Thought I would come round to the idea after nearly 8 months but I haven't! He desperately wants to be there...but legs akimbo, waters breaking, pooing - agh!! How did/do you feel about it? Or when it happens will all pride go out of the window?! First baby so all advice needed pls - am getting panicked!!

When it happens all pride goes out of the window.

You can set some rules - eg demand that he stays at the head end. TBH DP wouldn't budge from teh head end.

It is good to have some support. Would you rather have a friend/your mother there. Persoanlly I preferred DP who has seen all my bits a few times over my mother who hasn't (as an adult at least) IYSWIM.

i was like this, didnt really want dp there, worried about doctors/ nurses examining me, the thought of it made me horrified, by the time dd was born i was so fed up with being pregnant i would have happily sold tickets and had her in the middle of tescos! once you go in to labour you do get over it (although i was determined not to poo in front of anybody and kept going to the loo, much to the displeasure of the midwife)

So did you manage not to poo?!

I appreciate how you feel. I also had my Mum with me and she was great at subtly steering him away from anything too graphic. He remained firmly at my head end and as he tends to pass out at the sight of blood I assume he saw nothing. He was however there to hold DD when she arrived which was fantastic.

i managed not to poo in public thank you very much !

There is hope for me yet! But it is very common - or should I say frequent - isn't it? Did anyone just boot their DP out at any point?

i didnt poo, and dh stayed near my head the whole time
Set rules but tbh, you really should let him, its his child too and you might just regret it. You really need someone there as midwifes are so busy, and my dh was a god send afterwards HTH

I had the same worries as you before I had DD, but to be honest, I didn't give a monkeys when I was in the thro's of it all. DH is very squeamish and he was determined to stay at the 'head end' but when DD's head was crowning he was completely blown away by how amazing it all was. He says he didn't notice anything else and that seeing his daughter born was the best thing ever.

i didnt tell dp to leave, but we had discussed it before hand, and as he knows what im like he agreed if i wanted him to go he would, tbh when its all happening you do forget to worry about it (apart from the poo obviously) i had to have quite a few stitches after dd was born, and there i was legs akimbo not a care in the world (i am blushing now at the thought of it)

That sounds perfect PictureThis. Trying to remain calm..!

Think my fear stems from an old boss I had years ago who told me the worst thing for his sex life/marriage was seeing his wife giving birth - what a sod I know but has stuck in the back of my mind..

I pooed with 3 out of 4 of mine, but the midwives just responded so quickly and had it out of the way and gone in seconds that tbh I don't think ex-DH or DH even noticed - certainly was Never Mentioned Again.

The thing is, it's the birth of his child, as well as yours - and incredibly important for fathers as part of the bonding process. And he will have renewed respect for women after witnessing a birth. The lack of dignity etc was never as issue.

What your old boss said - that just sounds like something you say because you think you're being funny?

Have your man with you but tell him to stay away from the business end. Is what I did. Dp happy to oblige - very squeamish.

And as for the pooing - I didn't and I don't know anyone who did? Me Ma was a midwife and she doesn't tell any stories about poo. I don't think you will, honestly so try not to worry about it.

Boss comments surely along the same lines as 'make sure your wife has a caesarean' nudge nudge...??Ars6holes...!

That is a very valid fear, but the thing is he may not have wanted to be in that delivery room anyway. You could suggest to your DH that he sits facing you and away from the action if things start to get a bit 'hairy'.

No idea if I pooed, DH was trher for both, and therefore not a huge amount of use to me as he was fascinated!
DD1 was CS and he was just openmouthed watching her come out.
DD2 was VBAC and he wouldn't move from my feet once she crowned. He says it was teh 'coolest, freakiset thing I have ever seen' and everyone should watch it.
Makes me quite when am I ever going to get to see it!

Was anyone ever filmed giving birth? It would be amazing to see - feeling a bit hard done by now actually!

well just to say the other side, i have had DP with me and we have agreed he wouldn't attend next time. He was so worried during the birth that i just found it worried more than it would have. He is quite happy not to attend!

Do what you want to do. If you dont want him it is not his right.

