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Anybody out there use DM for childcare? Advice please.

(28 Posts)
andapartridgeinaRowantree Fri 07-Dec-12 00:37:04

Hi. I'm going back to work part time when DD is six months and then full time at nine months and I'm lucky enough that this coincides with my Mum-a teacher-retirement.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice about the benefits and pitfalls of care by a parent. What did you arrange in terms of money,for example? Mam says she won't take anything but I don't want her to be out of pocket!

Any other things we should think about discussing beforehand? Any probles you've faced and wish you'd discussed a plan of action beforehand?

Thanks so much!

DowagersHump Fri 07-Dec-12 22:07:43

I think it entirely depends on the relationship you have with your mum. My mum absolutely respected my parental decisions and never did anything contrary to my wishes. I have the list I gave my mum when I first went back to work which is cringeworthy but very funny (although not intentionally). Thankfully my mother was kind enough to nod at it all seriously and not point and laugh at me grin

Apart from my PFBitis, it worked really well and she and my DS (who is now at school) still have a very loving and close relationship.

I have other friends whose parents haven't respected their parenting decisions and have totally ignored them and that has led to enormous friction.

MaryPoppinsBag Sat 08-Dec-12 12:41:46

Just thought of another thing to add.
Due to my Mum saying no to having my 2nd I feel very reluctant to ask her to babysit much now.
It's an awkward situation.
And I feel my sons relationship is very different with my parents to the one they have with my IL's. My IL's love to have them although they have retired and come and picked them up because they are bored!

I have accepted my parents have a life and jobs of their own etc. But I do sometimes wish they had a closer relationship with them. And I wonder at what point it went wrong - my Mum used to love coming to see DS1 when he was small. Now it's like they cannot be bothered!

With hindsight I'd have used a childminder from the start as it would have set the precedent, and would've made it easier for me to return to work outside the home after DS2 as I wouldn't have had to rely on someone else.

Lovemarmalade Sun 09-Dec-12 09:00:52

Marypoppins i think the novelty wears off, it did for my mum and she only ever looks after DS for a few hours a week... When he was a baby she couldn't get enough of him and begged to look after him, now he has hit the terrible 2s she isn't so keen, wants him dropped off as late as possible and picked as early as poss. I dont feel comfortable asking her to babysit now either as it feels like she doesnt enjoy spending time with DS anymore hmm

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