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Childbirth

Things no-one tells you when you're pregnant!

255 replies

Emsie00 · 12/10/2006 14:11

Hi All,

When I was expecting I read all the usual books but still found myself thinking afterwards - why did no-one tell me that? I was talking to some friends who could all name a couple of things that they wish they had been told about, some were funny and some were really useful.

Here's a few of them;

  1. If you want to breastfeed but cant for some reason the hospital gives you 3 options to choose from which are all free of charge whilst you are in. A) SMA formula B) Cow & Gate Formula C)Donated Breast Milk from another mother. You get to choose which you would like. I had naturally assumed that I would be able to feed my daughter so was completely unprepared to have to make this decision, especially after 19 hours of labour! So do your research beforehand and take your own if you dont like their options.


  1. If you have to have an episiotomy don't be surprised if dr/midwife uses a pair of scissors. It took my husband weeks to get over what he had seen!!


  1. I thought the suggestion of packing an Eye Mask in my labour bag was ridiculous, so never bought one. My daughter had to have phototherapy for 48 hours and I would have done anything to have had one to block out the blue light at night! There are also always lights on in the ward so it really does help to get you a better nights sleep.


Please add to this thread - With any luck it might help first time mum's to be
OP posts:
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MamaGhoul · 12/10/2006 14:12

I wish somebody had told me that it was NOT a good idea to pack a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans as part of my "going home from hospital" outfit.

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Flamebat · 12/10/2006 14:19

Milk sprays. No-one warned me that babies can ping off nipples and spray milk in their eye/your eye/the cat's fur...

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emzickle · 12/10/2006 19:06

not had my baby yet - but -

you WILL meet a MW that will make you feel incompetant, stupid, hypochondriac, fat...

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DetentionGrrrl · 12/10/2006 20:47

Black 1st poo (how did something so gross come out of someone so beautiful?!- the baby, not me!) Piles, completely knackered pelvic floor (now on it's way to being toned again) Boobs will look like bad implants for 1st week, 1st sexual encounter afterwards was, well....rubbish! I didn't expect to feel twice as in love with my fella once we were parents either

Most importantly though, nobody can explain how much you will love and want to protect the little bugger, and how overwhelming the connection you'll have is.

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moaningpaper · 12/10/2006 20:48

If you have just had a baby without pain relief, come up with a plan for what you want when the midwife approaches you with her Big Needle to stitch you up afterwards

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evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 12/10/2006 20:50

1 baby girls can have a period and leak breast milk when a few days old

2 the amount of stuff that comes out of you after the baby is born is scary

3 the first time you have a poo after giving birth will scare you more than the actual birth

emzickle congratulations on only meeting 1 MW like that...!

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DetentionGrrrl · 12/10/2006 20:52

Ah yes, the 1st poo! I was petrified, but pleasantly surprised that my entire internal organs didn't fall into the toilet!

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evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 12/10/2006 20:54

Oh, glad it's not just me detentiongrrrl. I'm such a baby when it comes to pain, I was literally in a cold sweat and trembling at the thought!!

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DetentionGrrrl · 12/10/2006 20:55

I'm actually good with pain...i just felt like i'd disintergrate into the loo, or split or something! Thankfully, was a plain old normal poo!

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Beauregard · 12/10/2006 20:59

During labour when the head is crowning and your fanjo is burning it is the equivelant of putting your fingers in each side of your mouth and pulling HARD X 1000.

Yes you can get vulval varicose veins ,your fanjo will feel like it is dragging on the floor and you have to tuck bunches of grapes into your knickers.

You may never feel Braxton Hicks.

You can bleed whilst you are dilating(according to consultant)

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Beauregard · 12/10/2006 21:01

Afterpains suck.

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pointyfangedWeredog · 12/10/2006 21:19

You think the only pain you have will be associated with childbirth and that it'll all be over when you have your baby but -

  • breastfeeding may be a far more prolonged pain
  • if you have stitches they might give you intense unexpected shooting pains before they finally dissolve
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pointyfangedWeredog · 12/10/2006 21:19

and crikey, I'm glad I didn't experience the dragging fanjo, pelvicfnm

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Beauregard · 12/10/2006 21:24

Midwifes advice for easing the discomfort was to get the biggest mattress like sanitary towel and pad up and also stick a cold compress on
Needless to say i ignored the latter.

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RottenOtter · 12/10/2006 21:24

bloody afterpains....
'the sting' i dont think any book ever fully explains that moment where the only thing one can do is.......swear!!!!
That when you are in shock and vomiting afterwards you may need to have the bed sheets changed 3-4 times as with every heave and retch at the top end blood and slop pours from the bottom!
pack earplugs!

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MrsSpoon · 12/10/2006 21:25

Oh yes the first poo, especially if you have had many stitches, after DS1 I didn't go for about 6 days as I was terrified and it didn't help matters.

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evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 12/10/2006 21:25

pelvicFNM, you can actually buy special fanjo icepacks for that very purpose

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diNOLOOKINGOVERYOURSHOULDERsau · 12/10/2006 21:26

I bled while dilating with DS2. I think it was at that point that DH said: "Breathe! Remember your breathing!" My response: "I am fucking breathing! Now fuck off!"

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CaptainCavemansMummy · 12/10/2006 21:26

Not much mention in the books of not feeling the overwhelming sense of love for your newborn dc.

I had a cs but felt nothing after ds was born, apart from sheer panic. I was able to look after him, and noone could take him away from me, but it was only 8 weeks after he was born that I finally realised how much I loved him -
when I thought an intruder was upstairs while he was asleep and dh was out. My first instinct was to grab a knife and I had every intention of killing whoever might be up there!!

so, if you do find yourself without this instant bond, PLEASE talk to your hospital or community midwife. Mine were fantastic and explained that up to 40% of new mums feel this way, but very few will tell anyone.

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Beauregard · 12/10/2006 21:29

anniediv-What are they called? fanny freezers?

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evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 12/10/2006 21:32

pelvicfloor, I shit you not, these things actually exist...

fanny freezers

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wrinklytum · 12/10/2006 21:33

No one told me how painful it was when your milk comes in,though dp was pretty impressed with the large norks,as I was previously flat as a pancake.(The novelty soon wore off when he realised he wouldnt get near them for several months due to hungry baby and knackered mummy)

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Beauregard · 12/10/2006 21:35
Grin
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Peridot30 · 12/10/2006 21:46

First poo!!! THat brings back memories of sitting on toilet crying that i couldn't do it. With dh being slightly pissed off shouting 'of course you f**king can' Can laugh at it now. also Boobs when milk comes in OH MY GOD really painful but cabbage leaves work a treat.

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chocolatekimmy · 12/10/2006 21:48

Passing a clot the size of a satsuma after having a pee approx 12 hours after giving birth - scared the hell out of me!

Also, the midwives don't discreetly scoop away your poo so you never know you've done one whilst pushing

....and no you don't 'clear out' beforehand!

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