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Childbirth

Mode of delivery after previous 'traumatic' childbirth

20 replies

ellemo · 05/04/2007 09:25

Hey - haven't been on here for so long but need some advise. Had ds#1 in 2004, emergency c-section after being induced, laboring..etc.(9lb 4oz) Had ds#2 in 2006 - spontanious labour, VBAC (9lb 3oz). Absolutely hated the whole birth experience, felt shocked & traumatised after delivery (sounds sooo dramatic, I know, but I hated it) & am now due to have ds#3 (unplanned) in 6wks. Have booked a c-section for May 1st but am having serious doubts. I had internal tearing after VBAC which was really unpleasant & slowed my recovery right down - felt as though i recovered much better from the c-section. What are the chances of me tearing again if I opt for natural delivery & is it easier 2nd time round? Is there an answer to that. Help - am so undecided as to what to do for the best. A huge part of me doesn't want to interfere but at the same time, I felt so low for weeks & months after ds#2 birth that I am afraid of feeling like that again.
I was supposed to chat all this out with my consultant last week but I just don't like her or feel comfortable around her & so I bottled out, booked the c-section & headed for the door. Really need to make my mind up soon. Any advise?

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Mistymoo · 05/04/2007 09:29

Sorry no experience of c-section but hope someone comes along soon as you sound worried and that's not good for you or baby. Hope you have a better experience this time.

MarsLady · 05/04/2007 09:31

ellemo: have you talked through your birth experiences? Not just with your DH I mean. Sheila Kitzsinger's site has a link specifically for that. Will see if I can find it.

I think it's really important that you deal with the trauma of the first 2 births to enable you to decide about the 3rd.

MarsLady · 05/04/2007 09:33

Birth Trauma Association

I think you would get some excellent help here darling!

yomellamoHelly · 05/04/2007 09:38

Ds1 was 8 lb 3. Was a good birth, but had to have 21 stitches after with what felt like no pain relief. Gave me nightmares/ flashbacks for 5 1/2 months and didn't finish processing it ds was 9 months. Sex was also incredibly painful for about 9 months and uncomfortable for another 6.
Ds2 was 8 lb 13 and followed 38 months later. Had made my mind up that I'd refuse stitches if I needed them again and dh was primed to back me up even if he was concerned about what the implications of this were, though he was quite scared by what happened too. (I'd decided I'd stay in bed for a week if that's what was necessary.)
In the event I didn't tear at all and the second birth was a completely different experience. (Went out for a run a few days after.)
Also have a friend who suffered a third degree tear (ventouse delivery) whose second birth was really easy too and nothing like the one she feared.
So it is possible that nr 3'll be easier, but it is a gamble - but then so is a c/s (you don't know how it'll turn out / how you'll manage with the other 2 etc etc). I suppose you've still got another 5/6 months to chew it over though.

octo · 05/04/2007 09:44

I have had section and ventouse vbac too - my ds3 is due next week and am going for vbac again - I recovered better from my section better than the vbac but have really prepared myself for a natural delivery this time - done lots of reading, been to loads of breathing and relaxation classes, grilled the experts on here and friends & midwives etc etc! Lulumama sent me towards some great websites re episiotomies and pelvic floors - I am sure she will be here soon!

I was worried about tearing and my midwife said that better to tear than episiotomy unless obviously need one as the tear may just be on the surface bu the epis cuts through everything.

This is also going to be a big baby (again - last one 10lbs) and have worried about him getting stuck etc - but my consultant didn;t seem to be worried and said would give me a cs if became clear he wasn't coming out.

Good luck - hope you manage tomake up you mind - understand totally where you are at trying to decide between section/vbac.

ellemo · 05/04/2007 09:45

Haven't really discussed - no. To be honest I have found that my midwife isn't that forthcoming with advise - maybe thats my fault - I carry babies really well, zero problems in pregnancy & so they don't kind of ask me anything at appointments & its so ridiculous but I don't wanna waste their time chatting on about feelings & not knowing what to do - a big part of me thinks I should just shut up & put up - thousands of women do it every day & have much much worse experiences!!!! But I am now 6wks off my due date & in a real state of indecision.

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MarsLady · 05/04/2007 09:47

So would you like to email me and talk them through? (It won't be the first time I've done it)

If so my email is lovelymarslady at aol dot com

I do think that you should look on the Birth Trauma Association site.

