Poll-Your Mum at the birth?(276 Posts)
For those with DH's - did you have/would you have your Mum at the birth of your first child?
No didn't need to. But if dh wasn't going to be there she would be next on my list.
Nope, just had DP, i am close to my mum but in all honesty i think she would get on my nerves. Although we used hypnobirthing so we are quite clear on what we want/need.
No but I don't speak to my mum, if dh has to be with the other 2 dc this time I'll just stay on my own until he gets there.
It was mine and DP's child, it was our special time together.
Nope, wouldn't have wanted her there even if she lived near by and for some strange reason DP couldn't/didn't want to be there. Was going to have him and my DNan but ended up having DP and MIL
As well as husband? No.
In preference to husband? No.
In preference to random stranger? No.
No. I'm extremely close to my mum but it was (with the benefit of hindsight too) a time for just DH & I. She would have been my second choice though! Although with dc2 I did most of it at home & she dropped us to hosp (dc arrived 30mins later). I found her a bit panicky so prob best she wasn't there the whole time!
I did, dp is known to faint in scary situations and the sight of blood so he asked if my mum could be there just in case he fainted, he didn't he was an amazing support. It all got a bit scary at the end and lots of people were in the room, he was able to look after the baby while my mum stayed with me.
No. She lived 300 miles away for a start .
Both. My do was in the hospital with me from 7 am. Then right at the end 7pm, my mum joined us just in time to see ds born. Was a great balance for us. My do and I talked it through, swell as with my DM and agreed that this was the way that would work best for us. Was lovely
No I didn't and wouldn't have done. Would probably have preferred to be on my own if DH hadn't been there.
I had both went in at 6am with DH Then Mum came about 12 DH went home and came back about an hour later and both stayed until ds was born then mum went and left me & DH with our new baby was brilliant and had both again the second time too!
I was quite young when I had my first dc and my mum just assumed she would be there. I didn't feel like I could argue.
With dc3 she again assumed and I wouldn't take no for an answer.
MIL was also making noises about coming to the hospital to wait.
I went in about 10.30pm and phoned my mum to tell her mil had been drinking so couldn't babysit.
Managed to sneak out of the house (mil next door neighbour) without being seen.
Finally got to have a baby in peace!
Yes, I had DH and my Mum at the birth of all 3 of my DC. I needed DH there for emotional support (and he wanted to be there) but he's not the most assertive chap - Mum's a lot more practical and having her there made me feel safe. I knew she'd back me up if I needed it, or chivvy me along when I flagged. It worked for us but I don't expect it'll work for everyone.
I was the mum at the birth
Very surprised to be asked (and in my day you were on your own, not even DH was allowed in) but it was one of the most amazing, emotional experiences of my life!
On the way home afterwards I thanked son in law for inviting me to be part of it but he just said it was what DD1 had wanted and that was the most important thing for him ...aww! They are having another next month but I'm on call for babysitting duties this time.
No way - can't imagine DH wanting his MIL there (I certainly wouldn't have wanted my MIL), it was our special time together, we were adults in our thirties so really didn't need or want another adult there, and my DM lived 120 miles away. Oh dear god no!!
I had dp and mum with me both times, I'm a big mummys girl lol and after my first birth when I was 18 I ended up in intensive care I was so glad my mum was there, so as I'd a big chance of same happening the second time round when I was 20 I wanted her there again, she can calm me down more then dp can. I have 6+5 weeks left with ds3 now and I've said I want them both there again, but it might just end up been dp. Although my mum stays at the top end and does not wonder down to look, I made that one clear lol.
I did, dc1 I had my mum dp and mil (plus 2 midwives, student MW, paediatrics Dr, scbu nurse and obstetrician)
Dc2 mum and dp
Dc3 just dp mum was looking after the other 2 dc
Oh had a full on fall out with my mother over this.) she is so put out that i don't want her there when I'm in labour she has booked a cruise for the whole month I'm due.
Haven't had her at the birth of my others.
My dd wants me to be with her when she has her 1st in October. She says I'm the only one who will keep her calm and not let her get away with being a drama queen. ( she was a drama student)
Gawd no! She would make the process all about her! DM did attend the birth of my younger DS baby. After DN was born, the HCP came into the ward with tea and toast for my DS, my DM thought it was for her and was quite put out when the nurse told her there was a cafe downstairs if she wanted a cuppa!!
No way. Would find it squirmingly embarrassing tbh. As l would if my DD asked me to be at my DGCs birth, which l am sure she wouldn't. We are quite a reserved family and not very tactile etc. so no, just no !
It wasn't planned at all, but I ended up with both DH and my mum. Went into labour at 36+2, had planned a home birth with DH and a doula but had to go to hospital instead. It ended up being the best thing that could have happened (mum being there that is) as we had quite a traumatic birth and she was there to support both DH and I, and our new little mister of course
No i wouldnt have wanted my mum there, Was just me and my then DP both times, although i was more than happy to just have the second one without him there to be honest, he was useless, sat there reading a book and at one point popped out to the pub for 30mins.
Yuck. But it very much depends on the mother, so I can see how with other mothers, it might be different.
I would have loved to have had my mum at the birth of my DS but she died years before my pregnancy.
my DP was there and my MIL who was great she just sat quietly and keep me company when I was in early labour.
When I was about to give birth she pulled up a chair and left her son to it!
Love her to bits xx
Yes. I had my mum and dh with me for all 3dc.
She was brilliant, couldn't have managed without her.
I planned to first time round as I wasn't sure how DH would cope. In the event DH was absolutely wonderful and brilliant.
Also mum arrived just after DD was born and before I was stitched and I saw her face . I thought she was about to be sick. After that just stuck with DH for no 2!
No. I'm amazed when you see so many Mums there on One Born Every Minute.
My Mum would have come if dh hadn't been able to get back in time (he was working away) but not needed as he was there.
Dear God, no!
She hadn't seen my bits since I started puberty and there was no way having a baby was going to change that
Explaining to her (post birth) that you aren't routinely shaved and given an enema was excruciating enough.
I was at the birth of my first grandchild
I had my Mum with me, we are not particularly close but she really stepped up and was brilliant. DP was fairly useless asking me every 2 mins if I was ok and driving me mad. I ended up having an EMCS and my Mum kept me calm by just stroking my hair and telling me it would be ok.
Dsis had always said no way to Mum being there but after my experience asked her to be there for the birth of her DC2. It was a lovely experience for Mum to be able to see 2 of her GC being born.
No and if DP wasn't there I'd probably just be alone/with the M/W.
Nope but having spent an hour in triage last night for a false alarm, I would appear to be in the minority on our local area!
The two other ladies waiting had partner, mum AND dad (the dads didn't go through with them though, that def would have been a bit odd - well in our family at least!)
No way! I asked my sister to be with me (single parent). My mother made a huge fuss because she thought she should have been asked not my sister.
Same in our area Chesterado - giving birth is quite the family event, with entire extended families camped out texting everyone in a 50 mile radius with updates
Df doesn't want to be at the birth and i'm not sure i want him there either if not him it'll be my bf again.
My mum is a panicky pete. Insists on being reffered to as 'mrs surname' rather than first name, attention seeks, talks too much and would put me on edge and make me look like an idiot having to tell her to shush all the time
So no, no mum in with me i took my aunt in with me for my first - she is the opposite of my mum and really helped me out particularly with bf'ing.
I love my mum. But he'll would freeze before I had her in a delivery suite.
Frankly, that attitude extends to DH as well, but he kinda muscled his way in.
I'd like me, midwife...AND THAT'S IT!
