Induction Friday - so upset feel like a failure

(48 Posts)
Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 02:08:08

That's it really, feel like a complete failure for not being able to start labour naturally. I'm 41+4 and induction is booked for Friday 41+5.

This is my first pregnancy, I've been fairly healthy and enjoyed it although the past 2/3 weeks have been hard with spd. I never thought I would go overdue as I have short cycles and have done all the long walks/clary sage/curry/pineapple nonsense. I suppose I'm not used to failure and I have control freak tendencies.

I have an old hip ligament injury which I am petrified will be made worse by a non active, epidural birth. Right from the start I'd made my peace with a painful but active labour. My husband doesn't seem to understand that induced labours come with increased risks for further interventions. I've never been ill or stayed in hospital so the thought of 2-3 days seems like my kind of hell, I can't even sleep on aeroplanes nevermind in a ward of strangers.

I've had two sweeps, about 25%effaced, 1-2cms dilated, with a bit of mucus. If I'm honest I don't think labour is close.

I'm so frightened that there will be lasting damage from an induction. I know it will be harder because I'm so tense. I'm also worried that because I'll be in over the weekend I won't have access to the consultants. I can't stop crying, I've pissed off my husband because I'm so negative and maternity support is negliable around here (midwives don't call back, had to check I was booked in for induction myself). Just need to vent, feel so alone.

Bessie123 Thu 07-Mar-13 02:16:34

You don't have to be induced if you don't want to be. Maybe you could postpone it for a few days?

GoldeneyeDog Thu 07-Mar-13 02:25:27

It's all ok . Lots of us went over our due dates (they are only estimates after all) and nothing bad happened

How are things tonight with you?

Twinklestarstwinklestars Thu 07-Mar-13 02:28:04

I've been induced twice over weekends and there were always consultants about, I was induced on Boxing Day too. I also was in and out in a day first time.

You don't have to have an epidural either, did they say if they are using the drip? I only ever had the pessaries and gave birth within 12 hours both times, a 3 hour labour then a 20 min one and will most likely be induced this time too.

Sleepybunny Thu 07-Mar-13 02:47:04

Hi I was induced and had the same worries about my active natural birth going out the window. The best advice I got was to manage you expectations. There is actually very little we can do to have the ideal birth we want, I know not what u need to hear but I found that I very quickly forgot about the carefully planned details of my active labourand just focused on doing what was best to get my baby here safely.

The cascade of medical intervention doesn't have to kick off either, inductions do and can work. Work with your midwife, tell her loudly what you want at each stage. They will listen! They're not all out to make your life miserable.

Good luck, I was 1-2cm, convinced induction would never work as my body was not 'ready' for labour, and what do you know it worked like a charm.

You are not alone xxx

Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 02:48:26

Thanks for the replies. I know I'm on a worse case middle of the night panic scenario with inductions so it is good to balance this up with positive stories.

I honestly don't know if i feel so bad because I've "failed" at going into labour naturally or if I have concerns over induction. I think I just need the uncertainty to stop and for something new to start. I've had a shit time on maternity adjusting from someone who ran a department to someone who considers a two mile walk to be an achievement.

Yes, I could probably have done with more support from husband and the tension is not exactly conductive to helping along labour hormones but I suppose I am ok and there is no reason to say why I won't have a straight forward induction.

Hi. I'm just looking at my 2 day old son, produced as a result of an induction this week. I too am a control freak but I found that the induction process actually meant I felt in control of what they were doing, they can't do anything to you without your consent. I chose to have an epidural and had a wonderful, uncomplicated vaginal birth. DS attracted the attention of the consultants but we didn't need any interventions and they were really careful to make sure I knew all the choices and that nothing unnesecary would be done

My first DS was an induction too. My DH says I just want to be in charge of the process!

I really hope it all goes well for you and that your DH makes a big more of an attempt to understand. Best wishes.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Thu 07-Mar-13 03:52:28

Oh Bringbring please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you have done everything you can to have a healthy pregnancy, none of us can control what our bodies do in labour. Don't use/think the failure word, it really doesn't come in to it.

I wasn't induced but I wanted to say I was strapped to the bed as DS needed to be monitored and he still came out ok. Hopefully you will get the active birth you want, but just to say even lying there was ok.

