Birth Trauma

(10 Posts)
ummingandahhing Tue 25-Feb-14 11:26:28

DD born 27 months ago but I am still suffering from birth trauma. This has been particularly bad the last week as my DSis had a baby and it was in contrast to mine a very positive experience.

I can't explain why it still haunts me but I think it's because I was so out of control of the situation.

I have already been through my notes with the consultant but I am getting flashbacks of details I remember and it's just making me cry for ages.

It's also breaking my heart that it's making my DSis sad and I want to celebrate with her but the memories are just so bad that I can't really deal with it.

Any tips / ideas anyone?

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby Tue 25-Feb-14 11:32:42

I have the exact issue.

DS is 9 and I am 31 weeks now.

As far as the consultant is concerned, my birth was just fine and I shouldn't be traumatised. In fact, I asked for an ELCS and theyve refused.

I suffered PTSD and PND after, and didn't ever seek medical help, so it lasted a while and isn't documented. How do you feel?

FWIW at least you are getting after care, I had none. No one ever talked to me after the birth, not at all.

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby Tue 25-Feb-14 11:33:46

If it helps, I think my issue was also being out of control. It went on for a longish time (2 days) and I just felt totally out of control. It was a horrible feeling.

I couldn't even hold DS afterwards, I didn't care. It still makes me cry.

ummingandahhing Tue 25-Feb-14 11:42:38

I was not offered the notes. I asked to see them as I knew I wasn't right and I didn't get to see them until DD as about 7 months old. Understanding made things a bit easier as I was not told that DD had gone slightly traverse which is why she was bruised on one side of the head and there was no way she was going to come out the normal way!

What most upset me was that I went into urinary retention after the birth and had to be bagged up for two weeks. I felt awful having to cart that thing around and the EMCS really affected me.

Also DD was born with an abnormal leg which thankfully straightened up and is fine now. But the awfulness of having her yanked out and then being brought to me in a blanket to be told that she looked a little strange has stayed with me. I didn't get to hold her for quite a while after that as they were examining her and also sewing me back up. sad

ThePequod Tue 25-Feb-14 12:09:26

I'm so sorry OP. You say you are still having flashbacks - please see your GP and ask for a referral to counselling. There are some techniques in cognitive behavioural therapy that can be taught and are effective at dealing with unwanted thoughts.
Also, would you consider having another debrief with the consultant at the hospital? Some hospitals run 'birth trauma clinics', but they're not advertised very well.

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby - could you request to see a different consultant, or a consultant midwife/senior midwife, for an explanation? Your concerns deserve to be taken seriously.

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby Tue 25-Feb-14 15:12:05

Agree you should have counselling. I wish I had. I didn't get to see my notes, at all. The first time anyone talked to me about it was 9 years later, when I was requesting a ELCS.

Pequod I have asked, they are referring me to a MHS for a second opinion.

MyDarlingClementine Tue 25-Feb-14 20:22:33

The first time I saw my notes was also when I was requesting an ELC five years later when I was told she was back to back angry.

I had a so called good labour, thankfully my wonderful consultant is an enlightened one who has the brain powers ( apologies for the sarcasm) to understand that to me my so called on paper text book first birth was traumatic!

She said I clearly needed to feel more in control this time round, and granted me an ELC. It was the right decision.

Op, labour is totally un predictable and so many different things can go wrong. We are built up with this glowy view that we will light candles and breath baby out gently whilst chanting...

Not the case. I just know one person who has had a normal birth, her and me! And mine left me traumatised I was in too much pain.

People are afraid to talk about thier bad experiences but I think your in the majority of women.

Try and talk the Birth Trauma charity if you can. Google places also.

Next time round, think about your options, a planned ELC may be better. For five years I had flash backs about my first labour, I don't even hardly remember the ELC now, and do not think about it.

It can be very healing to have a good second experience and that can be vag as well.

MyDarlingClementine Tue 25-Feb-14 20:26:14

Daenerys

I would go back again and say its traumatised me, and how can they tell how traumatised you are.

Say being traumatised is something that occurs in the brain and as its your brain they cant really call the shots on how you feel and should feel about something.

I would go and demand an ELC.

MyDarlingClementine Tue 25-Feb-14 20:27:48

what is MHS?

I was granted my section but was told to talk to head MW too to make 100% elc was right choice.

she insisted my first labour was amazing and this is why I had to go for ELC she wasnt listening to me, she didnt seem capable of it.

1944girl Tue 25-Feb-14 22:44:48

I had bad birth truama after both my children, the younger one is now 41!
Both born by crash ceasarian, both baby and I nearly died the first time.
You were not given any help at all in those days.You were told you had a bad time you'll soon get over it.
I have never got over it.I still get flashbacks.
If it is any help, the extent of the trauma does lessen over time, other events come into your life over the years which help to diminish it somewhat but it is always there.
I have the type of DH who does not understand and never will.But then that is a man for you.
I hope you feel better soon, my thoughts are with you.

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