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How do you get over a traumatic birth experience?

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By Sat 07-Nov-09 22:26:26 Add message | Report | Contact poster

I had my 3rd baby 7 weeks ago, She is absolutly perfect and we are both doing really well now but I just can't get over the horrendous birth.

I was induced due to Gestational diabetes which I wasn't worried about before hand because I was induced with first 2 DC and had relatively easy vaginal deliveries with just G and A but this time was so different.

After finally having my waters broken 4 days after being admitted to hosptial I laboured for 10 hours but then everything went wrong. Baby really wasn't happy and I ended up being rushed in for Emergency CS.

I had an epidural and then after they open me up DD had got her head stuck in an awkward position in birth canal and they struggled to get her out, in the end they used forceps to yank her out of my abdomon.

DD was born she wasn't breathing and they had to work on her for 5 minutes to get her breathing correctly.

I then had a huge bleed and had to lie there for another 45 minutes while they tried to stop it which they finally did. Baby had been taken into recovery and DH had been sent out of the room and I didn't really know what was happening.

Was quite ill for a few days after and needed 2 blood transfusions. Midwives looked after DD but were bottle feeding her as I was too weak to try to breast feed. By the time I tried a couple of days later I just couldn't get her to latch on and not being in a very strong emtional state I just gave up. I deeply regret that now and feel really deprived of having that experience with my DD.

I so wanted to have a positive birth experience as DD is my last but I find it hard to even talk about it because I get that upset about it.

I know I should just be grateful that DD and I are both ok in the end but I still feel so traumatised by the whole thing its like a reacurring nightmare that keeps going round in my head. I really don't want to remember DD's birth like that.

Has anyone else had a bad time and been able to put it behind them and move on?

Sorry for typo's, have DD over one shoulder grin

Have to go and feed her now but will try and nip back on later on or in morning as nights are still a bit fullon at the mo

tia xx

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 21-Nov-09 21:50:37

i had a very traumatic birth and tried to put it all behind me until i got letter to say one of the doctors was being investigated by the GMC. i went to the hearing as a witness and had a long session giving evidence. i now have complications and again find myself having to reiterate the whole thing again.

i have finally had one medical bo suggest that i do in fact need help after all this. still not got it yet tho.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Wed 18-Nov-09 23:06:25

Memoo,

I was Mrs Natural-Childbirth/Waterbirth and I spent 52 hours in labour and dialated fully and was ready to get the show on the road when Consultant realised DD's shoulders were stuck above the rim and head not pressing on cervix so off for an EMCS.

DD is now 4 months and I have spent lots of time (or wasted) feeling guilty about not getting her out naturally (I was almost there, I what I keep thinking).

Like you I have wept over what went wrong and not being a proper mother having a CS.
And I really wanted this beautiful calm natural birth too.

I have felt very cheated and down. As well as lots of guilt towards DD for not giving her a "proper" birth.

But you know what - its rubbish - we both did our best! Our very best at that!

Just look into your DDs eyes and her smile - you'll see that she doesn't give a hoot how she came out.

All the same, like you I have felt bad about it and would like to know how I ended up in that situation. I had 3 late scans and they knew I was carrying a large baby so why did it take so long to figure out that it wasn't going to happen??

Answers would be nice and the suggestion by others here of asking to go thru notes would be a good one.

As both you and DD are now well, time is a great healer. 4 months on and I feel better about it all. DD's smiles and giggles and little face makes me forget it slowly.

And reading the posts of others here makes me feel like that DD and I are lucky.

xxx

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 14:48:43

Riven, there are so many imponderables surrounding birth. I know someone who had three sections and then a perfectly fine VBAC. From what you have said on other threads, it seems that there has never been a proper investigation into why your daughter ended up brain-damaged. The medical personnel seem remarkably happy to keep blaming you and your decision when to my mind there are some things that don't add up. The fact for example that she was born so quickly after things appeared to start to go wrong- babies are designed to withstand impaired oxygen for a few minutes during birth- the massive release of adrenalin usually protects them from damage during a "normal" birth. If the midwives were perfectly happy for you to continue to give birth at home, and presumably her heartbeat was fine during monitoring, then one can only assume that there were no signs of distress or problems until very near the time she was born.

I have read that there can be a link between amniotic infection and CP. Were the membranes tested after she was born? did the midwives report anything unusual-looking about the placenta? I think you once mentioned that they had lost your placenta. The confusion surrounding your daughter's birth, their unwillingness/lateness to treat you for your post-birth complications, all point to either extreme disorganisation or extreme panic. It would be nice to know which it is. Either way it reflects badly on your hospital trust.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 14:38:46

it does help to talk memoo. I still carry massive guilt that my birth choice (not haveing a section) was what brain damaged dd.
Don't carry it round like a hideous burden like I do.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 12:37:28

I felt I'd let DH husband by opting for a general anaesthetic. My reasons were very complicated but the headline reason was that since I already had a line in it would be quicker. I felt really bad because my husband was already in scrubs and ready to go into theatre with me but instead was left behind. I've spoken to him about it since and he claims he didn't mind to much, and that he might actually have fainted if he'd been there as it was the middle of the night and he's never too good then. Since this was one of the things I feared (and he feels bad enough about fainting when was miscarrying three years ago without adding fainting during birth of fourth child to it) I was relieved to hear him say that. I do need to speak to him about again and more but at then moment he seems absolutely fine about neither of us being there to see our daughter born. Like many men, he's pretty pragmatic about things like this.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 12:33:31

Teatank, thanks for you message. I was thinking about visiting GP as i had PND with first DC and I'm worried that the way I am feeling now might turn into depression if I don't do something about it.

Sorry for short reply, DD has been sleeping for ages but is nowing waking for feed, will get back on later hopefully

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 12:24:50

x-posts, will have a look at that duchess, thanks

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 12:22:10

Poledro, you have hit the nail on the head with the feeling of having let DH down! I never thought about that much before but you are spot on, I do feel like I have failed him.

I spent the whole of my pregnancy telling him how easy the delivery would be because this was my 3rd baby.

When they gave me the epidural because a section was looking likely I remember telling him I was so sorry over and over again because I had been determined that I was going to have just G and A.

I wanted us to share this wonderful, natural birth experience together and instead it was a total nightmare.

Duchesse, my DD is also very active! She was like that the whole pregnancy and even use to try and wriggle away when the midwife was using the doppler or when I was having a scan. She never stops now, even when she is asleep her arms and legs are all over the place.

I think I need to keep in my mind, as you said, that without the section my DD and me wouldn't be here today. If you look at it like that then I guess it almost becomes a positive thing because it can't be bad when it saved my babys life.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 12:14:32

hi memoo i had a traumatic birth 18mnths ago it nearly cost mine and my ds life. i had to have a emergency forceps delivery, being cut from front to back with no pain relief. i got in touch with pals who arranged a debriefing which allowed me to have a lot of questions answered. i am sure can still do this. i have had therapy in the form or cognative behaviour therapy and i found this helped me. i had a really good mental health team who took care of me after this bad time. maybe you could contact your gp and ask for some help. i was diagnosed with ptsd but have managed to put it all behind me now. i hope you achieve the same.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 12:06:57

I don't know if this could be of any use, but it's my live birth thread from August, from the time my waters went to when we left hospital 11 days later.

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How do you get over a traumatic birth experience?