Mumsnet Talk

I dont want to give birth again. My baby is too big, and now mw says its got a big head, I cant find anything anywhere about the size of ds's head.

Im scared it will get stuck
Im scared theres something wrong with the baby
Im scared of everything changing
Im scared of someone making a cock up and me being damaged forever
Im scared of dying

Generally just terrified of the whole thing, I should be excited but Im not, its ruining what should be a special last weekend with the dc's and Ive done nothing with them yet, we are supposed to go out for dinner tonight, it feels like the last supper instead of something nice.

Dear god how pathetic do I sound?? Sorry

why not ask for a planned c section?

it would take some of the worry away and give you back some feeling of control?

but who says the baby is too big? what is too big?

if the baby is in a good position and you are able to work with your body, and the head is coming down well, then things should be ok

i know you've been concerned for a while about the size, what has your MW advised? how are you being suported, or are you just told oyur baby is too big?

mosschops, you don't sound pathetic, I think it's normal to be apprehensive before birth. I was too second time round, even thoough I'd had an ok experience first time.

One reason I don't think I'll have any more children is that I don't think I could go through all the worry of pregnancy and having a baby again - it felt like I was so much more aware of what I had to lose and what could go wrong.

And my midwife made many ominous noises about how big my baby was getting (I was very overdue), I had an induction in the end... but it was quick and no tearing so actually easier and less painful than first time.

Stay strong and you will do it - just see how it goes and look forward to meeting your new baby soon.

lulu I know that a c-section is not the best for baby or me, but that doesnt make the prospect of vaginal delivery any more appealing.

I am booked for induction on monday.

No one has said baby is too big, just things like 'its a good size' and 'well it wont be as little as your previous ones'. I think the comment about the head has worried me the most, none of the other mw's have brought it up.

Im just freaking out over the whole thing

thanks omi I too have had a spont labour and an induced labour already and the induced one was far better.
Im just scared about the size, tearing, and not just tearing but literally being ripped from the inside out and needing a catheter and stoma forever (see Ive been driving myself crazy ).

I dont know whats going on, its so not like me. Im a nurse fgs and work where Im going to be induced (maybe thats the problem lol)

I reckon most people have these sorts of worries before giving birth, some just dwell on it more than others.

FWIW I don't think the size of the baby is necessarily particularly relevant. Plenty of smaller women give birth to large babies without too much bother and plenty of large women struggle to give birth to normal/small babies etc...

Was your first labour horrendous (I mean extraordinarly so)?

how big was your baby in the end?

I think you will be fine mosschops, dont worry, my mums babies started out smallish and got bigger and bigger yet each labour was easier for her. Good luck and im sure you will cope fine

i was not suggesting a c.s as a way to make you feel better about birth, but about taking back some control, if you are fearful to the point of being scared of dying

if you are being induced, then i would recommedn that you stay as mobile as possible, once you have been monitored, get up off the bed, use a birth ball, walk around etc...

you know, rationally that palpation and scanning do have margin for error, and it is likely this baby will be bigger than oyur others, but that does not mean you cannot birth this baby

it is normal to feel scared and prob. having some medical knowledge etc makes it worse as yo uknow too much

thatsnotmymonster both labours were fine, both vaginal deliveries, both normal size babies, first labour took ages, 2nd indiced one much quicker and easier, very quick 2nd stages (20 minutes and 3 minutes)

thanks lulu I know what you mean, I dont think I would get away with a planned c section as no medical reason for it, plus I think Id be even more nervous about the major surgery in temporary theatres than the labour.
I just wish someone would say 'your baby feels normal size, the head is normal, you will be fine' thats all I need, but they all just seem to say suxh different random things which dont help at all

moss, were your first 2 babies also scanned to be big but turned out normal sized?

fear of death and tokophobia would be valid reasons for a c.s, but it sounds as though if you had some reassurance, you would feel so much beter about labouring

perhaps when you go in for the induction, you can chat to the MW and discuss your fears and get it all out in the open before things get under way?

