Did anything funny happen do you during labour?

(62 Posts)
dodi1978 Mon 16-Jun-14 20:05:13

Of course, labour is tough, but retrospectively, there are actually still a couple of things I am laughing about today (my DS is 10 1/2 months old).

My DS was a bit of a surprise arrival at 36+1 weeks. Thinking that I would go into hospital to be assessed, maximally to stay a night to be started on antibiotics, I unpacked my hospital bag at home to pack a smaller overnight bag (my husband is still laughing about this today) and paid for three hours parking. A few hours and some tiny contractions later it dawned on me that I'd be here to stay for the night, so I shuffled downstairs to the hospital reception - in the spirit of active labour - to upgrade my parking ticket. And who is working at the parking office? The student whose PhD I had failed (and whom I really really dislike!) only about three weeks earlier shock...

Anyway, I shuffle back upstairs, contractions getting stronger and shorter together by the minute (start of contractions to 9 cm - 2 hours). I arrive back on the ward, the biggest contraction so far almost floors me. I lean on the reception desk and breathe heavily. Lady behind the desk: "What's wrong with you?" What's wrong with me? confused The best answer to this one would probably have been "Where do you work?" but my funny bones were failing me at this point.

Half an hour later, my husband arrives back, having raced back 60 miles from a stag do which was meant to be his last night of freedom (he will probably never quite forgive our son). My contractions are now very painful, I scream for pain relief. But they don't want to examine me due me being 36 weeks, risk of infection and because they don't believe I am that far yet. One of the pictures that I've got in my mind from that evening is my husband almost physically dragging a midwife to my bed (he says if it'd been a guy, he wouldn't have guaranteed non-violence). Lo and behold, 9cms.

Finally on labour ward, 2 hours of contractions, getting high on gas & air and not pushing so well (because of getting high on gas & air). Gas & Air is taken away from me (my husband had the honour to take the nozzle out of my reach... I could have punched him at this point!). Unexpectedly (by me), midwife says "Just one more contraction and head is out." Well, unfortunately, wrong assessment, because it was twooooo pushes! Apparently, I was not at my politest at this point. Then, at the next contraction, trainee midwife (a mum of three herself, so she should know better) says "This is going to sting a bit" in anticipation of head actually coming through. My husband says a I looked at her as if I was going to have her for dinner...

Altogether I look back on the whole evening with real fondness and I really laugh at all these episodes now!

Did anything funny happen during your labour (At least funny in retrospect)? Make me laugh!

LineRunner Mon 16-Jun-14 20:14:35

I had one of those exasperated 'yes, what is it?' moments from a midwife when I rang the bell for her to come to my bedside.

I had been induced and was having minute long contractions very noisily, every minute.

'I'm having a baby', I volunteered.

She seemed most put out.

spudmasher Mon 16-Jun-14 20:24:31

In attendance at DD2 s birth was an old fashioned, experienced midwife and a very young student midwife. I had dreams of giving birthing all fours/ squatting or whatever vertically. Old midwife was very much insistent that I was on the bed, on my back. Young midwife totally got what I wanted and did her absolute best to convince old midwife I should be allowed to be vertical, but to no avail- the sniping comments back and forth between the two were hilarious- classic 'you young whipper snappers......" And "Up to date practise says....."

At one point they were literally pushing each other out of the way. I really felt for the young one- old midwife was having none of it.
But when it came to the stitches.......old midwife won.....no way was I going to be practised on!,

defineme Mon 16-Jun-14 20:32:12

First my waters broke literally on consultants face and then she said 'I'm just going to use these big spoons to turn dtwin1' and I said 'I hope you mean forceps' cue midwife snorting.

AlwaysandForever09 Mon 16-Jun-14 20:43:57

I needed a wee but was so bursting I didn't make it to the loo in time as had a strong contraction, and I ended up weeing on the midwife by accident! :/

Wobblebeans Mon 16-Jun-14 20:44:26

Not me, but my DM when in labour with my DSis.
Waters hadn't broken yet, and she was being examined. Midwife said her waters had broken.
Queue DM trying to convince midwife that they hadn't and vice versa, only for them to go right in midwifes face...
My dad nearly wet himself...grin

WanttogotoDisney Mon 16-Jun-14 20:46:40

My favourite Nike trainers got stolen. WTF?

