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Any childminders considering packing it all in? Why?

(24 Posts)
doughnut44 Sat 13-Apr-13 11:39:35

I am. I am totally fed up with one of my parents. She makes me feel like crap. I have children of my own and have looked after countless others yet this one mother feels she has to tell me how to do everything.
I know I can give her notice but I feel guilty doing so - plus I think she would be vindictive and bad mouth me and possibly report me to Ofsted for something fabricated. Obviously I have all my paperwork in place so don't feel that Ofsted could fault me on anything. There have also been no major accidents or incidents.
This mother has spoiled my whole week and is now eating into my weekend.
Sorry for the rant.
There are other reasons that I want to pack it in too but feel that this has come around because of this one mother. sad

mamamaisie Sat 13-Apr-13 13:05:28

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. sad
It would be a real shame to pack it all in just because of one parent. I know it is hard but if you really can't resolve your differences it is best to give notice. I did it once and felt dreadful but I think it was for the best. After all, if the mum wasn't happy with you and came on here to get advice the reaction would probably be 'get rid and find another childminder'.

Perhaps you could come up with some excuse, for example that you want to cut down the number of days that you work. Good luck. xx

calmlychaotic Sat 13-Apr-13 13:42:10

It would be a shame to give it up just because of one mum. I know how you feel I got to the point of giving notice with someone not long ago but they left. I feel so much better without them.

looselegs Sat 13-Apr-13 15:12:29

There is no way i would let this one parent make me feel like jacking it all in,especially if the other families were nice.Give her notice-and don't feel guilty about it-SHE is the one who is making you feel like this. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel once she's gone.
You are wasting your life thinking about her-get rid!!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 13-Apr-13 15:14:25

Doughnut44, may I ask what this mum said or did?

I keep on updating my CV and sending off applications for other jobs here and there (still in early years). I know I will give up sooner rather than later, but it will be because I am fed up!

Doughnut44, don't feel guilty for giving notice. Bear in mind that you work from home, so the hassle that this parent is giving you is in your workplace AND your home. If it is too much to bear, get rid! I have on more than one occasion where the parents' expectations were so unrealistic or the relationship became so unworkable that giving notice to the child was the only option.

needstodiet Sat 13-Apr-13 16:36:14

Doughnut don't let this one woman get you down. Cut ties with her or whatever CM do.

I'm a nanny. Have been for a long long time too many to mention otherwise I'll sound ancient .

One family treated me so badly, made me feel useless, left me feeling I was incapable of doing the very job I had been doing for years with top references etc.

I seriously considered packing nannying in as I was so bloody useless what was the point of continuing??

I changed jobs and have found the loveliest family ever. Six yrs later things are still going well. I'm so glad I didn't give it all up. The last MB was the problem, not me.

Stand up for yourself. Don't let you're hard work and dedication go to waste because of one person.

Good luck

fivesacrowd Sat 13-Apr-13 16:48:23

Poor you Doughnut. I know it's really hard to detach yourself from work when you cm, but just don't do anything too quickly. Take a step back, deep breath and see if you can deal with the situation without giving up completely. If you give up because this parent is treating you badly then she's won hasn't she! Don't give her the satisfaction.
You don't deserve to be treated badly and you don't need to take it from her. Your business, you call the shots. Problem with all of us cm's is we tend to be really nice people who just want to look after children which makes us pushovers for certain types of parents.
If you really want to give up for lots of different reasons then that's your decision to make, but there are lots of lovely parents out there who'll appreciate the care you give their child. Don't let one horrible one make you give up for the wrong reasons.

doughnut44 Sat 13-Apr-13 19:56:06

Ah thank you all x It's not so much one incident - it's a build up of things. She comes early and expects all attention on her child - even if I am talking to another parent. She doesn't trust me with her child (although she says she does) but she is always telling me how to look after him - 'make sure you change his nappy', 'make sure he only drinks boiled water that has been properly cooled', 'make sure he is wrapped up warm', ''don't leave him in the activity centre too long', 'make sure his food is properly heated through and then cool down before you give it him', 'make sure he is fastened in his car seat/ high chair', 'don't this don't that' the list is endless. She comes late so recently I have him ready in his car seat at 6pm on the dot as that is when he should be picked up (I have a life too and need to cook my dinner so can't have him crawling round the kitchen) she is not happy about it and snaps I was only 5 mins late. There are more things but I don't feel I can list them.
The thing I am struggling with is that I know she is a very neurotic person and I feel sorry for her. With her daughter she had 2 childminders before she came to me age 15months but was happy with me (although still pretty neurotic). I think she may have post natal depression and I have tried to help her and give her information and advice in a discreet way.
I think I am going to stick it out until the next problem (most likely monday) and then just tell her that I don't think things are working and she should get another childminder. I have been ranting all day - my husband is fed up of me smile

MUM2BLESS Sat 13-Apr-13 21:39:54

Sorry to hear how your feeling. Take some time to think about what you want to do. Do not make any decisions and regret it.

