Husband trouble(12 Posts)
Mega long post alert! So, I just chucked a cup across the room in sheer frustration. Need to vent. My husbands temper and attitude towards me for the last 3 weeks has got progressively worse to the point where I'm not sure I want him at our home birth. Tonight was the icing on the cake. It seems trivial and I know he loves me but he's driving me insane. We were watching a tv show together and my phone rang. It was my best friend. We've been trying to talk for a while as she recently had a home birth, also with her second and I really wanted to get some advice from her. We paused the show, I apologised and said I'd like to take the call. He rolled his eyes and picked up his phone. We spoke for about 25 mins and it was so helpful. I've not been sleeping due to anxiety about the birth recently and it really felt good to talk to someone I trust who's recently been through it. Anyway, throughout the conversation my husband was sighing regularly and rolling his eyes. Stamping about. Visibly annoyed and getting more annoyed. Threw my daughters toy buggy across the kitchen when he got up to eat something. Generally made me feel very uneasy about being on the call. I was gently trying to end the call, although I didn't want to but I also didnt want another argument with him. Anyway, when I did come off the call I said 'what was that about? The eye rolling and the sighing?. I really needed to have that conversation for both of us' he said 'what the fuck is wrong with you? I wanted to watch the show. You never said you'd be that long' he then pressed play on the tv. I asked him to switch it off, I wanted to talk to him. He said no. I asked again and said please, I think it's unfair you made me feel like that. He started laughing at me and said 'look at yourself, you're getting raging. I've done nothing. I'm watching this. Can you shut up.' That's when I lost it and told him to grow up. It's meant to be both of us having this baby, not just me. I threw my cup on the floor (empty and on the carpet) and told him to watch it himself. I'm now upstairs with blood pressure through the roof and a week away from my due date thinking, is that the person I want to be supporting me through this? Is it just me or is he acting really selfishly? I can't tell if my hormones/lack of sleep/anxiety are to blame or if he's really acting like an idiot. There have been three other occasions were he's blown up at me and spoken to me like I'm something on the bottom of his shoe and if I've tried to talk to him about it, he's point blank refused. He says he knows he's angrier than normal just now, he doesn't know why. He doesn't want to talk about it. So sorry for the long post. X
Perhaps ask to get this moved to relationships board as you'll get more responses there.
Sorry can't reply to your problem just now but I hope you are ok. Xx
I think you both owe each other an apology personally.
Of course he shouldn't stomp about while you're on the phone.
Of course you should warn him if you're going to be on the phone for half an hour, so he can watch on his own if he wants.
Of course he shouldn't throw the toy pushchair around
Of course you shouldn't throw a cup, empty or otherwise
You are both letting things get out of proportion.
And saying you don't want him at the birth of his baby is going to escalate things.
I get that this isn't the first instance, but sometimes partners annoy you. And you just both need to try and look at it from the other persons point of view, say sorry for your part and move on.
You'll be fine. Maybe a date night to have a bit of time to chat (about other stuff, baby / holidays etc, not about who's right or wrong in a tiff) and do something nice together before baby.
Sorry if that sounds overly opinionated or judgemental, but you did ask...
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy
His response was uncalled for, however you wanted to sit and chat so should have either gone into another room and let him finish the show or said to friend you were busy and could you call her back in X mins.
If he's been getting worse and worse over the past three weeks, what's triggering it? Is he worrying about bring a dad?
He sounds like he's bring a right grumpy git, and VU. Why get so angry about having to a pause a tv programme?! Stamping, sighing and throwing a buggy about? Wtf?
Having said that, not sure what you should do. Can you talk to him calmly about his feelings, or are you too cross with him for being an arse?!
I'd be annoyed if you paused the show I was watching to chat to your mate for half an hour.
As an isolated incident I'd say you were the unreasonable one but there's obviously a back story and you're very very pregnant so it's understandable.
Calm down, apologise and remember that although this home birth will be the centre of your focus, it probably won't be his until it's happening. I was completely consumed during the build up to mine but dp could only talk about it so much, he tried but there's a limit.
Cut him some slack and don't ban him from the birth without a super good reason.
I'm glad you got to talk to your friend, have you read birth stories online?
Thank you all. Have had time to calm down a bit and realise I'm being over sensitive and this is just a silly argument. It's not easy keeping the head at the moment, I'm so tired. I think a bit of time outside of being a parent would help us both. Really appreciate your responses. Xx
Id have been annoyed if I was expected to pause a tv programme for 25 minutes
I know you're about to have a baby but really
I think this was really strange behaviour from your DH. You have been losing sleep over anxiety from the upcoming birth and he can only think about himself when you are finally getting the support you need. He sounds really selfish and unsympathetic. I don't think you are overreacting at all.
You should have called your friend back. You were very rude to your DH, actually.
I don't think it's a biggie. He could have finished watching it later. Certainly doesn't warrant that level of anger and PA behaviour and eye rolling swearing. Also op said she didn't want 'another' argument.
I think you both sound very frustrated with each other, and some slightly odd (stressed?) behaviour is coming from both sides- passive aggressive into downright aggressive aggressive! He seems intent on winding you up (which is very unfair of him) but you do seem to be rising to it with great gusto (no more throwing of cups!) Pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for, but I think you both ought to be being a little kinder to each other at this time. Can you have a chat with him and try to clear the air and establish some kind of understanding as to 'non winding up' behaviour that you will try to observe and keep in place? when is the baby due? Do you have a good support network apart from you dh?
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