Having your mum with you when you're in labour. Personally I can't imagine anything less helpful!

(85 Posts)
TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 17:26:11

But it seems the norm? (based on extensive viewing of OBEM).

Don't get me wrong, I love my DM dearly, but she worries so much and I find it stressful. Plus I would hate the idea of giving her an eyeful <boak>. I'm an awful prude grin.

SamSmalaidh Thu 14-Feb-13 17:31:20

I don't know anyone who had their mums in real life! And lovely as mine is, she wouldn't be my first choice - though she would be excellent at being bolshy with medical staff if necessary grin

YouHaveBeenOutbid Thu 14-Feb-13 17:32:00

I hear you! Mine's the last person I'd want there at any future births (didn't have her at my first either!). She'd spend the whole time telling me about her labours grin

bananananacoconuts Thu 14-Feb-13 17:34:38

i must say i don't get on particularly well with my mother but she was an absolute god send whilst i was in labour!
66 at the time, she rubbed my back with her best moisturiser, kept my ice chips filled, talked to me to keep me calm, and let me squeeze the shit out of her fingers when pushing! all this while dh went out for a kebab, brought it back in (my god the smell!) and wandered around the room in a state of panic! he was bob useless, she was a gem!

Wereonourway Thu 14-Feb-13 17:36:37

I had mine there through labour. I was rushed to theatre so she wAsnt there for the actual birth.
I asked her because I knew she would be supportive and that it's probably the greatest gift I could have given her.
As it happened ds was 6 weeks prem and rushed straight to nicu so she didn't actually see him til the next day but given the circumstances it was good to have her there.
She has since said it was the worst thing she has ever been through, not knowing whether I'd be ok and because ds got stuck.

TheCountessOlenska Thu 14-Feb-13 17:39:42

I would if I didn't have DH. I am very close to her, and she is a nurse so wouldn't bat an eyelid at the gore. The only thing is I don't think she would cope well with seeing me in pain, and would worry about me - so although I bet she would be great she probably wouldn't want to!

I think I ought to have. DP for the tending to me, feeding and rubbing etc, and my mum to boss people around and get bolshy with staff.
Kinda considering having her there next time. Might help.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Thu 14-Feb-13 17:45:25

I agree, love my mum but she's a panicker
(Sp?) you can't tell he you have a headache for the fear that its a brain tumor! That's not what I wanted in the delivery room. I'm not sure she's forgiven me or DS for not letting her in. My Aunts have all been in for their gc births so it seems popular now.

CailinDana Thu 14-Feb-13 17:45:52

No way on earth would I have my mum. She can't handle anything anyway stressful at all. She would be beyond useless. Anyway she would refuse to come in in the first place.

shrimponastick Thu 14-Feb-13 17:46:17

Hell no.

I am not likely to be having any more babies now - but I truly would probably rather do it alone if the father of child wasn't present.

ScottyDoc Thu 14-Feb-13 17:47:52

I was adamant I didn't want my mum there during labour. I had a horrendous first labour/birth and in hindsight I wondered if it may had been better if she'd been there. For my second birth, I allowed her to be there throughput labour but said I wanted my birth partner (best friend) to be there. It turned out I sent my friend home as I didn't think she actually was the right person to be there and she was making me feel stressed, so my mum was there, and was absolutely brilliant . Dh and me have her on standby for the next one now lol. Don't rule anything out during labour, it's a well known phenomenon that some women who have been against having their mums there in labour have been known to demand them in the heat of things!

Shakey1500 Thu 14-Feb-13 17:50:28

I was also adamant that my Mum wasn't to be there when I was giving birth. We don't get on particularly well and just about tolerate each other.

shrimponastick Thu 14-Feb-13 17:54:51


Also for this reason.

MortifiedAdams Thu 14-Feb-13 17:57:53

My DM and I get on great, socialise together etc. I wouldnt have her there. I am and always have been a prude and exceptionally shy of my body so I teally want to keep the childbirth to me and DH. Plus, she is quite a big character and DH is so laid back and chilled that he would be shoved in the corner.

