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My child has told me he has been hit by the childminder what do I do?

(43 Posts)
Maggiejean Sun 17-Feb-13 20:18:51

I have a two and a half year old boy, who has been with the same childminder for nearly a year. He is there for one morning a week and has loved it and used to ask to go everyday but the last month he has been extremely upset about going and extremely upset when I have come to collect him. In the last week he stopped playing, has become quite withdrawn and all he wants to do is cuddle Mum, he doesn't want to leave the house. Usual things like going to the park he doesn't want to do.

In the car on Friday he told me that "name of childminder makes me sad" I asked why does X make you sad? He then hit himself across the head and said she says "shut up, shut up" The next day I did a role play with him where he Bob (not real name) Giraffe go to X the childminder played by a toy monkey. Here he showed himself as the Giraffe crying and the childminder toy saying "shut up, shut up, Mummy isn't here" then acted out the hitting and asked if he could go home. He has also used phrases such as "no one will believe you" in connection with her.

I am very shaken by all of this. We have taken him out of the childminders care with immediate effect, My husband contacted her to say our child had being telling us things connected with his stay with her that had concerned us greatly and was she aware of anything that had happened to him whilst in her care. She replied No and that she was hurt and upset by that. She later texted at 1am saying he had got cold whilst out walking which seemed bizarre.

Over the last month when I have gone to pick him up and he has been upset she has given me a different reason for it..first week it was because he feel asleep and woke up and thought I was going to leave him there, the 2nd week it was he is going through a developmental stage, the following week it was he has only child syndrome, the next he has no attention span, and finally bring him tomorrow when I have no other children as he is jealous of the other children. Which I believe is when he got hit. Though I feel it was not a one off.

She has an immaculate ofstead report, other Mums I know whose children go there have not expressed any concerns and like I say till this last month I have had no reason for concern. When I picked up my child this week the childminder seemed tired and impatient, he was hungry and had been out walking and was cold and upset. She told him he was making a horrible noise in front of me and to stop. And when I said I think he is cold she snapped at me and told me "he was alright." I felt uncomfortable with the way she spoke to him infront of me and her negativity. In the past she has always been so positive about him. For his age he is well behaved child, he is also very articulate and social for his age. My gut says something is wrong. She came to our house when I didn't bring him this week to check on him and he hid and looked frightened. When her name is mentioned he becomes distressed.

Do I report her? I am perfectly aware that this is her living and the possible implications of this, but my instinct and my child tell me something has gone wrong.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 17-Feb-13 20:23:33

If you believe the childminder hit your child then you should report her.

ZuleikaD Sun 17-Feb-13 20:23:58

This does sound disturbing. It's very odd that it's happened so suddenly in the last month - has anything changed in her life that you are aware of? Regardless of whether it's true about her hitting him (and it would be very difficult to prove one way or the other unless she admits it to you) it seems obvious from your post that their relationship/bond has completely broken down. For me that would be enough to give notice at the very least. The other things you have mentioned would probably cause me to document it all in writing and speak to Ofsted.

I would definately not send him back. Dont know about reporting her, but I definately wouldn't be sending him back. What a horrible, horrible experience for you and your DS. What about a nursery? At least other people are around to see if anything untoward might happen.

FelicityWasCold Sun 17-Feb-13 20:29:07

I would report a concern- which is what you have. You don't need to make accusations or say things are fact.

I would explain to OFSTED what you have said here and be available for them to talk to you /DS if nec.

You've done the right thing by removing your DS.

Flisspaps Sun 17-Feb-13 20:31:27

I'd report it, and I'm a CM.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 20:31:30

No expert on this, but wouldn't a concern be raised with the local authority?

I'm sorry for your situation OP, what a terrible thing for you to have to watch DS go through.

Lostonthemoors Sun 17-Feb-13 20:33:23

I think you have to report.

So sorry you and DS are going through this sad

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sun 17-Feb-13 20:35:46

I wouldn't be able to send my ds back if he'd said thing like this, especially as it ties in with such a big change in his behaviour.

I would give notice, but also write everything down and alert ofsted to your concerns.

I second the pp's idea of finding a nursery for your ds - it was reasons just like your OP that put me off using a CM when our ds's were younger.

I hope you get things sorted OP.

Maggiejean Sun 17-Feb-13 20:40:14

In reply to ZulekaD I am not aware of any changes in her life, but it was one of my first thoughts that she may be ill or under pressure and has snapped at my child. We are in a tricky situation as I do not want to hear six months down the line another child in her care has been hit or is disturbed and I had not spoken up, but at the same time how can you prove the voice of a young child.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sun 17-Feb-13 21:02:24

I don't think you can prove the voice of a young child, but you can raise your concerns to the appropriate people.

colditz Sun 17-Feb-13 21:09:04

I think you do have to report this. Your son is too young to say things like "nobody will believe you" without having heard that elsewhere. I don't mean a few months too young, I mean about aDECADE too young.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 17-Feb-13 21:13:04

Id report it. You never know others may have reported similar before, or may in the future. Believe your son and never let him go back.

NobbyClark Sun 17-Feb-13 21:13:42

YY iwish OP write down everything, then phone ofsted. She sounds like she is looking for excuses to explain away his fears. He is genuinely terrified and you need to stop this from happening to anyone else.

How devastating for you and your son, please give him a massive cuddle from me too. Poor little thing, how frightening. I would be apoplectic with rage if this was my little dd. Hug to you too.

My dd broke a bone at nursery last year, and she told me that one of the ladies shouted at her to stop crying (she had sat at a table doing a jigsaw for four hours with a spiral fracture aged 3) I am still beyond gutted about that and struggle to get through each day when she is there worrying about something happening again.

Go with your gut.

scottishmummy France Sun 17-Feb-13 21:16:24

Ofsted
Call duty team local council social work

BreadForMyBREADGUN Sun 17-Feb-13 21:18:13

Yep. You need to follow your instincts. Absolutely agree with colditz about the phrase "nobody will believe you".

12ylnon Sun 17-Feb-13 21:21:16

I'd also report it. I'm a childminder.

12ylnon Sun 17-Feb-13 21:22:06
ReetPetit Sun 17-Feb-13 21:50:41

oh god op - report it, you have to, that's awful. i'm a cm.

can't imagine a 2.5 yr old coming out with things like that if they weren't real -too detailed imo...

she sounds odd imho, how horrible for your ds sad

DoctorAnge Sun 17-Feb-13 22:18:47

sad

doughnut44 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:21:21

It definitely needs to be reported. Ofsted will take the matter seriously and I am sure they will do an investigation.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 17-Feb-13 23:34:15

Report it asap.

Littleturkish Sun 17-Feb-13 23:39:26

That is chilling.

I would report it and file a police report and go to the GP. Your child may need therapy to process this incident.

I would say something sounds wrong. Your child told you she hurt him which is worrying but to then show it in role play as well would concern me.

I do not feel you can ignore this. I am a childminder and know that allegations can harm a childminders reputation but there is no excuse for hurting a child.

Can I just say though there is no guarantee even in a nursery that situations don't occur as a parent you need to trust your gut instinct and act if things feel wrong.

HecateWhoopass Mon 18-Feb-13 08:31:08

You need to report what you have been told and the behaviour you have observed. They will take it from there.

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