Petrified :(

(25 Posts)
Emzzy26x Sun 30-Mar-14 19:59:11

Im only 8 weeks gone... not even had my first midwife appointment but I am absolutely terrified of childbirth... I get so teary when I think about this! I know its a natural thing that most women go through and everybodys is different but I just cant stop worrying sad

Hi love, don't worry, you're not alone! I can only offer you my personal experience, but a friend lent me a book on hypnobirthing and it sorted me head right out. By the time I went into labour I was actually looking forward to it (and it was honestly fine!). Hopefully other people will come on here and give you their tips too.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way!

my head

Emzzy26x Sun 30-Mar-14 20:17:46

Thank you lovely smile im going to look into Hypnobirthing heard good things about it smile

I'd recommend Hypnobirthing too, plus read Ina May's guide to childbirth. smile

Cyclebump Sun 30-Mar-14 21:15:40

You are on a hormone rollercoaster right now, getting teary is totally fine. You've got the excitement of scan pictures, hearing the heartbeat etc to power you through.

Friends have recommended hypnobirthing techniques and make sure you make the mist of antenatal classes. Ask questions, get the info you need, you'll be fine xx

everythinghippie29 Sun 30-Mar-14 21:25:08

I felt the same early on. Really filled with dread and fear but I found as the pregnancy got on a lot of the fear gave way to excitement and anticipation. I know its difficult but try not to focus on it and instead look at all of the positives to look forward to. I.e. scans, first movements and meeting your LO.

If you find you are struggling and still feeling very anxious speak with your midwife and hopefully she will give you some good advice about keeping calm.

I know everyone has a different experience but the birth of my DS was no where near as bad as I expected (and it certainly didn't all go to plan).

Congratutions on your baby!

wispaxmas Sun 30-Mar-14 22:48:15

You're not alone. I'm 30 weeks and e closer it gets the more terrified I get. I found myself actually hoping for baby to be breech to justify a section! I keep coming across things that can happen or go wrong that just make it worse, but for now the only thing getting me through is the thought that I will be asking for an epidural ASAP. But then I get afraid that for some reason they won't give me one.

Sorry, I'm no help at all, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

SimLondon Mon 31-Mar-14 23:01:18

Erm - talk to your midwife, they can spend extra time with you explaining things.

I went the hypno-birthing route and - was one of the 1/10 births that needed extra assistance (baby got stuck the wrong way) what helped me was having full confidence in the fab midwives.

123Jump Tue 01-Apr-14 08:51:31

Emzzy26x, I was exactly the same with DC1. I couldn't sleep, and was filled with dread and fear. And I'm a nurse, and worked on a labour ward as an auxiliary for a year!So I had seen lots of births etc.
My advice is to educate yourself. Read up on labour, childbirth, drugs, epidurals, hypnobirthing.... everything. At least then you are prepared, and you will understand what is happening.
I had big babies (nearly 11 lbers!!), back to back for 2 of them. And I never had a stitch or any intervention.
But if things hadn't gone according to plan, I knew what step I wanted to take next, I was in control, not just at the mercy of everyone around me.
Knowledge is power.
Good luck and congratulations!

squizita Tue 01-Apr-14 10:17:27

I am in 2nd Trimester and have pregnancy-related anxiety (including childbirth). They do have special MW and nurses for fears like this... don't be shy to ask!
I found some strategies designed for 'normal' ladies haven't worked for me as well as usual due to my phobia-like fears (basically 'it's OK, 99% of women's bodies make babies just fine' natural/hypno stuff leave me thinking 'but I'm in the 1%'). If you need a bit more - do ask for perinatal psychology support, it has made me feel so much better...

NB: the following is to do with pregnancy in general with some childbirth fear chucked in there, as I haven't had my baby yet. BUT I can now say 'yet' not 'if', so something must be working ...

I have been recommended CBT and Mindfulness - via the NHS. I find this very calming in a factual kind of way: it accepts that some women find birth extremely painful/tricky, might tear/have stitches, might need an operation even if they obey Ina May to the letter... but thanks to living in a modern developed country, these women are women we know, cleanly stitched and monitored and living their lives. It (in my case pregnancy itself) will probably go 'OK' - it will probably be tough, but I am being looked after by professionals and am otherwise healthy.
I am encouraged to accept and learn about what I can't change, and do what I can (i.e. take all the ante-natal classes, exercise well, read a range of books not just Ina May so I don't get shock if I can't sit in the pool, lots of pelvic floor, interrogate have detailed chats with the midwife etc').
As my DH quips, mindfulness could be summarised as "sometimes SH*T happens, sometimes constipation happens...but all bran happens too." grin

squizita Tue 01-Apr-14 10:54:33

...sorry to add, I have had previous losses hence my craziness and swift referral to CBT/Mindfulness.

givemeaclue Tue 01-Apr-14 11:00:03

Could you have a section? Takes the fear away

squizita Tue 01-Apr-14 11:06:37

Givemeaclue Can't speak for OP but all I'd do is worry about the operation grin mind you if I was recommended one for sensible reasons I'd just do my mindfulness, read up and bite the bullet!

mummylin Tue 01-Apr-14 11:25:14

I too was terrified when I had my first baby and when it got to the stage where it was most painful I thought I couldn't take any more, what I didn't realise that was that was the most painful it would get. I was fine and would of gone through it again the next day to get my baby. Do try the relaxation things that people are recommending and learn what you can about the various stages your body will go through.

