Suggested reading for someone terrified of birth!

[MissingMyHeels]

I was told at 16 weeks that I would need to have a C section due to a severe fall that I had. However, consultant I saw today (am 34 weeks) told me that he wouldn't suggest a C section as it shouldn't make the problem better or worse.

I am kind of happy that I don't have to have a C section as I was very worried about recovery but I equally feel terrified and completely unprepared for a natural labour and I know I need to be mentally on board to have a good birth.

Please suggest some inspiring but honest reading for me! I feel like it has been thrown on me and now I feel completely out of control and so, so, so, so scared.

TIA,
The Biggest Wimp EVER

[Lulumama]

oh dear !

is there an issue with your pelvis?

my suggestions would be any or all of the following

Ina May Gaskin

Sheila Kitzinger

Janet Balaskas

Penny Simkin

Michel Odent

amongst others!!

what is it that scares you the most?

[thebecster]

Oh you poor dear. I used 'Birth & Beyond' (Yehudi Gordon) as my bible when I was preparing. FWIW, birth of my DS was the most wonderful experience of my life. Yes, some people have it rough, but mine was lovely, and for some reason not so many people tell you that it might be quick and easy, they?re all desperate to tell you about scarey stuff (or that was my experience anyway)! I found antenatal yoga and self-hypnosis really helpful. If you're not experienced at self-hypnosis I think there are hynobirthing CDs you can buy, which would def. be worth a try.

[Klaw]

What about Dr Sarah Buckley's articles or even her book?

And I would also suggest a visit to an Osteopath to check out your pelvis, or a chiropractor....

There's also Childbirth without Fear. I've not finished reading it, but it is amazing so far, and from a man over 50 years ago at that!

You have nothing to fear except fear itself.

[MissingMyHeels]

Thanks ladies.

I have two hairline fractures, one to my pelvis and one to part of my coccyx. I had my consultant at Kings College who dealt with me at the time of injury that labour had the potential to make it worse. The consultant I saw today things that they should have healed sufficiently by now.

My biggest fear is being cut, instrumental delivery or an emergency caesarean. Like everyone I guess! I also worry about the pain but my attitude with that is I can just ask for lots of drugs if it's very awful.

I also have GBS and have been told I will need anti biotics and monitoring during labour so not sure how active I'm going to be able to be.

[thebecster]

Oh dear, sorry to hear that. Well, if it helps, a dear friend of mine had her DD by emergency caesarian and still says it was the happiest most wonderful experience of her life (she's one of these relentlessly positive people, you know the type !). I think you're doing brilliantly to research into positive approaches to birth. All signs that you'll make a wonderful Mum

[Klaw]

Are you a known carrier of GBS or have you tested positive this pg?

I had prophylactic AB during my last labour but have read up more on it and would not do so again without other risk factors.

The info on the Homebirth website is very interesting! Do your research, make up your own mind. I can pass you more info if you wish.

[HolidaysQueen]

MMH - good news that things are healing well - you've had a rough time of it!

I'm quite scared cos I hate the unknown (I'm a bit of a control freak!) but am finding both antenatal yoga classes and hypnobirthing CDs are really helping me calm down and feel better about labour and also giving me more practical ideas of things I can do to feel more prepared and in control. Yoga in particular is fab.

I'm also a great believer in reading as much as you can to take away the mystery around it all - I didn't even realise for example that when people talk about being in labour for 24 hours what they often mean is that they were at home in familiar surroundings and were able to cope with the pain easily for 16 hours and then had only 8 hours of really active labour. I always thought it meant you were in absolute agony on a hospital bed for 24 hours!

[whomovedmychocolate]

I would second Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth - totally inspiring!

Also there is a book called 'Stand and deliver and other brilliant ways to give birth' which is very good.

I found the Shiela Kitzinger books a bit old fashioned but some good medical info in them.

The other thing I found helpful was reading positive birth stories online. If you can come to terms with the fact that every day thousands of women successfully push babies out of their bodies and then get up and walk around and live their lives - it really helps get a sense of perspective.

[fairylights]

not sure if anyone said this yet but i really liked "birthing from within" - as well as all the other books listed by lulumama! you are doing great getting yourself prepared, its the best thing you can do. All the best

[Daisymoo]

I would third Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - it's not too long so you should be able to read it in plenty of time, it has lots of inspiring stories and practical suggestions for managing during labour.

[Klaw]

Fairylights. Birthing from Within is another of my favourites.

I'm still hoping to get Pam England to come to Scotland..... she was in England last September...

[mom2latinoboys]

Well I'm big on hypnobirthing and still think that "Hypnobirthing: the Mongan Method" is probably the best book I've read. It's short and to the point.