Even if DH wasnt around for the birth, I would do it alone.

Oreocrumbs Thu 14-Feb-13 17:58:01

I had no intention of having my DM with me, she was dropping DP and I off at the hospital only. I really thought that it was a place for the mother and father only.

However when the day came, DP was bloody useless. He tried, don't get me wrong, but he just didn't get it.

DM did. I begged her to stay with me don't think she was too keen.

She was a God send. She sat on the floor and rubbed my back for hours, while I hung around DP's neck.

When DD was born she retreated into the background, so it was just DP, DD and I, which was nice.

Now when we have another I want her there!

Actually thinking about my closest friends, all but one had both their DH/P and their mothers with them. And the one that didn't has quite a scatty mother so perhaps that is why.

I went to vist my mum 2 weeks before dd2 was due as i was getting really tried and it was half term ( dd1 did playgroup and they closed for the week) so we travelled the 3 hour train journey the next morning my waters broke and was rushed in my husband at the time was at work and had to get the train to me. Mum was there and it was actually ok husband wasnt very supportive with dd1 but mum kept looking at my bits which was really embrassing and aslong the midwife questions
At one point i recall thinking omg she knows i have had sex even though i had been married 4 years and had dd1.

Mil thought i did it on purpose as only my dc were born outside there town.

My mum thought i did it on purpose so dd2 would be born down sarf.

And husband thought i should of not pushed untill he got there

Oh and my mum screamed in shock good greif the baby has its eyes open when dd2 head was out !!

TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 18:11:17

Scotty, this is DC2 - we were living with my parents when DS1 was born and DM panicked so much when I went into labour that she actually persuaded me to go in too early 'just to be on the safe side', which of course slowed everything right down. Love her but she really is a worrier. I need calm, strong, confident vibes (hence having a doula this time).

She's supposed to be looking after DS this time but is already worrying away. If all goes to plan hmm then I will have a home birth and we might be able to manage DS between us. Nighttime would be perfect!

ScottyDoc Thu 14-Feb-13 18:23:38

I bloody hate nighttime as my labours go on all night until the next day sad not much hope for the next dc. If your mum is indeed a worrier then yes it may be better bit to have her there as its a tense situation already without someone adding to it. My dm had strict instructions though: no touching me, don't ask me if I'm ok, no sympathetic comments, all of which she stuck to. Dms will always naturally worry about daughters as they know what it's all like and some hide it better than others.

NatashaBee Thu 14-Feb-13 18:37:04

My mum called me up to tell me that she wasn't going to be with me in labour as she would find it "too stressful to watch me in pain". Luckily that was perfectly fine with me as I hadn't had the slightest intention of inviting her along.

TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 19:30:28

Natasha grin

PoppyWearer Thu 14-Feb-13 19:33:03

It was bad enough having my DMum at our house as I went into labour and headed to hospital with DC2 (she was there to look after DC1). She was a nervous wreck having had two awful labours herself, and looking at her made me nervous! Would no way have wanted her with me in hospital.

Luckily my labours have been more straightforward.

OddBoots Thu 14-Feb-13 19:38:06

I had my mum with me for both my own children's births and when I gave birth to three surrogate children and she has been great each time.

Funnily enough my mum suffers from panic attacks but they are quite situation specific and are mainly when she doesn't know what is going on so if she hadn't been there she would have been very worried and I in turn would have been more worried about her. I really wanted her to take some of the pressure off dh, he really doesn't like hospitals so I wanted him to feel able to pop out to clear his head as and when he needed to.

I think it really depends on the relationships you have with both your mother and your dh/dp.

fluffywhitekittens Thu 14-Feb-13 19:47:38

I really had no intention of having my Mum there, however dd was prem, DH wasn't at home and ended up having my Mum with me for a fairly quick labour and birth. I'm glad I had someone there and to be fair she said she really hadn't wanted to be there if there had been any other option smile

Lionsntigersnbears Thu 14-Feb-13 20:31:44

There is no way I would let my mother into 'what I call' the delivery room and would keep her out with a lion tamer's whip and chair if it came to it. I love my mother but bloody hell NO!