I also stayed in hospital for a few days as I had needed a transfusion due to blood loss and it was also ok. I did have a private room, is that an option for you? It was actually nice being on my own with little DS, I recall as the hormones block out anything unpleasant it was a nice time. Just take some flipflops for the showers hmm.

I am in London and midwife care here is completely overstretched but like with many aspects I try to manage expectations by thinking, "Oh well, the mat department triage aren't answering the phone, I'll go up there" etc.

I hated the approach to labour. Going on mat leave can be really traumatic in itself. It is so weird, you plan to leave whilst everyone is planning to carry on without you. You suddenly become a mum-to-be without portpolio! And you have no idea what life will be like when he/she arrives. I too have control freak tendencies, so totally understand where you are coming from. It will be ok.

Being 41+ pregnant you are allowed to cry and wallow.

Fingers crossed for the induction.

Flossbert Thu 07-Mar-13 04:15:18

I totally understand where you are coming from, both with regards to feeling 'like a failure' and worrying about the seemingly inevitable cascade of intervention that induction can bring.

I was induced, and the pessary together with a very vigorous second stretch and sweep were enough to get labour started, and I was able to have a water birth in the midwife-led unit. Check with your hospital, but you may not have to be on a bed on delivery ward just because you are being induced.

And with regards to the failure bit, it no longer bothered me one bit once my baby had arrived. Seemed a bit irrelevant and suddenly there were a lot of other things to think about!

Good luck - will be thinking of you xx

Flossbert Thu 07-Mar-13 04:35:34

And try and get some sleep!

Induction doesn't mean you've failed! Think of it that you have made such a lovely home for bubs that they don't want to leave...they'll wait as long as they can before leaving. My birth plan went completely out the window, I was worried because it was my first one and I had no idea what to expect, so made myself feel better by planning it out. My gas and air/maybe pethedone natural birth became an epidural and emergency c section. And I was also induced or tried to be. I'm probably scaring you a bit, so sorry about that, but you need to prepare yourself for anything. You'll forget the crappy stuff as this amazing person will be your only focus. I felt like a failure for not having a natural birth but these feelings paled into insignificance when I got to meet her for the first time. your DH could be more supportive but boys are a bit rubbish sometimes. Mine wanted a 50s birth where he smoked a cigar in a corridor til the matron told him it was all over! shock Needless to say, neither of us got what we wanted. grin
when it kicks off he'll be a bit better, mine was. They don't get to be the bystander, they can get a bit more involved. (devils advocate)
So relax, don't stress and if you're really worried try and defer it for a couple of days. x

CheeryCherry Thu 07-Mar-13 06:42:50

Maybe try to concentrate on the end ideal birthing plan may as well been screwed up, torn to pieces and burned as I had one dreaded procedure after another... Totally not what I wanted.
However, all you want is your baby out safely, and you both to be well. That is the bottom line. Try to make that your focus. Sod how you get there, imagine that end result. Best of luck. smile

FadBook Thu 07-Mar-13 06:57:05

You're not a failure at all.

I was booked in. Then had acupuncture (with a highly recommended person, specialising in women/fertility /labour). Dd arrived before induction grin

All the best

MrsHoarder Thu 07-Mar-13 07:01:50

Ds was one that didn't want to come out. You aren't a failure, just a bit late.

As for the consultant worry, I went i'm on a Saturday,ds was born on the Tuesday. If you have a "hard" induction it will be a weekday before you actually give birth anyway. If its a case of one pessary and everything happens easily then you're unlikely to need more than a midwife present.

squidkid Thu 07-Mar-13 07:39:27

Oh, I really feel for you. The end of pregnancy is the absolute pits. I found myself doing ridiculous awful things like envying people who gave birth prematurely. My waters actually went at 40+4 but they were the longest 4 days of my LIFE. I absolutely felt like a failure for not going into labour. You must be climbing the walls. Bu the average gestation for first time mums is actually 41 weeks, a midwife friend of mine told me. Totally, totally normal.

My sister was booked in for induction with both her kids - she was very fed up. The first at 40+14 was a quick, straightforward 4 hour vaginal delivery. The second she was found to be in labour when she arrived for her induction! They can be very straightforward.

