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Night nurse or day nurse for newborn + c-section recovery support

(95 Posts)
Pyra Sat 02-Mar-13 16:26:13

Need some advice, ladies...

I'm thinking of getting a maternity nurse for 4 weeks to help me come up to speed with my first baby due in May by c-section. Due to budget and space constraints, I want her services for half a day rather than full time, 5-6 days a week - either overnight or during the day. I think i would primarily need support in establishing BFing, some sort of routine, and helping with nursery duties while i recover frm the c-section. my mum will also be around to help - her only child - me - was born 33 years ago, so I'm not very sure how much she remembers!

I have interviewed a maternity nurse who seems to be a good option. Her rates as a night nanny are cheaper than her daytime rates (surprising?) and she suggested I would get more value (and rest) for my money from a night nanny rather than a daytime one. Is this something you agree with, or does it vary by baby? I'm hoping to BF, but may also use the occasional formula top up, especially at night, depending on how it goes. One reason I was reluctant to go with the overnight option was that it would cause some disruption to our lives - with DH, me, my mum, the baby and the nurse all in a 2 bed flat (slightly easier in the day with DH at work). But that is really trivial if there is a clear benefit of getting help at night.

Thanks!

AmandaPayne Sun 03-Mar-13 18:19:24

I thought the same Viva!

Andcake Sun 03-Mar-13 18:21:45

Lol I second a 'like' for reets post spot on! Maybe op has to be back at work quickly though. Newborns are tiring but not rocket science. The worst bit is lack of sleep so being able to hand over after night time feeds for a few days is good but dm & DP are there so should be able to work in shifts! Having a 4th voice early on expressing an opinion on what should could be done would have sent me mad and probably made me feel like an awful mum.

AmandaPayne Sun 03-Mar-13 18:23:17

The one thing I would say is that maternity night nurses often talk about their great success rate, but I'm not sure how much they actually see. Two friends who had them had their babies 'in a routine' when the nurse left and gave glowing feedback, but it didn't really suit them or their babies and within a few weeks they were not following the routine at all and said that they felt unconfident as a result. That's not a representative sample, but I'm just saying that the picture a night nanny gets might not be the one the mother has - I would definitely follow up references in person and at length.

ZuleikaD Sun 03-Mar-13 18:28:48

Lol at the idea that getting them into a routine early on means that at 12 weeks they're sleeping 7-7. Or that that has any bearing at all on how they'll sleep as they get older (particularly with the 16-week sleep regression).

Pyra Sun 03-Mar-13 18:31:43

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to write, and some valuable tips.

at the same time, i am really disappointed with some very judgmental comments here. The question was simple and I didn't expect you to answer if you don't have a relevant one. What works for you may not work for me and vice versa. It really is upsetting since I genuinely asked for advice, and am being dealt out all sorts of uncalled for opinions. And thanks so much ReetPetit for looking up my previous posts and judging them too. Hugely helpful. Is this what MN is for?

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 03-Mar-13 18:38:52

though i think reet was a bit harsh with her reply but i dont think she has 'stalked' you op on mn and looked at your recent posts

her reply are things you mentioned, ie you have a cleaner, you will be employing a nanny and you have your mum for 3mths

ZolaBuddleia Sun 03-Mar-13 18:44:30

OP, where is your DH in all of this? Won't he be able to help? I think a 2 bed flat with all of you in it is a recipe for disaster!

ReetPetit Sun 03-Mar-13 18:45:42

have not stalked you in any way op hmm have no interest in reading through your past posts!!
I read your op and commented and then read your second post which said you had a 'cleaning lady' etc etc....

if you don't want opinions, don't ask a question on a site used by many. people are entitled to post wherever they want.

fwiw, i am a childminder and a mother of 2, so i feel my opinion is valid - and I stand by what I said - concentrate on bonding with your baby and stopped being so reliant on others (even if you are paying for it) it will not do you or your baby any good in the long run.

ZuleikaD Sun 03-Mar-13 18:50:27

Pyra don't be too sensitive about this - several people with lots of time with newborns have posted on your thread to give you the benefits of their experiences. Most will not have meant to come across as judgey, it's just that the scenario you describe seems over-the-top to many, and the line between 'advice' and 'opinion' is basically semantic. To me, as to many others, the idea of four adults plus a cleaner being needed to take care of one newborn is really, really unnecessary - what you could take from this is reassurance that even after a c-section you, your partner and your mother will cope fine. Throwing a fourth person into the mix is overkill.

FWIW I also doubt Reet has looked up your other posts.

Pyra Sun 03-Mar-13 18:51:00

I will request the moderator to remove this thread in its entirety. Call me hormonal or whatever, but reading some if the responses has been very upsetting. This was clearly not what I expected from MN in response to a genuine question. This probably sounds defensive, but yes - like one of you mentioned - I do need to get back to work 3months after the birth.

Yes - I misread one of the comments, and mistook a reference to mean that RP had also read a previous question I had posted about maternity nurses. I apologise for that.

ZuleikaD Sun 03-Mar-13 18:51:46

There's nothing on this thread that would cause a moderator to remove it.

Pendipidy Sun 03-Mar-13 18:55:13

I agree with reet. What on earth do you think all there people are going to do while the baby is sleeping?! Feed you grapes?! One person like your dh, like most people have. A mother would be nice for a week or two, but three months! And then night nurse and then nanny...the list goes on.

What exactly are you planning on doing yourself? And Will you ship the poor kid off to boarding school when its 7? Why don't you want to do these things yourself.?