If you mean me, DS was 8lb 8oz. Is there a consultant you could talk to? If you are really stressing about this you could consider a CS, but I guess that might also depend on how old your other DC are.

Also, women do get big babies out, I've met some who haven't torn with babies over 9lb. I tore (2nd degree, healed quickly) with DD who was 7lb 11oz because I didn't pause when her head came out (the midwife wasn't in the room!). And they can get baby size wrong too.

The most important thing surely is to be able go into the day your child is born as happy / relaxed / comfortable as you can be. What does your midwife / consultant advise for the birth?I've not been in your exact position so don't know what they'd say (re labour/tears/episiotomy)

Hi Mosschops - you say you don't want to give birth again - did something traumatic happen during previous births?

And have you talked to your DP about your fears and worries?

I remember the bit between the booking of the induction and the day itself were the worst. I cried quite a lot - but it turned out ok. As you've already had an ok induction and two babies I'm sure this one will just pop out! (Or near enough).

I wish they wouldn't do all that tutting over your belly, I don't see how it helps. The last midwife appointment I had, she kept going on about the pain of childbirth (because I was a second-timer I think), it was quite depressing, and as I said it was ok in the end.

blueshoes neither of the dc's were scanned, no need as didnt look big, they were 6lb11ozs and 7lb8ozs.
I look waaayyy bigger this time round, Im all bump and its mahoosive

lulu yes youre right, if someone could just reassure me a bit I would probably feel better, maybe I will ask.

I have talked to dh about how scared I am, but not seriously! He just thinks its an inevitable thing and that it has to come out.

I dont have a consultant as have been MW led all the way through.

sorry mrsarchie, no previous labours were pretty uneventful, and I actually enjoyed the pushing and crowning bit, it was a great relief, I knew it was all over and didnt even tear with ds (2nd baby)

If you haven't already, what about writing a birth plan with a bit on the pushing bit and controlling it well with midwife support? I did a plan just for the induction and put a whole bit in about the second stage because I didn't want to tear again. DH also made sure I stopped at the key moment.

No idea if that helps, it just made me feel a bit more in control. I know that midwives often don't have time to read the plans, but we made a point of asking them (DS was born at change of shift) to read it before asking me any questions.

My first baby was 6lb4.5oz. When I was pregnant with DS I was massive and everyone kept saying this baby seemed big.

I discussed with my MW about a scan but decided jointly not to bother because they are v inaccurate, and knowing it was 'big' would not help in anyway.

He was 7lb6.5. Had a REPEAT cs AFTER FAILURE TO PROGRESS BUT LIKE YOU oops caps I was paranoid about being torn to shreds, esp double incontinence. I won't lie, despite the fact I booked homebirths for both babies and had EMCS each time, I was secretly relieved. Even whispered to DH as I got on the table - Oh well at least my fanjo won't be ruined

I am a nurse as well, and agree with Lulumama, a little knowledge is not always helpful!

They still asked me questions mid-contraction though!

I think the fact you've given birth twice before has got to go in you favour too.

great post moaningminnie - I did just say to dh that I didnt want to drag my fanjo lips behind me for the rest of my life to which he replied 'whats new darling'

Im sure if he was pushing this out of his penis he'd be going for a c-section

moss my first DS was 9lbs and I tore with him, it was an induced labour and was only 6 hours was pretty good all round.

Cut to my next pregnancy, the midwives were all about this 'huge baby' from 28 weeks, they said he would be bigger than 9lbs.

'a 10 lber here'

measuring bigger then my weeks etc ...
I was SHITTING myself, I was sure I was going to have some elephant baby who would rip me open to my belly button,
you know what?

He was 7lbs 11!

Tiny for me! no tears, nothing,
he came out so smoothly in the birth pool,

please dont take what they say as gospel, its mostly guess work and they mostly guess sizes very wrongly IME!

thanks omi im hoping that will be the case. I think I'll just have to ask for some reassurance on monday before they start doing anything