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can I terminate my cm contract with immediate effect

(89 Posts)
filibear Sat 05-Jan-13 07:47:46

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filibear Fri 11-Jan-13 21:04:07

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InNeatCognac Fri 11-Jan-13 21:08:06

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Welovecouscous Fri 11-Jan-13 21:20:45

Fili I think you have to just be very straight with your DH and say that not only is this not the best care for DS but worrying about it is making you very unhappy and something has to be done right now.

Can't you say you have read about childcare online and that this level of nappy rash in a childcare setting where all is fine at home is almost always a sign of lack of proper care.

Fwiw I recently took my dc out of a nanny's care where there was lack of bonding. I had to pay the contract notice period but it was still worth it.

ReetPetit Fri 11-Jan-13 22:38:18

filibear, omg, please,please don't send him back there. alarm bells are seriously ringing here for me - something is not right. i'm sorry to say, i don't know what your dh is playing at - you need to be strong and fight for your ds -DO NOT send him back there.

If he has a red raw rash/mark down his leg - why is it not on his bum? are you sure its even nappy rash or is it another burn/smack or something?

pull him out she doesn't sound right, i'm sorry.... sad

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 11-Jan-13 22:51:04

Oh honey you are not pathetic. I'm actually rather cross with your dh for taking so little notice of your concerns sad

Something is not right with the nappy situation

More so though is the reluctance of the cm putting the accidents in the book. Sure ofsted would not be happy with this

Thing is - as I said before the more you keep your ds there then the less you have a leg to stand on - as if you were that worried you would take ds out now

filibear Sat 12-Jan-13 08:42:22

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Locketjuice Sat 12-Jan-13 08:45:42

I think if you think your child is not being cared fr properly sort out your priorities and stuff work!

ReetPetit Sat 12-Jan-13 09:06:14

filibear,dont be scared of all this. take control of your situation. you are the parent. your ds relies on you to do right by him. you would never forgive yourself is something serious happened to him while you were waiting for him to be old enough to go to nursery!
have you been back through the list of cms to see who has a place?
do you have a family member who can help you out?
you need to get him out. something is going on. if you keep him there,legally you wont have a leg to stand on when it comes to saying she wasnt providing adequate care but thats a side issue imo. your priority has to be NOT To take him back....

calmlychaotic Sat 12-Jan-13 09:33:09

I took someone on who was in a rush to leave last cm, we signed contracts on a Friday night,did settling in over the weekend and started on Monday. most cm would be happy to help you in anyway they can. I would recommend childcare.co .uk. I think you should get him out of there. you are not happy. you are not going to be able to work without worrying about him

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 12-Jan-13 09:51:52

I still think while you find a new cm / decide what childcare you want / to give you breathing space and so you don't jump in and choice the wrong one - ring agencies and get a temp nanny for a month or so

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 12-Jan-13 09:54:02

I agree that childcare.co.uk is a great resource for finding a CM, or even a temporary nanny

OP have you spoken to NCMA or Ofsted about your concerns? That might help you get clear in your head where you stand, what action they might take if you report her formally (eg the reluctance to complete the accident book), and your options for leaving without notice.

I left a CM at the end of the initial four weeks with no notice because she was late at least twice a week to pick DS up from nursery (particularly annoying as she charged an additional £5 for pick ups!) and then it turned out that here husband was also working as a CM but she hadn't told me that when I met her and looked round the house etc. I only found out because nursery called me to say that DS was a bit upset on the days when he picked up - and I had no idea that he was doing that, or even ever in sole charge of DS. I told her that I was unhappy with this arrangement, she said that it wasn't going to change, so I said that the end of the week would be the last week.

I figured that if she decided to pursue me for breach of contract, I would see how far she was prepared to take it and be prepared to pay some money ahead of it getting to the small claims court. She never did take it any further.

Normally I would never advocate breaking a contract, but there are some occasions eg when your child is at risk that it is an act now, sort it out later situation.

The main thing for me, OP, in deciding what to do was that DS wasn't happy. We knew he hadn't settled, but had put that down to other things going on at the same time, as he had always adapted really well to changes previously. But once we found out the real set up, were unhappy with it ourselves, and knew that he wasn't happy with it either, it was an obvious choice. And if he had been coming home injured, he would have been out of there straight away

On the nappy rash, DD was like this - even an immediate change could still leave her red raw. Have you tried Metanium? That really helped calm DD's bottom down

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 12-Jan-13 09:56:23

By the way, I'd also be taking photos of the marks on his wrist, leg etc so that you have some evidence of your concerns. And a doctor's diagnosis would be helpful too if you can get an appointment (I've never heard of nappy rash on a leg before)

minderjinx Sat 12-Jan-13 11:30:14

Regarding the small blister at least, the CMs reluctance to complete an accident report is entirely understandable if she does not believe there was an accident, for example if she believes this was either a minor injury he arrived with and that she did not spot until part way through the day, or that it is due to some sort of infection or skin irritation. If I had a child who I absolutely knew had not had any sort of accident while in my care, I would not agree to make up an accident just to put down on an accident report, but I would still document as a record of a conversation with parents or even as a complaint if that is what they wanted to call it the fact that the parent insisted there had been an accident, my reasons for believing otherwise (such as there was no access to any heat source and that the child had not at any point indicated any shock or pain during the day) and my advice which in this case would be for the parents to take him/her to a GP for a proper medical assessment. It would in some ways easier to say I'd fill in an accident form to keep the parent happy, they would sign it and that would be that, but it would not be truthful.