My hospital didn't offer inductions until 40+14 - you are not technically overdue until then. You could query why it's necessary to do it at 40+12. Every day that passes you are more likely to go into labour naturally. You don't have to accept induction either - most hospitals will offer what is known as "expectant management" where you get daily scans to check the placenta is functioning ok. On the other hand, you may want it over with now. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. x

LaVolcan Thu 07-Mar-13 08:39:47

Why do they want to induce you? Have they given you a medical reason, or is it just because that's what they do? As others point out, not only do hospitals vary in how long they 'allow' you to go over, but full term is regarded as 37-42 weeks so you are not technically overdue yet.

IMO if there is a medical reason, it's sensible to listen and consider their advice. If it's just a protocol, remember they are protocols for the hospital, not binding on you.

You may be worrying needlessly anyway - there must be loads of people on these threads who have been booked for induction but the baby decided for itself that it would like to come out.

louschmoo Thu 07-Mar-13 09:40:26

Hi there. Your and your body haven't failed. Absolutely not. Within nature there is avery wide range of 'normal' (by normal I mean things that happen commonly) and going overdue falls within this range. Loads of women don't go into labour naturally, despite doing the 'right' things. I was induced at 42 weeks. After several hours in labour my baby was found to be coming out face first, not head first, and I had an EMCS. I will be forever grateful that I had this option and didn't have to spend hours/days in agony trying to push out a malpresented baby. Who knows - if I'd gone for more walks or spent more time on all fours it could have been different. But in addition my son was only 6lb 8oz when born. So I figure he needed the extra cooking time and his awkward position was his way of making sure he didn't come too early smile. Despite the intervention (actually probably because of it) I had a good birth, a healthy child and a good recovery and I'm sure you will too.

MyNameIsAnAnagram Thu 07-Mar-13 09:48:41

I know exactly how you feel, I felt a failure too. I took back control by refusing induction and going for expectant mangement monitoring instead. I went in to labour naturally at exactly 42 weeks. I did end up on the bed with monitors etc, but it was fine becasue I still felt in control over the whole thing.

If I were you and there is no medical reason for induction, it's just "policy" I would talk to your mw about alternatives. I woudn't hesitate to do the same again, it was the right choice for me. My mw also agreed as when she did my sweep at the appointment where I decided to cancel my induction booking she said my cervix was still very unfavourable so induction wasn't likely to work.

mummytime Thu 07-Mar-13 09:56:51

Out of my 3 children, 2 were born the day before the appointment to see the consultant about "options". The other was an Elective caesarian. There is still time.

Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 11:27:47

There is no medical reason for the induction, apart from the fact I've totally crippled myself today having gone for a super long brisk walk last night.

Maybe this is something that I just have to accept I can't control. I don't want to discuss it with mw as I can't even get hold of them and I don't feel like I get a proper discussion of risk - it's all what do you want to do? I don't know what i need to do, this is my first time and there are no cold stats available and the quality of care is/has been so variable. That's why I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories on here.

I'm going in tomorrow, I'll tell them I feel ambivalent, I can always refuse the induction and wait until next week.

louschmoo Thu 07-Mar-13 12:30:44

I think it's no bad thing to tell them how you feel and discuss expectant management. You don't have to be induced if you're not comfortable. When I was induced at 42 weeks I was ready to stop being pregnant and meet my baby, I'd finished work at 36 weeks and was sick of waiting, so I was fairly happy to be induced.

I do also think it's a good idea to try and come to terms with the idea that birth is something you have limited control over. You can try to 'set the scene' and it's good to be clear about what interventions you are comfortable with, but ultimately birth is about you and your baby. And your baby might disagree with you and your preferences!

N0tinmylife Thu 07-Mar-13 12:41:02

I think if you can accept you can't control this, you will find the birth a lot easier mentally. Induction doesn't have to be a bad thing. I was the same as you, in that I had tried all the things that are meant to encourage labour to start, with not the slightest success. It felt like DS wanted to stay in there forever!

