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Is my aupair lazy or is it me !!

(57 Posts)
Newtothisstuff Sun 09-Dec-12 19:29:54

I'm currently on week 3 of a trial before our aupair starts properly in January (when I go back to work)
She is turning into the complete opposite of what she assured us she was.
She said she was a confident driver (the main part of her job is to do the school run) she has only driven once and that was around the housing area we live an refused to go on the main road, even with my husband instructing.
She hasn't got out of bed until 8.30 every morning and doesn't get dressed until 11.00 I've tried dropping hints that I have to leave at 7.30am when I'm back at work and that she should come on the school run but she says its too cold.
She's also so untidy. She doesn't do the tiny bit of cleaning that was expected (emptying dishwasher, loading washer/dryer), that's not too much of a big deal tbh but I don't want to have to clean up after her constantly like I am doing. I have 2 kids and have enough cleaning up after them !!
She also keeps disappearing out with her friends, during the day, she will have some time off during the week as my DH works shifts but maybe only 1-2 days plus evenings and weekends, so far out of the 2 weeks she's been here, she's probably disappeared 10 of the 14 days.
Am I being totally out of order expecting her to at least follow the schedule a little bit even tho I'm not back at work yet ??

AlcoPop Wed 12-Dec-12 23:51:38

Sounds like you need a new AP and cut your losses with this one. sad
We got all but one of our eight APs through aupair-world.net

As you've found it's all about laying out the expected routine in infinite detail from first or second contact.
Be bold. There are many candidates but the one you commit to will have to be right from the start.

Given the short notice you may have to concede on something like duration; the January girl may only be for a few months and so you'll be looking pretty much straight away.

We've done this when one girl was stopped from coming by her Mum at the airport sad

Best of luck.

BRANdishingMistletoe Wed 12-Dec-12 23:30:52

My current au pair is male and he's great (although not a great cook). I liked my previous au pair better and she was female, but I'm not sure that was particularly gender related, more that she and I are both quite geeky and current au pair isn't. The DC (1 boy, 1 girl) don't seem to care which gender the au pair is, they love both the current and previous one, although I think DS does slightly prefer a male. Perhaps if you only have DD's they might prefer a woman. I was more focused focused on getting someone sporty and easy-going to suit the DC's personality than on gender.

I do think with men that because it's a bit harder for them to get a position as an au pair that it's more likely that they really want to do it and enjoy spending time with kids, rather than thinking of it as an easy option as some women might.

I always look for someone who has lived away from home and who has done something with kids other than babysitting for friends/relatives. My first au pair had worked as a swimming teacher and my current had worked in summer camps.

blueshoes Wed 12-Dec-12 21:59:16

I have had aupair emergencies before and am generally able to hire aupairs from aupairworld within 2-3 weeks from the start of looking to them arriving. 14 Jan is do-able. I would start now.

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 21:41:35

I've never really thought about a Male ? Have you any experience ? Not sure about one with 2 girls.. I've just re opened my aupair world account !! How do I go about telling my current one the deal ? Or do I wait until she's gone and chicken out and email.. Unless she tells me first hmm

BRANdishingMistletoe Wed 12-Dec-12 20:20:43

I've had a quick look at GreatAuPair, which is where I recruited my current au pair, and there are some likely people available from Jan. There are a few graduates on there who want to improve their English. I quite like graduates, they can get out of bed regularly enough to pass exams, plus they have a focus because they need to learn English to get a proper job, they're not just drifting along looking for free accomodation and an easy life.

Would you consider a male au pair?

If you shortlist now and fire off introductory emails and a job description straight-away you could be Skype interviewing by the end of next week.

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 12-Dec-12 20:14:01

Whereabouts are you OP? Could find an au pair through word of mouth? One that's already here.

JustFabulous Wed 12-Dec-12 19:57:24

It is your decision whether she does..

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 19:54:08

She goes home Sunday anyway. But she was supposed to come back in January

JustFabulous Wed 12-Dec-12 19:42:42

So when are you telling her to pack?

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 19:34:01

Au pair world !! 3 months of chatting to her discussing everything she would ever need to know! It's like she's a whole different person
I have no choice. Have to go back on the 14th.. This is no fun !

BRANdishingMistletoe Wed 12-Dec-12 19:18:04

It is a bit tight to find someone between now and 14th January unfortunately. How did you recruit this au pair? If you found her through an agency will they help you find another one?

