Fear of vaginal birth second time round...

(4 Posts)
milkmilklemonade12 Sun 21-Aug-16 08:03:14

And it's putting me off getting pregnant again. I just feel like if I can put it all down even, and see it here then that'll be a step forward.

I'm really worried about giving birth a second time. First time I was 22 and had DS. It was okay, but at the time my family wasn't that supportive although I did have DH who was, and still is absolutely amazing. The pain was other worldly and I was so, so frightened. There was literally no let up in contraction pain and all I could do was moo like a cow. I was sick from the gas and air, and I couldn't get across to the midwives how much pain I was in. I couldn't even cry properly (just tears, no sobs) because the pain literally took my breath away. It took another midwife coming on shift, and my DH standing at their station and refusing to move until I got an epidural. After that it really was plain sailing. Small graze, no tears and I pushed him out very easily.

I'm really worried second time round about the pain, and not being able to convince the midwives I'm in a lot of pain again. I'm scared they'll leave me and leave me again and they won't listen to me. I'm also scared of injury or intervention (can't be that lucky twice, surely) and to be honest it's got to the point where I'm wondering if it's better at the outset to just request a c section. I know that's easier said than done, but it's really preventing me from willingly having another.

I'm putting off TTC because I'm so frightened about that situation. My throat actually tightens when I think about it (how bloody ridiculous, I know I need to get a bit of a grip) and rather than nice baby thoughts, all I can think of is how quickly I'm going to lose control again. I don't know if I trust the midwives to help me and listen to me, even though I'm in another area now.

What do people think? Has anyone been in this situation and overcome it? Thank you in advance.

kiki22 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:10:52

Yes I was and still am a bit scared I asked for a section from the start and it was ok'd but after they said ok at 16 weeks I started to wonder if I really needed a section after lots of research and some soul searching I decided on a home birth because my fear is of intervention not pain and its the most likely way to avoid intervention. I did go to the consultant and explained though I want a home birth if I don't go naturally or problems arise during labour meaning I need to go to hospital I would prefer a section he was fine with it.

I would look into all your options ask to speak to a councillor, have a birth reflection type meeting to talk about what went wrong you might find once you have done all that you feel lots calmer I certainly did. I'm due ds2 on friday and though I'm scared I'm not terrified and can hold it together.

RedToothBrush Sun 21-Aug-16 19:50:50

If its stopped you having another baby, then seek help.

My throat actually tightens when I think about it (how bloody ridiculous, I know I need to get a bit of a grip)

No grip needed. You should try and justify yourself. You are experiencing anxiety. This is not necessarily something you can just control, without help. This is a mental health issue that is misunderstood but is gaining awareness.

Your GP should be able to help and refer you to a specialist or counsillor who can help before you start TTC, as anyone who has mental health concerns is now should be able to discuss this with their GP under NICE guidelines.

I say should though, as there is a lack of services and many GPs are ignorant and/or simply dismissive of the problem unfortunately and it can come down to whether your GP is a good one or not.

The point is though, that you do have a clinical reason to seek help now, and there is help out there. You just have to track it down.

BettyOBarley Sun 21-Aug-16 19:59:56

I know what you mean as I had an induction the first time and can relate to a lot of what you've said about your experience, I'm now 36 weeks and it's on my mind a lot.

You could maybe ask for an epidural at the beginning if you felt you managed well after that point?

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