SirChenjin Mon 16-Jun-14 20:48:17

When I was having DC3 the midwife asked if she could do an internal. I took the gas and air from my mouth, fixed her a long hard stare, and in a deep, gravelly, and if I say so myself - quite sexy - voice said "you can do anything you want to me". She laughed nervously and didn't seem to know what to do.

I still clench involuntarily whenever I think of that blush

wtffgs Mon 16-Jun-14 20:49:46

Home birth with floaty music on the DVD player and low lights...... Very chilled..... well, until the DVD player randomly switched off and Father Ted came blasting out of the TV! grin

"Drink, feck, arse!" grin

I farted on the doctor that was examining me. Right into her face. blush

laura2323 Mon 16-Jun-14 20:54:02

I have very bad eyesight and during labour I was telling everyone that g&a is a wonder drug! I could see! And I mean read the poster on the wall when I normally can't see my hand in front of my face!
Also telling the midwives I want a football team of babies, 5-a-side mind you. Apparently it's the first time theyve heard that while someone's in labour!

Lesleythegiraffe Mon 16-Jun-14 20:54:09

I had gas and air then decided I wanted an epidural so doctor was sent for. By this time, I was pretty much away with the fairies.

When the doctor arrived, he had a South African accent. When I heard him talking I said, "Is he black?" (he wasn't)

Thankfully he just laughed it off - i was mortified

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Mon 16-Jun-14 20:54:35

I chundered in a bed pan so forcefully it splashed on dh.

I went from 3cm to pushing in less than hour, so dh was unaware when I was in transition and getting a bit shouty. He was settled in his chair in the corner with his crossword book going "main ingredient of hoummus, nine letters?" Me:"FFFFFUUUUUUCK OFFFFFF!"

I shit on the floor waddling from toilet to bed with his head crowning.

Cruikshank Mon 16-Jun-14 20:55:22

During the pushing stage, I got quite irate and at one point bellowed "For fuck's sakes fucking get this baby out of me!" The midwife afterwards said that they were all very impressed and "didn't think I had it in me" to be so sweary. That is the first and only time I have been congratulated for swearing.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 16-Jun-14 20:58:16

MW got dh a cup.of coffee as he was tired bless towards the end of my 24 hour labour. As he sat chanting breathe breathe at me I stopped pushing, glared at him, and demanded he go brush his teeth.

I hate coffee breath.

I also asked for a dovetailed fishnet stocking (whatever the hell that is) whilst on the G&A.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 16-Jun-14 20:59:25

Oh and I said I couldnt start pushing yet as I didnt know the codeword in Russian.

we had no code word and no reason for me to need to speak Russian. That g&a is loopy stuff.

smokeandfluff Mon 16-Jun-14 20:59:54

When the midwives told me they could see the head I asked 'what colour hair does it have?' They told me the baby was covered in green poo and they couldn't quite make out the hair colour.

gertiegusset Mon 16-Jun-14 21:04:49

The midwife who said to DP that the quiet, soothing music we had playing was stopping the baby wanting to come out. hmm

I wish, after making to to 42 weeks after two days of pessaries to induce, with not a snifter f a contraction, I finally was given a CS.

It very nearly wasn't needed. Dh went off to get into his scrubs and paper shoes. I saw his face approaching through the window in the door and could tell he was not impressed. Dh is of a larger build, broad shoulders rugby player thighs. They didn't have scrubs big enough. The trousers were so tight there is a doubt whether he will father any mor children and the top was cropped just above the belly button. I laughed so hard I weed a wee bit!

dodi1978 Mon 16-Jun-14 21:11:07

Thank you! Laughing tears (and cringing at the spelling error in the thread title shock.