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 17:28:52

She's from Spain Fedup

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 17:25:39

I think your all right.. Had "the chat" said that we would do a trial day (so like I'd be back at work) she got up half an hour after we had agreed, spent 25 minutes in the bathroom, did the school run with my husband but wouldn't get out of the car because it was too cold shock
I've got a feeling she's not interested in coming back in January because surely she would be making an effort ?
Personally I think she's got a pretty good deal with us. But hey
Now leaves me with finding a new one before I go back to work on the 14th Jan hmm

I've had about 8 APs, and the first 5 were drivers. We drove with them until they were confident...and it wasn't optional!!! If she hasn't started over the past couple of weeks, what is the plan re school run?

We have a schedule - yes it is flexible, eg when I work from home on a Friday, but this girl isn't interested / isn't trying AT ALL!

Cut losses and get rid is my view.

Where did she come from by the way?

blueshoes Mon 10-Dec-12 21:08:05

Save yourself some trouble. Get.Rid.Now.

She cannot do the school run. Game over. That is not even going into the other issues which are also in themselves deal breakers.

Firefox Mon 10-Dec-12 20:16:05

A trial for 3 weeks is quite long. Usually you can tell if an AP will fit in within the first week! I'm not sure why she/you would need a 3 week trial to learn the ropes. It sounds as if she has rail-roaded you into what suits her!

Have you had your chat with her yet NewToThis? Your pay, duties and hours sound reasonable to me and fairly standard. I would give her a specific deadline in which to improve - preferably by Friday. As others suggested, give her a specific list of tasks and a timetable. It sounds as if she may have got confused over what was expected to her during this trial period, and together with your shift patterns this has made it more difficult for her.

That said, it really doesn't sound very good. Babygirafffe's list is quite shocking. In my experience, any APs that need THE CHAT sadly don't really improve that much.

ASk yourself if you really need her to stay much longer and start looking now for another AP. There are some fantastic APs out there.

JustFabulous Mon 10-Dec-12 09:55:21

Get yourself some balls and tell her exactly what is expected of her. Then ask her if she thinks she can do it because if not she can say so now and she is welcome to return home. Then proceed as necessary.

Rugbycomet Mon 10-Dec-12 07:49:55

newtothis. I think you are flogging a dead horse!!

Newtothisstuff Mon 10-Dec-12 07:35:48

A few days before she came she asked me to schedule her day and email it to her which i did, I did explain that it would be different because I'm not actually back at work yet.. I'm going to sit down tonight and go through it again

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 10-Dec-12 02:58:49

Here's what I remember, the OP has been 'dropping hints' that she should get up earlier/get dressed earlier/come on the school run and the au pair doesn't speak English very well.

OP are you 'dropping hints' in her native language?

Are we sure she actually knows what she is supposed to be doing?

Newtothisstuff Mon 10-Dec-12 02:43:29

That thought had crossed my mind Baby hmm

BabyGiraffes Sun 09-Dec-12 23:36:38

Ok, so without scrolling back here's what I remember about your au pair

She lied about being a confident driver
She refused to practise driving to get confident
She's gone off doing whatever on 10 out of 14 days
She refuses to get up in he morning
She refused to come along on the school run because it's too cold
She doesn't get dressed until 11ish
She is untidy
She does no housework even minor such as loading dishwasher
She refuses to stick to mealtimes
She eats by herself at 10pm and does not clear up after herself
She makes no effort to integrate into the family at all

This is not going to end well. She's enjoying a paid for holiday at your expense. Is she going home for Christmas? I don't think you'll see her again, she's had her nice time.

BRANdishingMistletoe Sun 09-Dec-12 23:33:35

I really think you should reconsider having her back in January. The driving thing would worry me, if she's very nervous then her instincts might take over and, if they drive on the other side in her country, then she might automatically pull onto the wrong side of the road and cause an accident.

Not tidying up after herself will NOT magically get better, neither will not adapting to your family's routine if she's not even trying. My au pair was not used to eating so early in the evening, but he did his best to eat with us and had a sandwich later if he was hungry and after a week or so he had adjusted.

TheNameisNOTZiggy Sun 09-Dec-12 23:27:46

Sounds like a holiday to me, rather than a trial. Or is it the family on trial?
I would sack her and find another aupair that really wants the job.

LittleFrieda Sun 09-Dec-12 23:21:43

Mousy grin The au pair sounds as though she's treating this as a long free holiday.

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