No birthing partner

(10 Posts)
LumpyCustard69 Sun 10-May-15 18:37:37

I am choosing to have no birthing partner. I may have to have a C-section.

My midwife seems to think I'm bonkers, but there's no one I'd feel comfortable having there with me.
The father of the baby is not my partner, and raises my blood pressure immensely. My partner is not comfortable with being there, (understandably as he's not the father), and there is no one out of my family and friends that I could honestly say would be a calming influence.

I don't have a problem with doing it on my own. It's my second child, and my first wasn't an easy birth, so I think I'll be fine.

Has anyone else had no birthing partner by choice?

ChatEnOeuf Sun 10-May-15 20:02:24

I may end up in that boat but not by choice - DH works away a lot and DD will need looking after, so my most trusted friend will be doing that. Living overseas so limited options. I too think I'll be fine - DD was a quick delivery - but my fear is that I'll regret not having someone once it's too late to change my mind.

Good luck.

RhiannonElward Tue 12-May-15 16:03:59

I think if you feel like doing it on your own then go for it OP, why not?

As a side note though, I do find it a little odd that your partner doesn't feel comfortable being there though and would prefer you do it on your own. You deserve support from him whether or not the baby is his. Could you imagine having your partner go through something so hugely demanding and life-changing and not being by his side? I get it if he doesn't cope well with blood or something, but just because it isn't his baby that isn't good enough for him to neglect you. I don't mean to be critical, I just think your partner should step up.

Racheyg Tue 12-May-15 20:07:06

If you are having a Csection then I do not think it matters whether you have someone there or not (but thats my opinion), I had a EMCS with my 1st and my OH nearly passed out as soon as they made the incision so I was alone (well apart from the surgical team). I am booked from ELCS in 2 weeks and I will be alone again.

Although saying that it would be nice to have your OH there after the surgery for support is that an option? is your partner ging to be ok when the baby is at home with you?

Hope it works out well for you. x

LumpyCustard69 Tue 12-May-15 20:49:18

I think we may be going our separate ways after the birth. Many many reasons. But he is there for me at the moment. It's a ridiculously long and complex back story.
And thank you Racheyg.

Racheyg Tue 12-May-15 21:14:45

lumpy....sorry to hear that its a complicated situation. I wish you well for your new arrival and I hope all goes well.

RhiannonElward Tue 12-May-15 21:17:10

Lumpy, I hope whatever your arrangement is that it works out for you, you sound strong and brave enough to deal with whatever circumstances you find yourself in. Good luck smile

theendoftheendoftheend Tue 12-May-15 21:19:44

I'm wanting to do it by myself this time too, my DM thinks I'm mad and should consider if the baby had to go to SCBU I might want someone there etc. I don't know. The thing is, if you don't have anyone to be with you then you don't have much option! Have you considered a Doola (unsure of spelling) I did look into it but think personally I'd rather be on my Tod!

Biscuitsneeded Tue 12-May-15 21:35:41

I had DS 2 with no birth partner as he started coming a bit earlier than expected (not premature, but before I thought he would!) and by the time DP had found a neighbour to look after DS1 I had gone ahead in a taxi and given birth not long after arriving at hospital. The midwives were aware that I was alone and so were extra kind to me but I have to say I didn't once think " I wish DP were here", I was too busy labouring and then just euphoric with my baby. It was really nice when DP arrived but he then went straight back off again to get DS1 from the somewhat surprised neighbour to whom he had been handed! DS2 and I just fed and cuddled and chilled out for a few hours until DP could get back. That time on my own with DS2 was very special. If you are happy with the idea of doing it alone I'm sure you'll be fine.

Jenbird5891 Sat 16-May-15 14:57:07

Hi I may end up with no birth partner as dh is away with armed forces. Hope he will be back as don't want him to miss the birth but if anything happens early then it is unlikely he could get back in time. Have considered having a back up such as mum or a friend or even doula but really don't want anyone else to be there. I just wouldn't be comfortable with anyone else in the room! I think there's actually quite a lot of implied pressure on women that they 'need' someone else to help them but actually if you've got midwives etc then you won't be alone anyway. I may change my opinion incentive been through it but my main worry is getting to the hospital on my own!! Once I'm there I hope I will cope. I Am quite independent and used to doing things without dh so feel fairly confident id be ok but would just be very sad he would miss his first child's birth. Would rather be alone if he's not there rather than bringing someone for the sake of it! Can't imagine anything worse than having my mum there!!!!!

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