Mumsnet Talk

At 3 months old :

1) is it too young to leave my baby?
2) if I did, would it better in a nursery or with a child minder?
3) what should I expect from them?

It would possibly be for 1 day & one half day per week.

Any ideas welcomed as I'm so lost looking on the internet.

(ps: I'm not due until June, just trying to work out finances/leave etc...).

1) Only you can answer that. I wouldn't personally, but if you want to/need to go back to work then your child will be fine. They settle easier at this age than then they're older and more aware of what's going on.

2) Another one that is personal opinion, but I would always always go for a nanny or chilminder with a child under 2. Lots of people use nurseries for babies, both have their strengths and weaknesses.

3) What do you want from them?

1 full day/ 1 half day isn't very much and would be more difficult for baby to get settled in a routine, if you could do it then 3 half days may be better?

Childminder. Babies and v young children benefit most from forming strong attachments to an individual carer. Nurseries have keyworker systems, but often the baby will not necessarily be always cared for by the same person due to leave, illness etc.

Whether it is too young or not depends on the reasons you have for wanting to do it. If you need to work for example, then you need to, end of.

Difficult to specify exacttly what to expect. I would want someone I felt I could trust, who had a natural warmth with babies and young children, who had a clean and appropriately kitted out home. Also someone who I felt would listen to my requests, care for my baby ina similar way to me and communicate well with me. I would probably be interested to know about their daytime routines and which other children they care for.

Your local council may have info on childcare locally, that's where I got a list with contact details of childminders from.

They settle easier the youngr they are.DD started at 4 monthsand Im due in 8 weeks and this DD will start at 5/6 months. I am going to pay for sessions early so when I start back at 8 months she wont cry.8/9 months is the worst time so I definitely want her in earlier

If you have to, you have to.

Unless you can find a nursery that is exceptionally well adapted to caring for babies (most aren't), find a good childminder.

I will also add I prefer nurseries to childminders but I am lucky as I know somevery good nurseries so all depends on your area.

I personally think a good nursery with a good small baby room is vastly better than a CM. For your own peace of mind that if CM sick/on holiday there's always care and because I think having 3-4 babies with 2 adults and everythign revolving around them is better than the potential bedlam of lots of older kids and a distracted CM. That said if you find a good cM that's probably the best of all but I never found one even half as good as the baby room at DD's nursery

I would prefer a childminder personally as it's always the same person and they can really bond which I think is very important for a baby. However the best way is to go with your instinct: go and look round several nurseries, interview several childminders. You will know when you have found the right place for your baby, go with your gut! If it doesn't feel right it probably wont be right. I have done this three times now and it's always taken a few interviews / visits to find the right person. I have ended up going for CM on the other side of town and not going with two within walking distance because I wanted to feel comfortable that my baby was being well cared for. This was definitely the right thing to do. And I wouldn't do the interviews/visits until after you've had your baby, you need to see the interaction.

Totally agree with sleep. Mine went at 4 months and the other 5/6 months.

I much preferred the idea a number of adults rather than relying on one person. They had a keyworker scheme at the DSs' nursery which did work really well. It was a good nursery with low staff turnover (something to look out for) Childminders will also have older children esp. toddlers who are much more demanding of attention than a baby.

Obviously it's down to personal choice but I would prefer a good nursery over a childminder any day.

Having worked in nurseries I would go for a childminder. You will get much better care at a childminders.

You cant say that about all nurseries redglow same as you cant say it about childminders. It all depends

Oh - thank you everyone for all your advice -
It's such a mindfield. I was hoping not to have to go back to work for at least 6 months, just wanted advice if i have to do this beforehand
(which may need to happen ).

Initially I thought a CM was a best option as it would be smaller group & would be a bit more personal & good for my baby to bond with them etc... but forgot they could also look after older children too & I'd not even thought about what would happen if CM was ill etc...?????? doh !!!!

As for Nurseries, do they vary on how many small babies they have? It would be horrible if there were lots & not much cuddle & 1-1 / care time with someone .

What it seems like is that it really is a personal choice. I'm just not sure which would suit us best .... I have a while to think about it & look into.

Thanks again everyone...

No suppose there might be the odd good one, I have temped in quite a few and they were not great. You do go a high turnover of staff in a nursery though. Al

In my nursery they are in slings a lot with key worker so get a lot of time having hugs and cuddles. I wouldnt put them in one of those nurseries with rows of cots and you want them looking after only a very small amount of babies.

Molly how many nursery nurses do you have to babies?

True that you can't say all childminders are better than all nurseries, but I will say my strong dislike of nurseries comes from working in them, same as redglow, just a different perspective from a parent using one.

Pixiewitch your best option would be a nanny if you can afford one. If a nanny is too pricey maybe look into nannyshares, these can be the ideal solution (not for everyone, but they can be fantastic)

Again depends on thrsery redglow our place most members of staff have been there since it opened. I have done 3 years there and hope to be there until retirement if they will let me.

The last nursery they hadnt had a new member of staff in 16 years, which I did placement at and no positions ever cam up. ll staff had been there since there own children had attended there when they werelittle.

usually 1 worker to 1 or 2 babies

Yes I've seen some shocking practice from local childminders; we used a local nursery (with a very low staff turnover figure) and were pleased with it. So, be wary of sweeping generalisations.

Research is the key. Do you know other mums? Personal recommendations (or advice of places to avoid) are really helpful.

No What is your ratio adults to babies?

Sorry cross posts wow never heard of a nursery providing a one to one ever.

1 adult to 1 to 2 babies. We dont do 1:3 . 3 is way too many babies imo and I dont agree with it.

Perhaps surprisingly, given what I wrote above, I actually chose a small family-like nursery for Dc1. I was concerned about trusting one person and felt a nursery gave more security than one person alone who I couldn't monitor (not sure I've explained that well!). I was also concerned about someone taking my place . We were very happy with it. However, if back then I knew what I know now about baby and child attachment and development I would have chosen differently and sought out home-based care. I now realise a child's primary carer is not replaced, but they can form a strong and beneficial attachment to a secondary carer. I am not saying this can't happen in a nursery either .

I agree that not all childminders (or nannies) are good. I would be extremely fussy and think that is a good thing. I also agree that a really good nursery may well be better than several rubbish childminders or nannies. However, if I were choosing for an under 1 now, I would search out an excellent childminder, or if I could afford it a nanny. I don't think being alongside toddlers is necessarily a problem, but perhaps that is because I am a parent of 3DCs, so my youngest 2 have always been alongside toddlers and I've lived through what that's like. You prioritise the baby's safety and needs, although there is always an element of juggling. I would look for someone I felt I could trust to do this too .

I think a childminder is best. DS was in a nursery at 3 mo (different country, rubbish mat leave), they are great but with a ratio of one carer to 4 babies he spends quite a bit of time in a bouncer or swing. They do a great job of spreading their time between the babies but there's only so much they can do. A childminder would probably only have a couple of babies plus some extra kids after school. I couldn't find a childminder I was happy with, don't think they are very well regulated here - but if someone recommended me one I would switch him over in a second.

Are you in a massive nursery. I have worked in several and DDs last nursery had 3 members of staff and could only take 6 babies by ofsted. Current one is in mixed age room and it is no more babies than 9 never had that many in there ever though. Usually if it is under 1 year its 1:1 or 1:2 and then over a year we would do 1:3. We have lots of staff though and qualified teachers and students so its easier to do.