visitors after/ before baby

(16 Posts)
bluefriend Wed 30-Jul-14 23:27:39

Basically my baby is due end of November and before I got pregnant we had agreed that my brother in law and his girlfriend (whom iv never met) could stay at ours for a month......
When I found out I was pregnant I assumed theyd still come but stay elsewhere..... How wrong! They have now booked flights for two weeks before my due date meaning they'll be here almost two months!
I'm officially freaking out about the fact they'll be in my house when I'm having contractions/ trying to have a bath/ get ready for hospital! Then they'll be in our house when I return with baby! This makes me really uncomfortable but my partner says I'm being selfish!
Also just don't want people lingering in corridors while I'm in labour and barging in as soon as my baby's born!
Also my mil has stated that I need not worry about 'the mess' at home because shell be cleaning everywhere before I get home!
Just want some privacy and space to sort myself out and breastfeed my baby! sad this is just the worst thing! More worried about this than the actual labour!
Am I just being ridiculous?

What is the set up of your house, could you make an area more private, like a lounge only for you your partner and the baby? I have a 5 week old, and have spent much of the time since he was born staying at my parents. It was massively helpful to have their support and help with cooking washing etc, but it was awkward breastfeeding around my dad. He was fine with it, but my nipple spent more time out of the baby's mouth than in it during breastfeeding at the beginning, and at times I wished I was at home where I could just sit topless for skin to skin and easy breastfeeding.

Maybe their visit could be positive though - would they take on all the cooking and cleaning so you can focus on the baby? I am not a particularly assertive person, but I have enjoyed setting down exactly how I want things to be since having a baby, and found everyone has listened. I think its fine to tell people in advance when they can and can't visit, and to tell your brother in law how you envisage things will work in the house when you are in labour and come home with the baby.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Thu 31-Jul-14 00:00:14

No. is a complete sentence.

Book a home birth and pray they are squeamish

Is it an option to go home to your parents for two months if everyone continues to ignore your wishes?

House guests for two months? Are they going to pay rent?

Nunyabiz Thu 31-Jul-14 00:27:31

Where are they travelling from? Is there anyone else they can stay with? I completely understand as I was freaking out about in laws arriving 3 weeks after DD2 was due. She's 8 weeks now, they are here for another 3 weeks and I have felt a bit imposed with the breast feeding etc.... But they have gone away (Italy etc for a week here or there) so it hasn't been as intense. I agree that having house guests at that time and for so long is not suitable. You are not being selfish, your DH just needs to look at it from your perspective as it's avert vulnerable time and your needs and wishes come above all others. Fact.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Thu 31-Jul-14 00:42:29

Tell these people to cancel their plans. End of.
You do not need the added stress of a total stranger living with you while you have a newborn.

Can't they stay with mil? Or is she staying too?

magpiegin Thu 31-Jul-14 13:22:28

Could you ask if they could stay with MIL? Maybe compromise and ask if they stay with you before the baby is born if they can stay elsewhere afterwards.

I would say a definite no to mil cleaning house.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 31-Jul-14 13:26:02

But you just assumed they would stay elsewhere. Theyve clearly assumed its fine to still come. if they dont have kids they may not realise how much of a hindrance they could be.

Speak to them.

squizita Thu 31-Jul-14 13:27:42

Talk about treating your home like a hotel.

2 words: TRAVEL LODGE. They're like £20 a night. Bro and SIL can stay there, in fact they all can. Blimy.

imisssleepandwine Thu 31-Jul-14 23:24:42

Ask your DH to talk to them and explain that you were happy to have them stay but now things have changed as you have a baby on the way.

I couldn't cope with anyone in my house when DD was born never mind the in-laws and a stranger. The last few weeks of pregnancy can be hard and the initial weeks with a new born are so special but also rough going both physically and emotionally, you don't need an audience for that and you don't need the stress so I'd nip it in the bud now to give them some time to make over arrangements.

Bankholidaybaby Thu 31-Jul-14 23:46:41

You're not being ridiculous. I think having this intrusion in the newborn period is far more of a concern than having them around when you're in late pregnancy and labour: I spent a lot of the first six weeks naked or half-naked, trying to bond and establish breastfeeding, I was exhausted, besotted and trying to find my own way as a new mother and no way would I have wanted anyone around but my husband, parents and siblings.

Blondiemama Fri 01-Aug-14 06:04:47

You poor thing OP, you definitely don't need this kind of stress do you?

You are not being selfish. Is this your first baby? I agree with magpie, maybe let them stay before baby is born and then DH needs to let them know in advance that they need to stay elsewhere afterwards. Giving birth can be quite traumatic and the last thing you may want is having people around especially if you don't know them that well. It took me two months to recover but my best friend had her baby on Monday and is fine, we are all different.
I agree that it is nice to have someone to do the chores etc but not for them to be there permanently. Talk to DH, your health and state of mind are the most important thing here.
Have you spoken to MIL about this out of interest? Good she speak to BIL about station with her or elsewhere? At the end of the day she is a mother too and will hopefully understand where you are coming from xx

Diamondsareagirls Thu 07-Aug-14 22:44:33

Oh OP, of course you are not being ridiculous. You need to tell your DH that this is the last thing you all need. You will have gone through pregnancy and labour and you need to come home to an environment where you feel comfortable and secure. Even in the best case scenario you will be feeling exhausted, vulnerable and emotional and you do NOT need to be dealing with your BIL and someone you don't know in your home.
If any of your family don't understand this then they don't have the best interests of you and your baby at heart and in that case they can sod off! x

whiteblossom Wed 13-Aug-14 10:52:21

oh no, no, no no, no, no!! NO!

Who invites themselves for an additional month, a whole month! No way would I have them, they will have to find somewhere else to stay, surely they will understand (though my experience is that people that don't have kids, say they understand and then slate you behind your back)

No way would I want to be in labour and back home with a new baby finding my feet, healing, tired and sore with anyone else there but dh. I suspect that a new baby would have them running for the hills after the first sleepless night...

hmmmum Thu 14-Aug-14 08:58:56

You're not being ridiculous at all! I would have HATED having guests staying in my home at that time! It's lovely having visitors pop round for an hour or two, but childbirth and learning to breastfeed etc are exhausting. Things can feel very overwhelming as well as very happy. I was excited, delighted, exhaustd, weepy, hormonal, a huge mix of things. You need time alone with your baby and partner to adjust to it all. They are being really dim witted for thinking it's ok to stay with a new mum for that length of time. If I were you I'd just tell them you need time and space as a new mum. It's not being selfish, you would have let them stay if you weren't going through such a life changing experience! Your dh will probably agree when the baby is born.
Really hope it all goes ok and you're able to put them off.

Lordofmyflies Thu 14-Aug-14 11:18:02

You are not being ridiculous. I would have found this difficult with close family, let alone a stranger. Perhaps you could tell them that you feel uncomfortable with them being there as you will be partially dressed, sleep deprived and leaky. Also they won't be getting much sleep either as the baby will keep them up during the night! You are not being selfish and you may feel resentful in the future as this will pass very quickly.

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