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Childbirth

Dear Dilemma... advice appreciated!

32 replies

HelloMama · 29/06/2004 20:41

A very good friend of mine is getting married (big wedding) 10 days before my due date and I just don't know if we should go or not! The main problem is the wedding is 200 miles away from home. We will be staying with family members over the long weekend (its in my home town) but just the thought of being so far away is making me nervous! Lots of people have said they expect baby to arrive a bit early (doctors at work, midwife friends, etc) as baby is already engaged, but I would be so disappointed to miss the wedding to go and be 2 weeks overdue (which is quite likely to happen with a first baby, right?)! What should we do?! So far I have had no problems in the pregnancy and still feel very well at the moment (due on 27 July). I also don't know what I should say to my friend getting married. Help!

OP posts:

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Crystaltips · 29/06/2004 20:48

Eleven glorious years ago I was in the same predicament as you.
I opted to go - and I had a ball. I really milked it though - I got DH to book a room in the hotel where the reception was - and midway - I went for a lie-down. I was very worthwhile.

The only regret was allowing myself to be photographed - I SERIOUSLY looked like a beached whale in a hat !!

pupuce · 29/06/2004 22:10

What's the worst that can happen? You start having contractions at the wedding? Well you go to nearest maternity unit and have babe there..... or is that not an option.... if not, then stay put !

codswallop · 29/06/2004 22:14

Oh go I agree with pupuce
when you ar ein agony where you are makes no idds! :0

codswallop · 29/06/2004 22:14

odds

beetroot · 29/06/2004 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

philippat · 29/06/2004 22:29

likewise I was in the same position 3 years ago (well, the wedding was 8 days before my due date).

Go go go go go! Face the fact you may need to rest and/or leave early and sit down a lot! Tell your midwife so she can tell you if you are fit enough. Find out the phone numbers for the appropriate local hospital (midwife should help) and make sure you have a sober designated driver. Take everything you intend to have with you during labour.

It really isn't the end of the world to go into labour there!

Incidentally, I didn't go into labour (but everyone let me push into the toilet queue), had a great time, gave birth 4 days later (agree with crystaltips about the photos though!).

princesspeahead · 29/06/2004 22:47

ooh, I disagree with everyone. I'd stay at home with my feet up. I always felt mammoth and uncomfortable 10 days beforehand and would have hated the reality of a party, even if the idea of it appeals. Plus the stress of being so far from home.... eurgh. Who needs it?!

StripyMouse · 29/06/2004 22:50

As everyone else has already said - Go, take your notes and check out the nearest hospital, make sure you know of someone who is not drinking and relax, enjoy yourself. Don?t sit at home all miserable missing it just because you "might" be early. Both of my babies heads were engaged ages before they were due - Ist one arrived on due date and second was just over two weeks late so not a great indicator in my book.

StripyMouse · 29/06/2004 22:53

just crossed posts with princesspea head - I disagree. I attended weddings at the end of both of my pregnancies and worried that I would feel fat and frumpy. instead they did me the world of good, dressing up and "forced" into relaxing and socialising. Two nights in a hotel gave me a new lease of energy just when it was all getting too much ( first one I was about 7 months I think and second I was 4 days away and overdue by ten days - had thought i would be taking a new baby!!!)

mummytosteven · 29/06/2004 22:55

I am the second voice of dissent - OK so one maternity unit may be pretty similar to another, but what about the consequences of being stuck 200 miles away a couple of days after birth - can't say I would have been in any state for a 200 mile journey for a fair while after birth. You should be OK 10 days before due date (touch wood,cross fingers, salt over shoulder!) but you never know....

WideWebWitch · 29/06/2004 22:55

I'm going to sit on the fence. I'd tell the friend that you'd like to go but please could you reserve the right to decide not to go the day before since it all depends on how you feel. She should be understanding, especially if she's a good friend. If you feel great, go; if you feel like something's happening or you're too tired, don't.

