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Nanny holiday timing and new baby -HELP

(58 Posts)
blondecat Tue 12-Mar-13 07:28:48

I have a DD aged 2 y 3 m and a nanny. A new baby is arriving mid Summer (31 July)

Obviously the nanny needs a holiday and she wants it in the summer holidays so she can see her family

We have a maternity nurse booked for the baby and a summer nanny, who is her daughter and who already helped for 3 weeks last year will be joining us - the question is when?

The nanny would prefer time off in August. I am not sure if DD would not be more confused by that - she likely forgot the summer nanny and will be alone with her for 6 days when I am in hospital.
On the other hand the summer nanny can drive and swim and works much harder.

ZuleikaD Tue 12-Mar-13 09:57:10

I agree your OH should absolutely be taking the week off you are having your section and really should take the following week as well. Your DD will have enough to cope with without you disappearing for a week, leaving her with a stranger and coming home with a new sibling. IMO the best way to do it would be to start the maternity nurse after your husband goes back to work and ask your regular nanny to take her holiday as far towards the end of August as possible so the backup nanny isn't your DD's carer while you are in hospital and DD has had a couple of weeks to get used to the new arrival. So:
31 July baby arrives
7 August OH back to work (if can't be persuaded to spend more time with family)
7 August maternity nurse starts
21 August regular nanny goes on holiday, backup nanny arrives

Or something like that.

Presumably the maternity nurse is there to hand you the baby for feeds while your section cut heals so will only be there for a few weeks.

PearlyWhites Tue 12-Mar-13 10:05:52

Don't understand why your dh would take time off in July not August ? Also why on earth do you need a nanny other than to care for your dd when you are in hospital?

Helpexcel Tue 12-Mar-13 10:07:25

I think your dp / dh should be called upon more than I get the impression he would like. Then your dd will be able to cope in the transition period of new sibling alot better.

ToTeachOrNotToTeach Tue 12-Mar-13 10:14:02

Do you not like to look after your children at all yourself? Or are you anxious simply as you haven't had to look after them yourself before?

If summer nanny is main nanny's daughter can't you have summer nanny once a week from now or something to get her used to her? Or a run alongside each other for a few weeks?

I'm not quite sure if its a real post though. .

Xiaoxiong Tue 12-Mar-13 10:19:42

OP does your DH have restrictions on his holiday which means he can only take time off in July? I would definitely expect him to move heaven and earth to take his paternity leave.

I would let your nanny go in August too. Will keep her happy, I don't think it will upset your DD too much and the summer nanny can do lots of fun things with her to distract her.

Also I can't believe some of the comments on this thread - this is the nannies & aupairs section FFS, it's the section designated to talk about employees who provide childcare in your home!! And I don't think posting in the section labelled as such counts as a "stealth boast".

I like NannyNick's idea. Usual nanny for the first week of August while you're in hospital, then when you're back, have the back up nanny and the usual one could go on holiday.

People are being mean. I would have loved a nanny/maternity nurse when DS was a newborn. I could never have afforded one, so it wasn't happening, but no way would I have turned it down if I could have had one...

Karoleann Tue 12-Mar-13 10:57:50

More really helpful comments again from the "chip on their shoulder" brigade FFS if you don't have anything useful to say just don't bloody post. If you all had just had a section and no husband at home and a two year old to look after you would take all the help you could get.

I don't think you should leave your daughter with the summer nanny whilst you're in hospital. How long does your regular nanny want off? Maybe if she went away from the 10th August? You'd be back by the 6th, then have a few days together and maybe an overlapping day with both nannies.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 12-Mar-13 13:38:20

when does the nanny want her holiday?beg of aug or middle?

in the ideal world it would be nice for your nanny to be around while you are having baby/cs dd1 to look after and re assure , esp if you in hospital, daddy/dh away and new baby arriving all at the same time

and then once you are home , hopefully 7 aug if not before for her to go on holiday, you can then have mn to help you and summer nanny

having a stranger/summer nanny while you are in hospital isnt the best idea

drinkyourmilk Tue 12-Mar-13 13:55:40

I would want my regular nanny around during and after the birth. As a nanny I would be a bit miffed that I couldn't have my holiday when I wanted, but would completely understand.
Just talk to her and explain how you feel. Ask when the next best time would be for her to have leave and accommodate that.
Re summer care, is it possible to do a couple of days handover so your dd can get to know the temp a bit?

Seb101 Tue 12-Mar-13 14:44:34

Honestly.... I'd give the nanny, summer nanny and maternity nurse 2 weeks off in aug!!!
I'd then TELL my DH that he will need to take those 2 weeks off! He has loads of time to arrange his work/business. This is an amazing and priceless time for a family. You should all be together. Having loads of hired help in and out of your house sounds horrendous! It should be mum, dad, toddler and newborn, all together, muddling along! Ask grandparents for the odd bit of babysitting if needed. Those first 2 weeks should be family time in my opinion. Any father that won't take time off to support his wife and help with the children is a complete waste of space imo. He needs a kick up the arse!

