absolutely petrified!

(19 Posts)
K8eee Wed 05-Mar-14 15:41:07

Basically the above! I'm 37+3 weeks pg, and the whole idea of labour absolutely petrifies me, and I know there is nothing I can do about it.

PenguinsEatSpinach Wed 05-Mar-14 16:04:33

It's ok. It's pretty normal to be terrified. Many of us have been there. I'm 33 weeks with no. 3 and I'm quite excited (mostly because I know I'm likely to have a lot more energy once I get this baby out!) but I remember the feeling from no. 1 and no. 2.

Want to talk about anything in particular?

SearchingforSleep Wed 05-Mar-14 16:07:46

Aw, don't be petrified! It doesn't have to be a terrifying experience.

Generations upon generations of amazing women in your family have given birth successfully and you will too. It really is a process we are designed for - women in comas have given given birth successfully - your body really will know what it is doing. It is a truly incredible process and we are so so lucky in this country that we have great medical care to help us if it is needed.

One thing I found that really helped me (as I am a big wuss with pain!) was knowing that the pain wasn't due to something going wrong or having been injured, it was a by-product of my body working hard and doing what it needed to do in order to release my daughter into the world.

It doesn't help that lots of people feel the need to describe birth horror stories in graphic detail as soon as you are pregnant but there are lots of really positive stories too. The website below shares positive birth stories to help counteract all the fear-mongering.

tellmeagoodbirthstory.com

Loads and loads of luck - stay calm, keep breathing deeply and absolutely believe in your body's ability to do this amazing thing and through it, you will meet your son/daughter - worth every second of pain! smile Very best wishes - come back and let us know how you get on. thanks

Beastofburden Wed 05-Mar-14 16:07:59

I felt the same first time round. It was especially awful to be in early labour and hear people yelling their heads off, because I knew they had to be in hideous agony, right?

My midwife said, nah, they're just the kind of people that yell their heads off at BBQs and when they watch telly. You probably wont make a sound.

She was quite right. It didn't hurt all that much and there are always drugs. I did it three times and it was fine.

SquidgersMummy Wed 05-Mar-14 22:10:05

I was really scared. I found the Marie Morgan hypnobirthing book and cd helpful because it basically reassured me my body would know exactly what to do and that if I was scared and curled up I wouldn't be helping. I was grinning when it all started. You are so fed up of it all by that point!! Honestly I am no hero and it was fine. And G&A is WONDERFUL!!. All you need to know is as soon as you feel a contraction starting take the biggest breath in you can. There's a sec or so delay in it working. When it works it's bloody marvellous. Pool was lovely too. Wild horses couldn't have dragged me out of it. You don't need to know anything else. Your body knows it and it will go into automatically pilot on its own. And you'll have a beautiful, snuggly newborn soon - it's going to be the best thing - even better than you can possibly imagine. Hugs xx

Cariad007 Wed 05-Mar-14 22:58:50

I felt the same but had a really positive experience. 24 hours of contractions was no fun but I managed at home with a TENS machine. Birth itself only lasted an hour and was honestly one of the most empowering experiences of my life!

Roxie85 Thu 06-Mar-14 06:11:46

Try not to be scared.
I was lucky in the fact that I had no fear of labour as I knew that it's such a natural process that millions of women go through.
I won't lie and tell you it was easy or painless as it was tough and hurt, but I did not scream and my body knew what it needed to do.
I was in early labour for 3 days (I didn't realise) so was using some breathing techniques to help and once my waters went I arrived at the hospital and found I had made it to 6cm with no pain relief (I am a complete wimp)
After that it only took 20mins for her to arrive. I know I am lucky it was fast but try to remember that all the pain is doing something to get your baby out.
Try to use the pain to push well and remember that it does end and you get the most beautiful baby.
My dd is now 10 weeks old and I'd go through it over and over knowing what I got at the end.
Will I have another, I hope so, therefore it can't be that bad (oh and I only had gas and air)

squizita Thu 06-Mar-14 12:39:12

I've been advised to use the web with care as I have medical anxiety.

And bad luck with tinterwebz. Example... even went on a good birth story site, found one where the doula tried to "help" by grabbing and pulling when the MW was stuck in traffic en route- and caused a big tear (the mum was happy because she got her home birth but I would be fuming if the person I specifically hired to be the level headed one did that).

Ironically one of the things that terrifies me is the mantra "most women don't need medical help: try to avoid it". I'm a recurrent MCer. I do need help now and may well in future. In the old days I'd end up childless or worse. I'm scared of (a) being judged by Doulas/some midwives for embracing clinical care and (b) having woo advice that leaves me accidentally refusing something medically valuable because I've been told "most women would be better off left alone...".

Notfastmainlyfurious Thu 06-Mar-14 12:46:48

Nobody will judge you for getting help, and anyone that does doesn't belong in that profession! Have you considered Elcs? A friend of mine was terrified of labour and went down that road with both of hers. I'm 24+4 and already starting to feel the fear but last time it all just kind of happened and once it starts you just get on with it. Totally agree on internet avoidance though, I have a tendency to find the bad stuff too and worry myself into a right state.