dontevenblink Tue 17-Jun-14 00:26:12

DC2 decided he wanted to arrive very quickly and we were told by hospital to call the ambulance to come out (I will never forget the look on DH's face when the 999 operator told him she was going to tell him how to deliver a baby just in case - I thought he was going to pass out!).
They sent a car, who then straight away sent for the ambulance once seeing me. So I ended up with 4 paramedics, all stood at the end of my bed looking at me, going "Has anyone delivered a baby before?" "Nope" "Well I don't want to" "Me neither" etc...!!! They had brought the gas and air to me my this point and I couldn't stop laughing about how ridiculous it all was! (luckily the ambulance managed to get me to hospital just in time)

I had a shoulder dystocia with dc2 (which obviously wasn't funny at all) but there was a student midwife with the normal midwife who was told to press the emergency button, cue her hitting something on the wall shouting "its not working!! Its not working!!!" and the midwife shouting back "that's not the button!!!" (one of those things that sticks in your mind as being funny after the time in a pretty horrid situation otherwise - dc2 was fine though smile )

After 26 hours of labour with dc1, and barely making a noise or saying anything, I had been pushing for over 4 hours with no progress and I was in complete agony. When the consultant came in, without looking at me she said "shall we try pushing a bit more then?". Well the tirade of swear words that came out of my mouth at that point should never be repeated again grin the midwives, consultant and DH all stared at me drop mouthed and DH's only words were "don'tevenblink!!!!" (in a very shocked voice). Consultant said, ok maybe not then, proceeded to examine me and I was taken down to theatre as DC1 was completely stuck...

1944girl Tue 17-Jun-14 01:33:12

I must be well known on these childbirth/ceasarian threads. I am an old one and am now a great grandmother to be.My experiences are very out of date now but I still remember my two labours, both ending in crash sections.
I was having a trial of labour for DS2. You were mostly left alone in labour in those days apart from when they came in to check you.I was actually labouring in the theatre so they could intervene quickly if necessary because of what happened first time.
It was change of shift and I was alone on the table in a semi sitting position. A nurse came in to ''dust around''the theatre. After a few seconds she noticed I was there, glared at me and said ''Had your baby?''. I pointed to my enormous bump and shouted ''What's this, a scotch mist?''.
When things started to get complicated and they eventually decided that the baby had to be got out now they asked where my DH was. He was away in the Merchant Navy .They said he would have to be told I was going to have a section. I said ''Well can he not be told then, I think he is sailing around the bloody world in a bloody ship while I am suffering here, get this baby out of me then go for the loud hailer and see if you get him back, then leave me to bloody strangle him''Which I nearly did when he got himself back two months later.

ColdCottage Tue 17-Jun-14 09:12:16

We had the radio on and just as I was due to start pushing (after 26h in labour standing followed by 14 under epidural) the lyrics 'it's the end of the world as we know it' came on. Made DH and I laugh.
Later, quite close to DS arrival the Top Gear theme tune came on and the midwife said 'we can't have them arrive to that!'

DS was born at change over time for midwives. New midwife could believe how much poo DS had managed to expel all over my sheets on arrival and commented 'in 12 years as a midwife I have never had to clean poo off a mothers toes before!'. She was so shocked after she had changed the sheets she even held them up to show DH and I - think this was slight over kill, wasn't so keen to see the blood in the too. Sorry, probably TMI.

Geminiwitch22 Tue 17-Jun-14 09:31:04

Going in for my first birth/ induction tommorow and this thread is making m feel better and laugh

ipswichwitch Tue 17-Jun-14 10:07:57

My waters broke at midnight with DS2 so I had no sleep at all that night. After almost 10 hours of agonising contractions and a lot of pushing, with 2 midwives trying to encourage me to push harder (was bloody exhausted by this point) I was getting really fed up and just wanted the baby here. I took one final toot on the gas and air, gritted my teeth, pushed as hard as I could and bellowed "GEEEETTT OOOOUUUUUTTTTT!" Everyone just stopped and stared at me - DH said it was like something from the exorcist especially since my face did have a greenish tinge by this point. He fully expected me to start projectile vomiting and head twirling! It worked, DS2 just popped out. DH says he's been a bit scared of me ever since grin

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