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Night nurse or day nurse for newborn + c-section recovery support(95 Posts)
Need some advice, ladies...
I'm thinking of getting a maternity nurse for 4 weeks to help me come up to speed with my first baby due in May by c-section. Due to budget and space constraints, I want her services for half a day rather than full time, 5-6 days a week - either overnight or during the day. I think i would primarily need support in establishing BFing, some sort of routine, and helping with nursery duties while i recover frm the c-section. my mum will also be around to help - her only child - me - was born 33 years ago, so I'm not very sure how much she remembers!
I have interviewed a maternity nurse who seems to be a good option. Her rates as a night nanny are cheaper than her daytime rates (surprising?) and she suggested I would get more value (and rest) for my money from a night nanny rather than a daytime one. Is this something you agree with, or does it vary by baby? I'm hoping to BF, but may also use the occasional formula top up, especially at night, depending on how it goes. One reason I was reluctant to go with the overnight option was that it would cause some disruption to our lives - with DH, me, my mum, the baby and the nurse all in a 2 bed flat (slightly easier in the day with DH at work). But that is really trivial if there is a clear benefit of getting help at night.
Hi there, I work as a maternity nurse/night nanny. Please PM me if you have any questions on how we work. Not sure what area you are in or what dates you are looking for but if you think this is the route you want to go down I may be able to help you.......................
Thanks everyone for all your perspectives.
I had a night nanny for three months, and it worked very well. I mix fed. She would start at 8pm, and take my colicky baby off my hands, allowing me a bit of an evening after having him all day. I would express at 9-10pm for his evening feed, then go to bed. She would then bring him to me at 2-3am, whenever he woke up, for a breast feed. She would then settle him and I would go straight back to sleep. If he then woke up again before 6am she would feed him formula, and I would then breastfeed him the first feed of the day. I think it really saved my sanity. He was very colicky and unsettled, and I would have gone mad otherwise with sleep deprivation and most likely had PND, as I have had depression on and off during my life. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, it doesn't matter a jot. Only you know what's best for your own, very individual circumstances. It was the best investment I ever made.
I do hope that you haven't abandoned this thread. It might be worth coming back to take a look at it. The reason I think that people have been very forthright with their opinions is that the scenario you have outlined - 4 people, two bedroomed flat - does not sound, to those who have experience in those post-birth weeks, like an ideal one at all. I felt a bit dismayed when I read it myself. Not becuase I think you or any woman should be a martyr, or shun paid help - but just because the ratio of adults to first-born baby sounds mad. I say first-born because I can totally see the appeal of extra professional help at night when you've got a few kids already, or if you have multiples. Part of all of this bonding stuff is you and your DP bumbling through it all together, getting shat on, figuring out the exact way the baby likes to be jiggled at 2am.
You will probably be craving peace and quiet in the days after you give birth. But if there are four people walking around the flat and talking over each other - it won't happen Honestly, many newborns do let you have that peace and quiet in the early days. You might need to let them sleep on you or your DP while you're drinking a cup of tea, but you will get to drink that cup of tea. Let your mum cook and pop to the shop and get your groceries, let your DP do nappies, and get your cleaner to call several times a week (with your mum and DP doing spot cleans in between). It'll be fine. Honestly, it will. Congratulations and the very best of luck.
Go for a night nurse 2-3 times a week for about a month once the baby is about 2 weeks old. I did this with all of mine and it was well worth the money. I got a good nights sleep and still bonded perfectly. I BF and gave EBF for feeds between 12-6. As it wasn't every night supply was fine and I BF all for a year. If you have your mum and a cleaner you should be fine during the day.
Welcome to MN, pyra You want someone to help establish bf. Go for a kind doula, why would you want a maternity nurse hovering over you all night when you're feeding, it would be ridiculous.
Do lots of your friends have maternity nurses. They seem to be used in certain circles and people outside them think they're ridiculous.
I had a very hard time with my first baby because it was a tough birth and I was in shock. But my mother and mil's help was still more than adequate with the odd visit to the bfing counsellor. If it's a financial push save the money for something else.
Karoleann - I actually haven't been rude (imo) I was being honest and giving the op my opinion. I really do think that the op can manage just fine with the support she already has and needs to be less scared of a natural event such as having a baby - it's not something to be feared but something to be enjoyed - it certainly doesn't last long.
You on the other hand Karoleann have actually be quite insulting to me - how you can say I am not very bright is a strange one I won't go into details of my educational background however for someone like you, it wouldn't be worth my time.
Ops gone but I've changed my mind - I would up the cleaner to at least weekly and then think about help for after dh was back at work and dm had gone home if i needed it. Unless dm and dh couldn't be relied on to cook meals, put washing on etc in which case I would hire a home help to do just that.
I didn't think there was anything vindictive about Reet's comments either. Karoleann was far ruder.
I think Reet was quite polite, actually.
Reet - I'm sick and tired of people on a supposed support forum making nasty vindictive comments and the majority of yours seem to be in that vein.
You either are not very bright or you are just a thoughtless, insensitive person.
Hopefully it's the former.
