Friend just gave birth at 26 weeks, what can we do to help her?

[callmeovercautious]

Friend is OK but lo is in SCBU and looks like it may be quite a long haul to get him home. They have nothing for him as they were putting off shopping until later.

I am worried about sending flowers or teddy bears etc as I don't want to tempt fate or upset her. I have not spoken to her but want to show we (me and other friends) are thinking of them all.

Any thoughts? especially if you have been in her situation?
I was thinking of a care package - Premie nappies, a few small baby grows, hats etc but I have no experience of SCBU so maybe they are provided? They are on a low income but I don't want them to feel like a Charity case as they are very proud people and live within their means.

I just want to help or is that me being selfish?

[Mummy2TandF]

I have no real experience of SCBU or prems but just from my recent experience, the knowledge that people are thinking of you helps such a lot - and nobody likes feeling like a charity case, so don't tell them your intentions, surprise them - I am sure that anything will be appreciated - I wish them all well

[Lio]

I don't have experience of this either, but maybe the very very smallest sleepsuit, prewashed in a teeny bit of non-bio so the baby can wear it straight away? And put loads of cotton wool and chocolate bars in the package.

[sparklygothkat]

how big is the baby? I know when I had dd1 at 31 weeks, SCBU didn't like her to wear clothes until she was out the incubator as they like to monitor their breathing.

Boots are the only place I have found that sell premature nappies, but I think they are from 4lb.

[LadyVictoriaOfCake]

hats. teeny tiny hats.

[ScaryMonsterStories]

I had 27wk twins.

As far as what was provided - clothes were provided for duration - which we took advantage of as premmie clothes are v v v expensive and you won't get to use them at home as they will be too small. Besides they tend to be adapted to allow drips, monitors & ventilator tubes.

We had to provide all nappies, cotton wool balls, cotton buds & sunflower oil (for massage!!!) after 1st 24hrs.

As for gifts. We asked people not to buy gifts. In case things went wrong. But people did by small teddies for the incubator. TBH they ended up with too many to put in - so we only kept the ones from immediate family at the hosp. People brought 'proper' more traditional gifts (clothes, toys etc.) when they we discharged.

HTH

[starshaker]

whenever any of my friends have a baby i make up a pamper pack with facemask relaxing stuff chocolate disposable camera etc with a couple of small thigs for baby. just be there for them. they have just had a fab baby boy congratulate them.

[hertsnessex]

get something from www.peenyweeny.co.uk

a client recently had her dd at 31wks and i got some thing off of there for her.

she will have been given the details im sure, but if not www.bliss.org.uk

cx

[ScaryMonsterStories]

Bigger tescos do premmie nappies too.

They wouldn't use our hats on such tiny babies as the ones they had we adapted to support ventilator mouthpieces.

And agree with sparkly for hte first few days he will be naked/ 'wrapped' in bubble wrap so they can monitor breathing and administer phototherapy which will almost certainly be needed for such a prem baby.

[kiskidee]

make some meals for them that they can freeze in portions. this way can put something to defrost when they leave to go to the hospital and come back to something they can reheat when they get home tired after a long day.

think about getting them a hugabub sling which will be excellent for kangaroo care later on.

[ScaryMonsterStories]

Dispoosable camera v good idea. That way it can be left at hospital to capture important moments with out being valuable enough to steal.

[sparklygothkat]

big tescos used to do premmie nappies, but every store I went to when I had Callum, didn't have them.

[woodstock3]

this happend to a good friend - what she was really grateful for was offers of practical help eg they are likely to be spending lots of time up at the SCBU and getting home tired and drained so if they have other kids need looking after/dog needs walking/shopping needs getting in or other chores that you could take off their hands they would probably appreciate it. an emergency bag of readymeals might go down well. they might also appreciate help getting the nursery ready as they probably havent had time to do this.
i would send something for the baby too if you want so they dont feel like he is not being acknowledged like a full term baby would be, mothercare used to do a special premmies clothes range not sure if they still do or there are things that are not size-related eg first toys.
at 26 weeks the baby has a pretty good chance so while im sure you would not do this, try to make sure friends do not treat the whole thing as a disaster (while obviously you want to show you are concerned). hope all turns out well.

