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How would you handle this situation?

(101 Posts)
MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 22:58:30

I am a live-in nanny and I was told tonight that I can't stay in my room over NYE as the mother of MB would like to sleep in my room. Other guests will stay I am back from NYC on the 30th and have to work on the 31st, so will probably be tired and the last thing I want is to stay at a hotel and pay £££ for it as it is NYE.

This is one of the situations where I really consider moving out and have my own flat. I don't want anybody sleeping in 'my' room, i have all my personal stuff there

AIBU or is MB?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:06:41

She can 'demand' all she likes - she simply has to be told 'No, that is NJE's room. You only live 5 minutes up the room, we'll organise you a taxi or you are welcome to kip on the couch'.

Why why why do people think they can walk all over others to let some demading prat have what they want??

IF your MB had come to me and said 'Could you PLEASE help me out?? Mum is being a royal pain in the arse and wants to stay here on NYE as DH's family are - is there anyway she could possibly use your room? You can have the couch or we'll book you into a hotel' - then I would do it, but I would not be told that she was staying in my room and I'd have to sort myself out.

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:10:15

Get in their bed, see what happens then grin

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 02:15:50

I am so angry I can't even go to sleep. I have been a nanny for nearly six years and although I had some horrible employers I have never been asked to leave so that somebody else could sleep in my room. One of my employers once stayed in her daughters bed so she could give her bed to her friend. Apart from that she was awful though. :-)

I planned to stay with this family until I finish my degree but things like this really just want me to concentrate on my studying and life off my inheritance that was planned for the deposit of my first flat.

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:26:16

I was a nanny for twenty years

I was made redundant a few weeks ago, but I'll never go back to the job again. I often felt like a second class citizen. Sad but true.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 02:28:11

Nannying is not my long-term career. I love the children and usually my employers are great but this is just so out of order!

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:32:29

McPhee - 3 in the bed and the little one said - roll over, roll over... grin

Why can't you buy your first flat now?

Or do a live-out job?

What degree are you doing?

Don't 'fritter' your inheritance on rent/living costs - really don't, you will regret it.

Just stand up for yourself and say 'No, she can't stay in my room. It is my private space (even when I am not here), it is part of my wage package and contract and isn't something that is up for negotiation'. They may even respect you for standing up for yourself and see that you are in fact right.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:33:40

McPhee - have you had any thoughts about what you might do yet?

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:41:06

No I haven't.

I'm not sure if I want to stay within the childcare sector. It's such a thankless job. But then again, I've got so much experience and knowledge, it would be a shame to waste that.

Right at this minute though, I think I'd be happy to 'beep' peoples shopping in Sainsburys blush

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:48:00

The children are rewarding but the parents not so much!

How do you feel about DD going to a childminder or a nursery? I guess that would be the main advantage to doing another few years as a nanny or at a nursery - you woudn't have to leave her. I think it's harder to leave them when you have been in childcare.

Christmascookie Mon 10-Dec-12 03:16:11

Hi everyone,
MissNJE I know it's not fair but do you think your boss may want you to be the bad guy? i.e "If it were up to me mum it would be no problem but missNJE says no?"

GrabYourSparklyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 07:46:45

This makes me really angry. Do not let them turf you out! The only way I would even consider it is if they paid for me to stay in a posh gaff with a spa and a nice dinner by room service. Even then I'd probably take my laptop and spend the time looking for another job.

Or I'd refuse to work on 31st as the only friend I could possibly stay with lives 200 miles away and I need to spend the time travelling. Oh, and I'd need my train fare paid.

I was a Mon - Fri live in nanny and my MB asked if the grandparents could stay in my room one weekend as it was en suite - the last time they stayed in the spare room they woke the baby being in and out to the loo all night. I wasn't thrilled but I wasn't there, so I said as long as the bed was changed, my bathroom cleaned and all traces of them gone by the time I got back it was fine - and they did that.

I did draw the line when my MB asked if she could share my bed as she was having a girls night in (I was invited) and there weren't enough bedrooms - MB was a snorer and though I liked her a lot I didn't want to wake up with her arm wrapped round me. Eek!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 07:48:51

I was not even asked. I told MB today how I felt and all she said was that I am bot fair, her mother is seventy ...

Yes that is true, but you wouldn't think she is that old. So therefore no problem for her to go home.

GrabYourSparklyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 07:54:30

It is not fair. Where does she expect you to go? Stand up to her, please. Ask her what she suggests you do.

SofiaAmes Mon 10-Dec-12 08:00:05

Apart from ethically being out of order. I don't think that legally she can require you to leave. You are a tenant (you receive reduced wages in exchange for a room) and as such you have rights.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 08:00:15

She said I could sleep in the gym. We don't even have a mattress to sleep one at the moment and the last thing after coming back from NYC (overnight plane and I will be jet-lagged) is to work on the 31st and then not be able to have my bed and my room in the evening. I slept three hours last night, I am tired and even more angry this morning.

HSMM Mon 10-Dec-12 08:04:43

Has she told you where she expects you to sleep?

HSMM Mon 10-Dec-12 08:05:28

Sorry. Cross post

megandraper Mon 10-Dec-12 08:08:22

Were you employed through an agency? If sp, speak to the agency and they will speak to the mother for you.

If not - perhaps the Citizens Advice Bureau? It sounds like the mother is in breach of your contract, and could be sued for constructive dismissal or something similar (warning, I am not a lawyer!)

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 08:12:18

Bedhopper
I think that's a bit harsh.

GrabYourSparklyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 08:32:33

Just out of curiosity, if it was a landlord doing that would you think it was a bit harsh?

out of order.

i wouldn't request that of someone and i wouldn't want someone sleeping in my bed. too bad. she'll have to go home.

fuzzpig Mon 10-Dec-12 08:41:38

I think actually seeing a (family?) lawyer wouldn't be a bad idea - it should be simple enough to get the advice you need within the free first half hour?

Surely if you were then able to tell MB "you are in breach of my contract" (or whatever the fancy term is) she will realise just how wrong she is?

I do feel sorry for MB if she has a toxic parent (since you say she doesn't even want her to stay) but she still has to stick to your contract.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Mon 10-Dec-12 09:16:05

If you were away over New Year then whilst you might not be thrilled I wouldn't make a fuss about someone using it for one night. However expecting to turf you out of your room when you are there is very unreasonable.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 09:16:34

Of course I would feel different if my landlord had asked me. But I usually have a good relationship with my employers. I guess the fact that I never expected them to ask me that makes it even worse. I am so angry. I really consider moving out in the new year and only work as a daily nanny. That would add at least another two hours a day of commute and I could really use them to study. My bf lives in Central London, I work and live in Zone 6 (Surrey border) so renting close to work is not an option for me.

SofiaAmes Mon 10-Dec-12 09:33:07

You don't seem to be thinking straight at the moment. If you "move out" you will give them your employers the upper hand as it becomes you and not them who has breached the contract. As it stands now, they are in breach if they require you to leave your room for the night. Are you expecting your wages to be raised if you are no longer living there? There is nothing harsh about what bedhopper has suggested. The only "harshness" is from your employer in their expectation that you are to move out for a night.

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