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Childbirth

How to support friend from a distance after traumatic birth

6 replies

Sophia1984 · 28/09/2015 17:33

My absolutely wonderful best friend has just had her first baby - a gorgeous little girl. From the sounds of it, it was pretty traumatic and she's been through surgery and a transfusion. My instinct is to run to her bedside and give her support and love and help in any way I can but we live at different ends of the country :( I can't afford to get there and stay in a hotel. I am checking in with her regularly but wish I could do more. I'm thinking of ordering some meals in for them when they get home, but is there anything else I can do?

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LumelaMme · 28/09/2015 18:06

It's not practical help, but some flowers might be nice - there is not much else that can make you feel as special as a big bouquet being delivered.

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AbbeyRoadCrossing · 28/09/2015 18:10

You sound lovely. I had emergency surgery and transfusions last year so been in a similar boat. She might be in hospital a little while so meals sounds great as she might well feel weak for a while.
I'd say the best thing you could do is be there to talk if she wants. I know everyone is different but I felt very shut out after mine. No one wants to hear a "horror story" and I couldn't find anyone willing to listen.

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LittleCandle · 28/09/2015 18:26

After my best friend's horrific birth and subsequent PND, I was on the phone to her every night for at least an hour, if not more. I was lucky that then DH didn't object and she knew I would come at once if she needed me. It never came to that, but I would have thrown DC in the car and gone in a heartbeat. Checking in and letting her know you are thinking about her is amazingly helpful, even if you don't think so.

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ShowOfHands · 28/09/2015 18:34

Some lovely, wonderful MNers organised a delivery of meals for me after a traumatic delivery. I was in the throes of PND and PTSD and it meant the world to me. I will never, ever forget their kindness to me.

Listening helps. Even if she needs to go over it time and time again. You won't have answers but sometimes you just need to say it out loud. Reassure her that she cannot say a single thing that will shock you and she can be frank with you. I had some very bleak thoughts at times.

Reassure her that she'll come through it and just keep communication as open as possible.

You sound like a ruddy good egg.

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Sophia1984 · 28/09/2015 18:54

Thanks everyone. I just hate thinking of her lying there in pain :( Her husband is being wonderful and it sounds like the hospital staff are being great too. Will try and get the food delivery sorted once I know when they'll be home x

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Sophia1984 · 02/10/2015 12:34

Just an update that the fates have conspired, and I have to go to a conference with work which means travelling through London so I can go see my friend! Hurrah! She is home now and her and baby are doing well :)