[ScaryMonsterStories]

I have to say I havn't looked recently...

[snowleopard]

When this happened to my cousin, I sent a card congratulating her and her DH on the birth and wishing them and the baby all the best, as you would for any baby, though of course wishing them the best and good luck carried a more serious meaning. But my uncle did tell me that they appreciated the card very much because it was positive and recognised their baby as their new child and whatever might have happened to him (he did in fact pull through and is fine), they wanted people to celebrate his arrival.

I think a thoughtful package of things they might find useful in hospital, such as chocolates and nice biscuits, would be nice but your welcome to the baby and support for them are the most important thing. Maybe ask if there is anything that they need help with, eg could you go shopping for them or do any other errands.

[NoNameToday]

Hi callmeovercautious,

Is it a first baby? If they have other children and you live near enough maybe offer some babysitting time.

Usually mum's go home quite a lot earlier than the baby and if they are , perhaps offers of transport could be made where possible.

Practical help is sometimes not offered but I feel sure your friends would appreciate the offer, even if they didn't take you up on it.

Where I worked everything necessary was provided for the very pre-term babies.

A nice card and a Boots/Marks&Spencer voucher that they can use in whichever way helps them most may be an idea.

[inthegutter]

callmeovercautious, you are Not being selfish, you are being a lovely caring friend. When we were in a similar situation with dd2 in SCBU, the most important thing is that people made contact. The worst thing was feeling that people were avoiding the issue. Your friends have had a baby - the most precious thing - and that's the most important thing. I would suggest a small gift for the baby - someone else pointed out that the baby may not be in clothes yet, or the hospital will have a good stock at any rate, but tiny hats are a must. The baby will almost certainly wear one all the time. With my dd, it was important to feel she had a few things that were HERS - although the hospital things were sweet, it felt impersonal. So what about a tiny hat that's brightly coloured, or has a motif etc - that will make it more individual as the hospital ones are prob white or pastel pink or blue? Or how about a tiny blanket to cover the baby with - again, something different to hospital ones. If you can get something with the baby's name embroidered on that would be a lovely gift. I remember thinking I just wanted my baby's name to be used and acknwledged, because whatever the outcome, she was our precious baby. And I think the idea of putting in some chocolate, bath treats etc for the mother would be welcome too. Hope that helps.

[callmeovercautious]

Thanks so much everyone, it is so noce to get advice from people who have been through the same/similar experience.

I will head off and do exactly what I would have done in 3 months time had he stayed put!

He is a first baby for them so no other los to worry about. I will put in some nice things for Mummy too!

[babyjamas]

dd2 was a 27 weeker - all prem nappies were provided whilst she was in ICU and HDU - once she was moved to the special care nurseries we brought our own in. Hospital provided all clothes too -really pointless to bring your own in as even if they were named thy tended to get lost in the hospital linen. Cards meant the most to us - the acknowledgement that she was here and our daughter, whatever might happen - and a lot of people waited until she came home before they sent a card. Cards at the time meant a lot. SCBU can be a long and stressful haul so anything to help through that is welcome - and 10 weeks down the line is just as stressful as 1 week down the line - people tend to sort of let you get on with it after a while when in many ways the stress of a baby in hospital for a long time gets more as time goes on.

[PatsyCline]

There's some great advice on here. When my little one was in intensive care my SIL put a care package together for me. She had given it lots of thought and sent me:

A gorgeous pashima style scarf
Pedicure set
Relaxing massage oil
Very 'unchallenging' books
Magazines
Puzzle books
Lip balm
Multi Vitamins

Very much agree with babyjamas' point about people letting you get on with it. Your friend will have a flood of gifts/supporters now, but try to show her that you are still thinking about her as the weeks go by. Time goes by very slowly in hospital.

I hope her little one does well.

Patsy x

[Nbg]

What about making some meals for them so that they dont have to worry about cooking when they get back from hospital?

Sorry if its already been mentioned.