Scared to have number 2 - don't want to go through childbirth again

[makapakka]

My DD is now 2. we really want another child, but I am terrified and feel physically sick at the thought of childbirth again. I had a long labour, full of tension, mother sister, husband away. My contractions weren't strong enough . . . . urgh . . I can't go into all the gory details but I know that is what is stopping me trying to get pregnant again. I delivered 'normally' (eventually) but for number 2 (at this stage at least) I really would like an option to just have a calm, planned c-section. Totally can't afford to go private. I know its meant to be easier the 2nd time round, but with my luck, it won't. Is there anything I can do?

[fleximum]

Well, congratulations on managing to give birth "normally" even after all that stress. I suggest you try to make an appointment to talk to a midwife, preferably one who you know, about your previous labour, just to get things clearer in your mind. There is no reason to think your next labour will be as bad. As for a planned c-section, some consultants are more amenable to providing this than others and I'm sure that your midwife would be able to advise you on where to go about this. Do bear in mind that the actual event may be easier with a planned c-section but recovery is much longer and it is slightly higher risk both for you and baby.
Good luck and I hope you decide to go for it.

[Flibbertyjibbet]

When I found out I was pg with ds2 when ds1 was 8m, I was terrified of giving birth again.

It was long, drawn out and traumatic with ds1 and we were in hospital for 2 weeks.

I spoke to the midwife who got in touch with the registrar who had ended up delivering ds1. The Reg contacted me, made me an appt to go and discuss the birth, where she explained all that had been going on, why they did all that they did, but most importantly, that it was not likely to be like that again. At no stage did I suggest, nor did she, that an elective c-section would be available.

It did help, but the thought of giving birth again clouded the pg. However a day before my due date ds2 was found to be large and breech and I was whipped in for an elective c-section the next day.

Funny thing is after the section when I couldn't get about/manage my toddler/drive for ages, I found myself thinking that at least with the traumatic birth, when its over its over. With my section, when the baby came out all the pain and discomfort was just beginning.

A c-section is not an easy option.

[TuttiFrutti]

Could you ask your GP for a referral to a consultant and talk it through with them? Can you find out the name of a consultant who is more pro-cs?

I have heard of women getting planned cs on the NHS purely because they were frightened of labour, but I've also heard of women being refused, so it depends on who you see.

Of course your second birth might be totally different, and there are all sorts of things you can do to try to make this more likely. Have you thought about hiring a doula?

On the other hand I think women should be entitled to a free choice, especially if they have been through a difficult natural birth once.

[Lio]

I know it sounds weird, but if you're up for giving it a shot, I had great success with this woman:

Sarah Holland

If you want to talk to me over the phone about it (or in person if you are anywhere near Stevenage!) then let me know. You did it by phone, by the way, so geography not important.

I got terrified when visiting the hosp second time (so quite late into the pregnancy) and this got me prepared in my head for a home birth and I went into it without fear.

[booblies]

I can totally understand your anxiety,my experience of child birth first time round wasn't very great (long labour, oxytocin, continual monitoring,eventual epesiotomy and ventuose delivery). it took 5 years to do it again and I was terrified !. DD totally different,having done it before, i was really conscious of the way I wanted it to go and felt much more in control. I think I learned from Ds labour the things I wanted to avoid ( continual monitoring, being immobile) and realised you can refuse all this. Anyhoo my 2nd labour was augmented by gel (absolutely refusing drip) after my membranes had ruptured for more that 72 hrs. I made a conscious effort to keep mobile and walking around. I think the contractions were worse this time as they were continual and everything happened much faster.Cant complain though, Ds born after 4hrs, me laughing hysterically afterwards cos I couldn't believe it. A brilliant experience to balance out the shitty first one. 5 months on I still can't believe it !

[Lio]

And also there was a brilliant book I borrowed from the library, Your Birth Rights by Pat Thomas.

[clarita]

HIya

You have my sympathy as i was very scared to give birth after a nasty experience first time. I found talking through what happened first time and why with a midwife to be very helpful - and talking through my fears. Also there is a charity called something like the Traumatic Birth Association which i found had some useful information.

Good luck.

[MrsTittleMouse]

I had exactly the same thing (actually, I still do to a certain extent). I am 3 months pregnant with baby number 2 though. I had counselling through the GP (on the NHS) and the counsellor's goal was to get me to the stage where I could consider having another child (which obviously worked!). I had a very definite idea of what I wanted last time, and tried very hard for natural birth, but I ended up getting transferred to the CLU where the consultant laughed at me because I didn't want an instrument delivery or episiotomy (DD was not at all stressed by the way) and bullied me.
This time around, I was very proactive and took DH with me to my first MW appointment (for back up). I didn't need to though, as the new MW is lovely and has been really supportive. I am going to see the consultant and the senior midwife (arranged by the CMW) and make sure that everyone knows exactly what I want if things go well and if things start getting a bit pear-shaped. DH is now also very well primed about what will and will NOT happen.
I still get times when I get worried and upset. I had one on Friday. I don't think that it's realistic to go into a second labour with a cheery and optimistic attitdue after such a traumatic experience (after all, I didn't go into the first with a cheery attitude either!). But I think that it is possible to reduce the fear enough to have a much-wanted second baby.
Good luck (and hopefully in October I can be another voice telling you that seconds are much easier ).