Mumsnet Talk

Can anyone tell me about having a doula? Has anyone had a trainee doula? And has anyone regretted having a doula or felt it was a waste of money? Am considering it as had a loooong difficult labour with my first and my DH found it difficult to support me throughout. Love the idea of female support but have no suitable nearby friend or mum/sister etc. Also particularly interested in post natal doula support as again have no nearby help. Thanks in advance!

I had a doula for my 2nd birth, for reasons like you. I had a trainee doula as it was much cheaper than having a fully trained one, and it was 100% worth the money!

My doula supported me through the 2 weeks of false labours, counselled me through my previous birth trauma, made my birth what it was meant to be (she liased with the mw's, helped me get into new birth positions, told dh what to do - bless him, he's lovely, but he was rubbish at both my births and if we have a 3rd he won't be there!) she helped the mw's tidy up afterwards - home birth - and was generally fab.

Then, postnatally, she came and helped me with cleaning, cooking, shopping, took my ds off me for a couple of hours so I could sleep - she was just great. She's also a baby massage therapist so we did a couple of sessions for dd, who was a bit of a nightmare sleeper in the early days.

Well worth the £150 I spent, and we are still good friends now - although if you're nervous about getting a trainee then I believe there is a hardship fund. You need to ask lulumama or MarsLady about that though!

Hope you get the birth you want.

Message withdrawn

Sort of!? We booked a doula for my second birth after I was left alone by the overworked midwives during my first labour (and immediately afterwards, although I'd suffered a haemorrhage). We hoped a doula would provide a measure of continuous support which is missing from the current setup of community midwife plus hospital, and that she'd be of some help to DH in chasing down errant midwives when needed.

She came to see us three times before the birth to discuss what we hoped for during the birth and what we expected of her. She also emailed me occasionally with information about the local hospitals or local groups that she thought I might be interested in. When we found out that the baby was footling breech, I called her and had a good bawl down the phone and then was able to discuss the options with her (which was fab, as she actually knew what things like ECV meant).

In the end, I had to get an ambulance to the hospital when I went into labour unexpectedly early. We couldn't get a babysitter for our toddler at such short notice, so poor DH wound up taking him to the hospital behind the ambulance. We both thought that DH was going to miss the birth of the baby (via emergency section) when the doula showed up in the nick of time and cheerily offered to babysit our toddler (which is not a task for the faint-hearted) - DH made it into theatre just after the spinal was placed, and got to see his son be born. She then showed up the next day to the hospital and helped me to the showers, and let me have a good bawl over her about the natural birth I didn't get to have.

So - did she do what we expected her to do during the birth? Nope, absolutely not. Was she worth her weight in gold? Absolutely yes. (And she's now refused to let us pay her on the grounds that she doesn't feel as if she really helped. ) We found her through the doula.org.uk organisation, btw.

Wow they all sound great stories! Its not so much support in birth I need, just a back up for my DH so if I am in labour again for 3 days there's always someone there, someone I can absolutely rely on and it sounds like a doula might be the answer! Am excited now, have emailed some local ones. Thanks very much

Message withdrawn

I had a doula for the birth of DS earlier this year (first baby), and it was the best money I've ever spent. She wasn't a trainee, but was really reasonably priced nonetheless. She was the most amazing support for both me and DH - I don't think he have coped without her, let alone whether I would! I had a long and difficult labour in the end, and it was so brilliant having someone wise and experienced to talk to and ask the opinion of when we had to make some tricky decisions, and to suggest thing to help labour along.

She was especially brilliant when I rather quickly (I was induced) got to the 'I don't think I can do this' stage, reminding me to take one contraction at a time, etc. DH even popped home at one point to get some food as I hadn't slept or eaten for two days and was almost hallucinating with exhaustion, & I was fine with that as our doula was there to keep giving me the support that I needed. Though I did come to regret that not long later as he spent the next 6 hours trying to get me to eat vegetables that I really, really didn't have the stomach for...

I booked a doula when expecting my 4th child. She missed the birth - I had a very fast labour and the baby was born on the bathroom floor - and arrived at the same time as the ambulance crew. She travelled to hospital with me though.

It was still worth every penny. She came to the house quite a few times when I was pregnant. We discussed my birth plan at length and when I was looking at being induced and very worried about it, she helped to calm me down and feel that it wouldn't be awful if it did happen.

I didn't book her as a post natal doula although I think it's a great idea. It was lovely to have her to talk to about the birth, and go through it all with her.

If I was having any more children I'd definitely book her again. I wish I'd had her for all my births.