My Mum is most put out that I don't want her there and believe it should just be me and OH (and i also think she would just stress me out! ) she couldn't have a natural birth with us so feels she missed out somehow although how being present at mine would change that I don't know! annoyingly my cousin had her mum there (my mum's sister) so mine just assume she'd be at mine. I have no idea why she thought I'd be ok with her watching a baby come out of me when she hasn't seen my bits since I was about ten when OH is under strict instructions to avoid the business end?! was interested to see what others felt on the subject!
Never in a million years - and she wouldn't have wanted to either. She is very highly strung and a
complete bit of a hypochondriac - there is no way either of us could have coped with her presence.
Tbh, if DH hadn't been able to be there - I'd have had my Dad with me. Well away from the business end obviously (although I ended up with an EMCS), but he 'gets' me far more than my mum and wouldn't have panicked.
I had mum and dp, was only just 20. My mum was a nurse very practical, first baby she'd seen born said it was amazing. She buggered off soon after Dd was born.
She sadly died a couple of years later, I'm glad we shared that experience.
And dp was just crap whilst I was labouring!
I had mum and dp, was only just 20. My mum was a nurse very practical, first baby she'd seen born said it was amazing. She buggered off soon after Dd was born.
She sadly died a couple of years later, I'm glad we shared that experience.
And dp was just crap whilst I was labouring!
Let her be put out then !!
If she puts pressure on you l think that is really out of order and selfish imo and l personally would just dig my heels in all the more.
It is such an important occasion for you both, don't let anyone spoil it/ dictate to you about how it's going to be.
I adore my mother but there is no way that I would want her at the birth of any of my children!
god no. we are very close and i love her to bits, but she is rubbish in a crisis and would definitely cause more worry for me when i wouldnt need it.
i have a DD and i was thinking about this the other day and im not sure i would want to watch her labour and give birth either. i wouldnt like to see my little girl in pain and not being able to help her. but if she wanted me too, then of course i would
though i would still be scared for her.
She wouldn't put pressure on me at all but I know she's really disappointed so I feel guilty even though I know I shouldn't! If I didn't have such a supportive OH she'd def be there and I still want her to be third person to hold the baby! have told her all this. ..One Born hasn't helped my cause mind! loads of Mum's on there!
i had my mum with me alongside dh at the birth of my 1st. Although shes my best friend it wasnt planned. after a long labour and a lot of drugs i was crying for her! didnt need her with the other two.
Don't feel guilty, this really isn't about her at all, it's all about you.
I am 39+5 with DC1 and it will just be DH and me in the delivery room. I am a grown woman of 35, why on earth would I need/want my Mum there?
Had both at first and missed having her at the second.
I had both DP and my mum there and so glad I did. I had a difficult pregnancy and because DP works away my mum did a lot of the hospital visits with me (I was in and out a lot in final semester) so it seemed natural to have her there as support for both DP and I. I then went on to have a difficult childbirth and honestly don't think I could have done it without the support of them both. Then shortly afterwards I lost a 1.5 litres of blood and started to go into shock.
Thank goodness my mum was there as DP got a call at the same time to say his brother (on chemo) had been rushed to hospital after collapsing. I wasn't aware at the time this was happening, but honestly do not know how he just didn't fall to bits, it must have been really scary for him.
No way. My DH is the father of my DD. Why would I have chosen to exclude him from the birth of his child?
Would have loved to have my mum and only didn't because I think DH would have felt crowded. But she drive us to the hospital and was there waiting in the maternity unit all the way through my labour - 13 hours. It was so good knowing she was there and I went to chat with her a few times in between contractions in the early stages
Forgot to mention that because she was there in the waiting room she could come straight in and see DS when he was born
My mum was there. Ds was 6 weeks early, I'd asked her to be there and she was great.
Ds was whisked away though (born in theatre) so she didn't see him til next day, I'm sure that upset her.
The birth was quite traumatic and although she's not said anything I think it really affected her. If I had another I don't think is ask again, for her feelings rather than mine
Wereonourway I feel the same. I know my mum was happy to be there but I felt awful afterwards about how traumatic it must have been for her to watch.
My mum was with me and my DP for both DCs birth.
It wasn't so much planned the first time, it just took so long that she was there at the hospital before DS1 was. She was incredibly calm and supportive and I felt I could trust her words of encouragement much more than I could DPs as she had done it before!
DS2 we knew we wanted her there again. Yes it is an incredible time to share with your DP but my mum is sensitive enough to realise this and gave us space if we needed it. I guess it really depends on what kind of person your mum is though!
She also recognises what an amazing privilege it was to be there, and I know she feels a great bond with my boys partly because of this.
DON'T DO IT!!!
Absolute unmitigated disaster which all but destroyed our already brittle relationship and fouled up my first hours with my son.
Mine was and DP was extremely grateful! It was a long one and mum came in for the last few hours when I was totally losing the plot and DP was knackered and getting very worried it was all going to go very wrong. She was brilliant and kept us both going.
We did start off thinking it should just be the two of us, but labour is unpredictable and we were really lucky she was there.
No. Next time I'm not even sure ill let DH in, he irritated me that much.
No I didn't, feel in some way it would take away the specialness for dh and myself.
Having said that I would love if my dd wanted me there.
I would have said absolutely not.
But in fact my mum was there at the birth of DS1.
My parents live in France and the idea was when I went into labour, we'd ring, and she'd sort out a flight and get over here to see baby probably two or three days after the birth, and would help out at home etc
In the event, I was in labour so long he still had not arrived when she did, and she was at home twiddling her thumbs with DHs parents who had come up and were doing the same while dogsitting. Then joined by my SIL, her DH and my niece.
I was in labour for so long and it was not going well, that in the end, knowing my mum was only a few minutes away waiting, I just said to DH "I want my mum". (I was in a pretty bad way by this point), and FIL drove her down. She gave me a bit extra strength for the last couple of hours and was there for DS1s' birth, which I know she felt was a great privilege.
DH and I are very self-sufficient, partly deliberately and partly through necessity as we have no family nearby to help out anyway, so if anyone had said to me what would end up happening, I would not have believed them. DH would have said the same but in the event was glad of the extra support, as both of us were pretty much on our knees and some 'fresh blood' in the fight was required!
But you shouldn't feel guilty, if you want just you and DH then that's what you should have.
I had no choice. DH was still on his way back from Iraq when DD1 was born 5 weeks early. It was mum or no-one. I am very grateful that she was there. It's not the same as DH but definitely better than being alone.
No I didnt for any of my 3 births. I'm not close to my Mum so i didn't even consider it.
My mum was there for first birth (and second).
I talked it over with DH beforehand and made it clear that it wasn't that I thought he couldn't cope, but that she would be a good support for both of us. And that she'd had 3 babies herself, including one homebirth.
She was amazing, both with practical help and emotionally. She got DS dressed for the first time while the MWs checked me over and was first to cuddle DS after me and DH.
Yes, both times. She was great, calm, supportive, reassuring and unobtrusive. She was a help to not only me but dh too. I've had 2 planned hb that were amazingly positive experiences, and mum was a big part of tgat. She feels honoured to have been there too.
That said, I would not expect to be asked by my dds, and completely get why some peoole feel nore comfortable without.
Never again, she dropped a canister of gas and air on my foot mid contraction then faffed and sighed when i asked for a lip salve on the delivery table. She also texted during my contractions, not a crime but I was trying to hypnobirth so the bleep, bleep was a bit off putting.
Finally, after three days of labour, the midwife asked me if i wanted a c-section. I asked my mum what I should do and she said she didn't think she had enough money for the hospital parking meter for me to take my time for a c-section. Thankfully the mw ushered her out at this point.
Yup had dh my mum and mil there. They all behaved themselves and it was lovely, but it was my decision that I was happy for them to be there.
No I didn't have my mum. I just didn't feel the need for her there with my DH.