My first labour was pretty traumatic and dh really struggled (not in a wimpish way!) and he said that he thought it would've been easier if my dm had been there, as she would've kept me calmer than he did. She was there the 2nd time and it was a much better experience and we were both pleased she was there to share it with us.

RightUpMyRue Thu 14-Feb-13 20:40:46

I would worry she was uncomfortable, tired and bored. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on labouring or birth. I'd be too worried about her, she's quite aged now.

That's not to say I don't care that DP might be uncomfortable/tired/bored etc but he can cope with it while I birth his children!

bluemintygel Thu 14-Feb-13 20:44:45

I had my mum there. She was more helpful than DH.

And my labour was so long it meant they could do shifts, so they could have breaks but I always had someone with me.

PuffPants Thu 14-Feb-13 20:45:54

Oh god no, she'd want to talk about it forever more! Every gory detail.

LemonBreeland Thu 14-Feb-13 20:46:14

I would never want my Mum there. Much as she asked to be called the minute I went into labour with DS1. At that time we lived over 3 hours away from her, and I just don't have that kind of relationship with my Mum.

A lot of the people on OBEM are very young and I think that is why they have their Mums there.

MiaowTheCat Thu 14-Feb-13 20:46:53

My MIL rolled into the delivery room last time (just by a series of coincidences too long and convoluted to explain now) and since everyone was driving me nuts with the "oooh push push push" thing and she started doing it - I kicked her out!

Wouldn't want my mum there for emotional support (she's not that kind of person and it's not that kind of relationship) - however she's on hand to be a figure of menace and arsekicking if such is required again (didn't have a good time last time) - if needs be I'll put the fact she's an ex award winning journo into use - she's primed to be on hand in that capacity if required.

Hubby - last time he complained about the chairs, complained after doing two back rubs his arm was aching - has been warned I will manage to kick him in the family jewels if he does this crap again this time (wonder if I can get that in the birth plan?)

TwllBach Thu 14-Feb-13 20:54:06

My DM has always just assumed that she would be there and I haven't ha the heart to tell her that I probably won't allow it. I'm a really private person anyway and because of the relationship we have, I would find it incredibly stressful to be in pain/vulnerable around her.

It would be fine for her to be hovering outside though grin

Ragwort Thu 14-Feb-13 20:58:38

No way, and referring to Lemon's point as I was 42 when I had my DS I didn't even consider 'inviting' her to the occasion hmm - as she lives 250 miles away it would have been entirely impractical anyway. I personally think that, unless you are a single mum, or your DH/DP is away it is very intrusive of the mother to want to be with her daughter when she is giving birth, it is almost as if she can't accept that the daughter is a grown up adult with her own family now.

Notmyidea Thu 14-Feb-13 21:34:34

no way in hell! My mother was over a decade into having dementia when I started having children but she wanted to be there. Fortunately she was dependant on my sister for transport. She'd have driven me and dh absolutely bonkers.

McPheetStink Thu 14-Feb-13 21:37:52

My mum was amazing. I'd planned on having her there to support me and exdp. As it was, I ended up with a csec.

TheSecondComing Thu 14-Feb-13 21:42:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sydlexic Thu 14-Feb-13 21:42:26

I was there when both of my DDs gave birth. It was not a nice experience.

Skyebluesapphire Thu 14-Feb-13 21:45:41

My mum was there and I'm glad she was. XH was bloody useless, he simply didnt know what to do, he was nearly in tears at seeing me suffer. He didnt hold my hand or anything. The midwife kept sending him out of the room.

My mum kept him calm, kept putting a cold flannel on my head, tried to keep me calm when I got hysterical with pain.

I was so glad that she was there.

smellysocksandchickenpox Thu 14-Feb-13 21:47:56

I can't think of anything worse! no WAY would I have my mum there - eugh!
DP was a bit lost with no1 but FANTASTIC with no2!