I'm not suggesting you should stick with this minder if you are not happy, but just that there may be rational explanations for one or two of the things which are upsetting to you if you look at it from the other perspective.

filibear Sat 12-Jan-13 17:06:46

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ReetPetit Sat 12-Jan-13 19:28:19

filibear, this doesn't sound right to me. it doesn't sound like nappy rash. can you take him to see an emergency doctor and get it looked at?
the fact that he never gets it at home suggests more than neglect to me. i'm sorry, i really think you need to act quickly.
are there other parents at the childminders who you could talk to??

filibear Sat 12-Jan-13 19:44:36

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Welovecouscous Sat 12-Jan-13 21:48:24

Good op - please don't take him back to cm sad

How hmm that she never told you the other child was related to her. That alone is quite off IMHO!

Filibear if DH and I got to the situation you are in and DH wouldn't budge on moving DS I'm afraid I would overrule him for the safety and welfare of my child.

I have had a very nasty/scary experience with a CM when my eldest was a wee tot yet I had ignored my insticts prior to that final incident in the hope that it would get better.

It IS difficult when trying not to upset the applecart at work but your child has to come first.

Welovecouscous Sat 12-Jan-13 22:00:28

I agree with Sparkle about instincts. They are your friend and I wish I had listened to my instincts that the nanny was not bonding with DS properly.

ReetPetit Mon 14-Jan-13 19:23:31

what's happening filibear? hope everything is ok...

minderjinx Mon 14-Jan-13 20:01:59

What did the doctor say?

tiggersreturn Tue 15-Jan-13 12:48:44

You have to listen to your instincts.

They are saying to you loudly and clearly that you should remove ds from there asap.

Your dh does not seem to want any change as that will mean inconvenience and obligation to do things on his part. Sorry for putting it like this but this is what it boils down to in most dhs.

You need to decide if you are comfortable in keeping him there another day. If not you need to remove him immediately as you will not forgive yourself if something happens.

Trust is essential. If that is lost you cannot continue the relationship unless both sides are prepared to rebuild it. From your telling the CM does not appear to believe there is a problem with this.

You know best how to get your dh on side but if you present this as an issue of our child is in danger, he needs to be rescued, we do it immediately and share childcare until resolved. Ways to bridge the gap are his rights to unpaid leave, emergency childcare (he has them too!). Flexible working at home for 1 or both of you for short periods. Emergency childcare services (they cost a fortune but if this is to cover a week or so may be doable), any friends who can oblige. The issues that need to be determined are:

1. Is he safe where he currently is?
2. If he's not, where will we send him?

The answer to 2 is wherever suits his needs best and all options should be considered, nursery, cm, mixture of the 2 whatever.

If the answer to 1 is no and your dh disagrees then one position you could take is if he remains it will be at your insistence and against my express wishes, you will be responsible for anything that goes wrong and are now responsible for everything to do with the CM including drop offs and pick ups. He may see sense with an ultimatum of that type.

I had a friend with a similar situation with a nanny where her gut very firmly told her to get rid and her dh, who had started a new job, told her equally firmly that he couldn't help and she shouldn't rock the boat. In the end after a worse incident she did terminate the relationship but regretted not having done it earlier. After she fired her, my friend also discovered worse things that were occurring which would have more than justified the earlier dismissal.

Good luck with your decision.

fivesacrowd Tue 15-Jan-13 13:33:23

Always trust you instincts. Telling Dh that he is responsible won't put your mind at rest. I'm a cm and would be horrified if any of my mindees only got nappy rash when in my care. I'd be changing much more frequently and smothering in nappy cream. As for accidents, she should know how they happened or admit that she didn't see what happened and explain how she's going to watch your son more carefully in the future. Do you get a daily diary? For her sake as well as yours she should check for injuries etc when your dc arrives and record things like blisters etc.
My dsis had bad experience with cm (who had previously been her friend and who she thought she knew well). Gut instinct told her something wasn't right and so she removed her dd, then found out her suspicions were right.
Makes me mad to hear about rubbish cm, most of us are lovely and caring. Hope you sort something else out soon.

JustFabulous Tue 15-Jan-13 14:09:50

Your husband makes me so angry. His child is being neglected at best and he does not give a shit. I'd be looking for another husband as well as a childminder.

TBH You need to take your child to the GP today and get everything documented so that there is an official record of everything that happens so that when it comes out your CM has been bleeping your child then there is evidence.

From what you have said I can see the CM taking it out on our child as you have had the nerve to criticise her and question what she has done.

Welovecouscous Tue 15-Jan-13 14:21:14

Filibear, please update us sad

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