I asked a friend (who happens to be a community midwife) to be my doula. She loved the idea, my hospital midwife totally accepted her and it was a very special experience to be cared for by two women during my labour. I had hoped for VBAC but had another EMCS after a fast and furious labour due to DD2's crappy positioning. The fact she was there allowed me to debrief a lot about what happened and also means that I know that what happened was not down to poor midwifery - in fact they were both gutted about how things went. She also supported my midwife - eg in opposing doctors doing FBS to confirm fetal distress - they could see this would not change the clinical course of action and put me through unnecessary distress.

some great stories here, watching with great interest as i'm also in the process of hiring a doula (probably a trainee) for my second birth.

If i could just hijack for a second, of those of you who had a trainee, how many births had she attended prior to yours?

I ask because there's a possibility that i might end up with a doula for whom this is her first birth, and while everyone has to start somewhere, i want to make sure my £200 is money well spent, and that i don't end up with someone more nervy than i am!

totalmisfit we had fully trained doula but were considering a trainee as we're a bit skint. We did speak to a couple of women who were working in partnership as trainees when we were looking around, and although it might just have been a personality thing I'm so glad we went for our doula in the end, even though she was actually on holiday for part of the time she would otherwise have been on call for me.
Her previous experience was so valuable, and I know she was able to provide a level of support that we just wouldn't have got from the trainees we spoke to.

I would recommend that you should contact a few, have a good chat with whoever you're considering hiring before you go ahead (most should be happy to meet with you for this without charge), and then go on your gut instinct. A trainee doula might have lots of experience that would really in supporting you useful without her having doula-ed (?) officially before, and could be just the right kind of person for you. Or you might feel as though you're not totally comfortable with the idea of relying on them as much as you'd like. I found that we could tell pretty quickly once we'd met ours that we wanted to go with her.

I also found it important to know that our doula understood us well and that we liked each other - she's going to be present for some pretty intimate goings on, so being comfortable with each other rather useful!

blimey, sorry, my typing's abominable, for the same reason that i'm on the '6 months and still not sleeping through' thread...

Some lovely stories on here... I'm just marking my place for future reference (not that far in the future actually... only 7 weeks to go!)

How late is it possible to book a Doula? I'm waiting on a scan to determine the position of this baby, she's currently transverse and a we'll decide at 36 weeks what's happening, I'm happy to go through with a cs without a doula if that's what's required, but if I get the go ahead for a vbac I'd quite like to hire one. Do you think it'll be ok to wit until 36 weeks before finding one?

I had a trainee doula and she was wonderful. We had her because I was worried about beeing left alone giving birth if I needed DH to go out and get something. I think I was her 2nd birth. She was wonderful, she came to ante natal classes with us, she visited about 4 times before the birth, including going through my birth plan and meeting my midwwives, she came as soon as I started labour, looked after me while DH got some sleep, cleaned up after I vomited , shared giving me back massages, let DH go and get some food, and at the end when they had to have a team of doctors in in a rush, she was right there with me explaining what was happening whilee they got on with it. After DS was born she stayed with DH and DS while I went into theatre. Then she visited fairly regularly for about 3 months. Worth every penny and although would be much more expensive for no 2 because she will be fully trained by then, we will seriously consider saving very hard to have her again.

I was thinking about some of the things that I found very helpful with my doula:

I have fast labours and also have Group B Strep, so I knew that I'd need my antibiotics as soon as I got to the hospital. I've never travelled to the hospital in labour, in an orderly way (2 inductions and one blue light ambulance as left it too late - should have learned from that!), so was worried about having to explain all about needing abs asap, and get out of my "zone" by going into firm adult mode. I talked to the doula about this and was confident that she'd be able to have that conversation for me.

I hated in previous labours all the cheery chit-chat, and particularly being told to "push, puuuuush"! I didn't want to have to psyche myself up to ask midwives to shut up, and was much happier knowing that the doula would be very tactful and say v quietly "she'd like things quiet please". I'd put a lot of effort into learning hypnosis techniques and was very keen to be able to apply them, which meant focusing on my breathing, not on engaging with people.

I'm getting very excited on your behalf now, pregnantpeppa. I hope you have a lovely labour too

Hi Headfairy,

Start making some enquiries. Depending on your area we can get booked up way in advance. Chat to some, explain the situation and compile a short list of those we you liked and would want to contact again if you need them. Hope it goes well xx

had one for second birth and she was amazing. she was so supportive- of me and DH and I did it without pain relief and only small tear- after hard first birth and 3rd degree tear.

She was just brilliant and I would say it was just the best choice we made- her support and strength throughout, along with her knowledge and calmness meant DD arrived much more calmly than her brother!

Just make sure you meet a few and have a connection with them. I liked mine instantly and I felt so close to her by the time labour started and I guess now she will always be part of my life as a friend. Quite an experience to share!

HTH.