I have 3 DDs 3 vaginal births and DP has been at the action end every time. He cannot even watch Casualty without feeling ill I was amazed, he describes in great detail how when I was pushing he could see more and more head coming out. He even watching to tape DD3's birth I said no way. I pooed the first two labours and the second one it was DP who cleaned me up (told me afterwards) he's so matter of fact about it said well you were pushing our baby out and in great pain it's only a bit of poo I'm your partner of course I cleaned it for you.

He says it is the most amazing thing he has ever seen and he wouldn't have missed it for the world. It has given him a new found respect for me and brought us closer together.

As for our sex life no change wish it would have put him off a bit

Thank you. I know I am being ridiculous.....just really thought the idea would have grown on me a bit more by now but still another few weeks to work on it!!

I needed DP there not to do anything or touch me God forbid but just to know he was there.

I agree with nancy75 by the time you get to pushing you dont care about pooing ( i thought usually while in labour your body expels food and such, i had a massive poo just before i went into labour, and anything i ate just came straight back up!mmmm curry i'll never forget that!another story sorry) well i didnt i just wanted him out!!! concentrate on a positive birth if you try to not poo you'll not be pushing hard enough!! oh it hurts but so worth it!!and over so quickly, then you have sleepless nights to look forward too!!!

good luck please let us know what you have, and how it goes.

my dp was there at the baby end although he didnt want to be!!!i used his hip for a foot rest to push!!!!

I wish dp hadnt been there. I pushed him out of the room twice and he nearly missed the birth. I think next time I will him outside the room and call him in as soon as dc2 is born.

TBH you may change your mind when you go into labour anyway. I always wanted dp there but just wanted to be alone at the time. You may find that you want him there when the time comes x

Word of warning passed on through my sister, don't try not to poo, the piles are horrendous apparently.

FWIW, through two labours I never poo'ed either on the toilet or in front of anyone, but if I had have done, I really couldn't have cared less! I was quite worried with DS1, and had a bit of a giggle about it with my sister, and it was only 3 or 4 days after the birth that she asked if I poo'ed (erm... as you do... LOL) and I had to ask DH because I had no idea and the thought hadn't even crossed my mind!

It was fine. DH said he did not want to be down the 'messy end' which I was fine with.

In reality, I could not have cared less, and in fact he did not care less either and was keen to be at the 'messy end' to see his daughter arrive and take her first breath....and I was pleased he got to see it, not just the Drs.

Twas amazing and he has never appeared scarred by it (and beleive me, if it had, he would not be able to hide it, he is sooooo squeamish! )

Well according to my notes I didn't poo and dh said he doesn't think I did. Mind you I had a v quick labour. I'm sure dh saw quite a bit of it though as he was helping holding my leg up.

I'd rather it be him than my mum or sister.

Mind you once I was in labour I couldn't have cared less. I didn't care that a male midwife helped, or that I had to walk/crawl along a corridor past the reception desk then back again (don't ask) and that everyone stood around the desk got a good look because the hospital gown was wide open at the back .

when that baby is coming down your birth canal you won't give a stuff whos there to see what...honestly!..you'll just want the baby out!!

dh is squeamish about everything (tsk get a grip man) has managed to cope with two births and hasn't gone off me (6mths preg with dc3) and i've no idea if anything else happened down there. but with the birth of ds1 i screamed like a wild animal caught in a trap (apparently) and lost my voice..its an intimate moment between the two of you and its good to see them coping.

i got quite teary during the transitional stage and need lots of hugs then...

I did not poo.

You will be in a frame of mind that only exists in labour & birth & you might not even be aware of who's there or what else is happening around you. Plus your dh will be so amazed & proud of your giving birth.

I pooed with ds2.

Dh has mentioned it pretty much every day since.

I pooed a lot but I did have diarhea for 2 weeks before birth and dp does keep reminding me which I hate. That is why I didnt want him there and why I would have him there again next time.

by the end of it all you just won't care My MIL was there while I was in labour and kept expecting me to ask her to leave - I never did because I was somewhat preoccupied. I was also scared of pooing in labour but it didn't happen.
you could give your dp strict instructions to stay away from the business end, but my DP was at that end when DS was born and hasn't been switched off me one bit!

