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How long should it take for a one year old to get used to a new nanny?

(11 Posts)
greenygrassy Sat 09-Mar-13 15:06:52

I've just hired a nanny for my one year old daughter who has never had a nanny before and has never really been cared for by anyone other than me or my mother. Even my husband hasn't spent much time alone with her.

I think the new nanny is competent, nice and loving, but she is quite different to me in her character. She seems louder and perhaps a little brusque, whereas I tend to talk to my daughter in a soft voice and I give her lots of time to respond.

The new nanny has been with us for a week now and my daughter seems to actively dislike her! She's quite unhappy when she comes and never really wants to be touched or held by her and doesn't really want to interact with her. Care is shared at the moment, but the nanny has taken her on walks by herself and has spent some time alone with her. My daughter will occasionally smile at her and once even sat on her lap to read a book.

I'm concerned because my daughter has been really grumpy for the last week, whereas she's normally very happy. Any ideas as to how long I should give it?

Thanks in advance.

ruby242 Sat 09-Mar-13 15:29:36

A week isn't very long, I would give it at least a month. Particularly as you say she hasn't been looked after by anyone else. This is something new to your daughter so it may take her a while to warm up to the nanny. Also if you are around then of course your daughter will want to go to you. Give it some more time and hopefully your daughter will start to bond with her

Mogandme Sat 09-Mar-13 15:37:23

I think that the main issues are she hasn't been cared for by others and the shared care aspect at the moment. Is she a young 1 or nearly 2? I work with 1 family where 90% of the time the 1 year old likes me but the other 10% she plays up for her mum. I would try and get new nanny to do dcs favourite things with her etc and allow them time to bond.

RubyrooUK Sat 09-Mar-13 17:21:49

I think a week is a very short time for a child who has mainly been cared for purely by its mum. So don't lose heart already!

My son took weeks to settle (he was a couple of months younger) into childcare. We started off with sessions where I was there with him, then I left him for increasing periods - where he was devastated at first sad- until he was settled.

When you say most of the care has been shared, do you mean you've been there too? Most childcare professionals tell me it is much harder to bond with a child when their mum is there. Certainly even now, my toddler would never choose to spend time with anyone new if I was there. Could you try popping out for longer and longer periods to give them a chance to forge their own relationship?

ZuleikaD Sat 09-Mar-13 19:03:50

A week isn't long at all, especially if you're there as well. I'd give it at least a month and previous posters are right - your daughter and her nanny need time by themselves. There is no reason your daughter shouldn't bond with her but it's much harder for it to happen if you're there all the time. I wouldn't worry about her being different in her personality than you.

We've just started a nanny with our nearly one year old. She is lovely but dd much prefers me. She is anxious if she is not comfortable and it is going to take a while for her to get used to a/new person. I think that's normal but it is still hard leaving her..

callaird Sat 09-Mar-13 22:14:17

I nanny for a 21 month (slightly older I know) have been with her since was 5 months old, she loves me, we have a blast and we get on great. Mum is on maternity leave at the moment and a lot of the time she won't do a thing I ask her! Mummy has to put her shoes on, coat on, help her with her meals, luckily mummy stays out of the way a lot of the time and backs me if it is something I have to do.

A child will always want her mother over anyone else.

Unless of course, mummy tells her off or no and then the nanny will be her best friend!

Let her have more one to one time with your daughter, pop upstairs or even go out and do some errands that are easier without a one year old. She'll still be clingy to you when you get home but hopefully she will quickly become happy to be with her new nanny.

Karoleann Sat 09-Mar-13 22:33:16

Until your daughter knows the nanny well, it's never going to work that well with both of you in the house. (I've had a few shared care nannies for my 3). One is also a clingy age.
I'd go out when you nanny comes and let her bond, it is going to take a few weeks.
I'd also ensure the nanny does lots of fun things with her, maybe things you don't do with her so much.
Our first nanny was very arty/crafty so. Took a step back with that. I know she's still very little, but it can be adapted to messy play (flour/water).
Nanny 2 always took mine to see the trains! (Which they really enjoyed).
Nanny 3 was into swimming.
If its still not working in a 3/4 weeks maybe think again, but its too soon yet.

MajaBiene Sun 10-Mar-13 22:20:35

I think you need to give it 6-8 weeks of the nanny caring for her on her own for her to be truly settled. Hopefully she'll be happy enough after a month, but I would still expect some crying when you leave.

greenygrassy Sun 10-Mar-13 22:23:13

Thank you everyone for the advice.

I knew I really had to leave them more but needed to hear it from you! I'll give them more space next week and give them more time.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 10-Mar-13 22:25:07

A week isn't long at all ESP as you have never had a nanny or your dc is used to you - so obviously your child will want you rather then nanny If they see hear or smell you etc

So when nanny comes then go out - whether out of the house or out of the room and upstairs

It will take a few weeks and your child may still cry when you leave - some children do - but it's how the nanny deals with the crying and how long lasts for that counts

Bet if you texted 5 mins later your toddler would be happily playing and smiles

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