In the event though, I had one pessary, the night I went in. It didn't really feel like it had done much, but it was enough that they could break my waters at 2 pm the next day, and DS was born at about 7 pm that evening. I did need ventouse, as he got stuck towards the end, but I asked for that, and it was a positive experience.

The important thing is that within a few days you will get to meet your baby, how you get to that point, really isn't that important!

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 13:01:05

Could you ask if you could postpone the induction until Monday? Then just stop thinking about it until Monday morning. Give yourself a bit of a rest and take the pressure off.

If it was me (and I say this with the benefit of hindsight and no knowledge of your situation beyond what you've posted) I would postpone and plan some none birth stuff in. A nice lunch, a pedicure, a massage... whatever floats your boat. Once the baby arrives you will be busy and sleep deprived so teat yourself now.

Plenty of hospitals wait until 42 weeks before contemplating induction. You can ask to be monitored if you're worried about placenta function. You can also call NCT helpline to talk through your options. They are trained and should be giving evidenced based information. You can also ask for a meeting with the midwife or your consultant and ask specific questions. I would write them down, things like: what is the risk if we wait until 42 +2 vs 41+5? What is the actual risk for me based on my personal circumstances?

I can identify with the control issue because I'm a massive control freak. I have made a conscious decision that I cannot control A, B, C so I will stop trying to plan that but instead I will respond within the parameters of x, y and z. It helps smile

Btw I had horrendous SPD with my second baby. I laboured on the birthing ball (still possible with continuous monitoring and drip) and them got in the pool. I didn't notice the SPD when in labour and felt instantly better after the birth so you might too? Also an induction does not necessarily mean flat on your back hooked up to machines. You can start with a pessary and see how you go. Or have the epidural at same time as induction. But do talk through your options if you need to and try NCT until you can get hold of your midwife.

Good luck smile

MoonHare Thu 07-Mar-13 16:11:44

My 3rd baby arrived at 41+5 of her own accord. I was booked in for an induction the following day and was certain there was no way she was coming before then - but she did!

I completely understand how you feel, I was very down about it too in the days leading up to my daughter's birth but truly even if you kick off with induction once your baby is in your arms the emotional agony of waiting will be totally forgotten.

I agree with other posters who suggest postponing your induction until Monday. Unless you've been told there's a medical reason. Almost all babies are born by 42 weeks.

Best wishes

blueberryupsidedown Thu 07-Mar-13 16:20:01

The is no such thing as failure in any stages of pregnancy and birth. It is very stressful, and you are probably very hormonal, but please please this is just how things are, it is not your fault, it's not because you have done something wrong. You can postpone the induction for a few days (although personally, I wouldn't recommend it based on my own experience).

Also, be prepared for all the outcomes - including emergency c section. When I was pregnant, I read lots of books about birth and skipped all the pages about c secs because there was no reason why it would happen to me. and guess what, I had an emergency c sec and didn't know what to expect and felt like a complete twat because I had skipped the pages and wasn't prepared for it. There are lots of positive stories about c sections too and I will remember the birth of both my kids by emergency c secs (yes, both!) with lots of positive feelings, lots tears of happiness, etc. There is no such thing as a failure. Please let us know how you feel now and how things are progressing.

big hugs.

Blueberry upside down, I was exactly the same! it was like..."oh, that won't happen to me!" but it did. but she's here now and amazing. you do what you have to to get them here safe.
Good luck tomorrow OP. x

UsedToBeAPixie Thu 07-Mar-13 17:13:25

You haven't failed! On the contrary you've obviously over-achieved at making a comfy home for your baby and he doesn't want to leave... wink

I went 10 days over and I was climbing the walls. I got induced and still had my active birth - just paracetamol and gas&air, birth pool etc. but then the cord was round neck and arms so I had to have a ventouse in the end. It wasn't what I had hoped, I wanted to stay in the pool, but I don't feel like I failed at all - I told myself every day that there was no point getting my heart set on the pool, just in case...

Get used to the non-achievement feeling - I work in a high-pressure, results driven environment and 7mths after DS was born I still have to list "putting the Tesco delivery away" as an achievement in my day. Being a mum is the biggest achievement, but it's an odd feeling if you're used to being in control and getting things done; and to be honest it's what I'm looking forward to when I return in a couple of weeks - a to-do list with lots of ticks!!

