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Childbirth

Born 12 wks early

39 replies

kiskidee · 21/06/2006 02:32

My neighbour has had her dd yesterday at 12 wks premature and 1lb 10 oz.

I can't stop thinking of them and looking for tips from anyone with similar experience to pass on to them.

I am awake at this ungodly hour because dh came home from the pub 2 hrs ago and told me.

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Californifrau · 21/06/2006 03:37

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eidsvold · 21/06/2006 04:46

i don't reall have any tips. However have had a babe in ICU/Special care. I assume when the mother is released from hospital - a lot of time would be spent in hospital - stting by babes bedside. Anything you could do to make life easier for them would not doubt be gratefully appreciated. Things like popping over with dinner or some meals they could freeze and then pop in the microwave or something like that. Get together with other neighbours ( if you can) and pay for a house cleaner etc. All those things will help - I know the last thing either dh or I felt like doing when we got home from the hospital was cooking dinner and having lots of microwavable meals were such a help.

Flowers and something to say welcome to the new babe would also be okay. Perhaps pop around and drop off the flowers and ask if there is anything you can do for them. Offer to care for older children for a while if they need it.

Sorry if this is not what you are after but it is what I wanted after dd1 was born. Especially the acknowledgement ( whilst very early) of the baby being born rather than waiting until everything is all right iyswim.

Tips of things to pass on to them.... our dd1 was born with a congenital heart defect ( serious but operable) and down syndrome. Whilst she was in ICU/SCBU we just tried to take it one day at a time.... rejoice in the good days, cry about the tough days but just to be thankful at the end of each day she made it through and optimistic at the start of each new day. Try not to think about the next week, the next month etc.... to celebrate each little milestone - such as turning down the oxygen etc Also found it helpful to be there at rounds times - gives you an idea of what is being done regarding the care of the baby and what may be done next. ( found this also to be helpful when dd1 had her cardiac surgery at 8 weeks old)

Most importantly not to be afraid to ask if they are unsure about anything - or if something doesn't seem right....not to be overawed by medical staff.... try and do anything you can such as change baby's nappy or whatever - anything you can do in terms of baby's day to day care.. helps make it feel more like your baby iyswim.

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kiskidee · 21/06/2006 09:36

thanks eidsvold. that's the sort of thing i was after. i am planning to pop into hospital later today. she had pre-eclampsia that became eclampsia so i think she will be there for a while too.

will deffo be doing the food thing and organising cleaning with other neighbours.

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Uwila · 21/06/2006 09:46

DH's brother has two kids. The second one was born 3 months early due to pre-ecampsia. I didn't know him then. But, he told me that they didn't think the baby would live. I don't know how long they were in, but that baby is now 7 years old and is perfectly healthy. So, there is hope for a healthy child.

I remember BIL saying that he was so small when he came home that baby clothes were way too big. So they went out and bought clothes for a teddy bear.

Best of luck to your neighbors! Keep us posted.

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Elibean · 21/06/2006 11:28

I know of twins born at 26 weeks who are now 2.5 and doing great....it took a few months, but they caught up with all their development. Maybe they were lucky, but....I hope your neighbour's little one will be too.

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CaptainDippy · 21/06/2006 11:55

Bless you kiskidee!! That is very lovely of you to be thinking of ways to help them - I am now thinking of them and praying for them too - especially for mum to recover well and for the wee DD to make good progress quickly.

Completely agree with everything eidsvold said re: meals and cleaning etc etc Also about acknowledging the baby instead of waiting til "the coast is clear" - go out and buy some lovely premmie clothes for the wee dot. When my daughter was born premature, I didn't have anything that would fit her and had to put her in clothes that SCBU provided me with, which was very nice of them, but they weren't personal, ifykwim?? It will be so lovely for them to have some little outfits they can put her in once they are allowed to touch and dress her etc. Take in a couple of disposable cameras for them too. I think I was in such a state of shock when DD2 was born, I completely forgot about taking pictures - Fortuntely a friend bought me a couple of throw away cameras while I was in hospital and I am soooo glad I have those precious pictures now!!

Just let them know you are thinking of them and that you are willing and available to help etc - That is the best thing you can possibly do for them.

Do keep us posted! Does their little DD have a name yet? I'll bet she is so beautiful and precious. xx

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eidsvold · 21/06/2006 11:59

second the disposable camera idea!! I did have a disposable camera in the hospital bag and even now dh and I love looking back at the pics we took of dd1 when she was born. A lovely outfit is also a great idea. We also had a kaloo bear that I slept with for a couple of nights so it got my scent on it and then we put it in the humidcrib with dd1 so she could smell me until she was okay enough for kangaroo care. We also bought a little tigger rattle ( she still has it lamost 4 years later) also great for measuring iykwim - compare her size to tigger's.

