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can I terminate my cm contract with immediate effect

(89 Posts)
filibear Sat 05-Jan-13 07:47:46

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JustFabulous Wed 16-Jan-13 18:24:27

Good luck with your next child care appointment.

filibear Wed 16-Jan-13 18:22:26

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ReetPetit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:18:44

well done filibear. i have no doubt you have done the right thing. i had an awful feeling about your ds being there - she sounds dreadful, really neglectful. don't worry about your dh, he sounds like he is just scared of change. you have done completely the right thing. Good Luck in finding someone/somewhere else! x

JustFabulous Wed 16-Jan-13 07:55:52

Do you believe her about the norovirus?

Is it possible she has read your thread?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Wed 16-Jan-13 00:45:17

You have done the right thing. Hold tight x

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 16-Jan-13 00:30:36

Glad it's permanent

Well done smile

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 15-Jan-13 23:36:31

Filibear did you end up going to the dr about the rash/marks?

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 15-Jan-13 23:23:41

Sounds good, filibear. Can't remember if I said upthread, but do try www.childcare.co.uk - I've found CM and nannies through there easily

Lala29 Tue 15-Jan-13 22:54:32

So glad to hear your baby is safe now with you and your DH is on side. Good luck with the search, I'm sure you'll find something far better soon.
Hope work are supportive and please let us know what happens when you talk to the CM.

tiggersreturn Tue 15-Jan-13 22:48:11

Well done! You did the right thing. If you don't feel you can handle cm alone take dh with you.

Welovecouscous Tue 15-Jan-13 21:38:23

I think you've done the right thing, fili.

So good to hear your DH agreed with you.

filibear Tue 15-Jan-13 20:32:30

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Blondeshavemorefun Tue 15-Jan-13 20:07:52

are you saying filibear you have now removed ds permanently - or just for a week or two why you work out your next childcare arrangement

filibear Tue 15-Jan-13 19:48:38

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Welovecouscous Tue 15-Jan-13 14:21:14

Filibear, please update us sad

JustFabulous Tue 15-Jan-13 14:09:50

Your husband makes me so angry. His child is being neglected at best and he does not give a shit. I'd be looking for another husband as well as a childminder.

TBH You need to take your child to the GP today and get everything documented so that there is an official record of everything that happens so that when it comes out your CM has been bleeping your child then there is evidence.

From what you have said I can see the CM taking it out on our child as you have had the nerve to criticise her and question what she has done.

fivesacrowd Tue 15-Jan-13 13:33:23

Always trust you instincts. Telling Dh that he is responsible won't put your mind at rest. I'm a cm and would be horrified if any of my mindees only got nappy rash when in my care. I'd be changing much more frequently and smothering in nappy cream. As for accidents, she should know how they happened or admit that she didn't see what happened and explain how she's going to watch your son more carefully in the future. Do you get a daily diary? For her sake as well as yours she should check for injuries etc when your dc arrives and record things like blisters etc.
My dsis had bad experience with cm (who had previously been her friend and who she thought she knew well). Gut instinct told her something wasn't right and so she removed her dd, then found out her suspicions were right.
Makes me mad to hear about rubbish cm, most of us are lovely and caring. Hope you sort something else out soon.

tiggersreturn Tue 15-Jan-13 12:48:44

You have to listen to your instincts.

They are saying to you loudly and clearly that you should remove ds from there asap.

Your dh does not seem to want any change as that will mean inconvenience and obligation to do things on his part. Sorry for putting it like this but this is what it boils down to in most dhs.

You need to decide if you are comfortable in keeping him there another day. If not you need to remove him immediately as you will not forgive yourself if something happens.

Trust is essential. If that is lost you cannot continue the relationship unless both sides are prepared to rebuild it. From your telling the CM does not appear to believe there is a problem with this.

You know best how to get your dh on side but if you present this as an issue of our child is in danger, he needs to be rescued, we do it immediately and share childcare until resolved. Ways to bridge the gap are his rights to unpaid leave, emergency childcare (he has them too!). Flexible working at home for 1 or both of you for short periods. Emergency childcare services (they cost a fortune but if this is to cover a week or so may be doable), any friends who can oblige. The issues that need to be determined are:

1. Is he safe where he currently is?
2. If he's not, where will we send him?

The answer to 2 is wherever suits his needs best and all options should be considered, nursery, cm, mixture of the 2 whatever.

If the answer to 1 is no and your dh disagrees then one position you could take is if he remains it will be at your insistence and against my express wishes, you will be responsible for anything that goes wrong and are now responsible for everything to do with the CM including drop offs and pick ups. He may see sense with an ultimatum of that type.

I had a friend with a similar situation with a nanny where her gut very firmly told her to get rid and her dh, who had started a new job, told her equally firmly that he couldn't help and she shouldn't rock the boat. In the end after a worse incident she did terminate the relationship but regretted not having done it earlier. After she fired her, my friend also discovered worse things that were occurring which would have more than justified the earlier dismissal.

Good luck with your decision.

minderjinx Mon 14-Jan-13 20:01:59

What did the doctor say?

ReetPetit Mon 14-Jan-13 19:23:31

what's happening filibear? hope everything is ok...

Welovecouscous Sat 12-Jan-13 22:00:28

I agree with Sparkle about instincts. They are your friend and I wish I had listened to my instincts that the nanny was not bonding with DS properly.

Filibear if DH and I got to the situation you are in and DH wouldn't budge on moving DS I'm afraid I would overrule him for the safety and welfare of my child.

I have had a very nasty/scary experience with a CM when my eldest was a wee tot yet I had ignored my insticts prior to that final incident in the hope that it would get better.

It IS difficult when trying not to upset the applecart at work but your child has to come first.

Welovecouscous Sat 12-Jan-13 21:48:24

Good op - please don't take him back to cm sad

How hmm that she never told you the other child was related to her. That alone is quite off IMHO!

filibear Sat 12-Jan-13 19:44:36

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ReetPetit Sat 12-Jan-13 19:28:19

filibear, this doesn't sound right to me. it doesn't sound like nappy rash. can you take him to see an emergency doctor and get it looked at?
the fact that he never gets it at home suggests more than neglect to me. i'm sorry, i really think you need to act quickly.
are there other parents at the childminders who you could talk to??

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