Hi all,
Obviously nowadays in most cases it is your OH, who is with you during childbirth.
But, lately I started to think if he would be the right person to be there. He wants and he is wonderful, but I am not sure how he will cope. Not for because how gross it can get - he saw me gross. But of the way he deals in a stressful situations. He can be selfish and concentrate on himself much more, than on me.
I just know the way he is. He can not sit still, he is impulsive, he fidgets, and can never shut his mouth up, if I say something upsetting (being upset or in pain or hurt myself). He always turns attention on himself and his hurt feelings... Also, he "doesn't like to be treated as a dog", meaning "go get me this or take this, or don' t touch me now" doesn't go well with him.
And during contractions I do not think I will have the patience to "darling, would you be so kind and give me water" treatment.
As I am planning to try to go for a VBA2C, I'll have to go without epidural or pain relief. I will be in a lot of pain. It might be long and exhausting... And I am thinking that who I really want to be there is my mum.
My OH wants to be there, but he wants to be there to see the birth of his child. Not to help me and be there for me.
Problem is, here you are allowed only one person. And if I go for a VBA2C, the more I am thinking about it, the more I want my mum.
I need someone who will concentrate 100% on me, not on himself.
I told him about my doubts, and had an exact reaction I expected: so what about me??!!
I would have been much more inclined to have him there with me if he said "baby, I know myself, I am an ass sometimes (a lot of the times), but during your labour I will try my best to be on my best behavior, and will act as an adult, understanding what you are going through, and that it will be the time I will give my 100% to YOUR attention and would solely concentrate on YOU".
Did NOT happen.
When my dog died, in my arms, I cried like crazy. Absolutely unbearable pain. Kids were in the house, I was with the dog outside (vet gave him a shot, dog was 16 years old and very ill with cancer), I wailed and wailed, he came out to check on me (good intentions) but I told him through wailing to go and stay with the kids, I didn't wan them to see the dog suffering and dying, he exploded and I ended up trying to calm him down.
This is just to explain on his inability to be empathic to what is happening around is not always about him.
He is a great hands on dad, but during the childbirth and a possible long labour, I want my mum there.
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Childbirth
Want only my mum during labour, not OH.
wombat57 · 20/05/2016 09:17
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