Jellykat Thu 14-Feb-13 21:52:33

I had my mum and step dad with me for labour with DS1, or i'd have been alone.

However for DS2 it was just me and my bezzy mate who happened to be a midwife! they left us to it which was great. smile

Karoleann Thu 14-Feb-13 21:53:30

I really really like my mum, but I couldn't imagine her being there when I gave birth. For me it's a private thing between me and dh (plus midwife ob/gyn, student doctor etc - but they don't count).
My mum is always fantastic helping after the birth though, but I wouldn't feel comfortable her being there during it.

I was quite surprised that my SIL had her mum (and brother) there during her labour. We later found out her mum had only been given a few months to live. She obviously wanted her to share the experience as she wasn't going to see her grandson grow up.

tazzle22 Thu 14-Feb-13 21:53:47

I had the very great pleasure to be with my daughter when she had DD2 , a very special day for us both.

Its an individual thing and not for everyone.

exoticfruits Thu 14-Feb-13 21:54:55

I love mine to bits - but definitely not!

bluemintygel Thu 14-Feb-13 21:55:17

I agree with sydlexic though, it wasn't nice for my mum.

She was upset towards the end when it all started to go tits up sad But I wasn't cross with her for getting upset because it WAS upsetting, but I was a bit beyond emotion by that point. The midwife was very stern with her and told her she should go and get a cup of tea and calm down like she was a naughty school kid. Which was weird cos I've never heard anyone speak to my MOTHER like that before (she's quite formidable) grin

Rache1S Thu 14-Feb-13 23:01:26

I would choose the Chuckle Brothers as birthing partners before I would invite my Mum. I can't imagine anything worse.

BraveLilBear Fri 15-Feb-13 12:52:43

Will not be inviting my mother. No way. She's a former nurse and is VERY good at getting people to do things (now in sales) but I couldn't handle it. Also, OH hates her and would feel very upset if she was there and taking charge.

Plus, she lives 150miles away, which makes things tricky as she'd HAVE to stay with us or nearby which would put enormous pressure on us in first few days afterwards. I really want as few visitors as possible at home.

Bizarrely, have been considering OH's stepmum as an in-case-of-emergency (no idea if she'd want to be there, mind!) - she's very non-judgy and I think she'd keep me sane with her normalness. Plus she's local.

NAR4 Fri 15-Feb-13 13:57:00

There is no way I would ever have my mum at any of my births. I would much rather give birth on my own, which it looks more and more likely that I will this time around.

Dogsmom Fri 15-Feb-13 16:48:50

Mine is the last person I'd have there, I do love her but she knows EVERYTHING and apparently women who wince or squeal in labour are 'making a fuss' as it's no worse than toothache. hmm

She's also calling the baby 'my baby' or 'our baby' and I think if she was at the birth it would tip her over the edge into full belief that it really is her child.

consonant Fri 15-Feb-13 17:23:45

I had my mum there for the birth of my first child. She was great and very supportive. I didn't feel I needed her for the subsequent births but by then she was too busy with the older DC smile
She says it was an amazing experience, watching her firstborn give birth to her firstborn.

Pontouf Fri 15-Feb-13 18:16:13

I'd actually quite like my mum to be there when I give birth. We have a brilliant relationship and she is a calm in a crisis, no nonsense sort of person. However she has said she doesn't want to be there, that she would find it difficult to watch me in pain. Also DH has said he wants it to be just the two of us so I've never told my mum I'd like her there sad
Have no idea how my DH will be but I'm sure we'll muddle through.

Jojobump1986 Sat 16-Feb-13 04:30:11

My mum was a health visitor before having children, a gynae nurse throughout our teenage years & has relatively recently changed jobs to being an obstetric theatre nurse. There's basically nothing that could happen while I was giving birth that she hasn't seen before but I still didn't/won't want her there. She's lovely & would do whatever she thought would be best for me but that's not necessarily what I think would be best for me & she's basically the only person in the world that I couldn't bear to shout at if I felt I wasn't being listened to!
I'm glad she wasn't at DS1's homebirth. I think the concept of hbs makes her a little uneasy & the midwife made noises about transferring. DM would've been encouraging us to go but I strongly suspect that moving at that point would've slowed things down & put DS in danger. I'm hoping she might come over to look after DS1 during DS2's homebirth but DGM is v unwell at the moment & DM is her carer so it's all a bit up in the air. I think she'll secretly be a bit relieved if we didn't call her over - she'd hate being in the house but not knowing what was going on/be involved!

