anybody want no 2 but afraid of birth?

[rosasasa]

thats it really have wonderful nearly 3 yr old dd ..fancy another but birth was horrendous..am i alone?

[SoupDragon]

You're not alone, I had a nightmare first birth but I now have 3 children

I just went for it with DS2 as I wanted a sibling for DS1 I didn't feel "ready" as such or that I'd recovered from DS1s labour/birth. I did have a short course of hypnotherapy to help me relax as I had no positive memories from the first time round.

[Tili]

Hello,
Im 11 wks pg with no2 and the one thing thats bothering me is the birth,.
With dd I was only in labour for 2 1/2 hrs which I am very grateful for but I had really bad tearing which had put me off having another to be honest.
I have just been thinking though that although It was absolute agony to feel myself literally splitting in half I came through it and the overwhelming feeling of love that you have when you see your bubs and even now when I look at her makes everything ok.
I just cant think of never experiencing that feeling again and it has outweighed my fear now Im still apprehensive and wil bbe panicing when the time comes for baby to appear its natural but if Ive done it once Im sure I can do it again.
I dont know how bad your experience was but they always say it is always different each time.

[sallyrosie]

I had difficult birth with no.1 - induced as post dates by breaking my waters, long and difficult labour, massive episiotomy, infected stitches, difficulty BFing - the works.

Couldn't have been more different the second time:
Am 3 days post delivery of no.2 - this time round I went into labour on my due date, stayed at home for most of the day (did my ironing and went for a walk with DD to take my mind off the contractions), went into hospital when I wanted some gas and air, had a lovely and very quick labour, 2nd stage lasted only 12 minutes, no drugs other than gas and air and delivered 9lb 5oz baby with no tearing. BFing well established and easy this time round.

Don't be put off by what happened last time - chances are it won't happen again and they are SOOOO worth it!!

[dreamchocolate]

Completely understand. I had a dreadful first birth. Induced when 6 days late, pre-eclampsia, long labour, emergency C section, complicated recovery.

At the end of the day we wanted a second child badly enough for me to say I was prepared somehow to go through it all again. Three years after DS1, DD was born by natural delivery, 10 days early, 4 hour labour. I'm so glad we did it!!

[beckybrastraps]

I was offered an elective caesarian for those reasons. Didn't have it. Easier delivery, not great, but better.

[ChablisGlugger]

I was, apparently, really really lucky with birth number 1 - DS was born after only a few hours of advanced labour. Yet still I shy away from having a sibling for DS as I found it traumatic enough! I'm obviously a wuss! I wish somebody had warned me that I'd feel like I was having an almighty painful poo - the fear of actually pooing in front of my boyfriend overshadowed the whole thing for me. I was lucky - no pooing - but why don't they give enema's anymore???

Apologies to all those who really did have traumatic births - I know I'm whinging about nothing...

[scootermum]

Hi,
Im newly pg with no 2 now.DD1 is only 9 mnths old so maybe I havent had enough time to blot it out but the labour with her was appalling and I am petrified.Even more than when I had her, and then I was bad-because now I know what it feels like!

[JackieNoHeadJustABloodyStump]

Might be worth investigating whether your hospital has a 'birth afterthoughts' service - ours did, and a midwife came to my house, with my notes from the first birth, and talked me through exactly what happened - explained a lot for me, and 'demystified' it. Made me a lot happier for the next time.

[Monkeychopsmummy]

CG - I was told by the exmidwife who taught my hypnobirthing class that if you are really worried about pooing in front of anyone you can ask for an enema. Reason being that the fear of pooing can put people of pushing effectively!

I had a positive 1st birth but hearing about all the horror stories of other peoples births since then has made me scared about the next one (not planning to get pg for a while yet though!). I will have a fear release session with my hypnobirthing instructor and do the whole hypnobirthing thing again. I will also cling to the fact that 2nd time births are generally shorter and easier (and ignore stories of those that aren't!)

[estobi1]

Don't worry about pooing yourself. That was my biggest fear so when I went in 10cm dilated and the midwife advised me that I had something in my back passage, I let her give me 2 enemas because i was mortified at the thought! Big mistake! I did not poo until afterwards and I actually did it involuntarily in my bed (twice) on a ward full of women as I tried to get out of bed and then once again as my dh was taking the mickey out of me running up the ward with my colostomy bag! Oh I did laugh! I find it funny now but at the time I was horrified. So the moral of the story is poo for England and forget the enemas!

...and as for the baby, (hopefully) it is just one day in your life and remember how you felt when you first held your baby - everything just washes away. Go for it!

[fridascruffs]

I was worried about the second birth after a difficult first birth, so I had an epidural. It was glorious.
I heard that in Holland many women don't have a second because they're afraid of the birth. Births are VERY midwife led there and they're a bit nazi-ish about no pain control. It's v. difficult to arrange an elective epidural there(why??!)

[Amaretto]

Agree with SoupDragon. I bought some CD of hypnobirthing. You just have to listen to them at home during the pg and I am sure that they helped me been much more relaxed about the whole thing.
I had a water birth the second time round and actually never DID anything ie no pushing or else, it all just HAPPEN. I wouldn't say it eased the pain but certainly helped wit the fear factor.

[mummy115]

my first was fab as i had epidural so i could concentrate rather than be in pain.my second birth was horrendous as i didnt have time for anything it was so quick .i sent hubby for snip after that!!!!! if you dont want pain get an epidural i wish i could have had one second time.

[pupuce]

Rosasasa... have you considered either calling Birth Crisis or read the book .
As it happened I went to the workshop this WE... it is really a very helpful network. Many women ring them as they have had such a bad time last time that they can't even think/want to get pregnant... it's really good stuff they do and it isn't about justifying or explaining what happened bur just listening - and that can go a LONG way...

[fizzbuzz]

I was scared all through first pregnancy, and the birth was horrid. Demanded and got a C-section for 2nd. Amazing, fantastic experience, best choice ever ever made. Absolutely nothing to be scared about. When I was pregnant with 2nd I was referred to a special midwife who dealt with fear of giving birth. She was really really helpful, but I still decided to opt for section. Remeber that option should be open to you for psycological(spelling!?) reasons. Best of luck.