SoupDragon · 29/06/2004 22:57

Go, take your notes and first stage car seat with you and enjoy yourself.

musica · 29/06/2004 23:01

Go! Ds' head was engaged 6 weeks before my due date, and he was 12 days late. What were you when you were born? That is often a good indicator of when you will give birth. And if you do go into labour, it will be a good story to tell everyone at your baby's 18th, and would really make the wedding unusual! Seriously though, see how you feel, and if you feel well enough, then go and enjoy yourself!

HelloMama · 30/06/2004 00:09

Oh thanks everyone so much for all your replies! Its not the giving birth away from home that i'm worried about, its more the aftermath - having to stay somewhere other than our own home in the first few days after leaving the hospital (if baby did arrive early!) Our local hospital here in London seems amazing (allegedly!) and also my best friend here is also planning to be our extra birth partner and she couldn't make it if the event happened elsewhere! Has anyone else got experience of giving birth somewhere unexpected? I really am in two minds, but I have to decide soon or else we won't be able to get the train tickets (if I decide not to drive...)

OP posts:

Crystaltips · 30/06/2004 00:13

pph - that's the whole point .... when you think that it's getting boring / tedious and that a party is the last thing on your mind .... that's the time "retire" ....

You'd be amased at how many of my friends felt that they needed to check up on me .... we had our own little party !!

SofiaAmes · 30/06/2004 00:16

Go! My first was 10 days late and my 2nd was on time and engaged for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy. I went to a convention that I'd been looking forward to all year the day before I was due and went into labor at the convention and insisted on finishing the tour of all the booths before leaving. As my 1st had been a 40 hour labor, I figured I had plenty of time. We got stuck in London rush hour traffic leaving the convention and it took 1.5 hours to get home. My father was in the back seat panicking as I was driving (parents from usa and didn't want to drive on the wrong side of the road) and had to keep stopping dead in the middle of traffic to let a contraction pass . We even stopped by my house to pick up my dh before going to the hospital. I had the baby 2.5 hours later.

cazzybabs · 30/06/2004 00:18

I'd go - if you don't the baby will be late and if you don't it will bound to arrive when you are at the wedding - but if it does you can always make your excuses and leave and drive back to london. Very few women have really quick 1st births. If you go when you have the 1st twinge then you have time to go home have a bath and then go to the hospital. If you don't go you'd regret it and if you have the baby at the wedding - well it will always be a talking point /

cazzybabs · 30/06/2004 00:19

Erghh - I am sorry I meant "...if you do it will arrive when you are at the wedding..."

Crystaltips · 30/06/2004 00:22

If you follow our advice .... looks like you are going .... hope you have a nice outfit

HelloMama · 30/06/2004 00:28

damned if I do... damned if I don 't! My friend will be cross if I steal her thunder at the wedding by going into labour as she walks down the aisle! ha ha! Luckily DH bought me a lovely camisole top to wear for the wedding so if we do decide to go...

OP posts:

serenequeen · 30/06/2004 11:37

i agree with pph. you don't need the stress and say it is making you nervous. i can only think people here who are urging you to go had easy 3rd trimesters. i've got 5 wks to go and i feel like s*e.

sis · 30/06/2004 12:54

You are planning on going by train?!! - not sure I'd want to do that because, as you say, if you did give birth (unlikely) how and when would you get back home? also, how long is the train journey - will you be able to get into the loos?!! it may seem funny but if there are delays on the train and you need the loo, what will you do cos I am little and not pregnant and I can barely get into a train toilet!

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secur · 30/06/2004 17:15

Message withdrawn

essbee · 30/06/2004 17:21

Message withdrawn

janinlondon · 30/06/2004 17:28

Hellomama were you an early baby? If you have siblings were they early? Any siblings with kids that you can check dates with? I just ask because in my family babies come two weeks early at the latest. My mum was an early baby, so was I, so was my sister, and her baby, and mine. If the professionals think you will deliver early it might be worth asking a few questions to see if you can predict it? If I had gone to a wedding 10 days before my due date I'd have had a week old baby with me!!

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