TepidCoffee Sat 16-Feb-13 08:32:44

Yy Jojo - my DM used to be a midwife! Many, many moons ago. She recently tried to start a conversation with, 'have you thought about squatting to deliver?'...

But I ran away screaming with my fingers in my ears and sat in a corner rocking till I'd recovered.*

*This is not true. I just felt like doing it.

exoticfruits Sat 16-Feb-13 08:50:12

I would think that having a mother who was a midwife, or working in that area, would be the ones that you want to keep away!

SucksToBeMe Sat 16-Feb-13 08:56:10

I thank god my mum was with me!! I had pre eclampsia and DH can't speak any English. I had a EMCS,so mum kept me calm with a few stern looks when my lips started quivering!

MrsHBaby3 Sat 16-Feb-13 10:13:31

My mum wasn't invited to dc1 or 2, but asked her here for dc3. I think we're closer now. I like the idea she can help out wirh kids, an annoying mw or a scared hubby.
I agree abt the being shy bit though (I don't even want DH to see the action area), but I intend for waterbirth so hopefully noone will see my Fairy!

I might have my mum there for the next birth. I don't know if OH could go through that again! Plus she's done it 7 times so has really been in every situation!

fathergoose Sat 16-Feb-13 13:27:00

I don't get it either: why why why??? Nothing to do with her I'm afraid, as much as I love her: the baby was created by DH and me (the old adage of how she wasn't there when it 'went in', so she won't be there when it 'comes out'!). Just think it sends out totally the wrong message about the relationship between the parents if the GM gets to muscle in: almost seems to prioritise the relationship between the mother and the GM over that between the mother and the father, which I think is wrong.

OddBoots Sat 16-Feb-13 13:59:00

My mum was there supporting me and dh at the birth of our children, fathergoose. There was no muscling in, if there was then I'd feel different about it, she encouraged dh when he was scared. There are so many factors in terms of personalities and relationships.

My DM has been a nurse, midwife and health visitor but all over 20 years ago. We didn't even discuss her being at DSs birth, well only that we all (DM, DH and I) thought it a bit weird that SIL had her DM present for all hers.

We did ask her up for DD1s birth as we planned a homebirth and we asked her to be there to look after DS and take him out and about if necessary. She agreed on the basis that that was all and we didn't expect her to 'do' anything to do with the birth. As it turned out she happened to be there when DD1 arrived as a coincidence. She had popped downstairs to ask what time DS usually gets up in the morning. She stood quietly in the doorway and just watched as I caught DD1 and brought her up to the surface of the pool.

She later told me she was so proud of how I was so calm and in control (DD1 was our second born before arrival self delivery).

We provisionally asked her to be child care when I had another homebirth with DD2 but when it came to it I was an inpatient for the last month and a half of my pregnancy so it was DH and me in hospital sad instead.

exoticfruits Sat 16-Feb-13 15:42:30

I can't imagine that many men want their MIL there- I see it as a private event for the couple.

Chunderella Sat 16-Feb-13 16:42:34

My mum was there when DD was born and I couldn't have done it without her. I hadn't initially planned for her to be there. At my NCT class, they said it was a good idea to work out in advance who'd go with who if eg baby needed to go to special care and you were in theatre. As my mum has had 4 CS, she knows pretty much everything there is to know about them and so DH and I thought that if that were to happen, he'd go with DD and my mum would stay with me (also I was quite frightened of having to have a CS and really wanted to avoid it if at all possible). So we weren't planning for her to be there in the delivery room, which is where I gave birth. But I ended up with such a long and exhausting labour, when she came to see me I asked her to stay- looking after me was a 2 person job, as it turned out!