I nearly had my mum there, because DH was delayed getting to the hospital, and had he not made it I would rather she had stayed than me be on my own. As it was, it was just DH and me, but mum was the first to see me and DS after it was over, which was special as well.
No, no way, not in a million years.
And I have nothing against my mother. She's lovely. But I would rather be on my own than have her there (for DC2 I nearly was on my own, because DH only just made it as the baby was crowning).
I love my mum and she saw my babies asap after the birth. But no I didn't want her there. It was a private, amazing time for me and dh.
No!! I adore my mum and we get on great, but she was too worried about me and fussed too much, when I was in labour with DC1. With DC2 it was just me and DH.
If i was ever to have a third I'd be tempted to labour alone as i prefer to just get on with it.
My mum was amazing afterwards all lovely and sympathetic as well as proud (plus she makes good tea, unlike DH).
I had my mum and dh with me for birth of ds. She was very supportive and looked after both of us.
With birth of dd, mum babysat for ds. I had to have elective Caesarian. She cared for ds and brought him in to meet dd.
Not in a million fucking years.
The order of preference would go:
not today as he's being really annoying
Friend who's done it twice
if she was gagged
hell to the no!! not close to my mum for a start and for me and dp its a special time for us. we were sat having cupa tea in his kitchen (mils house) and talking about baby names etc and sil said she knew a consultant who had said to her the one person she would advise you bring is your bff, not your dp/h or your mum. dp replied 'no fucking way is anyone else going to see my child before me!' and thats pretty much my feelings too.
my only worry is that im moving over an hour away to live with dp before baby is due and therefore moving hospitals. my dad has already said mum would have liked for me to have baby down here but thats not practical with moving. im going to have to be careful about who is told what and when as she will feel hard done by and pushed out (her words not mine) if she isnt the first to be told/first to see dgc. in her head it will be because i prefer his people over her (ridiculous). im worried it will end up being a competition which i cant be arsed with any of that shit.
For ds2 I only had mil there as dh was at the other end of the country, she was fab, no way would it have been my mum though.
No. I am very close to my mum and wouldn't be embarrassed by having her there however, I think it is a special time for me and DP and he is the only person I would want there. Luckily my mum completely agrees with me and wants to give us our space. My dad on the other hand wants to be sat outside the delivery room and hold the baby as soon as it's born. It's sweet that he is so excited but that's just not happening.
My mum died 6 weeks before DD was born. She wanted to be there for me, but wasn't meant to be.
Those who say no - fair enough if you're 100% happy with your choice, everyone is different but be sure you wouldn't regret it if something happened
My DF on the other hand can't get away fast enough - he's booked a week abroad with his new OH... Around my due date for DC2
Yes at home, with DC 3. 'twas lovely :-)
My mum came to DS' birth uninvited. (I know, narc though, so I'm used to it) I would never have invited her.
DS was born at 33 weeks and immediately whisked away. I sent DH with him, and my mum being there then meant I had somebody who loved me with me at that incredibly difficult time, and to be my advocate when the doctor messed up my stitches.
I'm planning a home birth for DC2 and have invited my MIL, who is so supportive compared to my mum, and is wetting herself with excitement. I feel guilty that my mum barged into DS' birth and MIL couldn't.
By the way, I think birth is a family event, and would have lots of people there if it was practical! I think I'm in the minority there, though!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
We get on great. Very close. Just wouldn't want her to be there.
not a chance.
i had a homebirth, I laboured by myself for all but the last 15min before dd popped out.
only 1 midwife made it, but this time (im now over due and waiting) i only want 1 midwife in the room (other can sit in next room 1 second away) assuming 2 have arrived.
and OH, and 21m DD if she is awake
KingRollo It's ridiculous to say that if someone chooses to have more than 1 birthing partner then their DP/DH is not 'good enough'.
First 5 before I moved. Sad she missed the last 3.
Didn't even cross my mind but no, love mum dearly but she would have shredded my nerves and I would have worried about her more than me!
No I would of hated my mum being there. With ds1 it was just me, midwife and trainee midwife. dh navy and he was in Plymouth when I went into labour in Glasgow. My best friend missed it all by 5 minutes.
With ds2 my parents looked after ds1 while I had him.
Not a chance. I would rather do it alone than with her in the room. She would drive me bloody mental!
KingRollo, what a silly generalisation
Nope, not for me and I adore my mum. Didn't tell her I was having the first, why worry someone over something likely to take hours? DH ringing saying 'hello grandma' is a moment neither will forget. Second she was on babysitting duties. However even if I'd wanted her she had already said 'don't you go calling me, I'd be a mess'- LOVE that woman. If I'd needed someone else/ instead it would have been sis or best mate. I would have hated for DH/ me to have had to share the first few hours as our own little family.
NO! I accidentally had her at the birth of dd1...we called her as I was about to have the baby and instead of being led to the waiting room she was brought to a room with me in it, on all fours....I turned round (I actually did, it's not the phrase) and said 'mum, I'm having a baby....I'll see you in a few minutes, ok?'. My poor Mum was mortified. Thank The Lord mil didn't arrive first.
Goodness no, she would have been no use. But I did seriously consider asking my MIL to be a backup in case my DH could get to the hospital with me.
My mum no. I love her, but no. My dad, though, yes. He is very calm and i'm sure he would be great.
No - if DH wasn't able, Dsis would be my next choice.
My mum would prob be my 4th choice after my good friend.
No - it's a special experience for me & DH, creating our family.
But if he couldn't make it, I probably would ask mum to be there. She'd do it, but I expect she'd have mixed feelings - hard to see your child go through it, especially as she had two CS so no experience of natural labour herself.
No way, god no, the thought of it makes my toes curl. I'd honestly rather give birth on my own rather than have her there. We get on really well but just don't have that kind of relationship, which I'm glad about!
No, hasn't occurred to me at first to ask her but when I did think about it, I didn't want her there. The only person I wanted there was DH and if he couldn't be there for whatever reason then I had a couple of friends whom I would have asked but I really did only what DH both times.
It's your choice at the end of the day - have the person you'd be most comfortable with and the one who'd give you the support you need.
Not in a million years.
Even if I was single and had no dp. Just no.
Childbirth is a painful enough experience on it's own let alone if my mother was there.
My mum has been at the births of all of her grandchildren, invited by the mothers of course!
She is a nurse, so very calm and capable. DH actually asked her to be there this time, as support for him.
I chuckle at the idea of my mum being at the birth.
She'd sit quietly in the corner and make occasional 'helpful' comparisons to her labours.
Having an ELCS this time and so only DP is coming. My sister helped last time and was great. I was at the birth of her first - down the business end whilst my BIL looked green and faint at the head end.
I was adamant that I didn't want my mum there.... And then I went into labour! You couldn't have wrestled her from me. She was way more useful than DH, love him. Very odd as she is usually maddening
I had my stepmum and DP at the birth of our first. It was nice. She loved being asked to be involved.
I had my mum at the birth of my first two, my partner wasn't exactly a supportive man, and my mum was great, even though I only used her to yell at, but it was reassuring to have someone there who knew and understood my wishes and was strong enough to support me.
I'm now pregnant with my third, but very luckily this time with a very supportive partner, who I think would probably like to be the only one with me, and I'm ok with this, as I can always get my mum to look after the other two. Although I would more than happily have her again.
Whoever you choose to have there make sure it is to support you and not because you feel obliged, it is your experience and you do what is best for you and the baby. It is a day when you can be as selfish as you like and no one but no one should question your choices.
Goodness me, no!
My mum has this weird woo thing where she feels pain if she knows about or sees a family member in pain.
If DH couldn't have been there then I would have been happy to do it alone once the pains were bad.
Well DD (age 4) has invited my mum to come and see her brother being born this weekend. Hopefully won't be happening, I'm supposed to be working and I'm only 22/40!
I've thought about it, but probably not.
