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Quite a judgemental cm

(15 Posts)
Moodymoth Thu 21-Feb-13 22:01:04

Im ranting because I'm abit offended&want it out my system. Have nc to protect identity.

New cm. Really happy with the care she provides but her judginess/smugness is annoying. Today she offended me and although it's petty I think the way she comes across is poor. An example i had a packet of cookies left on the table (small bag bought to my house by a friend for a picnic treat which were leftover from lunch). My son was dropped off by cm at my house and saw cookies. She then said 'mummy shouldn't be feeding you them'. Firstly he saw them and at this point hadn't eaten them/been given them. Secondly wtf if I want to give my child a treat then shock horror i can (son has healthy diet/in good health, weight etc).

She also asked me if we sit at a table to eat as he was not sitting still at cm house during tea time and threw food on floor. My son is 2. He is reminded about table manners accordingly, sits down nicely on the whole but on occasion when he has got up or behaved inappropriately we have responded and have rules/ boundaries in place. My offence was the way she worded it was like we let him run around eating. Petty yes but it's got my back up. (wouldn't be offended if asked routines for meal times etc but the way she worded it was judgemental and condescending). Also have issue about the bitchiness towards other parents - like she will moan about other parents at times and I don't feel she is always professional. Don't want to moan though she works hard provide good care, trips and activities,never worry about the kids while she has them etc.

Akasa Thu 21-Feb-13 23:03:06

Certinly not petty!!! However, it sounds like you need to seek out another minder. I do not think that her comments were out of hand but if they gave you cause for concern (and I can understand your position too), then things are not really going to improve - if things are not good at the outset then my own gut feeling is that they will not improve. Sorry to sound negative but it is better to cut and run in my experience.

If parents and mindees do not look as if they are going to fit in in my setting then it is best to call it a day sooner rather than later so the interests of the child are at the forefront of everyone's thinking.

miriam82 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:19:54

You are right, talking about other parents to you, that is not professional.
I wouldnt like to have a Cm like that, what goes around in your house is none of her business, are you good friends?
I would try to have a talk to her, specially if she starts been a bit nosey again. Sometimes CM need to ask things, but for all of that there is commom sense.

Moodymoth Fri 22-Feb-13 03:06:09

Hi thanks for replies. 100% dont feel this is an issue where I would find a new cm. my children are v happy, I am happy apart frm this aspect. I actually work with families around behaviour management&know how hard it can be getting info etc. my job is to challenge parenting styles so I know it can be fraught with trying not to offend. we are friends but not close, known eachother 5 yrs

PositiveOutlook Fri 22-Feb-13 07:56:19

If she talks about other parents to you, I would wonder what she says to them about you?

minderjinx Fri 22-Feb-13 08:14:57

Perhaps the fact that you are in her eyes a fellow professional in the field of family care may make her feel she can consult you informally on minor matters concerning the other children and families? I agree it's not correct, but if she sees it that way it may blur some boundaries. You could just say next time she says anything indiscreet that though you have known each other a long time now you are one of her several customers you are not comfortable discussing the other families or their children and that you are concerned it might be considered unprofessional. The fact that she can be rather blunt in raising minor issues such as the cookies may also be part of the same - she knows you know your stuff and is confident that a throwaway remark isn't going to dent your confidence as a parent.

Moodymoth Fri 22-Feb-13 08:40:53

positiveoutlook- that thought has crossed my mind. I think naturally she is v judgemental just by comments made about every day things. I dont engage in any conversations about other families just change the subject.

minderjinx- I think boundaries are also blurred by the fact we have been friends for 5 years. I think she is a moany person. I will speak about this if it continues but think I will try&establish more boundaries. I think she does feel maybe overly comfortable with me

fivesacrowd Fri 22-Feb-13 13:35:36

I take it you knew her as a friend before she started cm for you. It's hard because she may feel she is close enough to you to make these comments, might even be trying to be funny. However, she's overstepping boundaries and that's not good cm practice no matter how well she knows you. Do you have to le her into your house? I drop one mindee home, but never go into their house (too keen to drop her off and get home to my own family) and I've known those parents for about 6 years as reasonably close friends.

doughnut44 Fri 22-Feb-13 18:35:53

Firstly I don't agree with being horrible about other parents - as you say very unprofessional.
I would say that I hate it when parents send treats in for the children as I have a healthy eating policy/kids who are not allowed certain foods and finally if they all can eat the treat what if there isn't enough?
I can understand you being upset if you felt she was being smug - if I have something to say to a parent regarding a childs behaviour I always struggle to say it without it sounding like I am preaching.
If you are happy with everything else then just see it as a personality flaw and take it with a pinch of salt.
I always find it funny how quickly some parents advise other parents to find another childminder over 1 petty problem. As if it was that easy!

Moodymoth Fri 22-Feb-13 18:51:26

fivesacrowd-she drops the kids off at my door. She shares lots of info about the kids day etc which is lovely&necessary but it is on average 10-15 mins before she goes on her way.

doughnut- it is a small problem completely agree. I dont send any food in and the cookies were leftover from lunch in my house. My son spotted them on my table.
I dont have any probs with being told about behaviour&have the same expectations/boundaries at home. Im quite thick skinned but was not impressed with her comments. not a big enough reason to change cm but I am going to have to either suck it up or politely raise these issues.

doughnut44 Fri 22-Feb-13 19:11:25

Ah sorry - I read it that you sent them in - whoops x x

Moodymoth Fri 22-Feb-13 19:14:01

no worries doughnut

Moodymoth Fri 22-Feb-13 19:14:21

no worries doughnut

fivesacrowd Fri 22-Feb-13 21:28:39

15 mins is a lot of info sharing!

DIYapprentice Sat 23-Feb-13 20:56:53

If she is bitching about others to you, then she is definitely bitching about you to others.

Always tricky to use a CM you are friends with beforehand without having some sort of an 'out'.

If you don't want to change CM's (and TBH I would in a heartbeat in your position) then you need to practice a steely glare with a frosty 'I beg your pardon'. She needs to know when she is out of line, and that you will not put up with it.

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