I am more than happy to "listen" to you as well. If you want a RL voice then email me and I'll give you my number. I really really think it's important that you deal with the past in order to go forward with your future.

octo · 05/04/2007 09:47

With your history someone should really talk through it with you properly. Ring your midwife and make an appointment to go through it all.

octo · 05/04/2007 09:47

aah thats nice marslady

ellemo · 05/04/2007 09:48

marslady - thanx - will look on that website. Midwife just called me funnily enough - she said 'I don't know what to say to be honest'. Helpful. Thanx for your advise

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octo · 05/04/2007 09:50

that is truly terrible - you poor thing.

ellemo · 05/04/2007 09:56

octo - good luck for next week. Think I am going to face this head on over the weekend & the next week or so. Ds#3 wasn't planned - was still breast feeding ds#2 & was on the mini-pill so to be pregnant again was a complete shock & to be honest I have spent a couple of months getting over the shock & then a couple more months enjoying the pregnancy that the birth options have been put on the backburner so not to spoil the remainder of the prgnancy. It wasn't til I booked the section that i suddenly thought about whether it was the right choice - think i thought it was the easy option. Good luck with next birth - will log on to see your announcement

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octo · 05/04/2007 10:03

Mine was a 'suprise' too - but I was just crap with contraception - so completely understand hwo you feel! Half of me wants to baby to come today, the other half thinks am not mentally ready (still) and would happily wait another couple of weeks!

Must get on ...

lulumama · 05/04/2007 18:37

ellemo - i volunteeer for the BTA , would be happy to help you if i can.....

lulumama 21 @hotmail . com

the mode of delivery, be it vaginal or c.s, needs to be one you feel content with, and until what happened last time is laid to rest, then it is hard to make that decision,isn;t it?

Klaw · 05/04/2007 18:39

I wonder if this might help you to understand and so deal with
labour better. It's quite Earth mothery but once I read it, it was like someone turned on the light! It made so much sense. But I understand if it's not you.

I'm very much pro VBAC and the very fact that you are having doubts about your elCS date makes me wonder if emotionally VBAC is more important to you than the perceived 'benefits' of planning a elCS. Does this make sense?

I, and many others, could give you the links about the pros and cons of VBAC v elCS. But is this what you need? Is it more a case of the emotional battle that you need to deal with? Let us know and I'm sure that we can help you to make an informed decision either way.

fizzbuzz · 05/04/2007 18:51

Well, I had planned section after hideous first labour and birth.

Best decision ever made. Found c section a fantastic experience, much much much less painful recovery, up and about much sooner.

Honestly can say it was best moment of my life.....

ellemo · 06/04/2007 21:19

Hey girls - sorry to have gone quiet, am really thankful for all the advise that you have offered to me. Lulumama, thanx for your offer, I have arranged to go to the hospital again next week to really kinda slog it out with the 'professionals' there. I am annoyed with myself now because I have left all this so late in the day , I hope that I can come to a decision I am comfortable with. DH is so laid back that he is not really all that helpful. I keep swaying from being 80/20 for c-section to then being 70/30 for natural. I guess thats my hormones interfering in the process. Be nice almost if there were no options & I just had to accept one mode & get on with it. I have logged onto BTA & found it all quite enlightening, it is a relief to see other people put words to how you feel/felt. Not one of my family or friends had (or have admitted to it) feelings like I did. I think in my favour, I was never ashamed to just say how I felt, I didn't bottle up the way the experience left me feeling, I was open about it from the beginning. It just seemed taht I was alone in the experience. Am going to log back onto there now. Will keep posting on here. Thanks again (Klaw, thanx for the link - not sure I connected with it in the way you might of done but it was good advise all the same. Thanx

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lulumama · 06/04/2007 21:20

well, do let us know how you get on

it is so reassuring to know you are not alone ! glad you are getting somewhere in the process to decide

Klaw · 06/04/2007 22:39

ellemo, it helped me to see just how well our bodies are actually designed to birth our babies and gave me confidence that if we leave well alone, except in genuine emergencies, we can birth our babies very well!

The most important thing is that you make informed decisions about how you want to birth your baby.

ellemo · 06/04/2007 22:57

yeh, I totally see your point & a huge part of me doesn't think that interfering is neccassary. Once I had decided to have my DS #2 by means of VBAC - I was quite adamant I wanted no interference,no internals, sweeps, nothing. If he was gonna come, he'd do it of his own accord - which he did. But my god, nothing had prepared me for the sheer & absolute horror that I found childbirth to be. I wasn't supposed to be having anymore I hated childbirth that much. After finding myself with baby #3 on the way, it never crossed my mind to go through that again. I have been quite stubborn in the fact that i will have a CS. Only now am I coming to realise I haven't armed myself with enough info' - i haven't asked any questions re a VB again & so now feel totally unprepared at the eleventh hour. Hope it won't be too late to make a decision & then prepare for that accordingly. I can't think about anything else at the mo'. Would be great to rewind a month or two x

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