My mom is lovely and we're very close, and my DC would be a very big deal for her (long time ttc and she's been there for me through the years). But DH isn't very keen on the idea; he thinks she would stress me out (we tend to be a bit dramatic I guess). I also think DH might feel excluded with mom taking over the whole birth partner thing. The two of us even speak a language DH doesn't really understand.
Luckily I don't think my mom even knows you're allowed more than one partner in the UK. She seems to take it for granted the birth is for me and DH only, and she'll come see us afterwards.
I did and she was great. Particularly during transition.
Had her there on Sunday. First baby for DH and I, lovely experience for all of us
I had my mum and DP there for the birth of my DC and it was absolutely the best choice for us. We all get along really well and my Mum was a huge support for both of us. DP was incredible (I had only known him 10 months at the time of the birth) but having my mum there was just great.
She felt really privileged to be asked and made it clear beforehand that I could change my mind at any time and ask her to leave if DP and I felt like it.
As it was we had a great time with the three of us together and I'd go so far as to say it was a laugh (after my epidural!!)
She was very calming when the baby was on the resuscitation trolley, and once it was clear everything was okay she left not long after to give us some family time.
DD is 4mo and mum and I still often talk about the experience.
For my dc1 I had not planned on my mum being at the birth. But long labour she stayed with me while dh went to eat/ sleep etc!!! She was great. She had been a birth partner for someone else a year earlier (their husband away with work when due).
The second time rules in the hospital only allowed one birth partner so was my dh. I actually spent time on the phone with my mum talking me through contractions while my dh was not there (dh sent home by hospital as I was 'not in labour'!!!)
Third birth was at home with dh and my mum there. My mum an ex-nurse, was a better support than my dh, but obviously I wanted dh there too.
Only if for some reason my DP could not be at the birth. But even then I'd rather have my best friend there (she's a midwife) than my mum. But both are very hypothetical as they're abroad.
No under no circumstances.
no DH = ask DSis
no DSis = ask friend
no friend = hire doula.
still no Mum
I did and I regret it it was NOT helpful. Don't recommend.
DS1 - DP and Mum - not a positive experience and she found it traumatic.
DS2 - DP delivered him when we were alone in the room and the midwives had buggered off for a coffee break
DS3 - DP and 2 midwives.
DP pretty incidental and useless in first and third - second did nothing but, in fairness, caught him at the end and pressed emergency buzzer to get the mws in. Third, ept handing me bloody capri suns until I projectile vomitted purple sick over him haha. Could probably do without him as well tbh.
Everyone gets on your nerves when you're in labour
No way. My mum would have LOVED to have been there and she tried to wangle her way in - she was staying with us at the time but i had made alternative arrangements for her for when i went into labour. we were having a home birth and she said she'd stay in her room all quiet and not get in the way... but... no way! i would have known she was there. defintiely just DP for me, and to be honest i would have been fine without him anyway - i went into the 'zone'!
i get on with my mum but couldn't have stood her 'helpful' comments, and also thought it wouldn't be far on DP.
As much as I love my Mum, the only person I've wanted with me during childbirth is DH. It's always been a special time just for us as a couple and then as a family. While your Mum may want to be there at the birth of your child she can't assume that you and your DH want her there, and her disappointment is not your problem to fix.
My friend's Mum drove her and her DH to hospital in the early hours when she was in fairly advanced labour. Groaning through a contraction before getting in the car her Mum said that she might wake the neighbours. I think my friend's reply of "Fuck the neighbours!" was fairly self-controlled
My mum wants to be at the birth of this dc no.4 she wanted to be at birth of first but we lived so far away. so dd was dp ds1 was me on my own and ds2 was botched homebirth ending in me giving birth in hospital on my own again. This time as we have babysitters and mum wants to be there as well it's going to be a very crowded labour room and I can't be arsed with it have said that they can both be in the room as long as they don't talk to me touch me or try to interfere in anyway at all I just want to do this one on my own as well.
Nope. I think it would upset her as I'm her little girl and shed want to make it all ok for me.
DH sees me as a strong adult woman so is much more appropriate.
Mmm, difficult as my mum died 12 years ago, but I have had my sister in addition to my husband at the birth of one of my children. She really wanted to be there, and I was fine with it
My Mum ended up being at my first birth - it was totally unplanned as I was four weeks early and with her whilst DH was 60 miles away. It was so lovely having her there while I waited for him to come then by the time I moved up to delivery, I didn't care either way if she came. (DH was there at this point)
My Mum is a very pragmatic Irishwoman who doesn't cry or say big 'I love you's but I could tell how amazing it all was to her, she also cried!! DH was a bit squeamish about cutting the cord so asked if she would like to and it's all just a wonderful memory. If someone had asked me in advance if I'd like my mum to be there it would have been a vehement 'NO WAY'!!!
The only bit when I thought I might get cross was when she said 'Oooh, it's just like Holby City'
I went on to have two home births after that and was very happy to be on my own with DH.
I had partner and mum there at both births and really glad I did as DP was quite squeamish and not very helpful!!
No, my husband would have felt pushed out and baby was about me and him, not anyone else.
No. My Mum and I are really close, and she has a medical background so has the potential to be very helpful, but it was still a no for me for a few reasons. Firstly, I was only allowed one person in with me according to hospital policy, so that was always going to be DH. Secondly, Mum would want to make it all better and would probably get on my nerves. Also, my Mum (I'm adopted) has never given birth and I really wasn't sure whether for her sake it would be the best idea.
That said, if DH couldn't have been there, then I might have reconsidered all that and had a good talk.
She was pretty indispensable after the birth mind you. Between dealing with a couple of difficult midwives, translating the medical speak when DD was taken to NICU, DH and I would have been lost without her. She even somehow (the special paediatric nurse handshake I'm guessing) got permission to go into NICU and hold DD when she was delivering pumped breast milk after I had been discharged (strict parents only rule)
If we were going again, I'd still have DH at birth, but I'd have Mum close by for afterwards. Especially as DH is brilliant during the birth but all his blood/hospital squeamishness kicks straight back in afterwards and had to leave when I was having my blood pressure taken
No. She would have driven me mad!
But having said that, I had my sister at the birth of my first child. It ended up being long, drawn out and slightly traumatic and she was a godsend as she'd given birth 3 times herself and knew what she was talking about!
I'm currently pregnant and having my mum and DP at the birth. I'm very, very close with my mum and would really love for her to be there
No way! She would just find some way about it all being about her :-(
Never ever ever. Why?! It's not about her.
tbh, I'd actually rather not have DH present: I go 'into' myself when in labour and his support is annoying rather than helpful. But I could never deny him the experience of seeing his babies being born so I just suck it up..
Just no. I'd prefer to have been alone. A few years ago when she came to an appointment with me, spoke to the dr for me as if I were a small child (or tried).
It depends on the relationship you have with your mum. As an only child and my dad had died we always had a caring close relationship. DH doesn't drive so mum drove us to hospital and she just stayed. DH went off to town for two hours so I'd have gone mad if I'd been alone. My mum was a star as I had a difficult birth and DH got emotional. She kept her cool and told the staff when I had a bad allergic reaction. When they had to rush with DD to intensive care with DH my mum stayed with me in the delivery room and calmed me. She was an absolute star and I was thrilled my two favourite people were with me for that precious and also stressful time. She was thrilled I wanted her there too, and it just felt right.
I did four out of five times, I couldn't have done it without my mum. I actually had MIL as well.
As much as I love her... no, no, no, no, NO!
Oh my goodness, no. Cannot imagine anyone less likely to keep me calm.
I feel stressed enough about her insisting on moving in on my due date to look after DD. I would also be quite happy going in on my own if necessary but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I guess I am 'lucky' tho. I wouldn't want DD going to someone she didn't know well and so I am sucking that part up.
