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How would you handle this situation?

(101 Posts)
MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 22:58:30

I am a live-in nanny and I was told tonight that I can't stay in my room over NYE as the mother of MB would like to sleep in my room. Other guests will stay I am back from NYC on the 30th and have to work on the 31st, so will probably be tired and the last thing I want is to stay at a hotel and pay £££ for it as it is NYE.

This is one of the situations where I really consider moving out and have my own flat. I don't want anybody sleeping in 'my' room, i have all my personal stuff there

AIBU or is MB?

exoticfruits Thu 13-Dec-12 07:19:53

Good - it always pays to make a stand because if they get away with poor treatment once they are likely to do it again. Glad it worked out.

MNPdoesYULETIDE Thu 13-Dec-12 01:16:40

Glad it is now sorted.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 12-Dec-12 15:47:07

glad things got resolved smile

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 14:03:21

Great. I'm really pleased it has all been sorted out. Did they apologise not only for 'telling you this was going to happen' when they had no right to and for telling you off and making you feel like you were out of line??

great outcome

SoldeInvierno Wed 12-Dec-12 12:48:59

well done. Hopefully she's learnt her lesson now and you'll be treated with the respect you deserve.

great outcome. well done

MissNJE Wed 12-Dec-12 09:48:17

Employers admitted that they made a a mistake and apologised. Grandmother can choose between new double mattress in gym or to get a cab at night.

They don't want to lose me and MB lost a lot of sleep about this and so did I.

This all sounds like a nightmare situation and you have been treated very unfairly

solution I can see to problem is regarding bedroom space - move baby/toddler in cot into parents bedroom for night (or yours and they pay you night nanny rate for night for caring for him) and grandma has matress on floor in the babies now empty room (sure he/she even has a spare teddy grandma can cuddle!!)

Solution to your now not so good working relationship is to be clear about expectations from both sides and perhaps sorry to say it not be doing things with mb at weekends she is your employer not your friend and perhaps this is where the confusion has come in mb thinks that you are easy going lovely her friend and therefore wont mind at all - boundaries have been totally blurred.

I still think they are very very unfair though

iluvkids Wed 12-Dec-12 08:59:19

So what happened when u talked again last night?!

Even if they thought OP would be out, this is HER BEDROOM. Yes it's a room in their house but it is MissNJE's personal space. As the MB's mother only lives down the road they seem to be risking losing their nanny, who was willing to fly home from New York earlier than her friends to work the 31st of December.

They've just had no thought or respect for her privacy or feelings have they! I can understand how upsetting that must be. When you work as a nanny or child minder you are trusted with a family's precious DC, and hope you are respected to be treated like this makes you question how they view you.

MissNJE Tue 11-Dec-12 20:15:55

My bf is in Australia until January. If I had known on Friday he would have left his keys here and I could have stayed there.

We will talk when they get home tonight, I cooked a lovely meal and I hope that they will give me a chance to hear my side of the story and how i feel about this. My MB said yesterday that she can understand that I don't want anybody staying in my room. I put a lot of effort in my room. I chose all the furniture, paint, curtains etc. and I just don't want somebody else to be in there. She can understand it but her mother puts a lot of pressure on her and blackmails her emotionally. So I understand where she is coming from but i felt very hurt when they asked to speak to me yesterday and I stood in the kitchen and was treated as if I had killed their first-born.

ReetPetit Tue 11-Dec-12 19:48:05

i do think they are a bit out of order but maybe they just weren't expecting you to be there on NYE? I know you say you are working in the day but as your bf is in central london perhaps they assumed you would stay at his? can you not stay at his?
i do feel for you, they are being pretty horrible, but don't sink to their level by 'throwing your toys out the pram' so to speak and start threatening to walk out etc or you could lose your job!! (assuming you want to keep the job??)

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Tue 11-Dec-12 19:47:54

Have you spoken to her yet?

Try not to cut your nose off to spite your face!

Stay there while you look for another job, then hand in your notice. I know you have your inheritance, but it would be stupid to waste that on rent. Even if they 'let' you work as a day nanny (which I doubt they will, people want a live in nanny for a reason) the situation would quickly become unworkable.

Either - discuss it, sort it and feel OK about it.

OR

Play nice - look for a new job.

Nannying is vastly different from other jobs, it's hard to stay unemotional about it, but try not to cry when you are talking to her, it wont help any and will just make you feel even worse.

exoticfruits Tue 11-Dec-12 19:11:48

Let us know how it went.

AwsomeMrsFox Tue 11-Dec-12 11:11:50

If you have previously had good relations with the family then I would try to have an 'unemotional' conversation with MB to diffuse the situation.

I see 2 issues still which I would discuss with MB in your position:

1. The logistics - you would have preferred to stay in NYC for NYE, but came back to work at their request. Now after long flight you are being 'asked' to vacate your room and find your own accomodation apparently at your own cost. I think that anyone would see that is a little unreasonable!

2. Is the room 'yours' or the 'spare room that you sleep in'? I think you need to agree this with MB, so you have a clear path moving forward. May pay to have the contract handy incase you need to refer to it.

IME it always pays to be a little empathetic - eg 'I know it must be difficult for you wanting the family to all be together, especially as your mother doesn't want to go home....'

Hope it goes ok!

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 11-Dec-12 11:10:55

You have every right to cry wherever and whenever you like, if you're doing it during a 'meeting' it probably doesn't come across as particularly professional though.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to leave, but I think you need to make a decision and then inform MB in a calm and professional way. Not 'you've made me cross, I'm leaving <stamp stamp stamp, slams door>!', have a look at the thread in chat about little kids running away from home, that's what it sounds like!

MissNJE Tue 11-Dec-12 10:57:23

Sorry, maybe i should have explained more. I was thinking about moving out before, but don't really have the two hours a day for the commute from Central London to Surrey and back in the evenings. I also actually liked the fact that I am around at the weekend to see the little one and often do things with MB.

After this whole thing I thought well if they make me so upset and treat me like this I don't really want to live here anymore and rather have to commute ever day.

I also think that I have every right to cry in my room when I am upset.

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 11-Dec-12 10:40:35

Tbh you are becoming just as bad as them now! Tears, tantrums and threatening to leave is not the way to deal with it. This not how you deal with a dispute at work.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Tue 11-Dec-12 08:57:39

Well up to you but you're in danger of blowing up this whole job here with hasty threats of moving out. You're understandably upset about the NYE situation yes they've behaved very unreasonably and it needs sorting out. However if otherwise its a good job and you're happy then think carefully about where you want this to end.

Fourbytwo Tue 11-Dec-12 08:18:12

I would be tempted to 'accidentally' miss the flight home from NY!

I was a nanny for many years and dealt with shits like this too. I hate it when you think you are respected and liked by the parents then they do something which leaves you feeling like lowly servant!

Gigondas Tue 11-Dec-12 08:13:53

Stick to your guns- I am a Mb and am appalled at this.

Are you their first nanny (reference to their dc seems he is young)? If so I can only assume that parents don't understand 1. It's a professional relationship that you should abide by contract 2. The pain and hassle involved for them if you resign (I know it happens but it does involve cost and disruption ).

But don't let your understandable upset lead you into doing anything hasty.

exoticfruits Tue 11-Dec-12 07:57:32

Stand your ground- if they want you to work over NewYear you need your room- if they want your room you can't work. A simple choice for them.

FivesGoldNorks Tue 11-Dec-12 07:50:22

Sorry for typos

FivesGoldNorks Tue 11-Dec-12 07:49:36

Did you ask specifically how they thought you wouldn't ne here when your be working?

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