Pyra Sun 03-Mar-13 18:57:45

Gosh. My cleaner comes in once a week. DH has a stressful job and is often travelling / spends long hrs at work. So that leaves my mother (in her late 60s) who will visit from abroad, and me.
And the maternity nurse is an option for 3-4 weeks. I need a nanny eventually since I'm going back to work. So much for context -I didn't realise previously that it was necessary to go into this level of detail. Like I mentioned, I do appreciate some of the advice given here. Thanks.

ReetPetit Sun 03-Mar-13 18:59:14

well said Pendipidy smile exactly what i was thinking about boarding school!
what exactly is the point?? aren't babies/children to be enjoyed??

MrsDeVere Sun 03-Mar-13 19:01:16

Nope.
I don't understand the OP at all and am not judging.
I just don't get it.

Its like another world to me.

Its hard to give advice/opinion without sounding critical unless the poster is totally agreeing with you.

You live in a two bedroom flat
You have a helpful mother, a partner and a cleaner.
You will be employing a nanny.
This is one baby.

It really does, and I am honestly not trying to be horrible, over the top to have a night nanny as well.

Where on earth are you all going to sleep?

You could end up very stressed with all that going on.

What are your reasons for feeling you need a night nanny (genuine question). It may be that you are being over anxious about your first baby.

Babies can be very hard work and you are having a CS but the help you have already sounds adequate. You could save yourself a lot of unnecessary expense.

OliviaAllOverTheSpamMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 03-Mar-13 19:09:56

Hello there
Does anyone here need reminding of the talk guidelines?
Worth remembering that if there's one thing we [parents/to-be] could all do with it's some moral support.
Peace and love
Best of luck with the impending arrival OP

ReetPetit Sun 03-Mar-13 19:12:42

so is this not a discussion forum then Olivia? strange if all you can do is nod and smile at someone and agree with their point of view hmm what's the point in that? the op asked for opinions - she got them!!

Pyra Sun 03-Mar-13 19:17:35

Opinions were requested on whether extra help is more valuable at night or during the day. Not on what sort of a parent I am likely to be, and how ridiculous my question may sound to others. But of course, that hasn't limited the responses in any way!

RubyrooUK Sun 03-Mar-13 19:24:19

Hi OP,

I posted yesterday. I hope you didn't think I was being judgemental because I was really trying very hard to be helpful. Don't be put off Mumsnet because a few people question your need for a maternity nurse - I have found Mumsnet invaluable when struggling with breastfeeding, sleep deprivation and issues concerning returning to work. It is in the main extremely supportive.

I think the reason you've had a few harsher responses to this thread is that you have a better set-up for having a baby (your mum is staying three months and you have a cleaner) than the majority of people. And the people posting have already had babies themselves and so they understand the importance of establishing breastfeeding at night/bonding by having that time with your newborn so simply can't see the need for a maternity nurse. And I think everyone but the maternity nurse on this thread has explained that a routine is just not possible with a baby so young. (Please please don't feel depressed if your baby doesn't sleep 7-7 after 12 weeks - I don't know any babies that have done this in real life.)

But of course it is fine to feel anxious about your first baby and ask for advice. I'm shortly about to have DS2 and I am worried myself about how he will sleep and how I will work with a very busy job through months/years of sleep deprivation and night-time breastfeeding myself!

My advice is still to save your money and put it towards classes/NCT/building a support network of friends while you're on maternity leave. And having nice regular holidays when you are back at work after three months and missing your baby. I think that would offer more value to you. But good luck whatever you choose to do.

MrsDeVere Sun 03-Mar-13 19:27:58

You cannot control the internet pyra.
And you have had a lot of helpful responses as well.

If you are trying to establish BF, a night nurse is not a great idea, as feeding at night (and regulary throughout the day too) is what helps get and keep your supply going.

I would employ a cleaner instead, so you only have the baby to concentrate on.

ubik Sun 03-Mar-13 19:36:45

I think I would find having a stranger looking after my newborn a bit stressful. Have you thought about this aspect? Your baby will be looking for you all the time, you need to bond and that means lots of lovely cuddly time together, the baby will want to gaze at your face, smell you and listen to your heart beat. In a two bed flat, with your mother and a maternity nurse too you might feel a bit crowded.

Personally I would invest in someone to clean, cook and do the washing rather than look after the baby.

Also you might be surprised how quickly you recover from your CS.

But everyone's different. Good luck.

Ah, I see you already have a cleaner.

Honestly. How do you think other people manage? I could only stand my own mum for 5 days before I asked her to go back home, and I love her dearly.

christinarossetti Sun 03-Mar-13 19:46:47

Rising above the bile of some of the replies and seeing that you're trying to gauge ideas re post major surgery recovery and managing a newborn when you have no experience of babies, I think I'd probably go for a day nurse in your position.

Some newborns sleep loads for the first few weeks - my ds did but not dd - so a night nurse with him would have been completely unnecessary at the beginning (but by 8 months, I would have bitten anyone's hand off who offered to help) and you don't know what type of baby you'll have until he or she is here. At night, your dh and dm will be around and can help pass you the baby etc and you can catch up on sleep during the day if necessary. Lots of newborns do nurse loads at night (richer milk produced in the dark, perhaps?) so you might just need to get on with feeding in the night and have help during the day.

Hope it goes well.

BeehavingBaby Sun 03-Mar-13 19:47:40

Tbh, I agree that it will be too many cooks, opinions and people. I would spend the money on a postnatal package from an independent midwife, cleaner daily (beds changed and all laundry done ASAP) and posh/ ace ready made or delivered food. you, not baby need extra hands on deck really, they tend to hate massage, baths, any kind of messing at this stage, but reassurance that you are healing well and support in this is invaluable and sparse on the NHS. Appreciate you may be having a private cs but no idea what the standard on offering from midwives is?

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