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being a bit jealous of the nanny(7 Posts)
I felt like this and it was worse second time around because I knew what I was missing.
I'm a few months and it's better but I recognise it's my issue and keep doing the lottery in the hope I can stay at home...!!
Oh op, I really feel for you. You've chosen a lovely nanny and you know little ones being looked after well, so huge pat on the back for you for sorting out Childcare so well that your main concern is that your nanny is too lovely! I'm a cm and often feel that I get to do all the fun stuff with mindees so I'm sending photos to parents of me having a fab time with their dc while they feel guilty for not being there. It's a horrible balancing act and guilt trip, but you are going back to work for all the right reasons and you'll always be mum. Mum top trumps any child carer any day. Ps I've just changed the 6th dirty nappy of the day - cant wait til their mums arrive to collect them - oh and they are sleeping at mo before any cm haters try to flame me for mumsnetting when I should be working!
I understand very well how you feel - I felt like that when mine were young. I was always worried they would end up loving their carer more than me. But they didn't!
I now do some childcare myself and I can assure you that i, as a child care provider love my charges very much and only want them to be happy when they are with me. I am always go home at the end of the day though and there is no question of them "loving' me more or me wanting them to love me more. You are their mum and you will always be number one to them.
My DC are much older now, but reading your post brought it all flooding back to me! I remember feeling jealous of the nanny for a while. It certainly lasted a few months and there were 'bad days' even after that. But it does get better and eventually everyone slips into their roles, and you will see that when your DC are sick it is you who they want. Whatever the relationship with the nanny, it will never be the same as with Mummy! I think it would be far worse if they didn't like the nanny and you left for work each day wracked with guilt.
Now my DC are 7 and 9 we no longer have our nanny except for some baby sitting, but they still adore her and we still consider her part of our extended family.
I'm glad we were able to have a nanny as there are times when it's invaluable having the support and guidance. I'm sure my DC would have grown up shy if the nanny had not encouraged them out of their comfort zone. Also she did some lovely activities that I would never have bothered to do. It also meant I was able to have more quality time with the children as the nanny did a lot of the mundane / routine stuff.
It is tough but it will get better and it is such a positive thing your children are happy with the nanny.
Please don't feel like this - just feel lucky that your children are happy, loved & enjoying themselves. We had nannies but always adored our mummy more! Honestly I've been really distressed recently by friends who've wanted to get rid of nanny because their children enjoyed being with them! Why would you want your children to be miserable - I genuinely don't understand it, they will still adore you as their mummy honestly! I'm 34, adore my mum & am still v close to our last nanny whose daughter now looks after my babies at their nursery ) but if I could afford 1-1 with a nanny I'd be doing it like a shot! Just pat yourself on the back knowing that you have lovely securely attached children & enjoy work knowing that your lovely nanny is doing a great job entertaining and caring for your children. Mummy is always Mummy regardless of how fab childcare is!
I know it must be so hard but maybe you should try to take comfort in your DC being happy. Try to imagine how much worse you would feel if you were trying to leave for work every day with DC in tears, begging you not to go. Nanny sounds fab but I can see how hard it would be to feel your place is being taken almost.
Try to enjoy little positive child free things about your days, like having a nice peaceful coffee in a coffee shop without grumpy DC.
p/t nanny started 2 weeks ago 2 afternoons a week. I'm back at work next week and using a mix of nursery and nanny. I like the nanny. my preschooler adores her but today I've got home and am feeling really cross and jealous of the fact she's playing with my kids and I'm not. She has used my daughter's camera to take pictures and a little film of the "teddy tea party" they had which is so thoughtful and lovely but has made me want to cry.
I guess I am probably just being hormonal and over emotional (and not helped by DD2 aged 6/12 having yet another nursing strike so feel a bit fragile and rejected altogether). Tell me it gets better...... Returning to work after DD1 was a breeze, I couldn't wait to go, this time I feel really really sad and i just don't want to go back at all. (Being a SAHM isn't an option for a number of professional and financial reasons and actually when I had both of them at home all day on Tuesday I was almost ready to sell them on ebay by bedtime so I do have to get back to work)
Anyone else felt like this? how long does it take to get better?
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