 9.30ish. If dc were fast asleep at 7 still, it would be a different matter.

mrsshackleton Tue 11-Jun-13 15:12:03

And she has 5 or 6 nights a week free, plus all day until after school so A LOT of time to see friends (which she does). She is being paid to spend the evening on her own

thistlelicker Tue 11-Jun-13 15:13:26

Personally I think if I was your babysitter I would say no to u! But that's me!

blueshoes Tue 11-Jun-13 15:21:53

No because she is paid to babysit, not watch TV with a friend.

If she was babysitting as a favour, yes but still uncomfortable about male friend. I think it is a bit cheeky for her to ask and perfectly within your and dh's rights to turn down.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Tue 11-Jun-13 16:33:30

We've historically been very liberal about allowing people over in situations like these. Our nanny never really took us up on it, but our au pairs often invited a (female) friend around. We've recently come to the conclusion that we've been too accommodating, particuarlly when it comes to male visitors. "He's just a friend," is a current issue for us; it's been difficult to set boundaries.

Six months ago, I would have said: yes, absolutely, let them have a friend round. Now I can see the argument for wanting to meet them first. It's really up to you; I don't think it's unreasonable to want to meet people first and don't feel obliged to allow it as a matter of course.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 11-Jun-13 18:31:05

if you trust your nanny then trust her judgement in friends and who she would invite to your house

do you trust who she sees daytime with your dc, or have you met them before you allowed her to socialize with them?

Ragwort Tue 11-Jun-13 18:33:51

Years ago a babysitter asked my parents if she could invite her boyfriend round whilst she was babysitting; my father said 'no'; she then spent the whole evening at the end of our drive chatting to the boy friend, my brothers and I watched and sniggered out of the window grin.

grabaspoon Tue 11-Jun-13 18:53:10

I am a nanny and my boss trusts me with her child - and allows me to choose who we spend time with during our day - so would have no problem with me having a friend over if I was babysitting or proxy parenting. TBH I've had dinner parties at work when I've been proxy parenting but it has been the nannies my charges known or mums of my charges friends.

mrsshackleton Tue 11-Jun-13 20:21:45

I guess the deal is she isn't a "nanny - nanny", she is a student who does some afterschool childcare for us dcs are 9 and 7, so we only need a pair of hands to get them home from school/to activities/cook a meal. Her friends are all students, not other nannies. The dc have never met them.

I'd add she's paid supergenerously, so I don't think asking her to stay in once or twice a week and watch TV alone is too harsh, it's part of the negotiated deal. She's out tonight, partying in Clapham grin

GenerationX Tue 11-Jun-13 21:12:09

Yes absolutely - why not? Don't you trust her? Sounds like you don't have a lot of respect for her or her choices which is odd as you say she is your nanny.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Tue 11-Jun-13 21:15:47

Bottom line is that you either trust her or you don't. If you do then her having friends around shouldn't be an issue, if you don't then you shouldn't be letting her look after your children.

However, she who pays the Piper calls the tune.

Reinette Tue 11-Jun-13 21:22:37

I would not have a problem with that. Like others have said, if I didn't trust her judgment I wouldn't leave my kids with her and if I did, I would trust her to choose a mature, responsible friend to have over and to behave appropriately.

You are of course within your rights to say no. If I were your nanny I'd feel mildly miffed but not entirely put out.

blueshoes Tue 11-Jun-13 21:49:46

It is not a question of trust.

I would not ask my boss to let my friend hang out with me at my work place - my boss would rightly say 'no'. Of course nannies socialise with other nannies during the day, but that is because the children can play together. I would not be happy if my nanny's social friends, male or female, decided to hang around, while she is supposed to be working.

I can see this as a situation in which there could be flexibility e.g. if I knew her friend, who was a woman and not a man. But in principle, I don't like the idea of her having non-work-related company when she is in charge of my children.

Cathyrina Tue 11-Jun-13 21:59:00

I find babysitting extremely boring if the kid are asleep so am very happy that my employers let me have a friend over every now and then. We don't do anything except for watching a movie and having a chat and if LO wakes up I will just go upstairs and take care of her the same way I would do if there wasn't a friend of mine sitting downstairs. It is very rare that she wakes up but if she does then she's priority and my friend has to wait or leave depending on what's going on. Most of them are Nannies anyway so know what's ok and what not. Not a big deal really, if you let someone look after your child you should also trust them to behave responsible with a friend around.

AllDirections Tue 11-Jun-13 22:15:47

I would want to meet the friend before I decided.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Tue 11-Jun-13 23:08:42

God some of you are so unreasonable & dare I say it, ridiculous <shakes head> at the sheer weirdness of some people.

blueshoes Tue 11-Jun-13 23:23:34

Cannot cope with differing opinions, Chip? That's pretty weird too.

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