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Is my aupair lazy or is it me !!

(57 Posts)
Newtothisstuff Sun 09-Dec-12 19:29:54

I'm currently on week 3 of a trial before our aupair starts properly in January (when I go back to work)
She is turning into the complete opposite of what she assured us she was.
She said she was a confident driver (the main part of her job is to do the school run) she has only driven once and that was around the housing area we live an refused to go on the main road, even with my husband instructing.
She hasn't got out of bed until 8.30 every morning and doesn't get dressed until 11.00 I've tried dropping hints that I have to leave at 7.30am when I'm back at work and that she should come on the school run but she says its too cold.
She's also so untidy. She doesn't do the tiny bit of cleaning that was expected (emptying dishwasher, loading washer/dryer), that's not too much of a big deal tbh but I don't want to have to clean up after her constantly like I am doing. I have 2 kids and have enough cleaning up after them !!
She also keeps disappearing out with her friends, during the day, she will have some time off during the week as my DH works shifts but maybe only 1-2 days plus evenings and weekends, so far out of the 2 weeks she's been here, she's probably disappeared 10 of the 14 days.
Am I being totally out of order expecting her to at least follow the schedule a little bit even tho I'm not back at work yet ??

I'd say forget the hoovering but be very very clear that she must tidy up after herself and when watching the kids she must tidy up after them!

Spero Sun 09-Dec-12 23:03:52

No, that sounds ok but for me 'running the hoover' is a major military operation as I have to clear the floor first!

Just write down what you want her to do, when you want it done and how you want it done. So if she doesn't do it, you know you have a problem.

But at the moment it could be that she just doesn't understand what you want.

MousyMouse Sun 09-Dec-12 23:05:44

no, I don't think it would be overload.
tbh when I was an au pair (some 15 years ago in the us) I did 45 hours per week and all childcare related housework (cooking, cleaning the kitchen after cooking, tidying the play room, laundry, school run, homework, playdates, dr apps). so your request sounds reasonable to me.

I was terrified at the beginning, the car was so much bigget than anything I had driven before, my english was rubbish (school english just doesn't prepare you for the real world). took my a couple of weeks to adjust and then I was on my own. all day long.

LittleFrieda Sun 09-Dec-12 23:08:57

What are you feeding her? Is she crated at night?

Newtothisstuff Sun 09-Dec-12 23:10:09

Wow Mousy that sounds a lot.. She's met some aupairs here and I think by the sound of things she does have it easyish with us... Wish me luck for this week. She's a lovely girl wouldn't want her to leave

MousyMouse Sun 09-Dec-12 23:11:10

lol frida. should that be in the doghouse?

Viviennemary Sun 09-Dec-12 23:17:51

I don't think this is going to work out somehow but that's only my opinion. Most people would at least try and give a good impression to start off with and that doesn't mean not gettng dressed till 11.00 am. It's a bit hopeless if she's already showing to be untidy.

I think you should have given her a schedule of what she is expected to do. Eating after 10 pm. No. She fits in with your times. I thought the whole point of an au pair was to make things easier and less stressful. She seems to be making things worse. Call it a day would be my advice. Or give her one more chance with a printed list of duties.

LittleFrieda Sun 09-Dec-12 23:21:43

Mousy grin The au pair sounds as though she's treating this as a long free holiday.

TheNameisNOTZiggy Sun 09-Dec-12 23:27:46

Sounds like a holiday to me, rather than a trial. Or is it the family on trial?
I would sack her and find another aupair that really wants the job.

BRANdishingMistletoe Sun 09-Dec-12 23:33:35

I really think you should reconsider having her back in January. The driving thing would worry me, if she's very nervous then her instincts might take over and, if they drive on the other side in her country, then she might automatically pull onto the wrong side of the road and cause an accident.

Not tidying up after herself will NOT magically get better, neither will not adapting to your family's routine if she's not even trying. My au pair was not used to eating so early in the evening, but he did his best to eat with us and had a sandwich later if he was hungry and after a week or so he had adjusted.