I had Mum and DH at my first birth, would have had her again if she wasn't doing babysitting duties.
It really helped to have one person just focused on me and one person focused on everything else. Also, she's amazing and I love her and wanted to share this with her. My DH is secure enough in our relationship to not have felt pushed out at all, he thought it was great as he got ham sandwiches made for him and got to have a kip half way through.
Yes ... if nobody else on the planet was available at the time!
Yes, I had my Mum there. She was great. I am quite surprised by all the emphatic 'no's' on this thread.
No. We have a wonderful relationship but think I would have become a 5 year old begging their Mummy to make the pain go away!
Yes, with dc1 she was planned to be there but dd came 2 months early and dm was away on holiday. With dc2 we hadn't planned for her to be there, however you drove me to hospital and dc2 was born 14mins after arriving so she stayed
Oh God no! My mum is one of those people who tells you to "mind the puddles or watch out for that lose piece of pavement " when you're out for a walk with her so I dread to thinkj what she'd be like in a delivery suite.
Plus, as she loves to remind me, when I was born she was warned that unless they performed an emergency c-section she would have died and I would have followed. She told me that story (for the umpteenth time) three weeks before I was due to give birth and wondered why my sisters, who were there at the time, rounded on her!
Oh, I'll be having nightmares now....
Good lord no!
Bear in mind that OBEM is not a representative sample. These are people who don't mind giving birth on telly, no wonder they don't mind their mum being there!
Yama, as another poster said, it will all depend on your relationship with your mum as to whether you want her there.
While I love my mum, I know she has issues about bodily functions and therefore would not (and did not) ask her to be present. It imply wouldn't have gone well at all.
DP was the best person for me. He was great.
I love my mother very very much, but I saw how badly she panicked when my sister was having a contraction at the start of her labour with her first. She just can't cope seeing her daughters in pain, one contraction and I had to send her off to be looked after by my dad
So no, I wouldn't have her there. Not an issue probably as she's in Ireland and I'm in England, though DSis is also in Ireland and I would like her there as well as DH.
If my DH couldn't have been there, then yes. Otherwise no, it was a time for just me and DH to share. Plenty of opportunities for mum an other grandparents afterwards.
Mum really wanted to see a baby born and as she's very practical and calm so I wanted her there too. Before the birth I made sure my fiance was totally happy with her being there, and he said it was fine but wanted to know who I would pick to go with me if I ended up having a C section and only one person was allowed in theatre (if that is the rule, I'm not sure) - I said of course it would be him, so he was happy. When it came to the birth, DD was OP (face up) and I was pushing for three hours with bad back pain, so it was great to have someone to massage my back and someone else in front of me giving my sips of water or gas and air. If there's another baby though I hope Mum will look after DD!
I would have loved to have her there, but the stress of managing the tension between her and DH, who would both have wanted to be the most supportive to me would have been bad. They get on really well together, but they would have just tried too hard and then wound each other up.
No fucking way. My mum has MH issues, is narcissistic and generally NEEDS to be the center of attention. She physically can't handle it when it's not about her and I know she would have to do something like pass out or vomit on me. She keeps asking to be there for my next birth.
I actually asked my MIL to be on standby in case I needed more support than my DP. My MIL is amazing and so calm in a crisis, I knew if me or DP were struggling she'd know exactly what to do.
But when the real thing came round it was actually my DF I really wanted by my side with DP. I cried a little when he went home after taking me to hospital. In the end I'm glad it was just me and DP though. It became a very lovely intimate moment for our family. Though I might ask him about DF being there next time.
No, nein, nyet, nem, non, nix, nay and all the different ways of saying "no" - like Dr.Cox does in Scrubs.
I can't imagine a scenario where I would actively ask her to be present.
My Mum is probably not the best person to help but if DH wasn't available I think I would have chosen her. Although the only reason he wasn't likely to be available was because she said she wouldn't have DS1 while I had DD. Well thanks.
I can't help feeling that if you need your Mum as well as your DH/DP then you are probably not grown up enough to have a baby, or your DH/DP or your relationship with DH/DP is a bit crap.
I had my OH with me for all four births, but to be honest, I craved peace and quiet and to be left alone to get on with it. He would tell me when he was hungry, or that he was going to the loo...I mean - I was giving birth! I had enough to do without having to be polite about his comfort levels.
If my mother had been there, I'd have had two self-centred onlookers, instead of one.
I don't understand this desire to have a roomful of people when you give birth. It's not a piece of theatre.
DH, and if DH wasn't on the scene, my sister who is my best friend in the world.
Ideally, I'd want someone who hasn't given birth to be there. None of this 'been there done that crap' - its the ultimate in judgemental grandparenting before the kid is even born! I'm not sure I could take the age old MN advice of 'smile and nod' during labour!
I want someone in awe of the totally badass thing I'm doing!
I was there for a friend's 2nd baby to be born.
it was awesome!
although I was pg with DS5 at the time and knew all about it, it was so great to see a baby being born without having to go through the pain of it!
I'd make a great birthing partner, but if my DD or DILs will not want me there I will definitely
No because she's a total drama queen and about as much use as a chocolate teapot.
If dd asked me though, I would be over the moon.
I'm not sure I'd really want any non-professional with me, as I tend to prefer to put my head down and get on with things by myself without distraction.
Though of course if DH actually wanted to be there (rather than feeling that he should be) I'd let him, because he is a big strong and silent type. My mum though - no way. She is a lovely lady with many sterling qualities, but she tends to get in a flap quite easily and would go fluttering about and wittering on at a hundred miles an hour. So I suspect she'd drive me nuts.
I had my mum, DH and managed to squeeze in my best friend because the midwives were lovely. I know that it sounds like a crowd but, I'm glad that I had all of them with me
But, when I was taken away to theather fro the ventouse I chose DH who was surprisingly brave and helpful throughout the whole process.
BalloonSlayer, you couldn't be more wrong. It has nothing to do with your maturity levels. It depends totally on personal preference and your relationship with your mum. I'm to become a mum myself soon, and if all goes to plan I'll be having my mum and DP there because they're the two most important people in my life and I want to share that moment with them. Is that immature? I wouldn't say so.
Birth has been a hard time for my husband so he's not a lot of use as he's too stressed. I've had a Doula and my mum the last two times and she was with me as much as possible before that (I've had generals) .
Love her to bits but no way to her being there
She felt the same
balloon I agree with futterby and your statement is quite
it's nothing to do with maturity. it's about who you feel comfortable with as well as who you think is going to be helpful and watch your needs.
my mum is panic personified.
I would have had to comfort her. and she can say the most stupid things at the wrong time and would have done my head in. so no way..
but I would have loved my aunt being there or my SIL, both so easy going and good in a crisis.
they get me. they would have been fab.
I think I'm mature enough to have 6 kids either way...
I'd much rather have had my mother at the birth than my DH. She'd have been far more comforting/ use. She was all geared up for DC1 then didn't get there in time (5am and a very short delivery to be fair). DH has been completely useless at all births and I've always had to exclude him from the room at least 30 mins before each baby was born. Once he went to sleep in the hospital foyer well before that, so no hassle there . Another time I drove myself to hospital because he couldn't wake up (unfortunately my mother had just died, so there was no option of anyone else).
That was as well as my husband. nothing wrong with our relationship and I'm not immature. My mum is calm and knows how to talk to me when I'm stressed. She's also good at sorting out difficult professionals
No way, do people really do this? I am just
I am very close to my Mum and we get on really well, but still - just no.
I still struggle to see why the fathers are better off there. I have several close friends who are men who say they hated it, but felt they had to go along. Why do we do this to them?
