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Advice needed - CM with unexpected BFP

(21 Posts)
shockedminder Sun 14-Oct-12 13:33:10

Hi all

I'm a regular who's name changed for obvious reasons.

On Friday I found out I'm pregnant and to say it was a massive shock is an understatement!!! We'd decided ages ago that our family was complete and so I was in a bit of a state when I first found out. Anyway, although we don't have room for another one, we can't afford it, it's the worst possible timing and many other things, I'm trying to make myself pleased about it as there's not a lot we can do is there smile

So I'm after a bit of advice please (I'm thinking these things through but due to the shock I'm struggling to think straight so need a bit of help!)....

1) I have just agreed to a new starter who is due to start with me at the end of next week. It's only a very small number of hours per week and I am supposed to be writing up a contract which they will sign when they arrive for their first day. Do I still go ahead or do you think I should explain to them and let them decide what they want to do? It's very early days but I'm unsure on dates and therefore am seeing the midwife on Thursday who may arrange a dating scan so I wouldn't be able to give this person proper details, just that this is the situation.

2) I took on several new starters last month and most are settling in very nicely. One has asked for an extra day a week and just emailed saying how happy they are with my service and how their lo adores coming and therefore they'd like to take the extra place before someone else takes it. I really don't like the idea of telling people before the 12 weeks scan at least but should I be saying anything at this stage as they've been with me such a short time?

3) I WAS planning on giving next year's holiday dates to parents shortly but now I'm going to hold off until I've at least seen the midwife on Thursday. If she sends me for a scan soon then I'll hold off, if I've got to wait a while then I'm not quite sure whether there's any point in providing dates as they'd change. Do you reckon I should just tell people I'll provide them by the end of November? That's still plenty of notice isn't it?

4) Anyone here know what the current MA amount is? I can't remember what it was when I last went through this?

That's about it really. Apart from I'd love to hear from anyone who had a shock and thought it was all going to be awful but it all turned out fine wink

GrimAndHumourless Sun 14-Oct-12 13:55:32

oh my goodness, what a shock!

ok wrt MA, have you been paying your class II NICs? These are billed separately to Tax. big blah blah blurb here about qualifying conditions for MA MA is £135.45 pw at the mo

I wouldn't day anything to any of your parents at the mo; issuing hol dates for next year in Nov this year is V reasonable, no need to panic yet about issuing the dates.

Sit tight til you have more info about your pg, no one need know anything til you feel you want to share

good luck

I would keep quiet until you have dating scans etc and have got your own head around it all.

Sometimes things are meant to be and yes not great timing but you will find a way around it - congratualtions - i think!

shockedminder Sun 14-Oct-12 14:44:21

Thanks to you both smile

GrimAndHumourless - yes, huge shock, thought dh would hit the roof (a lot older and definitely didn't want more) but he's surprised me and actually helped me deal with it better. Thanks for the link, yes I pay NI and have done for years so will be entitled smile Thanks for reassuring me that it's ok to sit tight for now. This is what I want to do but I always have that guilt thing kick in, had this last time I had to tell parents I was pg (but that was planned and a LONG time ago plus no new mindees!).

eastmidlandsnightnanny - I'm a firm believer in what's meant to be is meant to be, just didn't plan on this being planned for us!!! shock But if our circumstances were a LOT different, I'd have been delighted. Sure will be ok, just scared at the moment as so unexpected.

Right, I'm going to go ahead with my new starter then and will see midwife on Thursday and take it from there!

Thanks, just needed other people to help me see that it IS ok to just leave things for now and not feel bad about it.

HSMM Sun 14-Oct-12 15:00:34

If wait until you have got used to the idea yourself and had dating scan before telling anyone. You have not set out to deceive anyone and I'm sure you'll do your best to make sure everyone's ok when you do let them know.

HSMM Sun 14-Oct-12 15:01:01

I'd not if

HSMM Sun 14-Oct-12 15:02:28

And my DD was a huge shock, but we still love her 13 yrs on smile

shockedminder Sun 14-Oct-12 15:10:50

HSMM - thanks, I much prefer this idea, especially as I don't want to break the news to my other children until then (it will be a big shock!!). Somehow we'll work this, just can't believe it (although I've gone past the crying my heart out stage and am starting to get used to the idea).

januarysnowdrop Sun 14-Oct-12 19:35:03

I would definitely hold off announcing it for now - after all, if you did tell them & they all started looking for alternative childcare and then you had a miscarriage, you might find yourself losing mindees as the parents might assume that you'd immediately start trying to get pregnant again.