Weissdorn Tue 12-Mar-13 18:25:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoYerBoat Tue 12-Mar-13 20:51:46

Oh come on! No-one is that important that they can't take time off when their baby is born - especially if they know the exact date.

IroningBoredDaily Tue 12-Mar-13 21:05:17

Wow! What a predicament! grin

If something as life changing as a new baby was occurring in my family I would absolutely ensure dc1 was being cared for by a familiar face.

I would in fact make sure that Dh had that time off to care for his dd, visit me in hospital and bring dd to visit me aswell.

ReetPetit Tue 12-Mar-13 21:30:19

something tells me op's dh isn't stacking shelves in asda or working in mac d's hmm

he is choosing to take time off, is he not, op? in which case, you really need to rethink your priorities (both of you) they should be spending time with your dc - not employing additional help. if you can't even take the time to be together at a time like this, what is the point in it all???

Xiaoxiong Tue 12-Mar-13 22:06:02

Look, the OP needs childcare, she can afford childcare, she posts in the section to do with childcare about arranging said childcare in a way that's in the best interests of her DD. And then a bunch of people take that as licence to pile in to make incredibly unhelpful comments.

What's the point of commenting on the OP's financial circumstances or attacking her DH's dedication to their family? They're ad hominem attacks and have no connection to her issue with sorting out the holiday issue.

Weiss is right in that there are some jobs where you can't take time off when a baby is born, and there are some countries (eg. the USA!) where there is no legal right to ANY paid paternity or maternity leave.

My DH works in a boarding school and is in loco parentis for his students at some points in the year. He has had trouble in the past arranging cover as other teachers have similar responsibilities. When I went 12 days overdue when DS was born - thereby using up 12 of his 14 days of arranged stand-by cover - he wouldn't have been able to take more time off. I'm sure there are other jobs that have similar restrictions or difficulties but I'm speaking solely from personal experience.

PowerPants Wed 13-Mar-13 00:52:47

Good post xiao.

OP has the choice. Without people like OP there would be fewer jobs for nannies, housekeepers and the like.

Which would be a bad thing, right??

ZuleikaD Wed 13-Mar-13 06:17:17

Sorry Xiao, but if the family can afford this plethora of childcare professionals there's no shortage of cash, so a week's unpaid paternity leave (or actual holiday, which even in the US is an entitlement) isn't going to break the bank.

There always seems to be a presumption on this board that childcarers are automatically in favour of paid-for childcare in whatever circumstances. That's not generally the case - speaking for myself I believe it's better for children to be cared for by parents. Though I'm a CM I'm a backup - it is almost never better for a child to be cared for by someone other than its parents (other than in social-services type situations).

Seb101 Wed 13-Mar-13 08:17:59

No jobs that bloody important that you can't take time off for the birth of your baby! Seriously, it's a job! Very very few jobs are 'can't take time off, large majority are 'wont! Unless he's the blooming prime minister! Even then I'd say take time off! I realise op wants to hire help, I don't think it's 'unhelpful' to offer an opposing opinion.

Weissdorn Wed 13-Mar-13 08:59:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seb101 Wed 13-Mar-13 10:03:11

Completely understand, but your situation is probably very different to op's. If op can afford to hire nannies and maternity nurses money is probably not the issue. If money is tight and DH has to work to provide for the family, that's sad that he misses out on those special first days/weeks, but understandable.

Backinthebox Wed 13-Mar-13 13:57:07

Well, sticking my hand up again - OH is MD of his company, we have a nanny, and had a private midwife who came every day for the first 2 weeks to help establish BFing etc. We had a part time housekeeper for the couple of months around when DS was born in order to keep the place tidy, do the laundry and to sort out the weekly food shop. I earn a reasonable amount of money, so we can afford what are essentially luxuries - people to run around after us! I would have strung OH up by his goolies if he had popped out on a business trip while I was in hospital!

Tony Blair and David Cameron both had babies in office - they managed a couple of days off with the newest members of their families!

BobbiFleckmann Wed 13-Mar-13 14:02:38

the types of job which pay salaries which can cover multiple staff probably don't give great flexibility in time off. Board meetings for eg a large multinational / bank aren't easily moved for one person whether or not they have a new baby etc. OP at least recognises that. Cameron's baby was born in summer recess wasn't she? they were on holiday so must've been (careful planning on timing there?). can't remember about Blair's but as she so charmingly revealed in her memoir, the baby was a "surprise".

ZuleikaD Wed 13-Mar-13 15:08:26

Sorry, Bobbi, but that's rubbish. With this much notice you're not going to tell me that a CEO or whatever can't tell his secretary "don't schedule me any meetings for two weeks after the 31 July because I'll be at home on paternity leave."

Weissdorn Wed 13-Mar-13 15:30:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobbiFleckmann Wed 13-Mar-13 16:03:16

Even the CEO can't - if audited accounts have to be signed off before year end / if it's a PLC and it's a public meeting / dates of AGMs are set months & months ahead and normally tie into specific events and therefore can't be moved. Many, many reasons for it. When people are paid many millions a year, they really earn their keep

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