I don't understand all this thing about pooing during birth like it's always going to happen - I didn't poo myself when I had my daughter. In fact my mw told me if I felt like I wanted to poo, she would escort me to the toilet but it would probably be the baby's head pressing down. If it happens, it happens... but it may not.

My Mum accompanied me and didn't budge off the chair until she was bidden by the mw to hold my dd. Tbh, it was better that she was there, having had 4 babies herself than my squeamish ex-partner.

It didn't happen to me but then she was born at 7.13pm and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I don't recommend that though, you need your energy and I was famished by the time I got onto the ward. DH had to get a Tesco sandwich for me. Great. This time I am having a homebirth and a slap up dinner after.

Just tell him to stay at the head end.
Anyway, all pride does go out of the window. You'll want him there when the time comes.

You won't mind when you get to it, as everyone else has said. My midwives were very discreet at cleaning up when I pooed a little bit. Poo seems a lot more normal anyway when you've had a few years changing nappies, tbh! So your DH may as well get used to it.

If it was him giving birth to your child wouldn't you want to be there? Would you care if he poo-ed?

I think the placenta might be more shocking than a bit of poo - not something you see every day!

I didn't poo, fortunately as dh was in the birth pool with me.

He says he wouldn't have given a damn though, and that seeing me give birth to our son was the best experience of his life.

It certainly hasn't put him off my body , he says knowing what it can do makes it even more attractive.

I had shown him some videos of water births that were very graphic, so that may have helped in that he knew roughly what to expect.

Please elaborate on the placenta part!

Well, dh spent a good 20 minutes with the midwife closely examining the placenta (apparently it had more membranes than usual)

By then you are holding your baby and absolutely nothing else in the world matters.

Oh, just that to me it seems huge and in some way alien, coz you've never seen one before.
Mind you, the baby seems that too

I wish men did give birth. I would love to be there but not actually doing it. So much better at holding hands and bringing cups of tea than pushing

Have decided I am just going to keep my legs crossed and it will all be fine......

hathor LOL - my MIL has had five kids and said it was so much harder watching me go through it!
I didn't get to see the placenta - I wish I had though. DP wasn't shocked by it he was more fascinated, but then that's the kind of person he is.

legs crossed good luck

DP was at the birth of both of our DCs but stayed firmly at "the head end" as hes a bit squeamish TBH.

I couldn't imagine not having him there -he was someone to boss around ("get me a glass of water/lipsalve/turn the radio up/down" etc), a hand to squeeze and nearly break fingers of, someone to yell at, someone to hug, etc.

Also we found it such an emotional and moving moment when they were actually born that I can't imagine not having had him there. There aren't many moments quite like that in your life.

I always assumed that DH would be there for my daughter's birth, but then I always imagined that I would have a pretty straightforward natural birth. I actually had a planned c-section, he was there and I couldn't have done it without him.

However, it was pretty tough on him - he didn't want to see the operation at all, but found that when he was sat down he couldn't help but see things out of the corner of his eye. He did skin to skin with my daughter immediately after she was born but when they started to close me up they used some sort of hot tool which apparently made a terrible smell and he literally went white and almost passed out - the midwife caught DD just in time. I don't blame him at all, I'm delighted that I didn't have to be anywhere near the business end.

He would definately do it again, it hasn't put him off, and as I say I wouldn't be without him, but I think it all came as a bit of a shock in reality.

Hope I haven't sounded negative and I'm sure that you will have a great natural birth, but we certainly didn't consider what a c-section would be like, even when we knew we had to have one, so it might be worth preparing for before just in case.

If you're not comfortable having him there don't have him. Or as others have said give him some strict guidelines. I do think you need someone there to represent you though in case you find yourself in a position where you are not able to clearly express yourself and what you want. Does he want to be there? (totally your decision, just wondered)

i pooed a tiny bit but it just landed in the general pile of waters/wee/meconium that was gradually collecting under me and the mws just flipped a mat thing over it. my dh saw the ick, the ruined fanny after as they put me in stirrups, and the placenta and he's still up for sex as much as i let him

I didn't want DH there for the really biological bits, he did a lot of back rubbing and hand holding, Then when I felt it was getting out of control I asked him to leave - we had discussed it earlier and he accepted that's how I wanted it. He was fine with it, came back in just after the birth, and has bonded with baby no problem at all. To each their own.