I loved "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May Gaskin, not so much "Ina May's Guide to childbirth"

[zebedee1]

It must be a bit of a shock for you to find out you can have a "natural" birth so late on in your pregnancy. Have a look on some of the childbirth threads here, there are some lovely and inspiring stories.
I too was TERRIFIED about birth, mainly because the midwives said (and scans showed) that I was going to have an enormous baby - not what you want to hear with your first! I am a big wimp!
You are so right that a positive mental attitude is important. I did yoga and listened to the NCT hypnobirthing CD most days, it was very relaxing. Also read a lot on Mumsnet and in my baby books so I knew what I could expect at each stage.
Have you done an antenatal class? They were great because you meet people just as worried as you and it makes you realise that you are not the only one going through this. The most useful thing for me was the antenatal session on natural ways to deal with your labour like breathing, having a bath, moving about, staying at home in familiar surroundings for as long as possible, having a glass of wine ....... At the time I thought "there is no way this hippy rubbish is going to work" but when I got to the hospital after 5 hours at home in the bath and walking about, I was 8cm dilated!!!!
I also found it useful to talk to some of my friends who had given birth, not the scare-mongerers who seem to delight in telling you gory tales though!

[Naetha]

If you have a browse of some of the post-natal threads there's quite a few birth stories on there. Obviously, as with labour they're very varied, but I think brutally honest as well!

DS is 3 weeks old now (was born vaginally with no intervention, a very small tear (now fully healed) and gas and air as pain relief (although the MW took it off me during 2nd stage as I wasn't focussing !), and giving birth to him was the hardest, and most painful thing I have ever done, but 3 weeks later I am 100% recovered (and was 90% recovered 3 days after) and definitely worth it

My birth story is about the 4th post down on this page. I will warn you it's not rose tinted though

[Naetha]

Sorry one thing I meant to say, was that I wish I'd read more truthful and brutally honest birth stories rather than "uplifting" and "motivating" ones! I felt as though I'd been lulled into a false sense of security!

[Naetha]

Oh ffs - it seems like pregnancy brain is persisting!!

I also wanted to say as well, that the pain is temporary - as soon as DS came out most of the pain stopped immediately, and I'm so glad I had a vaginal birth rather than a CS which would have had a much longer recovery period.

Last post I promise!

[Gibbsy]

I was also so scared of having a natural birth. I was terrified of having a cut / tear. As it happened I had a ventouse delivery with a 4th degree tear (ds got stuck!!!). But i have to say it was all ok, and not as bad as I would have imagined. I would agree and say that the pain is temporary, and I found breathing really helped me, although during pregnancy never read anything about breathing techniques as didn't believe it would help! I also got the gas and air taken off me... I begged for it back...

Good luck and it will all be worth it!!

[ib]

I agree with Hypnobirthing: the Mongan metod. Also possibly consider doing a hypnobirthing course? I have heard nothing but good things from those who have done them (though didn't myself)

Good luck!

[Nessamommy]

Can you get an epidural? If so, I highly recommend it! I had a great birthing experience because of it!

[MissingMyHeels]

Some excellent suggestions here, thank you so much.

Yesterday morning I went out and bought the Janet Balaskas - New Active Birth book and read it all yesterday! Seems to make a lot of sense and was the only book on childbirth they had in the shop. However, I had some horrid dreams last night about giving birth!

I am torn between trying to go the earth mother route or the "gimme all the drugs you have" method .

Also, I know you probably don't care/maybe even notice at the time but how many people pooh during labour?

HQ - I am a complete control freak too! That loss of control is what is scaring me. I bought a hypnobirthing CD and book yesterday too so will give that a bash.

[TotalChaos]

MissingMyHeels - what a shame you've had the natural birth sprung on you like that! I agree about going to your hospital's ante-natal classes (even if you only make one or two, at least you will have more of a feel for the place).

Re:the pooing - I've read it's a 50/50 chance. In terms of the earth mother route - not sure how far the extra monitoring for the GBS may affect it - but I'ld say it's worth trying the earth mother route at first, but without feeling like you've "failed" if it doesn't work out. Reason I say that is because there is always the risk that diamorphine and epidurals can slow labour down and make intervention more likely.

[TotalChaos]

Oh and bookwise - I liked Birth and Beyond too.

[MarsLady]

MMH.... you don't have to choose between them. You will not be denied pain relief if you request it.

Have you done any antenatal classes? Your partner should do them with you as they need to support you.

All the books suggested are good ones and it's worth reading one or two. Birthing from Within might be good for you as it talks about your birthing fears.

You might also want to consider getting a doula to be with you both during the birth. She should help keep you both relaxed and hopefully not lose yourself in your fear.

[MissingMyHeels]

Must look up Childbirth Without Fear online as bookshops seem to be pretty useless (I was in Waterstones on Gower Street in London, biggest book shop in Europe or something!!)

TC - I have antenatal on Tuesday morning so hopefully there will be some other scaredy cats there for me to talk too! I am also concerned about the GBS monitoring restricting me and I have to go in to hospital as soon as I am in early labour, no going through the early bits in the comfort of my own home either which is frustrating.

It has also messed up my dates with maternity leave etc so I am dreading going overdue. I'm going to be trying everything to make her come out!!