You should be able to have whoever you want as a birth partner, TepidCoffee. Just be aware that you might change your mind once you're actually doing it!

notcitrus Sat 16-Feb-13 18:03:41

I only know a couple women who had mothers there, both had practical mothers and rather useless husbands!

I was hugely glad when my mother said she'd be abroad at the time. Though as I was premature she rang nearly every day from 23 weeks in case I'd had it...

5madthings Sat 16-Feb-13 18:12:47

Good god no way would I have wanted my mother there!

But when I had my 5th, dd, my ds1 was at the birth as he wanted to be. I said yes but that he had to be quiet and I may change my mind. As it was he sat quietly the whole time, then cut the cord once dd was born and I have amazing photos of him holding dd at minutes old. But he was there to watch, dp was there to support me.

exoticfruits Sat 16-Feb-13 19:40:59

A husband will be useless if his wife and MIL edge him out!

I had both my mum and DH with me when I had DD. I was induced at 36 weeks for IUGR and thought it would take a long time. We hadn't been to antenatal classes and I didn't think DH would be particularly helpful, but knew my mum would be (she used to be a midwife a long long time ago). I'm very close to my mum & I feel more comfortable veing vulnerable in front of my her than DH. I also wanted someone there to look after DH!

It was great having her there. She was really supportive and it meant so much to her to see her first GC being born. Her own mother died when she was a child and I think she feels that she missed out on sharing things like getting married/having children with her own mother and wants to give me what she couldn't have. She's an amazing grandmother and she's always telling me how well I'm doing as a mum and never offers any unsolicited advice. I'm so glad I could share DD's birth with her.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 16-Feb-13 19:56:43

My DM joined DH and I at 7am aftet we called her as planned. I'd been in labour since 1am.

DH was my support, but mum was helpful in the background. Then once DS arrived at 8:42am, DH was able to go home to sleep leaving me with DS and DM.

It worked really well. I also love that she was there to see the arrival of DS.

Hope a repeat with DC2 in June but thinking labour will be even quicker etc so not sure if it will work out.

dondon33 Sun 17-Feb-13 09:51:06

Mine came in with DS1 along with ex-h. I asked her to come as I was scared (I was 17) I also thought ex-h would be useless. She didn't interfere and mostly stayed in the background but was there when I needed her at my side.
I would have happily have had her present for 2 and 3 but she had other idea's - while she loved seeing her first GC enter the world, she vowed NEVER AGAIN, she couldn't cope with seeing me in so much pain and not being able to do anything.
After being present myself at a birth (my DSis) I can quite understand where my DM was coming from, as I felt I would rather be the one giving birth than watch it (I know I'm strange smile)

PuzzleRocks Sun 17-Feb-13 09:57:01

My Mum was present at both, I w

ShhBoom Sun 17-Feb-13 09:57:03

I had my mum & DP with me. I wanted her there as she knew what is was like, and while DP tried his best, he didn't really have a clue.

She wasn't there for the birth as I had an EMCS but she was amazing throughout the labour & I'd definitely have her there again!

My mum and my sister have been there through all 3 of my labours, although my last one she refused point blank to come with me saying she couldnt do it again. She popped in to say hello and see how I was getting on and baby just kinda popped out grin

PuzzleRocks Sun 17-Feb-13 10:08:25

My Mum was present at both, her experience (5 children), and her riotous sense of humour were what got me through. I wouldn't have had it any other way. It means the world to me that she was there, but then I always knew she would be; my sisters had her present at some of theirs and as I was at the birth of my niece I got to see how much she helped.

She helped me shower when I could barely stand after each delivery. Only my Mum could have done that. DH is amazing but I wouldn't have wanted him to see me that vulnerable, not least because he faints at the sight of blood.

Viviennemary Sun 17-Feb-13 10:12:38

I agree. My mother would have been the last person I wanted. In fact if I had my time over again I don't think I'd have anyone I knew.

