crisis of confidence regarding homebirth

[iris66]

I don't really know how to put this as I feel it's going to come across as silly but I'm getting increasingly miserable over my longing for homebirth.
In short: I'm 29 wks pg with DC3
I wanted HB with DD - DH worried about risk so didn't pursue. Ended up flat on my back in hospital but delivered on due date normally with no complications.
I really wanted BH with DS - DH supportive until diagnosed with gestational diabetes (diet controlled)then a bit nervous, made worse by MW (who washed her hands of me) & consultant who sucked teeth and reeled off loads of risks (shoulder dystocia/low sugar in baby etc)He then became unsupportive & I panicked a bit (17 yrs between births) & ended up uneccessarily induced 5 days early (they wouldn't believe my waters hadn't broken!) in tears, begging to be allowed off my back but, again, normal delivery with no complications.

This time, I really really want a HB. I have gestational diabetes (again diet controlled but no other problems) but my MW has basically said I should deliver in hospital (because of all the risks) and if I insisted on having a HB she'd have to attend (but it was clearly going to be begrudgingly - she started on about how it may not even be her, she had her own family to consider late at night etc etc!!!!)

My confidence is totally shot. This is probably going to be my last pg and I really wanted to at least attempt a HB even if I didn't end up staying here. I have the info to support any argument I need to make my case (courtesy of Loopymumsy - thanks ) but I can't help but feel that if I insist on a HB I'm going to be surrounded by MW's tutting & basically making me feel like a PITA (how supported will I feel!!) Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I don't know how to deal with this

[zubb]

hi Iris, sorry you are feeling bad about this.
You have to do what you feel happiest with, and from the way that you have written the message I would think that if you didn't at least try for a HB you would look back with some regret.
A midwife will come out to you if you have a home birth. It might not neccessarily be the midwife you have been seeing through your pregnancy but I've never seen the importance in that anyway (although I know for lots of women that is really important) and when they are there they won't be tutting I'm sure.
I would talk to the midwife at your next appointment and tell her that you are definately going for a homebirth and tell her to get everything in place for one. You can tell her that you realise you might have to transfer if there are problems but that you are prepared for that.
You are the one having the baby not her - do it the way you want to.

[Glimmer]

I have had very bad experiences with the NHS and hence opt to birth with an independent midwife. It's a pricey option if you do not have an extra insurance (mine will hopefully cover the bulk of it) but I feel in excellent hands. I think an IM would be supportive of your wishes but would be experienced enough to know when it would be best to 'go in'. This way you would be assured that there was a good reason and not just what the midwife prefers.
Hopefully everything will go well and no reason to go in. All the best.

[Amberjee]

Iris, this is totally your decision, don't let a midwife bully you either way. If there are complications, then you can easily transfer to hospital at any point (but not vice versa). go with your gut feeling, and be strong! it is your right to give birth in the way you wish. i had a home birth and had a wonderful doula attend. have you considered a doula? could give you and your dh the extra boost of confidence you need. i had the doula here for a few hours before LO was born and the midwife only made it for the last few minutes (had a very fast labour!)
all the best, i know you'll make the right choice.

[BadZelda]

It's up to you if you want the same midwife. I had a homebirth...which ended up being too quick for the second midwife to get there for delivery; but they were both excellent and very professional. I hadn't met either before, but had met several midwives from the homebirth team during the course of the pregnancy (though it did take till nearly six months to be transferred to the homebirth team). In the end, the midwife that arrived for the birth was lovely, and much nicer than the one I'd seen in the local clinic - so it actually turned out for the best.

[lljkk]

Have you seen the UK Homebirth.org.uk webpage on HB and GD? Links from there to a good email list (yahoogroups) to join, too.

I may well be misinformed, but I would have thought that with well-controlled GD that HB presented no more risks than hospital birth. Surely it's badly controlled GD that indicates hospital birth is best ...no?

[Amberjee]

also there's a lot more risk of unneccessary interference if you are in hospital.
i mean you should totally be in hospital if it's very risky or if you feel better than way, but it might actually go more naturally if you are left to your own devices at home. as long as that's safe. you know what i'm getting at. sorry if i'm not expressing myself as well as i could be

[Mumpbump]

Stick with the homebirth. They will come and do a risk assessment of your home at around 36 weeks and discuss it with you in more detail at that point. Then you can decide how supported or not you feel. I am sure that any m/w would support you when you're actually in childbirth, regardless of whether it is a m/w you have previously had contact with or not. Alternately, as Glimmer says, maybe consider an independent m/w if you can afford it.

[mixedmama]

Go with what you want. You have had GD before and have had uncompliicated deliveries, so shouldnt really be an issue. I think the most importnat thing is you being at ease and if a home birth is what will do that then go for it.

[iris66]

Thank you so much for your replies everyone. Unfortunatley, an IM isn't an option (DD just going to uni! - fees, fees and more fees) but a doula does seem to be a good idea, particularly in terms of emotional support.

It hadn't occurred to me that there may be a separate HB team . I did see a different MW when mine was off sick a few weeks back & she was really positive about HB so there is a chance that she may pitch up isn't there [weak smile emoticon].

I think the root of this is confidence and I've been having a few down days lately (probably sugar related - grr) I'll get onto the Doula uk site later and make a short list. Thanks again

[Amberjee]

what area do you live in? are you in london? if so, i can recommend the doula team that we used. if not, i'm sure someone wonderful will come along. xx

[iris66]

Amberjee - sadly not London (or Wales - there seem to be a lot of good ones there too!).

Loopy - thanks for posting, I hoped you'd pitch up with words of wisdom (I didn't post on the "due in" thread as I didn't want to put anyone off)
I don't think I could write though. I'd be worried I'd offend someone ( I know - like they appear to care about me - I'm so feeble) but a doula definately seems to be the way ahead.

I feel a bit more positive this evening. I have an appt with the GD sister tomorrow to collect all the testing kit. She saw me through GD last pg so should be able to give me some idea of current thinking with regard to my history (if I could have her at my HB it would be perfect! sigh*) Thanks again all. i do feel better

[iris66]

Now that is an excellent plan . I'll bear that in mind (or better still, write it down!!)

[Mumpbump]

Amberjee - do you mean you can pay £150 just for someone to attend the birth? I am planning a homebirth and would quite like to have an independent mw or doula there, but thought it would be much more expensive. If your doula team are towards South London, I'd be interested in having their details...

[Mumpbump]

Thanks Loopy. Will do some ringing around.