Don't waste money on a maternity nurse. Worse mistake I ever made, they do naff all and you have to provide meals etc for them while they're there.
I had mum and DH around and they were useless, so I don't think you're wrong to want help but my advice would be get a cleaner, you do baby and DH goes shopping.
As for not knowing what to do with your newborn, you'll know, honestly you will feel it in your bones
Most maternity nurses are not nurses or midwives but have a nanny or childcare qualification plus newborn experience and won't be able to help with breastfeeding difficulties beyond a bit of positioning and encouragement.
as a night nanny i only change nappies if pooey in the night as otherwise babies tend to wake up once they have weed, as used to being clean/dry new nappy iyswim
DeafLeopard thats what i do if mb is bf - they get all the close contact/bonding/cuddles at night, then i wind/change if need be and settle,while they sleep
mrsd again im the same as your friend, some families i do feel dont really need me, but even if i spend 2/4weeks with them helping gain confidence, give advice on bf, get into routine esp if 1st baby, then i have been of help
as i said, if you can afford it op, then get whatever help you need
i never change night nappies! night feeds done in the dark with minimal fuss.
don't get all this 'bring the baby to me' bit, isn't the baby next to your bed/in your bed when it's tiny?
i would think even if you live in a country manison you wouldnt be putting a newborn in another room.
Oh well, takes all sorts...
Nope - DD got changed twice in the night for a poo, DS never pooed overnight so never got changed overnight. It's madness to change non-pooey nappies in the night!
Ha ha! Only if they are obvious.
Leaky or baby is having a right old grumble.
I don't go looking for them.
In the old days it happened at least once or twice a night. Thank gawd for decent cheap nappies.
really? you change non pooey nappies in the night? God, I'm obviously a slattern of a mother!
Does everyone do this?In fact don't answer that in case it guilt trips me into doing the same.I shall be in blissful ignorance
I have five babies.
They do need changing in the night.
Although modern <gimmer> nappies make this less frequent.
I have been one of the posters being a bit about the need for all this help.
But its genuinely not done out of nastiness or jealousy or anything like that.
It is opinion offered out of experience. Quite a lot of experince
My friend is a night nanny. She is a lovely, non judgmental woman but even she can be a bit puzzled as to why some families think they need her.
I think it is anxiety that makes women think they will no way cope with a newborn. Why? Family pressure? Horror stories from 'friends'? Media?
Its a shame that a woman with decent family support thinks she will not cope without outside help.
Why would a baby need changing in the night ( unless there's been a poo explosion?).
My newborns have always slept in a moses basket next to me so hardly need someone to get them and hand them to me. Then it's a feed and back in the basket. I can't see what an extra person would be able to do.
I also fail to see why you would need a nanny for weeks on end to help with bf. What's she going to do? stick your nipple in the baby's mouth for you? Once you and the baby know what you're doing with bf'ing ( by about day 3 )there's very little that someone can help you with on that task ( something you may have to do all by yourself rather than employ yet another person to help)
Reetpetit you are a Childminder.
So you are employed to look after other people's babies/children. For money.
Why then, are you against the OP giving paid employment to a nurse to help her with her baby?
Eskino, in answer to this - yes, I am a self employed registered childminder and I provide childcare for parents although I don't see really how that is relevant to be honest!
It is my opinion, in answer to the ops question, do I need a day or night nurse that the answer is neither.
Nothing to do with my work HTH.
My friend has used a night nanny a couple of nights a week once her DH finished his paternity leave.
The baby would sleep in the spare room with the night nanny, and when the baby woke, the nanny would bring the baby through to my friend to feed in bed, and when friend finished she would text nanny to come through and collect. Friend didn't have to leave her bed and was able to sleep while the nanny winded, changed and re-settled the baby. This really helped my friend not to feel so tired and she said it was worth every penny.
Actually having reconsidered I think night help would be useful at around 4-6 months when you've just gone back to work, sleep regression has hit with a vengeance and your mother has gone home. That's when I wish I'd had more support.
Goodness where is everyone going to sleep? You have had good advice that a doula may be better, however when your mum goes home you may want some extra help then. You do sound lacking in confidence op ,is this something you could talk to your midwife about? Between you, your mum, dh accommodations will already be cramped do you really need another person as well? He so, I suggest someone during day as you haven't really the room for another house guest.
As others havoc said "nursery duties" are pretty non existence for new babies! Be confident, you what'd lots of help already and it will be fine.
In my honest opinion, if you're going to be breastfeeding there isn't much help others will be able to give you in regards to looking after the baby. Newborns don't do much, just sleep, drink milk, poo and wee, cry and want holding. Your mum or husband could do the baths and nappy changing, and picking the baby up to give to you.
If you have the money, I'd spend it on people to clean the house, wash the clothes, cook meals etc.
I found I was trying to get back to normal too soon, so if others had have just let me look after DS and they had cooked and cleaned I would have felt less stressed!
Good luck and enjoy your LO when they arrive
Just because a person is a CM doesn't mean they automatically agree with paid childcare for every circumstance. I'm also a CM and I don't think Pyra needs a maternity nurse.
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