Catchingmockingbirds Sun 17-Feb-13 10:13:04

Mine appeared when I was in labour, the hospital phoned her to get in touch with dp as I had used her phone to call the midwife before I went in and for some reason that was the number they saved for DP. She just invited herself up and sat in the delivery suite, the midwife said that only one birthing partner was allowed with me (ie DP!) but she just sat there and didn't leave. I was too polite to ask her to leave but I wish I had just said to her. She just sat there the whole time doing nothing, occasionally complaining about being hungry hmm.

Pricklypickup Sun 17-Feb-13 10:15:03

My mum asked if I minded if she sat quietly in the corner for both of mine, because she said not being there while her dd was in pain was more than she could cope with.

I was unfussed and so was dh. She sat in the corner didn't say a word had a quick cuddle after dh and I and then disappeared for 48 hours. So that was why she was allowed to do it for the second child!

PuzzleRocks Sun 17-Feb-13 10:17:48

DH was glad to have my mother there, but then they have a great relationship. He stayed home with DD1 second time around so I had my Mum and eldest sister.
Nothing intrusive about it at all, my Mum is a brilliant grandmother and would never try to overstep boundaries. People don't fit neatly into boxes.

exexpat Sun 17-Feb-13 10:30:03

I was 6,000 miles from home when I had both mine, and didn't even tell my mother when I was in labour because she would just have been constantly worrying for however many hours it took.

If she had actually been in the room I would probably have felt obliged to spend the whole time reassuring her that I was fine and it didn't hurt at all, really... (she's an anxious sort)

dondon33 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:17:12

catching shockangry How bloody ignorant and inconsiderate.

charlee that made me laugh, I can just imagine her thinking 'I'll have a quick pop in now BEFORE the nitty gritty starts' smile Oopsies!

fromwesttoeast Sun 17-Feb-13 13:51:13

My mum has been there every time. She was happy to help. My DH did not want to be there. Much too scary for him. That suited me too. I wouldn't want him to be forced to see me in pain.

fromwesttoeast Sun 17-Feb-13 13:52:27

Had my last one in late 30s, so not a youngster!!!

Newmum2013 Mon 18-Feb-13 03:04:58

I plan on having my mum and dh at the birth. We are very close and I wouldn't want it any other way xx

notnagging Mon 18-Feb-13 03:22:08

No way! Mine was so annoying with my first one. I had to send her out. She kept telling me to calm down. She's still upset I'm sure but my mum has away of turning everything round to her, even labour!

ZuleikaJambiere Mon 18-Feb-13 03:49:05

My Mum was on stand by for DC2 as DH had to go away for 3 days at 37 weeks. I did everything in my power not to go into labour during that time so she wouldn't be needed. As it was, she rang me about 4 hours after DH had left to tell me she'd left her mobile at a friends and wouldn't be getting it back for 2 days, and not to try her on the landline as she was going out so wouldn't answer. Really reliable!

However she was a marvel on our first day at home both times. Whereas DH and I were both shell shocked in that 'oh my god, we have a baby, how did that happen' way, Mum was practical. Came round and made sandwiches, ran me a bath, loaded the washing machine and then went away again. We wouldn't have achieved any of that!

dotcomlovenest Mon 18-Feb-13 10:02:22

I feel sorry for dp's when mums are there on obem. They tend to hover around getting side lined by the mum. Which makes perfect sense if their dd is in pain and they are being a bit naff at first. I always think that given the opportunity men will step up to the mark in suppprting their partners. If the opportunity does not arise then why would they if they think all their partners needs are being met by someone eles. I didn't have my mum there and wouldn't for any subsequent births. I think dp would be a bit insulted if I suggested it.

duchesse Mon 18-Feb-13 10:17:57

I can't imagine that any of my labours would have been helped by the presence of my mother. In fact my sister had our mother as a birth partner and really wished she hadn't. My mother has an uncanny knack of always making everything about her.

MadBusLady Mon 18-Feb-13 12:26:10

My mum can be a right snarky cowbag and we're sometimes not particularly close, but I would absolutely want her to have my back in labour. She can crush medical staff with a single look.

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