I had both - I wasn't sure about having my mum there but it was the best decision in the end. I had a long and difficult labour and she was great support (as was DH). To her credit, she left the room when I started pushing (and that was something we hadn't discussed previously) - I asked her to stay but she said that was a special moment for the couple only and didn't think it was appropriate for her to be present. I have to admit I was really impressed but how decently and discreetly she behaved. She came back in the room as soon as DD came out and had a cuddle with me and DH. It was great for us and her. I haven't always had the easiest relationship with my mum but it has improved considerably after the birth of DD.
I had mine with me and I'm glad. There was some medical mismanagement and she was a brilliant advocate for me when things went wrong.
I didn't, but I happily would if the situation happened.
As I have said on MN before, I had DP and BIL with me the last time! BIL was there the whole way through, we thought DP wasn't going to make it but luckily he did!
My mum was there (as well as my DH) even though that wasn't what I'd planned. But my waters broke suddenly at 33+6 and DH was at work and couldn't get home quickly so my mum took me to hospital. And it didn't seem right to send her home after DH turned up. I'm very glad she was there. But then, we're very close and she kept in the background after DH arrived.
No don't want me Mum there and she doesn't want to be there.
MIL was dropping hints about doing it 3 times herself but never seeing anyone else do it it but I don't want her there so she will be getting a firm no or not told until it's all over of there is a risk she will turn up at the hospital.
I didn't really want my mum there, but she was. She got me into the car to get to hospital and DD was born 15 minutes after we got there. My mum was in the room, she wasn't asked to leave and tbh it wasn't something I could process at the time (being busy pushing a baby out and all that). She cut The umbilical cord tho, which I think was special for her. DH was also with me.
oh and Fairdene - DH wasn't there because it was better for him, he was there because it was better for me.
Mum was with me but only because it all happened so quickly. She was staying with us for the week and supported me through my early labour at home and was fantastic. Hospital (30min drive away) told me to have a bath and that I would "be hours" when my contractions were every 10mins. In the middle of it I heard mum say to OH in a really urgent voice "Phone the hospital & get in the car- NOW"
She sat in the back with me and talked me through it whilst OH ran red lights. I arrived at hospital fully dilated and ready to push and all 3 of us went I together. Afterwards she apologised for being there but DH and I were so grateful!
miffy, what would you do if you had a difficult birth, baby rushed straight out, husband in the corner in shock and you're on you're own? I needed someone who could comfort me past that moment and keep me going. She's also good when they're playing up and isn't a doula do can give them what-for when needed
I'm not going to judge your relationship with your mum that you couldn't have her with you, don't base everyone's birth experience on your own.
I wouldn't, but its a personal choice. I don't feel like i need anyone else other than DH but if i did, it would be my mum.
Fair, I agree with you, no one who doesn't want to be there should be, for the same reason I don't take my sticks to a birth. The mum picks up on the needs of others if they're not comfortable rather than concentrating on her birth. I've been in with mum whilst dad waited at home (actually outside the room but we didn't know until after) he would not have handled it before things got difficult, let alone when it did and she needed add much focus on her as possible. I have to admit it's one I cried over myself afterwards.
I had DP and my mum with me, I asked them both to be there to support me and each other, on the understanding that they both stayed up the top end. I was completely happy and comfortable, and will have them both there when DS arrives in October
I know I'm very lucky to have the relationship I do with my mum, I honestly never had a moment of thinking she wouldn't be there.
I was there when my DD1 gave birth last year (as well as her husband). She told me she wanted me there from the start, just glad the hospital allowed up to 2 'birthing partners' there rather than just 1. DGD was then given my name as her middle name
It was a profound experience for me in many ways because I've never had a baby, never been near a maternity unit in my life until then, and basically had very little idea what actually happens. I did read up a bit before the birth so I was prepared. My DD1 was 10 and a half years old when I met her. I'm just so glad that after years of struggles, we've come through to have such a wonderful relationship with each other
She's pregnant again now, and we're planning for me to be there again this time around
I can't imagine anything worse, it's probably a tie with having MIL there, both would have told me I was doing it wrong, but each in their own unique way.
It was just me and DH, the midwife didn't get much of a look in as DH is clinical and pretty much took over.
No I didn't but it was an elcs so never thought to ask her.
However, when it looked like dc3 was going to make an appearance at home (she didn't - we made it to a delivery room with 10mins to spare), my mum was the one who stayed calm and listened to me while dh and my dad ran around being flappy!
minipie I agree that at the labour and delivery stage it should be all about the mother and nothing to do with the father, if there's a conflict. I was livid that I asked/ told DH to go away and the hospital staff ushered him to a viewing window 'to look'. It was my call and not his and not theirs. Absolute cheek.
No thankyouverymuch. My mum is fab. She'll be around the day after for a few hours, and will come and stay for week 2 when DH goes back to work, but the idea of her being in the delivery suite would make my, and more particularly DH's, blood run very cold. Mum is quite the presence - it would be all about her.
I have a friend in the US whose DM and DMIL each held a leg during delivery. Urgh.
I had my mum and partner with me both times - my mum was fantastic and a great support and if I ever have another I'd want her there again. My mw with my 2nd was trying to convince my mum to look into training.
I was there when my niece was born (ex bil didn't want to be) I felt honoured to be asked and apart from my children being born it was the most amazing experience of my life Was truely magical.
Just read balloons comment upthread
Whether people want their mum there or not is no indication of maturity levels, it's just an indication of what makes that woman feel comfortable in labour. Some women want to be in hospitals, some at home, the point is that they are in an environment where they can relax and get on with labour.
I knew with my Mum there I didn't have to worry about anything practical (I am practical, my DH is not, but he is a rock and amazing emotionally). I was having a home birth, so maybe that made a bit of difference. Also, I am not a private person, having people there kind of forced me to get on with it. Which is good when it came to my second birth which was twins, I had 16 people in the room at the last count...
I would love to have the kind of relationship where I would want my Mum to be with me. I think it's quite nasty to say that about maturity tbh. Your DH/DP might be great but perhaps some women want the support of another woman they are close to who has actually DONE it.
Yes for dc 1. I was terrified of labour and I know DH is very reasonable and wanted someone there to fight my corner if things got tough. I was very glad she was there as I tore badly and probably wouldn't have made it to the bath after dc's arrival without her. I also had a little cry on her shoulder at the shock of it all, which is very unlike me and I was so glad to have her there. I also love that she saw her first grand child's first moments in the world. She often talks about it and I know she was incredibly touched that we wanted her there. I feel it deepened the bond between all of us and would make the same decision again for my first labour. For dc 2 it was DH and I and that was right too.
No, because I'm much more of a wuss if my mum's there to fix things
We did call my parents on the way in, though... And when DH called them straight after delivery to come and meet their grandson, it turned out that my mum had made my poor dad drive in to the hospital and hang around a waiting room for 6 hours, just in case she was needed, but didn't tell us because she didn't want to intrude. I was very touched, and it also turned out perfectly as it meant that they were in the room before he'd even been weighed and measured - plus if anything had gone wrong, I would have loved to have mum as well as DH.
No, which my mum and sister think is weird and prudish. Not sure why.
Yes - I started to consider it when I got to 6 months pg (from previously being adamant I only wanting me and DP) and ummed and ahhed about it up until 8 months pg when I decided I wanted her there. Best. decision. I. ever. made. Not only was my DP absolutely useless because by the time they would admit us to the hospital it was 5am and he could barely keep his eyes open (he slept for about 8hrs at the hospital while I was in labour), but because he'd never seen me in full-on hosebeast mode and didn't know how to cope with me. My Mum, however, had survived years of this when I was a teenager and I could hear her in-between the haze shouting instructions to him like "okay, she wants you to rub her back now", and - the best thing at the time - "you're standing too close to her - give her some space and stop fussing".