LillianGish Tue 01-Apr-14 11:39:05

I think it is quite terrifying with a first baby - fear of the unknown, the utter inevitability of it and all the scare stories so many people seem to love pedaling. I was exactly the same. I think the thing is to use that fear to prepare yourself as a much as you can in terms of ante-natal in the place where you'll actually be having the baby so you know what to expect and what is possible. When push actually comes to shove (if you'll pardon the expression!) you'll be so caught up in the excitement of the event you won't have time to think about it. By the end of my pregnancy I was so fed up with the inconvenience and discomfort I was really looking forward to getting it over with and actually meeting my daughter. In fact after all my anxiety I think my first thought on being handed my baby was "Was that it? Don't know what I was getting myself so worked up about". Worrying in pregnancy is perfectly normal and excellent preparation for all the worry to come - I don't think you ever really stop worrying. It's part of being a mum. Most importantly remember there are lots of people here to hold your hand - I really wish mumsnet had been around when I was pregnant. I doubt there is a problem you can post about that another mumsnetter hasn't already been through. Good luck.

Sweetpea86 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:29:20

I'm 38 weeks and it's some thing that has put my off having a family. But broody ness over took. Once I fell pregnant I started panicking.

Midwife kind of shrugged it off when I first told her my concerns. But at 34 weeks I burst out crying telling her how frightened I was.

She was really supportive.

Stupidly I left it to late and worried about it.

Best thing to do is read up on it, pain relief water births etc. Go to antnatl classes. Hypnosis.

And don't listen to horror stories from work mates etc. That was part of the problem for me. Every women will have a different experince.

I found reading up on stages of labour really helped.

I'm 38 weeks now still scared but feel more prepared.

I'm at the stage now were I'm desprate for labour to come lol and I think a lot of women get like that.

The pain will all be worth it.

And congrats on your pregancy

SimLondon Tue 01-Apr-14 22:22:46

Just realised that the OP didn't specifically say why she was scared - but having confidence in the doctors and midwives around you is key - i had the emergency interventions and no pain relief but i was never scared because the doctors and midwives were fab.

PS: Take decent snacks, I suspect our hospital food is on a par with prison food.

Tranquilitybaby Wed 02-Apr-14 06:48:55

Fear of the unknown is the worst type of fear, def look into hypno birthing and talk to your midwife about your fears. Don't read the horror stories and make a birth plan.

Childbirth without fear is a v good book as is Ina Mays guide to childbirth x

glorious Wed 02-Apr-14 07:48:52

OP it is scary, no question. Having done it once though I wouldn't be scared again.

I found www.tellmeagoodbirthstory.com really helpful as there are lots of very straightforward experiences there, and also not so straightforward ones which people nevertheless felt good about.

Orangeisthenewbanana Wed 02-Apr-14 07:51:30

Hypnobirthing worked great for me. We also used Marie
Mongan's which has some fantastically reassuring chapters at the beginning.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Orangeisthenewbanana Wed 02-Apr-14 07:52:10

Sorry, that should have been Marie Mongan's book!

Hazchem Fri 04-Apr-14 07:16:46

Some great suggestion on here already.
You could also consider hiring a doula and maybe attened some Positive Birth group meetings to hear positive stories.

mummyxtwo Mon 07-Apr-14 20:08:13

I tried the Hypnobirthing book but it wasn't really for me. I did however use a good hypnobirthing cd:

www.amazon.co.uk/Effective-Birth-Preparation-Hospital-Centre/dp/1905220502/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1396897247&sr=8-2&keywords=hypnobirthing+cd

It is more of a calming, relaxation cd, but helps you feel calmer and more reassured about the birth. It doesn't matter if you fall asleep listening to the cd, which I did several times!

It is totally normal to feel terrified of childbirth in your first pregnancy, I certainly was. Both of my births were positive experiences - epidural with first, largely because I was getting very tired, no pain relief with the second. I'm not hardcore by any means, in fact I'm scared of needles! Labour is a bizarre experience, because inbetween contractions you are completely comfortable. I was chatting and texting through much of my first labour! (Didn't have time with the second as she flew out). The more you can (try to) relax and remind yourself that your body was designed to do this - it knows what to do even when you don't! - the easier it will be. Easier said than done, I know! It helps to focus on meeting your baby, after the long 9 months you have carried them around. Definitely give the cd's a try though. All the best!

sammyleh Tue 08-Apr-14 14:52:33

I did prenatal yoga and it helped me a lot in controlling my breathing and keeping calm.
So many people told me how painful their childbirth experience was and it scared the living sh*t out of me, I was also petrified but I just thought to myself towards the end, I'm a strong lass, I can take a lot of pain before it makes me cry so I can do this, I wont be half as painful as I'm expecting it to be.... and it wasn't. I didn't find childbirth the most horrendous pain in the world, but that's just me. I think it's all down to how you handle it smile xx

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