fathers absent from the beginning

(6 Posts)
readytokill Wed 01-Jan-14 23:04:17

I keep seeing that husbands and partners should not be forced to be present at the birth of their children. reasons range from him being uncomfortable or too scared or that men don't do well in labours.

I doubt there is a pregnant woman who isn't terrified or a little scared or nervous or have some sort of fear of labour yet we get over it and have to be present during labour( obviously) . Why does society excuse men who are just as responsible for the pregnancy? Why is it ok for him to abandon his partner when she needs him most.?

I feel if more men were forced to attend labours and see that its not a fun process and I mean be there from start of labour till finish, less men would demand their wives or partners have babies. Since they'd know what it entails

ilovesmurfs Wed 01-Jan-14 23:06:55

Women need a supportive birth partner, not someone forced to be there.

Many women may not want their partner with them, its their choice.

My dpdoesnt like birth but was happy to step up and be supportive andhe was fab. Had he not bern happy or had he been a crap birth oartner I woukd have got someone elsd tk be with.

If a woman is with a man who does not respect her enough to let her decide how many pregnancies she thinks her body can cope with then bringing that man into the labour room to 'teach him a lesson' is not going to work for anyone in my opinion. The man will probably just think that the woman is making a fuss about it all and the woman will have an awful labour (stress makes you more sensitive to pain).

A woman needs (and has a right to in my opinion) a positive birthing partner. There are so many option and lots of help available, I have a friend who separated from her DH while she was pregnant. Her mother and sister were at her birth and at her request the midwives refused let her ex onto the ward (they keep the doors locked obviously). She did amazingly, it's been hard on her own but she is in charge of her own life and happy.

elliejjtiny Thu 02-Jan-14 17:20:45

DH was my birth partner but I wouldn't have wanted him there if he'd been forced to be there.

ShadowFall Thu 02-Jan-14 17:23:57

A man who's been forced into the delivery room is unlikely to be a supportive birth partner.

And an unsupportive birth partner who's resentful about being made to be there is likely to be worse than no birth partner at all, IMO.

crabwoman Fri 03-Jan-14 09:53:46

A reluctant birth partner and a stressful environment during delivery can do more harm than good in my opinion. I fail to see how you can force someone to confront their responsibilities by using that approach.

In addition, what about the dad's who are so enthusiastic and positive during birth and then when the reality of being a father hits them they do a runner? They are many who have have been at the birth willingly who have turned into feckless morons later on. Seeing what their partners went thorough had no baring on their attitude towards fatherhood/women.

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