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 19:23:33

How are you feeling op? Did you manage to talk to anyone?

<hopes op has not been back because she's gone into spontaneous labour>

learnermummy Thu 07-Mar-13 20:06:04

You haven't failed at all, but don't be pressured into an induction. With DS2 the hospital really tried to scare me into an induction, but I didn't want it so refused and agreed to daily monitoring from 40+10. Eventually agreed to induction at 42+3, but delivered naturally at 42+2. I did have a couple of sweeps which definitely helped, but cervix was favourable. Try and relax if you can and agree with earlier poster that perhaps if you put it off til Monday you'll surprise yourself over the weekend smile

sw11mumofone Thu 07-Mar-13 20:56:38

I was induced with my first. I really didn't want it either and waited until 42 weeks and then just decided she really wasn't going to come by herself. I cant say that I had a great birth. She really wasn't ready to come out despite me being so overdue. However, even though it was long, not active at all and with plenty of intervention, I ended up with a healthy baby to take home. Afterwards I realised this was the most important outcome. And also, just because you have an induction doesn't mean you will be in hospital for days and days. I was there for 2 days and 2 nights. And 95% of that time was the birth process. Yes I had to have an epidural (needed maximum drip and they wouldn't do that without an epidural) and then a ventouse delivery. However, I gave birth at 2am and was discharged before midday that same day. I was affected psychologically by the induction because it wasn't what I'd wanted but my physical recovery was really easy and both me and DD left that hospital in good shape.
I think you have to see past the birth and realise that leaving that hospital in one piece yourself and with a healthy baby is the most important thing.
You definitely haven't failed. Some people just have longer pregnancies. I am now 41 weeks exactly with DC2 and the next induction is booked for tuesday! yes I would love to go into labour naturally but if it doesn't happen I'm just going to have to get my head around it. And as my midwife said, at least they can induce you these days. For those people who just wouldn't go into labour naturally, the outcome was pretty bleak a few decades ago.
Good luck - I hope it all works out well for you. x

Bringbring Thu 07-Mar-13 21:10:58

I'm back! No spontaneous labour and no signs it's impending.

I'm still ambivalent but I'm going in for the induction tomorrow. However, I still don't know if I'll end up asking for expectant management. I'm going to see how I feel on the day.

Fingers crossed - thank you so much for all the posts. They have really helped me make sense of the situation.

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 21:35:40

The very best advice I have for all things birth is this: hope for the best, plan for the worst and make your own decisions so you feel in control... and remember that a large part of it is luck.

I think seeing how you feel on the day sounds really sensible. Try and get a goodnight's sleep and try not to think about it until tomorrow. Do something tonight to please yourself.

Remember to update with your birth announcement smile

I know that this may go completely against the grain or may not be of interest to you, but I wish that someone had suggested asking for an ELCS rather than continuing down the induction route. If it is something you are interested in then try to get a consultant to ask.

Flisspaps Thu 07-Mar-13 21:43:17

I think Katie has given some good advice here.

If you feel ambivalent tomorrow, then don't feel that you may as well go along with it just because you're there.

If you want to turn around and go home, then it is your choice.

If you want to stay and crack on with it, then it is your choice.

It's not up to the consultants, or the midwives. It's not up to your DH. If you're not 100% sure, then that may well affect how you labour anyway - being stressed and anxious hinders labour, even if it's induced. I was ambivalent about my induction with DD but went ahead with the induction at 40+15 - I am certain that I was so wound up about being induced that my body couldn't ever relax enough to go into labour naturally.

With DS, I decided that however long I was pregnant for, I wasn't being induced just because I went over an estimated date and I went into spontaneous labour.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

ISpyPlumPie Thu 07-Mar-13 22:16:09

I really feel for you - I was almost two weeks overdue with DS1 and they were a long two weeks. Was induced at 40+12 with all trhe anxieties you listed and do you know what? It was absolutely fine. I had one pessary which started things off so no drip. I didn't have continuous monitoring either so was free to move around. I found Tens and gas&air were fine for pain relief and 9lb 2oz DS1 was born without me needing a single stitch.