BabyGiraffes Sun 09-Dec-12 23:36:38

Ok, so without scrolling back here's what I remember about your au pair

She lied about being a confident driver
She refused to practise driving to get confident
She's gone off doing whatever on 10 out of 14 days
She refuses to get up in he morning
She refused to come along on the school run because it's too cold
She doesn't get dressed until 11ish
She is untidy
She does no housework even minor such as loading dishwasher
She refuses to stick to mealtimes
She eats by herself at 10pm and does not clear up after herself
She makes no effort to integrate into the family at all

This is not going to end well. She's enjoying a paid for holiday at your expense. Is she going home for Christmas? I don't think you'll see her again, she's had her nice time.

Newtothisstuff Mon 10-Dec-12 02:43:29

That thought had crossed my mind Baby hmm

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 10-Dec-12 02:58:49

Here's what I remember, the OP has been 'dropping hints' that she should get up earlier/get dressed earlier/come on the school run and the au pair doesn't speak English very well.

OP are you 'dropping hints' in her native language?

Are we sure she actually knows what she is supposed to be doing?

Newtothisstuff Mon 10-Dec-12 07:35:48

A few days before she came she asked me to schedule her day and email it to her which i did, I did explain that it would be different because I'm not actually back at work yet.. I'm going to sit down tonight and go through it again

Rugbycomet Mon 10-Dec-12 07:49:55

newtothis. I think you are flogging a dead horse!!

JustFabulous Mon 10-Dec-12 09:55:21

Get yourself some balls and tell her exactly what is expected of her. Then ask her if she thinks she can do it because if not she can say so now and she is welcome to return home. Then proceed as necessary.

Firefox Mon 10-Dec-12 20:16:05

A trial for 3 weeks is quite long. Usually you can tell if an AP will fit in within the first week! I'm not sure why she/you would need a 3 week trial to learn the ropes. It sounds as if she has rail-roaded you into what suits her!

Have you had your chat with her yet NewToThis? Your pay, duties and hours sound reasonable to me and fairly standard. I would give her a specific deadline in which to improve - preferably by Friday. As others suggested, give her a specific list of tasks and a timetable. It sounds as if she may have got confused over what was expected to her during this trial period, and together with your shift patterns this has made it more difficult for her.

That said, it really doesn't sound very good. Babygirafffe's list is quite shocking. In my experience, any APs that need THE CHAT sadly don't really improve that much.

ASk yourself if you really need her to stay much longer and start looking now for another AP. There are some fantastic APs out there.

blueshoes Mon 10-Dec-12 21:08:05

Save yourself some trouble. Get.Rid.Now.

She cannot do the school run. Game over. That is not even going into the other issues which are also in themselves deal breakers.

I've had about 8 APs, and the first 5 were drivers. We drove with them until they were confident...and it wasn't optional!!! If she hasn't started over the past couple of weeks, what is the plan re school run?

We have a schedule - yes it is flexible, eg when I work from home on a Friday, but this girl isn't interested / isn't trying AT ALL!

Cut losses and get rid is my view.

Where did she come from by the way?

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 17:25:39

I think your all right.. Had "the chat" said that we would do a trial day (so like I'd be back at work) she got up half an hour after we had agreed, spent 25 minutes in the bathroom, did the school run with my husband but wouldn't get out of the car because it was too cold shock
I've got a feeling she's not interested in coming back in January because surely she would be making an effort ?
Personally I think she's got a pretty good deal with us. But hey
Now leaves me with finding a new one before I go back to work on the 14th Jan hmm

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 17:28:52

She's from Spain Fedup

BRANdishingMistletoe Wed 12-Dec-12 19:18:04

It is a bit tight to find someone between now and 14th January unfortunately. How did you recruit this au pair? If you found her through an agency will they help you find another one?

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 19:34:01

Au pair world !! 3 months of chatting to her discussing everything she would ever need to know! It's like she's a whole different person
I have no choice. Have to go back on the 14th.. This is no fun !

JustFabulous Wed 12-Dec-12 19:42:42

So when are you telling her to pack?

Newtothisstuff Wed 12-Dec-12 19:54:08

She goes home Sunday anyway. But she was supposed to come back in January

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