The best thing about having her there was knowing that although I'd gone through my birth plan with both her and my DP,at the end of the day she was the one who, when I had a random midwife burst in and insist I gave them my name and stand up so they could talk to me when I was mid-contraction (at 7cms!), and threatened to strap me to the bed for monitoring for the rest of my labour if I didn't behave, told them to feck off, got me another midwife and fought my corner. My DP was so shellshocked my the whole experience I doubt he could've told anyone his own name, let alone my birth plan.
Both first and second births, had DP and both my parents there, worked well for us. Initially I hadn't wanted anyone with me apart from DP, but by the time it all started getting a bit real, and I realised that reading books about birth and actually doing it were very different, and I wanted supportive people there. We had two homebirths, so useful to have parents around to do all the tea-making and stuff so DP and midwives could focus.
Wouldn't change it at all- in fact midwife for DD2's birth was rubbish- wonder if our family team could have done it better without her- she just wouldn't stop talking- drove me mad.
Id have given anything for mine to be their. Sadly she didnt live long enough.
God no! Even if DH couldn't make it my mum would not be invited in.
I thought I wanted my mum there, but once things got going she just couldn't cope with seeing me in pain, and that was stressing me out. I could not focus on my labour with her there. So had to make an excuse and have her wait outside
Dh on the other hand, who was supposed to be quite squeamish, was absolutely amazing!
No, but I had a weird issue with my mum seeing me naked at the same time as DH. If he couldn't have done it for whatever reason then she likely would have been. In the event he was great.
I wanted my mum there more than DP! Chance ended up that I was having a girly sleepover with my family when I went into labour, so mum could come with me
My mum and I are very close but no way
Hell no! I love my Mum, I see her quite a lot, speak regularly, she was a fab mother and a she's a fab grandmother, but she does tend to panic! I would rather not spend my labour trying to reassure her and calm her down.
I did want her there asap afterwards though.
I wish I could have had my DM. She died when I was 17 years old. So I asked my DH and my lovely MIL (mumsnetters, shock horror )
I asked both to stay away from the 'business end'. I ended up with an EMCS, so I only had my DH. MIL support was amazing after and before going to theatre.
I love my MIL
My mum is the most squeamish person alive (closely followed by my dad) and scarpered out of the gps when I had a tetanus jab at the age of 12. I hadn't even realised she had left till I had a plaster put on my arm and saw the chair next to me was empty. the nurse looked quite stunned.
yes - although I didn't know it at the time. She was minding the others upstairs (homebirth) and got them asleep in time to pop in without me noticing, and caught the moment of drama. She was so emotional about it that I didn't really mind her not asking. !!
Absolutely not - my Mum is a fretter and a worrier and doesn't really do brilliant sympathy for other people. DH was much better - calm, quiet and just did whatever needing doing! The only thing my Mum is good at in this kind of thing is looking after the rest of the kids while I'm in labour.
no, although we get on great. she's a worrier and a hand-wringer and would be constantly fretting. she also had really difficult births herself and has nothing good to say about childbirth so I can't think she'd actually want to be there.
Yes, at my first labour. It was unplanned, she had just arrived from SA, my watera had broken that morning, a week before EDD and she came along to the check at the hospital, and we didn't leave. Poor woman had no sleep for close to 50hrs!
In view of all the no's I am incredibly lucky to have been there when my grandson was born.
My DD and her DP split up soon after, and they now live with me too. The house is big enough for her to have her own space to bring him up. Granny does the babysitting after DGS is asleep in bed. I wouldn't have it any other way!
I wouldn't have had my own mum there (narc) though!
Oh, and I just want to add, that although it was never part of my 'Birth Plan' (and had I been asked before the time I would have definitely said NO!) it was very, very special having my mum at DS's birth and her support was invaluable to me and DH.
The only reason she wasn't at DD's birth was because she was caring for DS.
I didn't plan to have my DM there but my partner had a bit of an emotional wobble and I needed more support so called my mum in.
It never occurred to me to ask her - she would have been awful & I would never have heard the end of it. She came to stay after we had our son to "look after" my husband while I recovered from C/S & nearly drove him fucking berserk. Once I was home she stayed on for a few days & kept barging in to see me in the bath, so she could feel my boobs & apply cabbage leaves to them. Urgh.
I did but only because DD arrived 8 weeks early and DH was over 100 miles away and couldn't get home quickly enough. Second time round she was babysitting but would have been happy for her to have been there.
I had DD at home, so parents came over in case DS woke up and were upstairs throughout. Prior to labour I was really struggling with the thought of either of them being around and being able to hear everything, but once things got going I couldnt have cared less. DM did say that she almost came downstairs when she heard me shouting that I didn't want to have a baby any more and telling the midwives to 'stick it back in'. In terms of emotional support, I'd never want DM there, only DH (or I'd just crack on on my own if he couldn't make it).
No. I was 38 when I had my first child and my mum was 39. I grew out of needing her more than 20 years previously.
I had my mum and DH and she was more help than DH. For me it was kind of she's been through it and she's ok so I can do this and be ok. She kept me calm while DH just didn't have a clue what to do.
2nd time just DH he had more idea of what to do then,
Nope. we get on really well but I didn't feel like I needed her there, DP was fantastic and she definitely didn't want to be there
I had mine, and I thought it was great. She's kind of very laid back but assertive about important things all at the same time. I think DH wouldn't have agreed to it if she had been a stresshead.
She asked if I minded her watching as 'It's actually really fascinating!'. I didn't... but that's the kind of person I am too; very open and relaxed about body things.
My mom really wanted to be there, but I just knew I couldn't cope with it. I felt it would be more about her being there, than about me actually giving birth. She lives overseas so she booked a flight for around my due date, and even changed it to later when I was still pregnant. Interestingly, I went into labour about 24 hours after she arrived, and laboured quietly upstairs while she was downstairs through the night, and then in the morning she massaged my feet while I continued having contractions. We left for the hospital and I knew she felt bad, but I couldn't have her there. Interestingly, I was shocked to find out I was 7.5 centimetres dilated on arrival at the hospital. Looking back, I wonder if perhaps she had a positive influence on my early labour by nature of just "being" there and doing absolutely nothing. I also wonder if my going into labour was perhaps triggered by her arrival. So even if my head was like "no, she's going to be in the room!!" perhaps having her on the periphery made a different.
No way! She's far too much of a wimp and actually admitted she was relieved when I said I would prefer her not to be there!
She said she wouldn't be able to handle seeing me in pain and. Had visions on her passing out mid-way!
God no. It was for me and DH. Think DH would have been disappointed too.
Also with DC2 she would have stormed the wards demanding for the epi I wasn't allowed to have (too late on).
DP was there.
Mum and Dad were in the corridor waiting nervously (EMCS).
But for number 2 as long as everything is going to go okay, hope to have DP with me and have DD with Mum and Dad who she is close to. Be a few years yet though.
First one I did but weird as it sounds I didn't think I had a choice, it was a long time ago I was only 17 the staff ignored me only spoke to her and I thought she had to be there due to my age.
But never never never again.
I am now a firm beliver in the woman choosing who ever she wants, be it her mum dad friend or the baby's dad or nobody none HCP.
I don't get and will never get why anyone thinks they have a right to over ride the labouring woman's right to choose by asserting their 'rights' as what ever relative to the as yet unborn baby
I had DH and DM which was exactly what I wanted and I'd want the same again in the future.
I only had one moment of awkwardness which was when we got o the hospital (9cms dilated) and getting into the birth pool thinking to myself 'how much more is it going to hurt' and I did worry that DM would be worried if I did become unable to manage the pain. So I did ask her if she was ok!
It was brilliant when DS was born, DM stayed in the corner and got drinks when needed and let me and DH get on with it, but when it was time to push, I asked her over and DH held one hand and DM held the other.
