Postpartum sex

[CuteLittleToes]

DS (fisrt child) born 12 weeks ago and finally I felt in a mood to do it.

Although I actually couldn't do it. It bloody hurts (the penetration bit) so we had to stop it. OH is OK about it, he says he doesn't want to hurt me, and there are other forms of sex to indulge in.

They don't tell you this... everyone keeps talking about 6 weeks being some kind of magic number but it clearly isn't!

When does it get better??? Or not so sore at least?

[Rockchick1984]

Did you use lube? Your hormones can cause dryness (worse if breastfeeding) and lube will make a huge difference to your comfort.

Also, if you were nervous you will be more tense and it'll hurt more. Me and DH tried and it was painful the first time, the next time we agreed just foreplay and he gave me a massage, once we were in the moment it just sort of happened and was a million times better!

[Poppy7]

TMI alert but the first time after DS1 (4 weeks after I had him by EMCS) I felt like I was being assaulted by a cheese grater #wince. Definitely use some lube!

[pumpkinsweetie]

Could you have been nervous?
It may be that you weren't quite ready of stimulated enough, hence the pain. At 12 weeks it really shouldn't be too painful if you are lubricated enough.

[lastnightopenedmyeyes]

I was like this for 6 months OP. Lubricant helped but it still bloody hurt. I did have stitches so it could have been that, I don't know. But it sorted itself out at around 7 months... I think it's fairly common, having spoken with other women.

[MostWicked]

It could just be that you were a bit anxious so not as relaxed as normal. Use lube, take it slow and see how you go. If it still hurts in a few more weeks, despite lube and lots of foreplay, go and see your doctor to make sure everything is ok.
We tried at about 5 weeks and it was fine, though it took a little longer before I felt completely confident again.

[lastnightopenedmyeyes]

Mine definitely wasn't caused by anxiety it was scar tissue I think. I guess all you can do is keep trying every so often as you feel like it. Hope it stops hurting soon. I'm 2.5 weeks post partum with dc2 and wondering if it'll be the same for me again

[TheTertiumSquid]

Did you have stitches? It could just be the scar tissue is tight and sore. I was like this after a cut and restitch I had after dc2.
It only improved after I bought some wheat germ oil and massaged the area every day for about 6 weeks, just like doing perineal massage which we are all told to do before the birth. It softened and stretched all the scar tissue.
This may be TMI but I also got a vibrator and used it like a dilator to stretch the opening until it felt comfortable again.
Our sex life resumed pretty much as normal after all this, but particularly when our darling son started sleeping longer than tow hours in a row [yawn].

[Catsize]

Don't feel pressurised OP. The 6wk check thing is an old-fashioned timescale (probably set by men!). Everyone is different. Could take many months.

[steppemum]

after dc1, it was 12-16 weeks before we tried as I was so sore for so long. The first few times it wasn't very successful, sore and not fun, so we stopped, it took another few weeks before it was comfortable. It was for me really just about healing. Very long labour, huge baby and loads of stitches.

After dcs 2 and 3 it was more like 6-8 weeks.

[MewlingQuim]

We were a bit keen and went back to dtd at 4 weeks It was initiated by me because I was worried that if I put it off too long I would be too scared to do it again EVER!

It was not comfortable understatement but we used plenty of lube and persevered. I had a second degree tear and some scarring, as the scar tissue reduced it became much better but I had some discomfort in some positions for several more weeks. We found that previously favoured positions were no good at all and previously disliked positions much better so do some experimenting to find what works best for you now rather than expecting to go straight back to 'normal' stuff.

Good luck and have fun!

[MewlingQuim]

I feel I have an appropriate nn for this thread

[CuteLittleToes]

Well that's the thing - I didn't tear and didn't have any stitches, so I assumed it would be OK. I do ebf, but was properly wet (sorry for TMI)...

It actually hurts a bit even when we are just kissing and the blood rushes downstairs as I get excited... So maybe I just need a bit more time.

Will try some time again and see how it goes I guess...

Thanks for your replies

[Namethischildplease]

I tried after about 5.5 weeks with DC1 because I felt I ought to have done it before the 6 week check.

Second time, it was about four months. Sooooo much better for waiting. And I didn't even go to my six week check that time.