I have had my challenges with cm. I have felt like I did not want to do it somethings, other times I enjoy it.

No one can tell you what to do next. You have to do what you feel is the best thing to do.

All the best in your decision.

ReetPetit Sun 14-Apr-13 10:30:34

i feel your pain op. i completely understand where you are coming from. this parent is probably the straw that broke the camels back = one too many if you know what i mean.
i feel childminding is vastly under valued. it is seen by most parents as a third rate option (behind nannies and nurseries) god knows why - having worked in many nurseries which i wouldn't leave a pet in, let alone a child!!

i am also going to give up soon, just waiting for younges to go full time at school, then when to reclaim my house, do some decorating, replace my furniture which has been done in by childminding and then find a job (easier said than done but has to be done!)

Good Luck. any idea what you want to do?

doughnut44 Sun 14-Apr-13 18:31:37

Would love to get a job in a school (wouldn't most mums though) preferably admin. If not then a 3 day a week job to make it easier to find cover in the school holidays x

time4abrew Sun 14-Apr-13 20:46:45

Sounds just like me! i'm stressing about tomorrow morning- i have 1 family (2 chdn) who i'm really struggling with (had them just over 6 months) i get told how to look after them how to discipline them- even what activities i should do with them! They don't seem to understand that i offer a service & i am not 'their' employee :/ i've been trying to find the right time to give them notice- then out the blue another mindee gave me notice sad so now i don't know if i can afford to loose them sad

ReetPetit Sun 14-Apr-13 22:44:32

me too doughnut - hang on in there.

i am also dreading the morning time4abrew sad it's stessful, that's for sure!!

ReetPetit Sun 14-Apr-13 22:44:53

stressful too! wink

doughnut44 Sun 14-Apr-13 23:02:08

Oh no time4abrew. Is what they want a lot different from what you offer?

doughnut44 Sun 14-Apr-13 23:03:48

Just a thought time4abrew, give them a copy of your planning and say this is what we are going to be doing x ask for suggestions if you like to make the parents feel part of it x

fivesacrowd Mon 15-Apr-13 08:30:01

On the bright side, I'm always trying I improve parent participation as none of mine are remotely interested in what we do as long as their kids are happy - at least if the parents are micro managing your day they're participating!

HSMMaCM Mon 15-Apr-13 09:28:21

Can you include it in their care plan? ie Milk must be heated in a saucepan, sun cream must be applied to the nose first, socks must be put on before shoes, and everything else they may remind you about every day, so that they can sign the care plan and then there is nothing else to say?

time4abrew Mon 15-Apr-13 21:19:38

Doughnutt44- what they want is nanny- although not sure if a nanny would want them!
My planning is on display & they pay no attention to it - if we do something one day their DD enjoys- they will request we do it for the next few days- which can't always be done! went to a museum over half term- can you go for the rest of the week?!!
Today they have arrived with frozen sausage dry pasta & tin of beans for dinner-i don't provide food i just REHEAT meals!! Which they know because they've tried it before! Their DS is weaning & his food was still frozen on arrival- i was seriously told that it would need defrosting before i fed it to him........really??? it just sometimes makes me question why i do it....although i've seen a couple of jobs i like the look of- even if i just apply to get back out there & my CV up to date :/............rant over smile

doughnut44 Tue 16-Apr-13 07:13:12

Oh no time4abrew. I know where you are coming from. I have decided that next time something is said I will recommend a nursery. It's made me more determined to quit in September just gotta get a job first x

doughnut44 Tue 16-Apr-13 08:01:16

Oh no time4abrew. I know where you are coming from. I have decided that next time something is said I will recommend a nursery. It's made me more determined to quit in September just gotta get a job first x

SouthernPolish Sun 21-Apr-13 07:17:53

I have a parent who is very similar! Don't let her grind you down - consider giving notice. Make up a reason you feel ok with, if you don't feel you can be honest with her. Good luck!

Lovingcarenanny Sat 04-May-13 11:48:04

Going back to the op question...

I have, my reasons being:

My own children are grown up and want their home/adult space back
Fed up with juggling too many balls in the air and keeping everyone happy
Fed up with constantly changing and demanding paperwork taking up my spare time
Fed up with manic home times, parents coming and going, children playing up because they don't want to leave lol
Wanting to look forward to being home after a day at work without feeling fed up of the same four walls 24/7 (I might add I did take the children out lol)

I'm answering honestly and these are my personal reasons!!

I've been in my new nanny role for just over a week and love it...I actually love coming home and relaxing after work if that makes sense :-)

Lovingcarenanny Sat 04-May-13 11:57:02

Btw Doughnut44 I had that same type of parent for 6 years but had countless wonderful parents who valued me greatly! My awkward parent would eat into my whole week at times, texting/emailing late at night, made me feel like the best cm on earth but only because I pampered to her every whim!! Incidentally she also created the biggest fuss when I gave notice, no thank you card or gift, unlike the others who gave me little gifts and wrote wonderful words to thank me.

If it's only this parent who is making your job unhappy then give notice now rather than later and be happy in your job.

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