It really helped having DM there and I'll always remember her saying 'the head is the hardest bit' once DS's head was out and when he was born her shock saying 'god! He's big isn't he?' to the midwife
DM really enjoyed it and so did I, it was nice I can talk to her about it and she was really proud of me. It's really sweet as she tells everyone how wonderful pool births are now after being really squeemish about them at first!
no. would not mind being alone actually if my husband could not be there.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Not at all. Only wanted DH. MIL wanted to be there, but totally respected the fact that I only wanted DH both times.
No, I wanted it to just be DH with me. Plus for DC2's birth, DM was minding DC1
Noooo... No way... ( I do love her but she would stress me)
My dh was amazing though. If he wasn't around I would probably go solo.
I had both DP and DM at the birth of DS. For the majority of my pregnancy I didn't think I wanted her there but when it came to it (DS was 2 weeks late & I had lots of time to think) her being part of the birth was important to me.
My DP and I discussed it and initially he was unsure, but we both reflect on how great a support DM was for each of us in different ways. She took it in turns with DP to mop my brow, hold the sick bowl, pass me drinks and push against my feet.
She was also there for DP to speak to about MW suggestions and to keep each other company
and awake while I was off my tits on G&A. She was really unobtrusive and I think feels honoured being there to welcome DS into the world.
No way! I love her to bits,but it was a special time for DH and me.
I can't think your DH would- would you want your MIL there? if not- why should he?
I didn't have ex-DP at my birth, so my DM and DF were there, ended up giving birth at home due to a fast labor and my DM delivered DD and my DF was the first person to hold her, so it was special for them.
On the other hand though, they were both there when I was getting stitched at the hospital and my dad was at the 'business' end so to speak, it was only when the nurse realized who he was that he was tactfully moved towards the head end.
I had my Mum there for birth of DD, along with DH (altho he was only DP then!), and I had my Dad & DH there for birth of DS. Oh yes, and Dad filmed DS's birth at my request! (I have no intention of showing the film to anybody, but DD's birth went by in a bit of a blur, and I really wanted to see it all properly 2nd time around.)
DH and I are close to both sets of parents, but DH's family live in Germany, so it was great to have mine there. Also, by his own admission, DH is not much use with medical stuff, so in fact Mum and Dad were really there for him!
I was really glad they were able to be there, and I know they were both really proud to be asked. I would definitely ask them again IF I had any intention of having another child, which is so not happening!
No thanks! Nor would my friends. The only person I can think of who would want her mum there is my colleague who is very close to her mum to the constant detriment of her relationship with her DH.
I didn't have my Mum but I did have all three of my sisters with me in labour. It was very relaxing to have the three people I trusted most with me. Also they looked after me where my husband would have needed entertaining!
My mum was there as my partner called her from the hospital when i was asleep (induction instead of home birth). I didnt think i would want her there. Turned out they made a brilliant team.
Hell no! She would tell me to get a grip and stop making a fuss even if I was having a bottom first breech whilst biting on a stick behind a tree.
never had the best relationship with my mum, love her to bit but she drives me nuts. I just wanted dh at the birth, and when they spoke and she found out I was in labour she said right I on my way. Dh had to break the news to me, I was not best pleased and was fully prepared to tell her to wait outside, but things did not go as planned and I think that if she wasn't there dh would of falled to pieces, so pleased she was there afterall.
I love my DH. Adore him.
But I would have much preferred my mum at the birth of my kids rather than DH. I find her presence more comforting.
No way !
pretty close (given the generation gap LOL) but not that close !
It's weird enough thinking your DP might get a peep of your fanjo with a baby coming out of it, let alone your mother !!
Saying that, I maybe wouldn't mind a friend or doula who could remind me I'd soon be meeting my gorgeous DD
The midwives (and DH) seemed remarkably reluctant/amiss in failing to mention this rather obvious encouraging aspect of birth !!
No, never. And if I were to imagine a scenario where she was asked, I think she'd be late, and turn up after chatting to every other person on the way. That is, if she left the house in the first place.
I had my little girl in April, both my DP and Mum were there throughout. To be honest, it was an amazing experience to share with her.. She put cold flannels on my face while my DP held the gas and air for me.. I think without her there I would have panicked. She gets freaked out watching holby city etc but watched as they did episiotomy telling me what they were doing and reassuring me everything was fine.
I needed someone with me who had been through it before. She gave me the strength to cope with just gas and air, just as I had hoped for
DH can't drive, so MIL and FIL stayed over to take us to hospital. I had a very long first labour, and they were brilliant. Drove us to the hospital with me shouting in the back, but did ot attend the birh, in hindsight, I think it would have been lovely to have her there, as first time around DH was a little shell shocked.
Second time, my parents stayed with us, as we live 5 hours drive from them. Mum and our neighbour went in the car with us with mum driving, and left us at the hospital. DH was brilliant second time.
My mother would have been the last person I would have wanted anywhere near me when giving birth.
When my dd1 had her dd I was in the waiting room and went in to see them all as soon as she got back to her room after ecs.
Well, I had DH, mum, my sister, 2 midwives and a student! Although it was a very relaxed home birth and they mostly sat around drinking tea and chatting. Mum cut the cord (DH chose not to) and she cuddled new DD while I got myself tidied up. It was lovely having everyone around. A bit of a birthday party really.
No way, she drives me nuts at the best of times. For some bizarre reason she assumed that she would be joining me in the labour ward and told the entire family that she'd be there. I found out when my aunt told me! Not a chance in hell I was going to let that happen
Surely it would depend on your relationship with your mum. My mum died when I was 18 and as a mother of 4 girls I would have loved my mother to have been with me during such a special time as we were so close. I will always feel sad that she wasn't there.
Couldn't have done in without DM. She was with me for 4 out of 5!!...only reason she didn't attend the birth of last DD was because I had a elective c-section. She was far better support then DH who was a bit of a tit in a trance!!!
Lordy no, my mum would have been asking me for a cup of tea and asking me to hurry up!
I didn't think of it til much too late. But I do wish I had- it would have made her so incredibly happy.
Oddfrog- I love the idea of a birthday party!-
I had mum and DP with my first, will do next time too!
Mum and DH both times, they made a great team and was funnily enough quite a bonding experience for them too. Couldn't have done it without my mum, she was totally calm and made me feel really safe. I think it would have been difficult first time round without her - my DH would have been so anxious and afraid, not ideal qualities in a birth partner!
What a hideous idea! No. No. No. Never. Would rather have done it on my own!
With the first yes, we are really close and she was such an amazing help to me I couldn't have done it without her..
With my second no, I really wanted her there, I phoned her when they broke my waters and told her to come up because DD1 was born 2 hours after they broke the waters.. unfortunately DD2 decided to be born 30 mins later and she just missed it!
It just depends on your relationship with your Mum and most importantly what YOU and your DP want.
I just had DH - oh and some poor medical student... I had a pretty horrific time and very nearly didn't make it. It was his first birth and he got landed with watching someone try the normal method, failed ventouse and finally rotational forceps. Then a massive PPH and complete collapse, poor chap looked a bit shattered when he came to visit me in ICU the next day. I don't think he'll be doing OBs somehow!
My dad was my sister's birth partner - she found out she was pregnant at 7 months and had no partner (crazy, but she really didn't know and neither did my parents spot it - plus she'd split with the bf 6.5 months earlier so no reason to suspect). My father is a doctor and has lots of OB experience - even delivered my brother - plus my mother thought it would help him bond with the 'surprise' grandchild.
I had my mum and Dp with me for DC1. It will just be me and DP when DC2 finally decides to arrive. (5 days over due now!)
No way. It is such an intimate moment between the mum and father of the child that I could no more have my mum there for that than I could for the conception. I just find the idea completely mortifying.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.