Think it was still in the back of my mind that maybe I couldn't go into labour sponatneously and despite DS1s birth being fine, was a bit anxious about this second time round as I really wanted a home birth. Was therefore quite surprised when DS2 arrived at 39+4, 12 hours after I'd left the office for mat leave (had thought there was no point finishing any earlier as I was bound to go overdue again!) So, even if you are induced this time it's no indication of what might happen in future.

I remember feeling like a failure too but now realise that this isn't true - you've grown another human being, which is no mean feat.

Good luck smile.

FadBook Sat 09-Mar-13 20:04:38

How did you get on OP?

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sun 10-Mar-13 20:59:46

Thinking of you OP. Let us know how you got on if you feel up to it.

Bringbring Mon 11-Mar-13 02:10:59

I'm back witha beautiful baby! ( who was overdue and needed lots of help to get out!) who is happily on my boob right now.

Ok, I would never have picked the induction process but it was a positive experience.

Had a number of fantastic midwives ( who gave me a private room, let me see if contractions kicked in after waters were broken, vigorous sweeps etc) but nothing worked so I had to go on the drip after 48 hours with only a couple of hours sleep. But it all worked out fine in the end with a labour of five and a half hours (although i did do 11 hours of painful dilation before this).

Next time, possibly I would look at elective Caesarian as an option, there were a few people on the induction ward (pre-eclampsia,failure to progress etc) who seemed to be railroaded into induction when a surgical intervention would be more appropriate.

If I had my time again, with my circumstances,I would choose induction so long as I recieved the same level of care. I would advise others to look at monitoring as well as c-sections.

It was bonkers to think that I had failed just because I didn't go into spontaneous labour. In the end, I would have done anything to birth my baby safely. I would advise others to see the positives of inductions; you get a nominated midwife throughout delivery, additional scans, checks and monitoring and first dibs on epidurals!

justmuddlingalong Mon 11-Mar-13 02:20:59

[Big grin] CONGRATULATIONS!!! I have 3 beautiful sons all born after being induced, all with fantastic care and attention from midwives etc. I'm glad you had a positive experience and hope you and your new family enjoy each other!

KatieMiddleton Mon 11-Mar-13 02:31:18

Hooray! Well done you!

Congratulations thanks

KatieMiddleton Mon 11-Mar-13 02:36:22

<whispers> you're allowed to be a bit bonkers in late pregnancy. Feeling a failure about something you can't control is understandable but the road to madness if you dwell on it. So pleased you're happy and felt good about your birth!

I did love your advice to consider elcs, monitoring and induction. ie everything grin

Aw, so happy for you, and that they're latching OK. (doesn't always happen!)
It was all worth it then? grin
Best of luck, does your heart feel ready to explode yet? grin

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 11-Mar-13 06:53:41

Well done you

FadBook Mon 11-Mar-13 08:48:09

Congratulations Bringbring! Very pleased everything worked out in the end. Enjoy these first few weeks getting to know your baby; it really is an amazing time - expect tears of joy every day <whispers> I used to just look at DD and cry!

ISpyPlumPie Mon 11-Mar-13 09:39:53

Congratulations thanks. So pleased everything worked out well for you.

Flisspaps Mon 11-Mar-13 11:06:15

Congratulations grin

cakebaby Mon 11-Mar-13 11:36:44

<sneakily wipes away a few tears>, congratulations you all! Like your advice re monitoring & elcs, which would be my preferred option.
Soooo delighted for you! grin

BartletForTeamGB Mon 11-Mar-13 18:05:06

Well done and congratulations!

I was induced because of complications at 39 weeks with DD2 a few weeks ago and it was a lovely experience. Yes, the drip does crank up the contractions and it does hurt a wee bit shock smile, but it was a really positive experience. I had an unmedicated home birth with my DS and can't say that it was any more lovely!

Bit worried to see people saying that being post-dates isn't a medical reason for being induced though. The reason for inducing women past their due date is because the risk of stillbirth starts to climb significantly from 10 days past your due date. They don't just induce women for a laugh!

If other people are reading this thread considering postponing an induction, read through the RCOG guidelines on induction and the paper below for balanced research on the risks of both induction and expectant management:

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