Take care of yourself and try to relax as much as you can before the birth.

squizita Thu 06-Mar-14 13:03:33

smile

Thanks. I'm not so much scared of birth as the 'not knowing what's normal pain' part if that makes sense! Worried I'll make the wrong decision under the pressure.

You're so right about the web.

K8eee Thu 06-Mar-14 13:08:09

Well I'm currently in the mind set of having as natural a birth as possible. I love the idea of a water birth, and as little intervention as possible. I just have odd spells of panicking over silly things like if the head gets stuck, or I haemorrhage. I doubt that would even happen, and a friend of mine who is a mw has taken one look at me and she reckons I'll be fine. It probably doesn't help when dh thinks I'm going to be a right drama queen and not cope sad and then I won't want anymore children after experiencing birth once. He doesn't seem to get it, but if it's a pain I have to get on with e.g. period pain, yeah I'll be a bit miserable, but I will go to bed, with a hot water bottle and hide away. whereas something like a headache or upset stomach where I know I could've avoided it, then I probably do moan a bit more than normal. not sure if anyone else gets where I'm coming from, but that's how I think I'll be.

gamerchick Thu 06-Mar-14 13:09:58

don't worry your brain is very clever... when you actually go into labour you won't feel the fear you're feeling at the minute.

It's like when you die.. your brain releases a chemical to stop you feeling scared.

Trust your body.. it knows what it's doing.

Karen1226 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:27:06

Honestly do not worry, It isn't that bad and is over relatively quickly. By the time I was 38 weeks I was so uncomfortable labour didn't worry be anymore. The worst bit for me was the lack of control because your body does most of the work for you and I'm a control freak. In the end I had a 5 1/2 hour labour with a back to back baby and went in the pool and had g&a for the last hour. Within in a week I wanted another!

baby2love Thu 06-Mar-14 13:28:34

I was the same first time round and I was addicted to one born Every minute, not quite sure if that helped or not! Personally I don't remember the pain, I juat remember the midwife handing me my daughter and I instantly thought omg this beautiful little person is all mine!! Please don't be scared, Look forward to meeting your little one. I gave birth naturally first time round and had a c section 6weeks ago and I woukd do it agai in a heartbeat!

Lannylee Thu 06-Mar-14 14:36:35

One thing I got from watching endless birth programmes was that your body can cope with pretty much anything childbirth can throw at it. It's your mind that's the issue, and through my first labour my mantra was "pain with a purpose" .

Labour pain is unlike any other pain as you get something worthwhile at the end, it's not just pain for the sake of it.

That said there are no medals for the most pain yoy can endure, so my advice for what it's worth is to just wait and see you might not need anything, but if you do that's fine as well!

Beastofburden Thu 06-Mar-14 17:09:25

To be honest K8eee, one reason we run all these scenarios in our heads is we are bored now with being pregnant and our minds are racing around it all. So once you start labour, there will be something to focus on and it will have its own momentum.

Assuming you are not having a home birth, if you did haemorrhage or whatever, there would be someone sensible there who would deal with it. That's what they do in hospitals. Think what they can cope with in 24 hours in A&E wink.

But it isn't very likely, really. And pain is optional, you can always go the whole hog and have an epidural if you want. I did with my first, but not with the next two. It really doesn't matter.

TheScience Thu 06-Mar-14 17:19:20

I had my second DC this week. Honestly, it fucking hurts. A lot. And it is really exhausting. But I still did it twice so it can't be that bad grin I found it helpful to remember it's not going to kill you, you will be fine, and once you have your baby the memory of the pain does fade away (a bit!).

Also, the pain isn't constant, the contractions come and go and so you do have a bit of time to rest between each one. I found my two labours really different, and different things helped (water and G&A first time, TENS and epidural second time) so try to be really flexible and open minded about what you might need.

If you can avoid lots of intervention then great, but if you need it take it - and don't feel guilty or like you failed. Epidurals are amazing things, I had one at about 8cm both times and needed it!

Roxie85 Thu 06-Mar-14 18:17:10

I know 2 people who haemorrhaged and had surgery straight away and they were absolutely fine and out of hospital within 2 days. One is now pregnant with no 2 and the other can't wait to have another.

SweetPea86 Mon 10-Mar-14 22:30:20

Hi Hun I'm 34 weeks and burst out in to tears at midwfie app today I'm so scared it's ruining being excited for baby to come. I wish I could just wake up and baby be here.

My midwife was really supportive and asked me if I wanted to meet her at hospital and she will show me around the delivery suite.

She also toold me to give hypnosis a go. There's a CD set you can buy its £80 but she said it's really good. I'm going to give it a go.

I really wish I didn't have this anxiety but I'm glad I spoke to midwfie about it she as so supportive.

I hope like me we get over the fear and have a empowering positve birth smile

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