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CaptainDippy · 22/06/2006 16:57

Hello!! Have you been to see them yet? How are they doing? Been thinking of them. xx

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Youngster · 22/06/2006 17:04

my DD was also 12 wks prem and an IVF baby too, started out as triplet then twin then DD. Lots of love and support are needed and precious little else. Just try and make sure that the Mummy is lloking after herself, i.e. eating and sleeping. I know I was in a terrible state and spent all my hours in SCBU. Its a really rough ride but god willing all will be just fine. Stroking the baby will be very beneficial also. My DD is 11yrs now and 5'2". Absolutely perfect. I was incredibly lucky and pray your neighbour will be too. Don't know if it was a sensible thing to say to me but I always remember the ward sister telling me that prem girls are stronger than boys. Lots of Love

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CaptainDippy · 22/06/2006 17:07

What a lovely post youngster!

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SenoraPostrophe · 22/06/2006 17:13

eek 12 weeks early! that means I could drop any day now.

sorry, nothing helpful to add, just best wishes for your friend.

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MABS · 22/06/2006 18:26

How's babe doing? i had a 27wker who is now 5, so any questions, please ask

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Youngster · 22/06/2006 20:50

Thankyou CaptainDippy, I rather thought your was too. How old is yr DD now?

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kiskidee · 22/06/2006 21:08

I went visiting yesterday but good ole dh, bless him, gave me the wrong surname so I went asking for the wrong person. I didn't know before that they weren't married. I am going down tomorrow to visit after work. I haven't been able to catch her dp home yet to ask but I dropped a nice card thru the letterbox.

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WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair · 22/06/2006 22:05

My sis's baby was born early from pre-eclampsia (well so wqs mine but he was OK thank godness and avoided SCBU). He was in a while as had severe feeding problems, and my sister was very ill. Bizarrely, more ill with pre-eclampsia than me with eclampsia- think the meds they gave her didnt help but anyway.

It was the little things that helped- just going in and buying her and her DH a coffee so they ahd a bit of a break. Sending / buying magazines for her to read in all the long hours stuck in a hospital bed. Giving gifts early (a nightdress with the name cross stitched on was her favourite) and my kids drawing pictures for their new cousin.

I also know of a baby born this weight who is now pretty much fine, and there is a baby in First magazine this week from Bristol who was born seven inches long and has now been allowed home with no apparent ill effects. it really is amazing what they can do.

How about a diary / journal so they can record this time? can be therapeutic.

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kiskidee · 23/06/2006 18:33

i say baby Amber today. she is soo tiny! her legs have the circumference of my index finger. my neighbour seemed in good spirits and recovering well. thanks for all the wishes and encouragement. i will print off some of the things said here and pass them on. I took along a print out of the Bliss website's booklet on breast feeding preemies as she had told me the previous weekend that she hoped to bf. she has a pump in hospital but we didn't get into much detail as i had to go pick up my dd at nursery.

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kiskidee · 23/06/2006 18:33

i saw not say.

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RTKangaMummy · 23/06/2006 18:40

Mine were born at 27 weeks + 5 days

That was 11 years ago

Flowers are not allowed in NNU in london

Encourage kangacuddles when she is strong enough

Clothes may not =be allowed cos of all the wires etc

Is she ventilated or on CPAP?

Good luck to them all

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RTKangaMummy · 23/06/2006 18:41

Take loads of photos

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kiskidee · 23/06/2006 22:04

she's breathing on her own. i don't know much detail as i have never come across a baby so tiny. kangamummy, would the scbu have a kanga sling or something they lend to parents or do they have to adapt something?

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RTKangaMummy · 23/06/2006 22:12

No kangacuddles is when a baby is put inside the unbuttoneed shirt of mum or dad for skin to skin contact

It is deffo brill

your body heat keeps them warm

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chipmonkey · 23/06/2006 23:03

Kiskidee, am assuming your neighbour is expressing for baby? Maybe print off the expressing clique thread. I would have found it helpful if I'd known about MN when ds3 was prem!

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CaptainDippy · 23/06/2006 23:34

Awwww - bless little Amber - and bless @ the thought of "KangaCuddles" - Yum!

Feeling all soppy now - and it is not just the wine I've had to drink either!!

Soooo pleased you got to see her - please keep us updated - Glad she is breathing on her own too, that is very positive.

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kiskidee · 23/06/2006 23:40

chip: she wants to but i feel sure she doesn't yet know how challenging this will be. i gave birth in the same maternity unit and their bf support is patchy at best.

i don't know her well enough or long enough to be as proactive (bossy, really) as i can be about giving advice. her grandmum and aunt were there when i visited. when i maneouvered the convo to expressing and bf, they both piped up "oh, don't worry about that hon, it will happen, it is the most natural thing in the world etc, etc" - insert rolleye emoticon for me as i bit my tongue.

i printed off this booklet and took it for her. Told her it is essential reading for when no one was visiting.

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WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair · 24/06/2006 10:51

surely it is better to be told it is natural rather than un natural and dirty, as so many parents in law seem to think? Just a thought (having struggled to BF a IUGR baby with the dirty line of thinking in laws)

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