Birthing partner- I don't want anyone with me. Am I weird?

(26 Posts)
Tiredemma Mon 19-Aug-13 09:37:21

Dp will obviously be at the hospital but previous two pregnancies have shown that he is quite 'useless' during the final stages of labour- I don't want to sound mean about him because he has clear issues about seeing me in pain and not coping with it. He also said that at the birth of DS1 (13 years ago) he actually almost 'passed out' and experienced what appears to be some kind of mild panic attack (obviously I didn't notice this at the time) Me telling him to 'man up' didn't go down well previously-
With DS2 DP stayed in the delivery room with me (along with my aunt and best friend) and then waited outside just as birth was imminent, came in within minutes of DS2 being born- all was well- he appeared to cope with this much better and didn't spend the remainder of the day wandering around the hospital looking like he had the 'thousand yard stare'.

Im 36 weeks pregnant with DC3. Dp has asked who is going in with me - obviously making reference to the fact that he doesn't think he can 'cope' again. The thing is - I really am not arsed about having anyone specific in with me. I had originally asked my dear BF but she has just had her 7th fail at IVF and after a heart to heart we both deduced that it would be too difficult for her to be with me.

My mum is on standby to look after DS1 and Ds2 - and my relationship with her is not one in which I would feel 'supported' throughout childbirth- in fact I think she would irritate me.

I feel that if DP is there most of the time but obviously outside for the actual delivery, then comes in- then ill be ok. Not sure how others view this though? I dont want people to think that my DP isn't supportive, he is immensely but as a Nurse- I know that people tolerate watching others in pain/distress in different ways.
I also did my dissertation in PTSD following childbirth and don't want to subject him to trauma!!!!! I think that him admitting that he is struggling and worried about this is a big thing for him and I have to appreciate his feelings.

do you think this is weird?

Phineyj Mon 19-Aug-13 20:14:38

Not weird, I planned a home birth and hired an independent midwife for this reason -- I wanted DH in a good state to look after me post-birth, not traumatised! A generation back it would have been the norm, wouldn't it?

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