As HSMM says, you haven't done anything wrong, you haven't taken on any new mindees under false pretences & this could happen to anyone. And if you tell them after the dating scan, they'll have the best part of 6 months to arrange alternative care, which should be more than enough.

It'll be lovely! Babies are great. Good to hear your dh is happy about it. Best of luck!!

shockedminder Sun 14-Oct-12 22:15:02

Yes you're right and I wouldn't want people to assume that as we wouldn't try again if that happened (although I hope it doesn't happen. I didn't want this and I'm still in shock and really really worried, but I'd never want that to happen, it's still a life and I've been there before!). I wasn't concerned about the notice they'd get, more that they may feel that they'd just got their little ones settled and then had to change things but I didn't plan this and when I went through this last time, they all stayed with me and just found cover for 12 weeks (although not expecting that this time and somehow I want to work it so I can take longer off if possible as I don't think going back so early was such a good idea for my ds2).

As for DH, I wouldn't exactly say he was happy! LOL He just knows that I couldn't ever do anything other than go ahead with it and didn't want me being in a state about something I had no control about (although we're both extremely worried about it all and don't know how on earth we'll fit this other one in!!). Oh well, each time I get one to start school, I end up with another one on the way! grin

looneytune Sat 10-Nov-12 00:05:22

Just wanted to come back again and thank those who replied, I can now out myself as had my scan today and have contacted parents of all 13 mindees to explain! Can't believe how lovely they have all been, especially those who only started with me in the last month or so! smile Feel much better now it's all out in the open (I really wanted to be able to tell my youngest!) and looks like I didn't have to worry after all.

GrimAndHumourless Sat 10-Nov-12 00:09:09

oh love, how exciting

<squeeeeee>

when is your baby due?

looneytune Sat 10-Nov-12 00:15:53

I'm so excited now, I never expected to feel like this but to see it's little heartbeat today, even though only 2cms, so lovely! I'm due on 17th June (my dad's birthday and 2 days before my youngest's 5th birthday!). I wouldn't normally have told them so soon but a) I wanted to tell my ds2 as both dss have been asking me to have another baby recently (isn't that funny!!) and b) although it's not a proper bump as such, I am suddenly sticking out so was getting a bit obvious (plus with me really not feeling well, I think people were starting to wonder why I looked so rough lol). Anyway, for other reasons linked to ds2 and problems he's been having (as well as being with S & L for half his life he's now been seen by paediatrician and CAMHS), I'm looking at winding the business down anyway so decided if anyone does decide to leave then that may not be such a bad thing.

I've been on a right high today which I would never have thought 4 weeks ago when I found out!!! grin

bigpaws Sat 10-Nov-12 07:15:28

Congrats Looney. Sometimes these things happen for a reason! wink

GrimAndHumourless Sat 10-Nov-12 07:19:25

awwwwwwww a summer baby, how lovely

do keep us posted with updates and whatnot

looneytune Sat 10-Nov-12 09:04:08

bigpaws - I also believe things happen for a reason smile

GrimAndHumourless - yes smile Just can't believe it's so close to ds2's 5th birthday as we talked about him having a party (not had one before and ds1 got one on his 5th birthday - I was 7 months pg with ds2 at the time). Think we'll have to make the bday party a few weeks before and do something that's easy and doesn't involve us clearing up/hoovering etc. at the end like the last time!

HSMM Sat 10-Nov-12 09:20:47

Congratulations. Just let me know if there's anything I can do.

looneytune Sat 10-Nov-12 09:22:25

Thanks smile I've just remembered I need to give you that signed copy of the thing I did, please do remind me and I'll bring to group on Wed if you're going smile

minderjinx Sun 11-Nov-12 07:51:44

Congratulations Looney. I'm glad you're now excited about the new baby. It takes a bit to sink in when it's out of the blue, but how lovely.

ChildrenAtHeart Sun 11-Nov-12 12:41:37

Huge congratulations Looney. My DD was a total shock too but I wouldn't be without her grin)

looneytune Sun 11-Nov-12 12:48:13

Thanks, yes very excited and so are my boys smile Don't think I'll be able to go back to childminding after this one though as we're going to have to drastically change things in our house and therefore there would no longer be the playroom available. Anyway, what will be will be, to be honest I think for ds2's sake I need to stop the minding anyway and this is kind of forcing me into it!

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